Tsunade walked down the silent halls of the hospital, her heels clicking on the sterile tile and echoing eerily off the white walls. This was the underground ICU, where POWs and secret patients were housed away. It hadn’t been used for many years, until now, and it broke Tsunade’s heart with each step she took towards the first door at the end of the hall.
No one but she and Shizune knew this room was in use, and she doubted any of the doctors and nurses of the hospital even remembered the underground structure was there; it hadn’t been too long that Konoha had seen war, but it had been much too long since its enemies had been weak enough to capture.
She came to a halt before the door at the end of the hallway, her hand stretched out to open it. She hesitated. She couldn’t face what was on the other side of the door, didn’t want to walk into that sunless room and have to lay eyes on her mistake. And it was her mistake. It would always be her mistake, no matter what anyone in the village said.
Biting her lip as she tried to find the courage of the Godaime Hokage, Tsunade straightened her shoulders and put a smile on her face. Her hand met the cool metal of the door handle, and she pushed down, letting the door swing inward slowly so as not to scare the person waiting inside. She heard the rustle of sheets as the patient in the bed turned to stare at her.
“Good morning,” she whispered, just loud enough to be heard but not to offend sensitive ears.
The patient coughed, at which Tsunade had to fight back her tears, and then a raspy and weary voice, yet still so damn innocent and happy, replied, “Good morning, baa-chan.”
Tsunade’s hand tightened on the door handle a moment before she calmed herself and walked into the room, letting the door stay open to allow the hall lights into the darkened room.
“How long have you been up?” She reached for the patient’s arm, checking the pulse and sighing at the feel of feverish skin. “You didn’t sleep, did you?”
“Anou sa…”
“Naruto,” she said sternly.
Blue eyes that still held onto their vivacity, even in his condition, looked up at her in humor, and she found herself smiling sincerely down at him.
“It’s okay, Naruto. Maybe if you feel up to it, we can sneak you outside so you can enjoy the sun. Its warm rays will lull you to sleep, and you can nap on the soft, green grass, ne?” Tsunade made a mental note to have Shizune prepare to spend the day guarding the boy, when a warm hand grasped hers as it traveled over his body, her chakra scanning over him.
“Thank you, baa-chan. But… it’s time.”
Tsunade thought her heart would give out at those words, the blonde’s serene smile blurring in her sight as she lost her battle against the tears. The hand still clutching hers tightened, the other arm coming up to embrace her as she hunched forward, small sobs shaking her body.
“It’s all,” she choked, her cries growing louder. “It’s all… my fault,” she sobbed, leaning into the boy’s arms more than she should.
“How is it your fault?” His voice, while still raspy, was so warm, trying to comfort her when she should be the one to comfort him at this time. That thought shocked her out of her selfish crying; she needed to be there for him right now. When it was all over, when she was alone, then she could cry.
“If I had stopped Orochimaru all those years ago, had I done what needed to be done, this never would have happened to you,” she answered quietly as she wiped at her tears.
“Baa-chan, no one can blame you for what happened in the past. You believed in your teammate, that’s not a mistake. And besides, you know this didn’t come about from just fighting Orochimaru. It also happened from fighting Akatsuki for so many years. And there’s nothing you could have done about that.”
How? How could he be so understanding of his own miserable situation? How could he be trying to reassure her? Why wasn’t he ranting about the unfairness of it all? Gods knew she was doing her fair share of that.
“I want to thank you, baa-chan, for everything you’ve done for me since I was thirteen. It’s been a long, painful, depressing ten years, but I don’t regret any of it. I would do it all again, exactly as I have, because in the end, everyone was saved. I don’t know if I can ever be redeemed in the village’s eyes, but that’s not so important at a time like this. It’s enough to know I helped.”
He smiled at her, one of those bright grins that lit up a room, and she smiled back, with all her heart. “You’ve done more than help, Naruto. You are our savior.” She leaned forward and placed a kiss on his bare forehead, as she’d done ten years before.
“Thank you, onee-chan.” Tsunade’s breath caught, and then something was placed delicately in her hand, the one still held by Naruto. “I return this to you, since I can’t fulfill my dream.”
She looked down into her hand to see her necklace, the necklace of Shodai Hokage, lying in her palm. Her eyes widened then jumped to Naruto’s still smiling face, his blue eyes sparkling even in the dim light from the hallway.
“Don’t feel sad anymore, Tsunade. I’m sure your brother is proud of you, as am I.” He pulled her down and reciprocated the kiss to the forehead, and Tsunade couldn’t stop from crying again, though the tears fell silently down her cheeks.
“Naruto,” she whispered.
“Please gather them and tell them. I want to say goodbye.”
All she could do was nod her head.
“If ero-sennin doesn’t make it, please tell him that I love him, and that I’m so grateful that he took me on as a student, that he taught me the jutsu that has saved many lives. Thank him for how hard he worked and how much he helped to bring Sasuke back. Thank him for being there when I needed him the most.”
Tsunade gripped the necklace and pressed it to her chest, nodding that she would indeed tell him.
“I love you, too, baa-chan. You were there for me, too, even though we got off to a rough start, ne?” A strained chuckle came from the blonde. There was a thoughtful silence, and then, “Please take care of my village, and in case I don’t see you… goodbye.”
Tsunade drew him in for a harsh hug before bolting from the room as calmly as she could. She needed to be alone for a minute, to cry out her grief and frustration, to curse whatever evil star that had decided to shine the day of Naruto’s birth, for surely a fate this cruel could only have been manufactured by the heavens.
And then she had to call them together and finally tell them the truth. Naruto wouldn’t joke about something like this; it was time.
~*~
They stood before her, their faces casting different emotions over the situation at hand. Tsunade saw concern and confusion, tacit fear and anxiety, feigned boredom; she wanted to watch those emotions for a little longer, before they were chased away by horror, grief, and pain.
