Well, so far this pretty interesting. The first chapter is a little impersonal, but so long as you spice up later chapters with more dialogue that shouldn't be a problem.

As for pairings: I vote no pairings at least until a little while down the road.

Great work, Tucka. Now, if only there were some way of making this a sticky so that everyone would have to read it.

Author's Response: To be honest, there is a way to put it as the special fic of the month that's on the front page, but I'd feel quiet the tool advertising myself. If you feel so, simply point new readers in the direction with a link and hope they get the idea. S'all good whatever happens.

I think this as an interesting idea, and I look forward to reading more. I do have a few things to point out that might be helpful.

First, a dramatis personae might be helpful. Having a handy references about what position character's hold in this alternate world would be very helpful.

Second, this is really minor, but as a student of Roman history, I must note that since this republican period, the Consul of the Senate would be speaking about the good of the State (latin, Res Publica, the root of the modern "republic"). Just minor, but it will help with flavor.

Author's Response: Ah, hah. I\'m also taking a course on Rome and one in Latin, but it\'s easier to work with a plot having him speak of \"blah\" and corruption XD This was just a bit of an intro, characters shall be developed soon! I might write out a whole chapter in Latin, who know, (I\'m still trying to think of who the other Consul will be, so we\'ll see that too ^^\') It\'ll start moving faster soon. Sed, amo, ex fabula? It\'s getting there -_-

Well, you obviously need to post the other chapters for me to review them. I'm not a telepath :p

Well, let's see... I think it would be a good idea for you to spend more time describing what everything looks like than just just describing character interaction. Give us some clue what the world looks like, and what's going on around the heroes. It will make the fic seem more realistic.

Author's Response: Well yeah. I didn\'t want to spend too much time on that since they won\'t be there for a while. I will of course be doing that once we get to other parts of the Naruto \'verse

I think the biggest problem you have is your confidence, not anything with your writing. You need to be more confident of your own ideas, and don't apologize to your readers for every deviation from the established norm.

As I read it, it all flowed properly, so there is little need to worry about that factor. If something is really glaring, you might want to justify it. But I don't think Hinata exploding is particularly out there. It's ALWAYS the quiet ones you get surprised by. I know, I AM the quiet one. ;)

Your a good writer, and you are beginning to master the elements that makes a story engaging. As I read through, there weren't many dry patches, and the spelling/grammar was pretty good. There were a couple of word choice issues, but I'm pretty lenient about visual metaphors.

The only major problem I have with this story is the high school celebrity vs. legion of fangirls aspect. This is not your fault as a writer, it's more of something endemic to the entire genre. Maybe my high school was filled with feminists, but I never saw anything like this. Except in a few rare instances, it was the other way around: the women had the power and they knew it.

For future chapters, try nuance this dynamic a bit more. If you aren't careful, you can start to come across as misogynistic. And remember, your primary audience in fanfiction is likely to be women.

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to read my story.

Also, thank you very much for the constructive criticism. I\'ll try to watch the visual metaphors a bit more, and I\'ll definitely work on fixing the whole high school celebrity vs. legion of fangirls aspect. In fact, I\'ve already started coming up with ideas on how to change that in future chapters.

This really helped me, so I have to say it again: Thank you. =)

I like where this is going. It's definitely shaking things up a bit.

As for pairings, I'm kind of partial to NaruSaku, but I won't stop reading your fic if that isn't what you pick.

Author's Response: I love NaruSaku as well, but alot of pairings have done to death, so I wanna do something different. But I\'m glad you\'ll continue reading this fic.

This story is very well put together. Your writing is superb, as are your characterizations.

However, I am a bit hesitant about the Victorian-esque setting. This era get's romanticized a lot. So, I'm just wondering: how knowledgeable about this era are you?

Author's Response: I love the Victorian era and we are reading a ton of Victorian Literature in my AP Lit class.\r\nHowever, I might change it if it starts to draw away from Victorian era settings.

I like it. More background info would be nice, but you can always expand on that later. I think this is a good start for a longer story, if you do choose to continue writing it.