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Sayounara by fuyuko

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Story notes: A/N: I was running through a collection of what I've orginally written in the past and dug up this story. I didn't plan it to end this way, and it was supposedly going to become a longer story, but nothing I've ever planned turned out that way. I've edited it a bit and decided to post it after a lengthy debate with myself.
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Signs:
| is the person's POV so |Kakashi...| is Kakashi's POV
Chapter notes: Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No money is being made from the writing of this story and no copyright/trademark infringement is intended.
|Kakashi…|

I sat in bed suddenly, feeling something terribly wrong happening and not being able to place a finger on it. I knew there was this premonition that told me with the ever so silent nudge, this annoying tapping on my shoulder that wouldn’t stop, and yet, I ignored it completely.

And this was the cruel result that it brought me. The consequence of my ignorance.

He had left.

Sasuke had left.

And there was no telling when he’d be back, or even if he’d come back at all. Though I seemed to not make such a loud commotion, I had unknowingly, and almost hated this emotion that I felt towards the last Uchiha. This certain compassion and care that I tried so hard to neglect. He had a certain strange charm, this air of superiority that I despised so deeply and yet was the one thing that made me want him all the more. And even if I knew this huge age difference, this large gap between us would be more than anyone could take, I could not bring myself to admit painfully that I could just forget his image so easily.

I reminded myself that I was a teacher, I was much more experienced; and in the life of a ninja, I had to stay professional, I couldn’t be the hypocrite of my own empty words. I couldn’t counter myself by lecturing my students that emotions were useless, albeit, we must care for our teammates.

How could I, when I was so madly in love with him?

And what was the saddest part of this whole nonexistant relationship?

He never knew.

He never knew, and would never know. And I didn’t know until he had already left.

It was all too late…

|Sasuke…|

It’s not like my quiet leaving affected anyone deeply, really. Maybe only Sakura actually ever cared that much. And that was probably just a blinding infatuation anyhow. Even though I had fought Naruto harshly for this freedom to leave, I was pretty sure that he only did it for the simple sake of his mission, and the routine feeling that he needed to be secure.

No one cared.

No one ever cared.

What was I to the world?

Nothing.

Why was I even here?

Right, to kill HIM.

Sure enough, there was nothing to worry about once I broke all ties to this restricting and pathetic village; once Konoha was out of my sight and mind, there was nothing to stop me futilely, nothing to vainly hold me back. The expanse of endless clear blue sky was ready for me to take flight, and I was just about ready to use this chance.

|Kakashi…|

“Pay attention, Kakashi!!” scolded the Hokage harshly. Tsunadae-sama stood behind her seat, her fingers wrapped around the hard wood tightly, almost splintering the poor chair. Her knuckles whitened considerably, her focus strictly on the paperwork piling up on the overflowing desk. The room seemed to shake and tremble to her commanding voice, the air vibrated with her loud volume while Shizune cowered slightly.

I sighed and scratched my head, this was too tiring for me. For the past few days, I’ve done nothing but mope aimlessly around the now seemingly vacant village, lifelessly wandering wherever my leaded feet took me, not really caring where I fatefully ended up. I wouldn’t be too surprised if I drove myself wildly insane and committed suicide. This burning pain was all too real and too much for me to handle alone.

I’ve witnessed untimely deaths before, and I’ve lost my dear friends before, but knowing that young prodigy might be gone forever, to run away to a devastating evil like that, it tore my heart achingly from this cruel world. Where it momentously landed, where pure snow white angles have carelessly thrown my aching heart, I did not care in the least.

Right now, I felt like a body without a soul. I had nothing to live for, even if I didn’t know how much I cared for the dark eyed Uchiha.

“I deeply apologize…” I muttered in frustration, my vague answer fueling her anger.

She exhaled warily, rubbing between her eyes with long, milky toned fingers. I dully stared up at her, a fleeting glance, ever since Sasuke left, the whole village had been in endless chaos. The Hokage’s real age seemed to truly show, dark rings were under her amber brown eyes, and her hair wasn’t combed as neatly as before. She had tied it up hastily, she looked as if she had just recklessly thrown on her clothes, the whole image a distortion.
I would have never guessed that some insignificant Genin, only one, just a single person, could cause the entire village to collapse so.

“It doesn’t matter now does it?” questioned the Hokage, her tone softer now, “…Konoha has dug a hole around itself and look where it’s gotten us. It’d be no use to ask you to do anything; you might even cause more trouble with your whining and complaining. What’s gotten into you? You used to be so dependable. And since that Uchiha kid left, you’ve been acting strange. It’d be nice to have another member of the Jounin to return, especially one such as yourself, Kakashi.”

I nodded understandingly and bowed deeply, wanting nothing more than to escape the barren wooden room. Just the way she said, ”…that Uchiha kid…” lit the fire to my madness.

I loathed her immensely at the moment, how she disgraced the name. I would have spat back a defending reply if I could, but held my shaky position, I couldn’t let the world know, and I couldn’t do this to the down bringing of myself. I was already dying torturously slow on the inside, I couldn’t let people know what was causing this.

|Naruto…|

I slammed a fist down on the table angrily, letting this confusion overtake me, the cause of it was all the oddities that was happening in Sensei. Stupid Sasuke. This is all his fault, and he couldn’t even care more than as if a grain of sand was missing from the world. He treated us as if we were nothing to him, like the world was in the palm of his hand. He didn’t know how his leaving affected us.

Stupid bastard.

Stupid arrogant bastard.

After my pitiful failure to bring the stoic Uchiha back, I knew that I had lead Konoha unintentionally into a dark age. We were in serious trouble, not only could Sasuke be a source of valuable information for Orochimaru, but being the last Uchiha, we had lost a priceless member of the small society. That we could not afford.

|Sakura…|

Strange enough, though I felt a sear pain blazing inside me, my heart that was aching and tossed being torn into shreds by the uncaring Sasuke, I knew that I was not the only one that was affected by his wordless absence. It seemed as if Naruto had been exaggeratedly depressed and Kakashi-sensei. That was the weirdest of all. He seemed to be even more deeply moved by this than I was. Stalking around the village soundlessly, his usual cheer gone. The emptiness that was supposed to be the three man team was soon replaced with a new member, only a person to fill the void.

Everyone knew we could not accept him.

It was almost as if Kakashi-sensei were…in love with Sasuke. Though I had my thought out suspicions earlier, I couldn’t be entirely sure, and was terribly afraid to ask.

I regretted this horribly.

There were many things that I’d ineffectively wished had never occurred, and hoped unproductively that I had never done. Like how I wished Sasuke had never left, but that wasn’t to my decision. That wasn’t my careful judgment, even if I had a part in this, I could never be the one to miraculously stop him. He didn’t care about me like I did for him. He knew this burning feeling I had for him, I would’ve bet the entire universe he knew, and it was almost as if he wanted to see me fall so harshly, from the high tower that I was perched upon so dangerously.

But what was left of him after his revenge was fulfilled? What would be done then?

And even if he wanted to go back to his normal life, the routine in Konoha, I was sure that we could not admit him back, disheartened after what happened.

We had already lost too much once he left, all the bordering secrets we had, all the high hopes we held in him, and now they had just vanished effortlessly like this.

On his whim.


- owari -
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