Shizune stood behind her, her gaze down and face sad, avoiding eye contact with anyone should she begin to cry. Sakura stood in front of the desk, just to the left, looking on Tsunade in question. Sasuke and Kakashi lazed against the walls, seemingly caught up in something else – either their thoughts, for she knew Kakashi wasn’t really reading that stupid book, or merely waiting for why she called them.
Iruka was on the other side of Sakura, before her desk, shifting from foot to foot in nervousness, fearing bad news, no doubt about Naruto, and Tsunade wondered briefly if the man had some sort of sixth sense in regards to his foster son.
“I’m sorry to have called you all away from what you had planned today,” she began, somewhat startling them after so long in silence. “But something has developed that requires quick action on your parts.”
She watched as Sasuke’s head finally straightened to look at her, and Kakashi lifted his eyes from his book. Iruka stood straighter, that sixth sense of his apparently trying to prepare him for some blow. Sakura’s brows furrowed in thought, and Tsunade closed her eyes as she forged ahead.
“Ten years ago, Orochimaru attacked Konoha and accomplished part of his goal in acquiring Uchiha.” Said man glared at the reminder of his past mistake, she knew, because she’d seen him do it many times before. “It was at this time that Akatsuki also began to move and collect the demon vessels, Naruto chief among them.
“And it is also when Naruto began to… train.” She’d been going to say ‘die,’ but she felt more needed to be explained before that. She opened her eyes to watch those gathered. “You all know he was training to control the Kyuubi’s chakra, to utilize it efficiently. You’ve seen his fox armor, and you’ve seen him fight. But you’ve also seen him lose control.”
Reluctant nods came from Team Kakashi, though Iruka just took it in stride even if he hadn’t seen it firsthand. Tsunade thought she saw a glimmer of understanding in Kakashi’s eye, though she feared he wasn’t assuming enough.
“The fox armor he uses possesses tails of power, for lack of a better term. The number of tails indicates how much power he has. In this last battle with Orochimaru four months ago, you all saw Naruto save this village, saw him… kill Orochimaru. You saw how many tails he possessed.”
A brief flash of a seven-tailed fox filled her mind’s eye, and Tsunade knew it had done the same with the others. They were watching her closely now, waiting for what she had brought them here to hear.
“What the lot of you don’t know, besides Kakashi, is that as Naruto continues to draw on the Kyuubi’s power and continues to immediately heal the damage done by its chakra, it shortens his life.” Sakura and Iruka made sounds of distress, while Sasuke had come off the wall completely, standing rigid in the middle of her office with his hands balled by his sides.
Tsunade took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. “Naruto is dying. And he wishes to say goodbye.”
A small sound had her opening her eyes, taking in Kakashi standing against the wall, his head back and eyes staring at the ceiling blankly, his book closed and gripped in his hand tightly. Iruka was leaning against her desk, one hand holding him up as the other covered his, no doubt, tear-filled eyes. Sakura’s hands were at her mouth, her head shaking slightly in denial. And the Uchiha was still motionless in the middle of the room.
“Th-that’s a lie,” Sakura stuttered. Tsunade gazed at her sadly, and Sakura clenched her eyes closed tightly. “Naruto’s on a mission right now, a solo mission that you sent him on a month ago.”
“Sakura…” Tsunade sighed. “Naruto was hospitalized a month ago due to chronic fever and stomach ulcers. He’d taken to having seizures that left him defenseless and weak. His body was shutting down. He was in too much pain to pretend anymore. So I admitted him to the underground ICU and informed the whole village that he was sent on a mission.”
“But we saw him leave,” Iruka whispered brokenly.
Tsunade shook her head lightly. “You saw Shizune leave, using a henge. Naruto has been in the village this whole time. This morning he finally gave me permission to inform you all. He wants to see you. Please collect yourselves and meet here again in an hour.”
Her tone brooked no argument, and they quietly shuffled from her office wondering if she was actually telling the truth. Well, at least Sakura and Iruka had their doubts. Kakashi knew more than enough to realize she would never joke about this, and who really knew what the Uchiha was thinking; he hadn’t said or done a damn thing.
Tsunade sighed, letting her head fall to her desk. And then she began to cry in earnest, not even caring that Shizune was still in the office. Who could care about something like that when the one she considered family was dying and there was nothing she could do to stop it?
~*~
Iruka had spent his hour trying to find proof that the Hokage had been lying, that Naruto wasn’t really lying somewhere, dying alone for the past month. The first place he went was the blonde’s apartment, where he’d stood in shock for a good twenty minutes.
All of Naruto’s things were gone, and the place lay empty, spotless, like no one had ever lived there. When he’d come back to himself, Iruka had run to the landlord and asked what had happened to Naruto’s things. And he’d been told that the Hokage herself had come to empty the place a month ago.
He’d spent the next forty minutes in denial, as he was sure Sakura had. He could tell from the way her skin paled as Tsunade led them deeper into the hospital, to a supply closet out of the way of things. Iruka looked around, catching the looks of… something on Sasuke and Kakashi’s faces. Kakashi apparently believed what the Hokage had told them, from his openly sad expression in that one visible eye. And Sasuke… Sasuke was blank, just like he always was, and Iruka scowled a little that a teammate’s death wasn’t enough to put some kind of emotion on that pale face.
And then he had to close his eyes in pain, because he had just, indirectly, admitted to himself that Naruto was dying. He desperately wanted to believe that it wasn’t true, but there was apparently no fooling himself.
He opened his eyes in time to see Tsunade making the hands signs to dispel a jutsu over a wall, and a door appeared where there wasn’t one before.
“This leads down to the underground ICU. I thought it best to put Naruto there, where no one had a chance of finding him and… doing something in his weakened state.”
“Weakened state?” Sasuke’s voice behind him was cold and monotone, and Iruka grit his teeth to keep from spinning around and hitting the young man.
