Reviews For Thunder and Swirls
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 16/07/09 - 10:23 pm · For: Electricity vs. Psychic
O.O angel...oh Kami
Author's Response: lol, exactly. :3
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 11/08/08 - 08:38 am · For: Electricity vs. Psychic
wow, this is great!!! Write MORE!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: I'm trying I'm trying! ^_^' lol thanks 4 review!
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 10/08/08 - 06:07 am · For: Electricity vs. Psychic
omg THIS IS GETTING INTRESTONG KEEP IT UP PLEASE OR ILL DIE!!!
oh and btw i am tryig to nomiat you but it not working i'll keep on trying.
Love aiko
xoxox
1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10
p.s i like your a name.
Author's Response: Thanks for trying at least! ^_^ That make me happy. You like my name? Kamisori? Cool.
Name: Incarn (Signed) · Date: 09/08/08 - 10:05 pm · For: Electricity vs. Psychic
*points at Kamisori*
DON'T YOU DARE TURN INTO A GIRL VERSION OF NEJI!
If you do, I'm going to ignore my immense laziness and beta you beyond the point where anyone needs to be beta'd!
...Eheh, I just don't like the version of Neji that didn't have Naruto happen to him yet.
Anyways. Beta'ing time.
"Kaminari’s look of shock slowly melted into an emotionless façade as she jumped off the balcony rail and into the arena."
"What a troublesome situation.” Muttered Shikamaru..."
"Ino gained a sneer as she walked next to Sakura."
Replace 'gained a sneer' to 'sneered.'
I've noticed that a majority of the telepathic conversation between Jessica and Kaminari doesn't have a bunch of punctuation. I suggest that you go back, and, uh... re-puncuate..? Eheh..
"Kaminari grinned widely before gaining a seriously look on her face."
Take out the -ly in seriously. c:
"The proctor gave a sickly cough gaining Jessica’s and Kaminari’s attention."
Add a comma after cough.
"The smoke from the explosion quickly faded away revealing Jessica to Kaminari."
Add a comma after away.
"What shocked Kaminari most was her chakra. Which was 100% visible!"
The second sentence isn't complete. You can change 'which' to 'it' or combine the two sentences with a semicolon.
And.. and... That last sentence in the chapter was just grand.
Heheh.
Author's Response: lol Thanks for keeping my ego in check. xD And thanks for your help!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 09/08/08 - 05:13 pm · For: Electricity vs. Psychic
This is getting intense. Who is going to win? Can't wait to read the next update.
Author's Response: lol I hope you'll like the next chapter!