Reviews For Kokoro Uchiha
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 04/03/12 - 08:00 am · For: Chapter 3: Memories and the New Life
Haha I cant see Sasuke as the cooking type. Yay too the academy! Cant wait to see what goes on here
Author's Response: Yeah, I need to make it a little more believable the second time around. :P But, obviously, Sasuke would've had to learn how to cook. Unless he had a maid or ate out all the time (like Naruto). Ah! Thanks for giving me an idea! I should write a little bit more about their early days in the academy, Awesome!
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 13/05/11 - 07:10 pm · For: Chapter 3: Memories and the New Life
I don't think Sasuke is out of character at all actually. I think he's in character for how he is before the murder of his family and for how he might have been had he had something (like the survival of his little sister) to prevent him from becoming totally obsessed with nothing but revenge on his brother. Sasuke is a deeply sensitive and introspective character. Being alone with nothing but thoughts of his murdered family for several years before he joined Team 7 would have been much of what made him so cold. Here he can't do that, so I think you're absolutely right in portraying him as a little warmer, especially around his little sister. In this chapter you do a really good job on characters and their interplay as usual. Sasuke and Kokoro come across as a really lively pair of siblings and fun to read about and you bring that out even more with a great use of humour. Love it!
Author's Response: Yeah, it made sense for him to be softer around her to me; I guess self-conciousness made me add that sign along with the idea that Sasuke is OOC with how he is in the story 'cuz he isn't so... sweet I guess?, in there. The way you explained it really reassured my feelings and now I won't be so self-concious. Thanks!
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 04/08/09 - 04:16 pm · For: Chapter 3: Memories and the New Life
:3 I’m not asking you to change your chapters, just giving my reviews and criticisms ^_^
Likes: The way you described the setting from looking out of the window. How you had her thoughts lead her to think about Itachi. Their relationship as brother and sister is cute (though hints incest at times O.o) and you stick to it well. The fact that she got the Sharingan from nearly dying was good also. Good fluff, maybe too much.
Dislikes: It can be a little weird because Sasuke can appear OOC (out of character) when he is cradling his own sister when she is sleeping, smiling, making jokes, cooking, etc... If you don’t want to have an explanation for him changing into this type of character, you should set a warning on your fic as OOC. Basically he doesn't talk, act, or respond like Uchiha Sasuke. Would Sasuke having a sister really completely switch his personality from the stoic avenger who would do anything to kill Itachi, even if it meant risking his life with the cursed seal and giving himself to Orochimaru? If so I think you should provide reasoning behind his complete change in personality. Think of the length he has gone in the original story to kill Itachi, most would likely assume Sasuke would be even more determined after seeing what he did to his beloved Kokoro.
Also, it is generally a bad move to be switching to Sasuke’s point of view (telling the readers his thoughts when your fic is oc-centric) or other characters in a limited third person type of fic such as yours. Using Japanese words are also not good in fanfics, as they are often used incorrectly and become annoying. Everyone knows arigato, baka baka baka, onii-chwaaaaanannnn xD. Be careful of Mary-Sue also when you are telling us how passionately Sasuke wants to protect your OC and the comments on how beautiful she has become.
@bre2k8 I’m sorry but it is true that many of the elements of the story are unoriginal. It’s not wrong to make a fic about another Uchiha survivor or relative, but it is a fact it has been done many times, thus making it “another Uchiha survivor fic”. Other examples of unoriginal stuff are having dead parents/murdered parents/orphaned OC, using the mirror to describe a characters appearance, or using the awakening in a hospital to change the scene. It’s nice how you are so quick to get on the defensive for the author. Keep in mind these are just my opinions/observations.
Not a bad fic.