“He can no longer use chakra without pain, so I’ve asked him not to. And he probably wouldn’t defend himself anyway, with how his mind works,” she replied sadly, and Iruka hung his head. He knew all too well what she was talking about.
Tsunade opened the door, and they began their trek down the stairs, and Iruka was surprised to see white walls and tiled stairs even as they descended down into the earth. The sound of Tsunade’s heels on the shiny floors made Iruka wince; it sounded so loud in the silence, so foreign this far underground.
When the stairs stopped, Tsunade continued to lead them forward, and Iruka noticed a door at the end of the hall, slightly ajar, whereas the other doors were closed. The chuunin swallowed thickly, tears threatening to spill down his face. His Naruto was here, had been alone and in pain for so long, and now Iruka was being forced to say goodbye. He didn’t want to, he absolutely refused!
Tsunade stopped them outside the door, turning to them sadly. “One at a time, please, and try not to tire him out.” She seemed to realize how pointless that statement had been, her eyes lowering to the floor. Naruto was the only one Iruka knew who could bring a Hokage to this point, who could make one show this much emotion.
“Iruka,” Kakashi said softly, a hand landing comfortingly on his shoulder. “Why don’t you go first? I’m sure Naruto wants to see you very much.”
Iruka nodded mutely before stepping nervously toward the door. He didn’t want to go in there, despite his son being inside. He couldn’t bear to lose Naruto; he was the only family Iruka had left.
His shaking hand pushed the door open slowly, and his eyes riveted to the bright spot of blonde in the stark white room. Naruto’s brilliant blue eyes were staring happily at him, and his generous smile helped Iruka’s body to ease of out the tensed posture it had before entering.
That smiling mouth opened, and a heartbreakingly raspy voice called out an overjoyed, “Iruka-sensei!”
That was all it took to get Iruka moving, his hand slamming the door closed as he rushed into the room over to Naruto’s bedside, crushing the blonde to him in a warm hug. His tears ran down his face, the hot drops falling into Naruto’s hair as they held on to each other tightly. He could feel Naruto’s fists gripping his vest, and small tremors passed through the young man in his arms. And Iruka was struck by how small Naruto still was.
Yes, he was tall, buff, and twenty-three years old, not at all what people would call small. But in Iruka’s arms, crying silently into the chuunin’s vest, Naruto was that twelve-year-old boy in Konoha Forest, crying over something that wasn’t his fault, but a product of a cruel fate bestowed upon him. And, if only to Iruka himself, he’d been a savior then, too, saving Iruka from certain death.
He didn’t know how long he held Naruto, both of them crying, but when the blonde finally pulled away from his body, Iruka’s back was screaming at him in pain. So he pulled a chair on the wall close to the bed and sat down, looking into Naruto’s impossibly blue eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Naruto,” he whispered, his eyes leaving the boy’s face to glare at the bed sheets.
“What for, Iruka-sensei? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Oh, yes, I have, Naruto. I’ve left you alone for a month, alone in pain, in sorrow, in the dark. I should have been here for you.”
“I didn’t want you to be, Iruka-sensei.” Iruka gasped and looked at Naruto in surprise. “No, no, Iruka-sensei! I just meant I didn’t want to bother you. There’s nothing to be done about it, so you knowing and worrying for the past month would have only made things harder on everyone.”
Iruka nodded, even though he still believed he should have been by the blonde’s side at every moment of his torment. They sat in silence for a moment, and Iruka didn’t want Naruto to suddenly say goodbye. So he grabbed Naruto’s hand and said the first thing that came to mind.
“What are you going to say to the others?” Iruka watched a very vulpine grin pass over Naruto’s lips, and it was almost as if Naruto were his old self, healthy, loud, and ready to take on the world. Then it smoothed out to a gentle smile, and Iruka was suddenly worried about the others.
“I’m going to tell them I love them.”
Iruka smiled at him, his thumb idly moving back and forth over the feverish skin of his hand. But then he thought of something, and his gaze turned serious. “That means you’re going to tell him, too, right?”
The smile fell off Naruto’s face, and he shook his head sadly. “No, I won’t tell him. I can’t. It’ll just hurt him, and that’s not what I want to leave him with, when he won’t be able to get anything from it but the knowledge and the pain of loss, if he even feels the same, you know?”
Iruka could see the logic in that way of thinking, but that didn’t mean he had to agree with it. But it was what Naruto wanted, so Iruka didn’t say anything else on the matter. They just sat in silence a bit longer before Naruto grasped his hand in both of his.
“I love you, Iruka. You gave me the thing I needed most before I even realized I needed it. You gave me respect, love, a family… I know I didn’t pay your kindness back even a fraction of what I owe, but I want you to know that it has kept me going on more than one occasion, and it’s all I could have ever asked for.”
Why? Why was he so speechless? Why was he so weak that all he could offer to the man he considered his son were tears and heartbroken sobs?
“I love you, Iruka. And goodbye.”
~*~
Sakura stood in the hallway with the rest of her team and Tsunade. The older woman had refused to leave and return to her office, but she’d done nothing more than lean against the wall and stare into space. After what seemed like forever and Iruka still hadn’t come out, Sakura turned to her shishou and hesitantly asked a question.
“Tsunade-shishou, when… h-how long does he have left?” She felt eyes pin to her back, and then the feeling subsided, so she knew her teammates were now looking at Tsunade for the answer.
Tsunade closed her eyes and sighed before answering. “Not long, Sakura. He’ll probably use the last of his strength saying goodbye, and then we can only wait until the end.”
“What are we going to tell Naruto’s friends?” Kakashi asked from behind her.
“Naruto doesn’t want to worry them before they absolutely have to know. He’s asked that I save telling them the truth until the funeral. And there will be one.” Sakura winced slightly at the fire that came into the woman’s eyes. “If I have to raze this village I will bury that boy as the hero he is.”
Sakura averted her eyes, shamed by what Tsunade was saying. It was obvious that the people of the village wouldn’t want Naruto memorialized even after he saved them. He was still the Kyuubi vessel to them, a tool they grudgingly admitted to needing, and Sakura was shamed that she used to be just like them. She had hated Naruto, though not because of the Kyuubi. No, her crime was bigger, much more hurtful to the blonde shinobi because she had hated Naruto merely because everyone else did. There was no reason for her hate; it had just been there.
And no matter how she tried to justify it, how she tried to convince herself that she’d paid her dues by really understanding Naruto and truly becoming his friend, she knew it didn’t come close to atonement for what she’d done, what she’d first felt for the boy.
The door opened revealing a red-eyed Iruka, and everyone turned their attention to him. He closed the door until there was only a small crack before walking over to them. Sakura could see the tear tracks on his face, and it suddenly became more real for her. Naruto was dying. He was dying, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Not even the much-feared and powerful Kyuubi.
“He wants to see Sakura,” Iruka said quietly, his voice thick with unshed tears.
“Me?” she asked in wonder. She had thought that this was going by order of people most important to Naruto. She didn’t think she’d be next.
Iruka smiled gently at her. “Yes. He says he needs a little sunshine to brighten his day.”
Sakura put a hand over her mouth to stifle the gasp that wanted to escape. Her, sunshine? No, if anyone was sunshine, it was Naruto. Bright, warm, cheerful, radiant Naruto.
She cautiously made her way to the door, pushing it open slowly, her eyes on the floor. Once through the door, she turned to close it, her back to the room’s occupant. After a few deep breaths, she faced the patient and brought her eyes up from the shiny tile. Naruto’s beaming face immediately caught her attention, his eyes squinting in mirth, his smile stretching his whiskered face.
“Ohayo, Sakura-chan!”
She couldn’t help the small smile that turned her lips; Naruto always had that effect in the worst of times. She walked slowly to the chair beside the bed and sat, carefully avoiding the tubes and wires flowing from beneath the sheets.
“Ohayo, Naruto. How are you feeling?”
“Never been better, Sakura-chan!” His eyes opened to show her the sparkling blue color glowing in happiness.
And suddenly she couldn’t hold back her sadness. She doubled over in the chair and cried, full-bodied sobs that shook her frame mercilessly. She felt a hand on her back, rubbing comfortingly back and forth along the expanse, trying to soothe her sadness.
“I should… should have gone… out with you,” she choked out, the only thing she could think to say, her eyes closed tightly against the image of Naruto, vibrant Naruto, confined to a hospital bed.
“You saying you’ll finally go on a date with me?” the blonde asked hopefully, and Sakura cried harder. There was no time for that. Why wasn’t Naruto taking this more seriously? “I’m sorry, Sakura-chan! I’m sorry! We don’t have to go out! Honest!” he tried to reassure her.
Her head snapped up, and she glared mildly at her teammate. “Don’t apologize, Naruto! And don’t pretend like nothing is happening here, like you’re just going to get up and continue on! I’ve watched you for most of our lives as shinobi. You’ve never once done anything for yourself; it was me or Sasuke, Iruka- or Kakashi-sensei, Tsunade-sama or Jiraiya-san. It was never for you! Just this once, please, be selfish. Tell me how much this sucks, or how you miss ramen. Scream at the sky that this isn’t fair! Do something.”
She continued to cry as her outburst was met with silence. And then Naruto’s hand moved to her cheek, and she noticed how very warm it was. His thumb wiped the tears away as it passed back and forth over her smooth skin.
“Thank you, Sakura-chan. That’s more than I could have asked for.”
“What are you talking about?” she whispered.
“Your concern; it’s more than I could have asked for.” His eyes moved from hers for a moment, looking at something just above her head, maybe her hitai-ate from where she could feel his fingers. “I know you didn’t used to like me, Sakura-chan, that all I ever was to you was a burden and a nuisance.”
She wanted to dispute that, but couldn’t; it was true.
“I fought constantly with your precious Sasuke-kun, and I was obnoxious in my quest for attention, of any kind. I even took so long to bring Sasuke back, like I promised.”
Sakura desperately grasped the hand that still rested on her cheek. She wanted to scold him, to tell him that he was never to blame for anything he’d ever done, or anything that had ever happen to anyone. She knew Naruto was the type to take the world onto his shoulders, to bear the burden alone until he couldn’t any longer, and even after that.
“And still, after all that, you still care for me. You still treat me as a friend.”
“You are my friend!” Sakura shouted, jumping up from the chair and hugging the blonde to her. “You are my friend, my teammate! Naruto, never think anything else. I love you!”
She felt that comforting hand on her back again, and tears slipped free once more at the thought that even as she tried to comfort him, it was Naruto that gave comfort to her.
“I love you, too, Sakura. You’re my family. You are a beautiful, strong woman, and I can only thank whatever power that you are a part of my life. In fact, if I weren’t in love with someone else, I would have made you my wife years ago.”
Sakura laughed at that, wondering what she would have said had Naruto asked. It wasn’t such a cut and dry situation as it would have been some ten years ago. She loved Naruto, yes, maybe even as more than a friend, but she knew she would never be what Naruto needed, would never be able to think she could make him happy after the way she’d treated him when they were younger. So she laughed, hugging Naruto tighter, not wanting to let go.
“Goodbye, Sakura-chan. I’ll miss you.” She told him she’d miss him, too, and he pulled her down to kiss her cheek. “Take care of the teme for me, ne?”
There was such love and hurt in that last request, and Naruto’s earlier words screamed through her head. If I weren’t in love with someone else…
And Sakura’s heart broke.
~*~
“You’re awfully quiet, Sasuke, even for you,” Kakashi drawled as he leaned on the wall next to the Uchiha.
“And you haven’t touched your perverted book in over two hours,” was the cold reply.