Author's Response: ARGH! I already responded to this review, and then my ****** computer deleted it or something! And it was a really long response too! *sob* :( Oh well. Well, you've got a point (again!). Wow, I never thought that Sasuke might want to kill Itachi even more.... Hmm, that's a nice observation... Also, Sasuke hugs his sister to comfort her... You're right, Sasuke doesn't act like the real Sasuke. I guess my explanation for him acting like that is that he has to take care of Kokoro now that his parents are dead, so he learns to cook and stuff. Plus, Sasuke acts normal around others, only he acts like this around Kokoro, because I guess she's his soft spot. After Kokoro 'dies' (have you read that part yet?) Sasuke will go on to be how he is in the regular series..... Another thing is, Sasuke 'isn't' commenting on how beautiful Kokoro has become, I ( the narrator) am. I'm writing in third person point of view because I thought it gave me the ability to do that, tell others thoughts. I also add a little Japanes in because i learned it from watching Japanese Naruto with English subtitles, and I thought it would make the story better. If you think otherwise i guess i was wrong... I'll be careful of Mary Sue ( I just found out what it meant, thanks for warning me!) and do you really think Kokoro's relationship with Itachi hints incest? Because I never meant it to be like that, I don't believe in incest and other things like that (gay, lesbian, etc..) and would never write about it. Ever. No offense to people who do, but I don't... A few other things then I'm done. :) About the hospital thing, yeah I gues a lot of people have done that and it is a bit unoriginal. I was wondering whether to do things from Sasuke's point of view then, but (I'm a little lazy :P) I decided not to, and just skip to her waking up in the hospital and add a flashback. Thank you for reveiwing! :) Do you 'really' think this is a good fiction? Because I'm getting a bit worried that the beginning might put people off, since I think it put you off... Anyway, Thanks! :)
Name: Crimson Lily (Signed) · Date: 24/07/09 - 10:17 pm · For: Chapter 3: Memories and the New Life
haha this chapter was SO cute! loved the whole Sasuke in an apron thing. Hilarious!
anyway, its a really great story, but i wont lie, i've seen a lot of stories like this, where the girl has more powers than the brother and a mark is her special clan jutsu that wasnt from the Uchiha and yada yada yada, you get the picture. It's a great story, all i'm saying is that in my opinion (And i may be totally wrong about the mark thing, and if i am im really sorry!) you should steer clear of that kind of stuff, cuz it isnt very original in my opinion. now, if you want to do it, heck, go crazy, cuz im just an annoyingly honest reader that has no idea what plans you have for this story. but i like to give my opinion, and thats what i think.
its just that i've seen a few stories that are similar to this plot (the whole: Sasuke having either a sibling or relative that survives the massacre with him.) and it can get old after a while. I'm not saying that my story is any better, but im just saying that too many stories with similar plots can get repetative.
okay, im done! sorry if im too harsh, and if i am PLEASE tell me!
:D
Author's Response: No, don't worry, you're not too harsh! Yeah, there are a lot of stories like this, I guess. I suppose alot of people were imagining what it would be like if someone went through all of this with Sasuke..... Especially a girl, for some reason..... Yeah I guess, the mark is a special power thingie, but not yet. I just decided to add the mark because Sasuke is stronger than her and I decided this would even things up.... Thanks for being honest, your review really helps. :)
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 24/07/09 - 11:20 am · For: Chapter 3: Memories and the New Life
*sigh...i like is chapter it seems nice, calm and has a quiet tone to it. Koko is such a cute kid...i really hope she doesnt go bent on revenge lik sasuke
Author's Response: Thanks! :) Don't worry, Kokoro won't! She'll be really optimistic! Thank you for reviewing! :)
Name: bre2k8 (Anonymous) · Date: 24/07/09 - 09:02 am · For: Chapter 3: Memories and the New Life
Wow!That was an awesome chapter.You just have to write more?Plus,I have a question,did you only review once because you stopped reading it,or because you didn't like it?
Author's Response: Sorry, I haven't been reading and reviewing your story for a while, but! I don't dislike it, it's a really awesome story! Please don't take it the wrong way! *sheepish and apolegetic grin* :)
Name: Miki Everless (Signed) · Date: 24/07/09 - 01:10 am · For: Chapter 3: Memories and the New Life
XD
I love Sasuke in this story.
Author's Response: Thanks! :)