Kakashi sighed. This was one incident where he couldn’t keep his emotions on the inside while reading some tawdry novel. Naruto’s death would leave an indelible scar on his soul, his heart; he didn’t need to add to the guilt by reading his book at a time like this.
The door opening shattered the tense silence that had fallen over them, and Kakashi saw Sakura come out, red-eyed and pale. Her hand ran over her eyes, trying to wipe away the tears, and the jounin watched as Iruka went up and hugged the kunoichi. She smiled shakily at him before turning her green eyes to Kakashi.
“He wants to see you, Kakashi-sensei.”
Before Sasuke? Kakashi looked back at the silent Uchiha, but Sasuke had his eyes closed, his head resting back against the wall. He closed his eye, but suppressed the sigh that wanted to accompany the action. He just turned away and walked to the door that would lead him to Naruto.
He calmly entered the doorway, hand poised and ready to utter his favorite greeting, but he stopped as he caught sight of his former student, gazing serenely at a painting of the Hokage monument that hung on the wall. It was from such a long time ago that only three heads graced the mountain face, and it was with a ragged breath that Kakashi realized Naruto’s face would never be up there.
His face, the face that now looked so painfully like the man Kakashi loved once upon a time, would never look out upon the people he had wanted to protect for ten years, the people he had protected with his life on more than one occasion. And for that, Kakashi would always be truly regretful.
Then Naruto’s bright blue eyes turned to him, and Kakashi found himself smiling, unable to do anything else in the face of the blonde’s exuberant attitude.
“Kakashi-sensei!”
“Yo, Naruto. How are you feeling?”
Naruto’s bright smile turned gentle, and he motioned for Kakashi to sit down by the bed. “I’m feeling quite relieved, actually.”
Not expecting that, Kakashi stumbled a bit before finally sitting down. “Relieved?” How could Naruto, the boy who was so lively and animated, be relieved to die?
“Well, since I’m dying, it means Kyuubi dies, too. The village will finally be able to be peaceful and happy. I’m relieved that I can do this for them.”
“Naruto,” Kakashi breathed. “You… You’re not doing this for them. You’re going through this because of them.”
“What do you mean, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto was giving him that fake grin, the one that hid his pain, and it hurt the jounin that Naruto would use it on him at this point.
“I will be the first to admit that you haven’t had the happiest of lives, Naruto. And I can’t help but wonder that if we, if I, had done things differently, if this wouldn’t be happening, if you’d have been able to keep your life.”
“But I’m happy, Kakashi-sensei! I defeated Orochimaru! Akatsuki won’t ever get their hands on Kyuubi. And the village won’t have to suffer from my presence anymore. Correct me if I’m wrong, but if my death brings about all these things, isn’t it worth it?”
“Yes,” Kakashi whispered, saddened that Naruto’s death would be the cause of several good things.
“It’s okay, Kakashi-sensei. I’ve lived a good life. I mean, come on. I developed an effective distractive jutsu when I was a kid, I learned a Forbidden Jutsu when I was twelve, I was one of the first three people to ever pass the Copy Nin’s genin bell test, and I trained under one of the legendary Sannin for more than two years! That’s more than most ninja get in a lifetime, and I got it all before I was fifteen. I saved the life of a Hokage. Hell, just ‘cause it’s true, I’m going to mention that I’ve fought against all three Sannin and survived them all. And my greatest accomplishment in life: I brought Sasuke back. I may not get the respect I deserve, but I’m happy with it all, and I wouldn’t do anything different. Except maybe make sure the teme didn’t leave in the first place, but what’s done is done.”
“But Naruto…”
Naruto shook his head. “That’s enough, Kakashi-sensei. Let’s talk about other things. Like, are you going to take good care of my Iruka-sensei when I’m gone?”
Kakashi just blinked at him, a light dusting of pink along his cheeks. How did he…?
“He’s going to need you to be strong for him. He’ll mourn for me, I’m sure, and then pretend that he’s fine, but I know him. He’ll be sad on the inside, so you’re going to have to be there and tell him that I’m not sad; I’m not bitter. I’m relieved and happy, not to die, really, but to do something meaningful with my life one last time.”
Kakashi could feel the prickle of tears in his eyes. He blinked, trying to get them to go away, not wanting to show weakness in front of Naruto’s immense strength. Leave it to Naruto to think about someone else when he was the one in need.
“I didn’t get to tell him something because he was being a bit emotional,” Naruto drawled. “Will you tell him for me?”
Kakashi nodded. “Anything, Naruto. What?”
“Could you tell him that I’ve always been happy he was a part of my life, that he was my family? I’ve always thought of him as my father. Whenever I was about to do something, my first thoughts would always be ‘What will Iruka-sensei think?’ and ‘I hope I can make him proud.’ I’ve never had a father, but I at least think those are things a son would ask himself, so, yeah.”
They were both quiet a moment, that annoying prickle still irritating Kakashi’s eyes. He stared at a point on the wall before him, willing the tears away yet again.
“You, too, Kakashi-sensei.”
Kakashi was snapped from his contemplation of the wall. He turned to look into Naruto’s suddenly serious eyes. “What?”
“You’re like a father to me, too.” Kakashi’s breath caught in his throat. “You did so much for me, even popped in to make sure I ate my vegetables, though I really don’t like them. And even when I was kind of mad that you trained Sasuke for the chuunin exams and not me, ero-sennin told me that Ebisu has almost perfect chakra control, and that’s what I needed work on most, from your perspective. So in a way, you were looking out for me. And, if we’re both honest, if you had trained me, I never would have been able to train with ero-sennin and learn the Rasengan.”
Kakashi looked down, shamed by Naruto’s casual mention of what Kakashi had done ten years ago. He remembered how he’d felt when Naruto had returned from training, how he was overcome with wonder at the blonde’s progress. He’d finally seen the beginning of Naruto’s potential as an excellent shinobi, or perhaps he’d finally seen the great ninja Naruto had already been.
“I’m very honored to have been a member of your first genin team, Kakashi-sensei. And I was proud to be your equal on Team Kakashi for so many years. I may never have reached jounin like Sakura and Sasuke, but you never made me feel weak or inferior. And I know you’re a very private person, Kakashi-sensei, but I felt like you were my family. You are my family. And I love you very much.”
Kakashi stood up, unable to face Naruto anymore. This boy – young man – had such a sunny outlook on life. He had his moments of sadness and regret, but overall, he was such a bundle of happiness and light. It was impossible to think that he was about to die, that this light was about to be snuffed out forever.
Strong tanned arms reached up, shaking lightly with the effort to keep them aloft, and Kakashi couldn’t help a small sob that escaped his throat. The strongest ninja he’d ever met had trouble keeping his arms in the air, and it hurt Kakashi to see it. Trembling fingers pushed at his hitai-ate, revealing his Sharingan, as other fingers pulled lightly at his mask.
Kakashi’s hand came up automatically to stop the movement, to stop the fingers that were so hot against his cheek. And Naruto gave him a soft smile, one that Kakashi found oh, so painfully familiar, and he let his arm fall back by his side. The fingers resumed their tugging, and then his mask was falling around his neck. Naruto’s smile got bigger.
“Well, look how handsome you are.” Those hot fingers came to his left eye and traced the scar that ran vertically over his face. Naruto’s hands pulled him down, and warm, chapped lips kissed his left eye. “This eye has saved me many times, Kakashi-sensei. Please don’t ever think it’s a curse.”
Naruto pulled him into a hug as silent tears trailed down his exposed cheeks. “Naruto…”
“Goodbye, Kakashi-sensei.”
~*~
Sasuke was this close to hitting something. If Sakura didn’t stop crying, it would be her, he thought in annoyance. Sasuke didn’t get what they were so upset about. This was just another dobe prank, and as soon as he convinced everyone that he was dying, he’d jump up and shout that he couldn’t believe everyone fell for it.
Well, Sasuke wasn’t going to fall for it.
The door to Naruto’s room opened, and Kakashi stepped out. He wasn’t crying like the other two had been, but Sasuke could see the faint red in his eye, the slight puffiness of the skin.
Hn, so even Kakashi fell for it, he thought.
The jounin didn’t say anything, just walked by the others and paused, his hands in his pockets. After a moment, Kakashi pulled out his tattered book and opened it, pretending to read as he walked down the hall to the stairs.
No one stopped him. Iruka and Sakura were looking at the floor, and the Hokage was still leaning against the wall, her eyes closed and her breathing deep. Sasuke made a rude noise in his throat and moved to follow Kakashi down the hall.
“Sasuke,” he heard Iruka call, “Aren’t you going in?”
He stopped and looked over his shoulder. “He didn’t ask for me.” He shrugged and turned away. But before he could take more than two steps, Sakura was in front of him and her hand was slapping across his cheek.
Stunned that he hadn’t seen it coming, Sasuke put his hand to his stinging skin and looked at Sakura in surprise. Tears were still streaming down her face, but her eyes were hard and had a dangerous glint about them, a glint that only came from the confidence one developed when they had the Hokage’s inhuman strength.
“Whether he called for you or not, you have to go in there! How do you think he’ll feel in his final moments that his best friend didn’t show up to say goodbye?”
Sasuke finally found his calm indifference from before and gave her a cool glare. “There will be no final moments. Naruto’s not dying.”
Sakura’s eyes widened, and her face paled. Her hands shook where they were fisted by her sides, and her mouth made several attempts to talk before it finally snapped closed. She looked down at the ground, her lips a thin, displeased line, and she shook her head. And when she looked at him again, those green eyes were filled with so much sadness Sasuke almost took a step back.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Sasuke-kun. But since that is how you feel, will you at least humor him? Play along for now, you know?” Her voice was trembling, like she was holding back from either crying or screaming, probably both.
He wanted to scoff and continue on, wanted to push her away, her and her open sadness. Instead, Sasuke turned on his heel and walked to the door, hesitating for a brief moment before going in and shutting the door. He stood facing the bed, staring coolly at the young blonde on it, and his eyes narrowed when he took in that smirking face.
“You can stop playing, dobe. I know what’s going on here.”
A sly twinkle entered those vivid blue eyes. “Oh? And what’s going on, teme?”
Sasuke’s lip lifted in a sneer. “This is some sick joke. You’re not dying. This is just another Uzumaki Naruto prank so you can get attention, because you can’t get it any other way. You’re a no-talent ninja, and you’ll never be Hokage, so this is what you’re left with.”
“Tsk, tsk, Sasuke. That’s kind of harsh, you know, especially since just four months ago, it was me who beat the snake.”
Sasuke grit his teeth at that reminder. He wasn’t one to deny that Naruto had done just that, but because he didn’t die in the process, it was just too outrageous to believe the idiot was dying now.
“I’m glad you came to see me, bastard.”
“Not like I had a choice. Sakura was ready to bash my head in.”
“I can only imagine.”
“Enough with the small talk. Get out of that bed. This ends now.” Sasuke stepped toward the bed and reached out to take Naruto’s arm, but the skin was burning, and he drew his hand back in surprise.
“Gee, I would love to get out of bed, you bastard, but it hurts too much right now.” Naruto's scowl softened, and his eyes grew distant, his voice quiet in the silent room. “How about in a little bit? You can carry me out in your arms and lay me on the cool ground. Then it’ll get a little hot, just for a minute, it won’t take long. And then when it’s over you can put me in something nice and cool, maybe something with a little pizzazz, you know? And then I can sleep peacefully for a long time. Yeah, that’s sounds really good.”
Sasuke looked at the floor, confused for a moment before looking up and catching the tears pooling in sad blue eyes. Naruto wasn’t looking at him, rather some point in space, picturing something that pained him. Then a tear slipped free and flowed over a whiskered cheek, and Sasuke wondered when was the last time he’d seen Naruto cry. He couldn’t quite recall, it had been so long, or maybe he just didn’t really pay attention like he should, but he knew wholeheartedly that Naruto never cried unless he was truly upset or pained. Or if someone died. Was dying.
Naruto was dying.
It was a sudden revelation, even as a voice in the back of his mind was screaming at him, “I told you so!” Sasuke’s breathing became harsher, filling his lungs in great gulps, and he leaned against the chair by the bed so he wouldn’t double over on the floor. Broken words tried to slip past his lips, and he noticed Naruto reaching frantically for him.
Sasuke threw those arms away from him, not wanting Naruto to touch him. Nothing was wrong with him. He didn’t need the dobe trying to help him. He was fine!
A crash as the chair slammed and shattered against a wall broke the harsh silence that had only been filled with his breathing. It freed his tongue, and the words he hadn’t gotten out before spilled forth, his voice more strained and emotional than he could ever recall.
“Why, you stupid idiot! Why is this happening? What the hell did you do? What the fuck did you screw up for this to… to…?”
And then he was crying, more than he’d cried over his family, because shit like this just wasn’t supposed to happen to Naruto! His eyes were screwed shut. If he didn’t see it, it wasn’t happening.
“How can you die, dobe?” he screamed. “You always take on people stronger than you, you always train until there’s nothing left, and I fucking put a hole through your chest! You didn’t die from any of those things, how can you die now?”
He was shaking, something he was sure never happened to the cool Uchiha, and then trembling and hot arms were around him, trying to hug him, but it lacked strength. He opened his eyes, and his vision was impaired by the closeness of soft, blonde hair.
“There, there, Sasuke-teme. It’s okay. Let it out, let it all out.”
What the fuck? Was the idiot mocking him? He broke the hold around his body and looked into Naruto’s smiling eyes. They were strained with the minute lines of tension and pain around them. He took in the dobe’s full appearance, noticing the trembles in the whole body, the way once strong legs could barely hold him up anymore.
“Get back in bed, idiot.” Sasuke dared to touch that burning skin again to guide Naruto back.
“Why, Sasuke, you want to join me, maybe?” Naruto actually leered at him, and Sasuke almost took him up on the offer, momentarily forgetting where they were and what was going on, just because that was the power those ridiculously adorable eyes held. Then Naruto laughed softly, which turned into a cough, and it snapped Sasuke back to reality.
He helped Naruto settle in bed and looked around for another chair. There was one next to the bathroom door, so he retrieved it and sat next to Naruto’s bed. And they said nothing. But it was a comfortable silence, just like the ones they’d shared out on the training fields, after a particularly good spar where neither of them could move, so they’d ended up lying on the grass until night fell, watching as the stars took over the sky.
“I have something for you,” the blonde said suddenly, and Sasuke looked up at him in question. Naruto reached over Sasuke and picked something up from the table. “I want you to have this. It’s my last possession, and I want my best friend to have it.”
Sasuke watched Naruto’s face as something was pressed to his palm. It was peaceful, though the eyes still swam with tears. A sharp pain in his chest had him snapping from his thoughts, and he looked down at whatever Naruto had given him.
His eyes widened in shock when he recognized Naruto’s hitai-ate, the battered metal on black clothe. He fingered the leaf in the middle, remembering how much the headband meant to Naruto, how much he’d gone through to get it, to keep it.
“Naruto, I can’t keep this.”
“Well, I don’t need it where I’m going,” he said lightly, and Sasuke’s fist closed tightly over the item.
“Why are you so,” he made a vague gesture with his hand, “About this? Why aren’t you mad? Why aren’t you scared?”
“Oh, I’m scared, teme. I’m more scared than I’ve ever been in my life,” he whispered. “I’m leaving behind everything I hold dear, everything I love.” Sasuke’s breath caught at the word ‘love,’ something grasping his heart in a painful vise. “And I’m mad. I’m only twenty-three, and I haven’t become Hokage yet. But like I told Kakashi-sensei, I’m mostly relieved. Now, everyone can have peace; me and the village.”
Sasuke moved his head so his hair could hide his eyes. His hand tightened even more on the hitai-ate. “I won’t have peace, dobe,” he said quietly. “You were the source of the only happiness I’ve ever had in my life since I was a child. What will I have when you’re gone?”
“You’ll have the people who love you and the people who love me, however few those are, and you’ll all live until you’re old and decrepit, and when you join me on the other side, I’ll be able to kick your feeble ass and not give a damn!” Naruto’s bright laughter filled the room, and it hurt Sasuke to know this would be the last time he’d ever hear it.
And then it was imperative for Sasuke to admit what he’d been denying for years.
“Naruto,” he called, his eyes locking on blue ones. “Naruto, I lov-”
“Will you get me some water, teme?” Sasuke blinked then glared at Naruto for cutting him off. But then the blonde began to cough violently, so Sasuke set the hitai-ate aside and walked to the bathroom. As he turned on the water to fill a plastic cup on the counter, he thought he heard Naruto say something from the bed.
“What did you say, dobe?” Sasuke didn’t get a reply, so he figured it had been an insult that Naruto didn’t dare repeat where he could hear. He snorted in amusement and walked from the bathroom, steeling himself to finish what he’d started.
Thrusting the cup into Naruto’s face, he closed his eyes and blurted, “I love you!”
When he got no response, Sasuke opened his eyes. Naruto was leaning back on the bed, his eyes closed and his hand palm up and opened by his side. There was a peaceful smile on his face, and the pain lines that had been around his eyes and mouth were gone.
A cold dread filled Sasuke, and he shakily put the water down on the bedside table. He reached out a hand and ran it over Naruto’s cheek, calling his name softly. The skin wasn’t as hot as it had been when he first came in, and that cold dread turned to a burning panic as his fingers went to every pulse point he could think of looking for a heartbeat. But only warm skin met his searching fingers, and he began to cry again.
“No, Naruto. No. You’re not dead. You’re not.” Sasuke’s head dropped until it was almost resting on Naruto’s unmoving body. His fist rose of its own volition and came down on Naruto’s chest. Then it did it again. And again. And his voice joined in, crying out Naruto’s name until he was screaming and his throat was sore.
He didn’t register the door being thrown open, or someone forcibly hauling him from Naruto’s body. Someone was holding him to their body, and he was clawing at their back, still crying Naruto’s name, though his tears choked his voice more often than not.
And while he was saying one thing through his tears, his mind was screaming another, a constant loop in his head that he feared would never stop.
I didn’t get to tell him. I didn’t get to tell him. I didn’t get to tell him.
~*~
Sasuke sat in the Hokage’s office, ordered to stay there after he’d told Tsunade he wasn’t going to the funeral. She wanted to see him when it was all over, no doubt to yell at him for what an uncaring bastard he was being.
But that wasn’t it, exactly. Sasuke wasn’t being ‘uncaring.’ He just couldn’t care. He would never care about anything ever again, as it had just been proven yet again that things he cared about left him. They always left him alone, sad, and extremely unhappy.
Naruto was gone, and nothing was going to change that. The only thing left was the hitai-ate that Sasuke clutched in his hand, and he’d die before it left him, too. His precious dobe had given it to him.
But what’s the point of honoring his memory if you refuse to take part in the releasing of his soul, a little voice asked in the back of his mind.
He won’t know the difference, he answered back bitterly.
Won’t he?
Sasuke narrowed his eyes, insanely wondering why the voice would think Naruto would know whether Sasuke was at his funeral or not. And then a memory from his last conversation with the dobe popped in his head, and his eyes widened. His heart began to pound restlessly in his chest, and he ran from the Hokage’s office to the hospital where he hoped to catch Tsunade.
Once he reached the hidden door in the closet, Sasuke activated his Sharingan and released the jutsu, thanking every god that ever existed that he’d copied it when Tsunade had done it the day Naruto died.
He almost tripped twice in his haste down the stairs, but he made it to the room down the hallway just in time. Tsunade and Sakura were to the side as Iruka finished the last preparations on Naruto, making sure his chuunin vest was immaculate. Kakashi was there, too, and he moved toward the bed to pick the body up.
“No!” Sasuke cried out and rushed forward, pushing Kakashi away from the bed. They looked at him in surprise, but he brushed it off, looking down at Naruto’s lifeless, but somehow still beautiful body. He bent over slightly and slid his hands under him, lifting him up and cradling him to his chest. Sasuke turned around and gave Tsunade a solemn stare that she returned. Then she nodded and led the way out of the room.
‘You can carry me out in your arms and lay me on the cool ground.’
The sun was bright in the sky, but a chill wind sped through the village. They proceeded out of the hospital and to Team 7’s old training field, where Naruto had requested his service take place. All his friends were gathered and waiting, and they cried out in despair when they finally saw Naruto’s body in Sasuke’s arms. Tsunade stopped and motioned for Sasuke to lay Naruto down, and he did so, right on a patch of green grass that still held the chill of the night.
‘Then it’ll get a little hot, just for a minute, it won’t take long.’
Sasuke placed himself on one side while Kakashi took the other. Then Sasuke performed the seals for his fire jutsu, knowing Kakashi would copy it and help him to complete the cremation. They all watched the body burn in silence.
‘And then when it’s over you can put me in something nice and cool, maybe something with a little pizzazz, you know? And then I can sleep peacefully for a long time.’
Sasuke stepped back when the last ember had faded and watched as Tsunade and Jiraiya collected the ashes. This wasn’t a normal funeral, not by a long shot. They’d burned his body as an added precaution for the Kyuubi, since no one really knew what the seal would do. And now the two surviving Sannin were putting those ashes into a beautiful, golden urn, complete with a nine-tailed kitsune carved into it, because in the end, that tremendous power had been a blessing to so many people, and for so many reasons.
And then Naruto was finally at peace.
And after Tsunade’s speech honoring Naruto, she surprised everyone by asking that they join her atop the Hokage monument. Sasuke watched as if from far away as Tsunade explained that they would seal Naruto’s ashes within the monument, so that his dream could, in a way, finally come true.
‘Yeah, that sounds really good.’
Before Tsunade and Jiraiya lowered the urn into the opening of the tomb, Sasuke found himself stepping forward, ignoring the questions thrown his way from the others. He looked the two Sannin in the eye, and they bowed their heads in permission for whatever he was about to do.
“You didn’t say goodbye, usuratonkachi. I feel as if I’ve been cheated out of something here.” He reached into his pocket and fingered the worn hitai-ate he’d placed there. “But I at least got something from you, and it’s only fair I return the gesture.” He reached up behind his head and untied his own hitai-ate, staring at the scratch mark Naruto had put on it all those years ago. “This is for you, Naruto.” He took the lid off the urn and placed the forehead protector inside, hoping his thoughts and feelings that had been absorbed by the thing for so many years reached Naruto’s soul, wherever it was.
Sasuke stepped back and reached into his pocket, bringing out Naruto’s hitai-ate. He kissed the leaf in the middle before tying it on his head. One last look at the urn, and then Sasuke turned and walked off down the mountain, away from his last loving memory.
A cold breeze blew through the village as he opened his mouth, and the wind carried his words into the sky, to places beyond the earth.
“Goodbye, dobe.”
~owari~
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Story notes: Disclaimer: the only Naruto things i own are shirts i bought from hot topic. so, yeah, not mine, no profit, nothing.
i wanted something really poignant, something to make people cry and really feel for naruto. and i think i accomplished this. you tell me. enjoy!!
Chapter notes: it's really long, but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
Chapter end notes: many thanks to hanyou_elf for reading over it. so, what did you think?