Love Songs
It hadn’t been as hard as Naruto would have thought. He had been able to get Sasuke’s iPod rather easily, and that pleased him. He had plans, evil, evil plans for the iPod. He hadn’t been able to afford one when they’d come out, and he hadn’t been able to afford even the cheaper ones, he had been incapable of purchasing anything because all of his money went towards taking care of his home and his bills. He was poor, far too poor to buy something so extravagant as an iPod.
Sasuke’s wasn’t fancy either. It was just a little Shuffle, but Naruto coveted it very much so. So when he’d asked to borrow it, he’d been ecstatic to have Sasuke hand it over. They weren’t the best of friends, but they didn’t dislike each other either. They were comfortable around each other, they were friends and they knew nearly everything about each other.
But Sasuke didn’t know Naruto’s most important secret. Sasuke didn’t know that Naruto was completely, head-over-heels in love with Sasuke, that he would tear the moon from the sky in love with Sasuke. And Naruto had intended on keeping it that way until he heard some very sad news he hadn’t wanted to even contemplate.
Sasuke was going away for college. In a mere six months, he would be boarding a plane and flying off to the wonderful world of Japan and Naruto wouldn’t see him for a year, at least.
Naruto had wanted to cry, had wanted nothing more than to just fall to his knees and beg Sasuke to stay, but he couldn’t lower himself like that. He couldn’t do that. He had to convince Sasuke to stay with him. He had to. He couldn’t live without Sasuke, one of the very few people he had to count on.
So stealing Sasuke’s iPod had been the only course of action he could fathom. He left that day, letting Sasuke believe that he’d slipped it back into the bag and he intended to make Sasuke aware of his feelings through some songs. Because what better way for a boy with no verbal skills than a song?
Plopping down before his laptop, he smiled to himself while he pulled his iTunes up. It took a few minutes; the computer was old and ran slow, no matter what Naruto did to it. He couldn’t complain about it though, he had gotten it for practically free from his beloved Iruka-sensei. He couldn’t wait until he got his hands on Sasuke, until he returned the small electronic device to the one person he loved more than himself, more than Iruka-sensei, more than ramen.
Naruto had always been alone. He didn’t know what it was like to have people love on him, to have a family, to have people who believed in him, but he never let it stop him. He liked to know that no matter what happened, he was going to be okay, as long as he continued to believe in himself. With nobody else around, while he was incredible lonely, he could never hurt anyone, he could never let anyone down. He was able to be himself. Being on his own had taught Naruto how to be a mature young man, had taught him that he couldn’t rely on others, that if he wanted something to happen, he had to do it himself. He had learned early on that he was all he could count on, he’d taught himself everything he’d needed to know, and he’d grown mature and powerful and strong because of his independence.
But then Sasuke had come along. And somehow, Sasuke had completely thrown everything he’d ever known out the window. Sasuke made it so that he didn’t want to do anything else. Sasuke made him want to rely on somebody else. Sasuke made him want to just break down and rest, to not be in charge, but he would never do that. He would always be in control, especially depending on what Sasuke had to say about the message he would be leaving with the music on the iPod. He wanted to make sure that Sasuke understood what he meant, what he wanted to say.
Tomorrow was Friday, he would slip Sasuke his iPod back and play it off like he’d completely forgotten and put the wrong thing back away. He was an airhead and Sasuke continuously teased him for his erratic behavior, it would be easy to play off. He had to find the perfect songs, had to make sure that his message was clear and understood. He would not be denied this chance to share his feelings.
Sighing heavily, he stretched and plugged the iPod in. He changed the settings so it was synced to his computer, so that he could add and change songs on the small thing. Smiling a smile that was more devilish than human, Naruto began playing with the keys of his laptop, removing Sasuke’s songs and making room for his own songs.
-.-.-.-When I See You Smile-.-.-.-
Naruto rose happily. Today, he was going to give Sasuke the iPod with the songs on it, he’d made a song list, a two page long piece of paper, that detailed how the songs were ordered on the small device. He’d written as best as he could, concentrated. He’d worked hard on it so that his words were legible. He didn’t want his words to be smeared, he didn’t want Sasuke to be confused about what he’d written.
He got out of bed and moved about the bathroom, cursing his ever rebellious hair as he washed his face and brushed his teeth. “Sasuke better like it,” Naruto pouted as he rinsed his mouth out.
Dressing, he pulled his school things together, completely ignoring the fact that he’d completely ignored his homework, yet again. He’d been too preoccupied with finding the perfect songs for Sasuke’s iPod. He was quite pleased with the way they came out. He’d found a lot of the songs he’d forgotten about in his days-long list of songs.
He was particularly proud of My Confession from Josh Groban that completely voiced his opinion of Sasuke. It was a confession, complete and honest confession about falling in love. And Josh Groban’s voice was absolutely perfect for making it. He’d included songs from Whitesnake, Bryan Adams, Toni Braxton, Celine Dion, Josh Groban, Journey, Metallica, Ozzy Osbourne, Jon Bon Jovi, Kelli Clarkson, Aerosmith, Westlife, Styx, Rod Stewart, Richard Marx, Guns and Roses and a long list of others. He wanted to make sure that Sasuke understood just how much he loved him. How completely head over heels he was for Sasuke. He wanted to make it completely plain that Naruto was willing to give everything he had, to just be with Sasuke.
Today was going to be a very good day.
-.-.-.-Faithfully-.-.-.-
Naruto watched an angry Sasuke stalk into the classroom and to his chair. The raven haired boy was scowling, his perfect, pale face drawn down as he silently contemplated whatever it was that had pissed him off. He slouched into his chair and sat his messenger bag down before turning to Naruto, lifting his dark, dark eyes to Naruto’s brilliant blue ones.
“Where’s my Shuffle?” he asked softly, his voice smooth and easy on the ears.
“Well, you see,” Naruto started off, laughing as he nervously rubbed the back of his head. “I accidentally gave you the wrong thing yesterday and kept it. But here it is!” he smiled as he handed the small, blue device over.
“Why did you take it?” Sasuke asked, obvious pouting in his voice. He was irritated that Naruto had had the audacity to take the damned thing. He didn’t seem to understand how important it was to him. Naruto didn’t seem to grasp just how much he needed the iPod for his own sanity.
“Sorry. It was a mistake,” Naruto answered lamely. Sasuke was pissed off at him, and he didn’t want hat to happen. He wanted Sasuke to put the headphones on, listen to the songs, especially that special Josh Groban song and understand how Naruto felt. He wanted Sasuke to know, he was anxious, bursting from nerves about how Sasuke would react to the news.
“Don’t do it again. It’s mine, I don’t want you to take it.”
“I won’t, gods Sasuke,” Naruto grunted. He shifted in the chair, completely forgetting the list he had made for Sasuke. He didn’t want to bother anymore. His nervous energy had disappeared, with Sasuke’s pissy attitude. He didn’t want to even be around Sasuke right now, with the sudden black atmosphere that surrounded the boy of his affections.
“Its your fault for not paying attention,” Sasuke grumbled, pulling a single headphone on, turning his iPod on. He was going to ignore the teacher, like he usually did during first period. This was a class you didn’t even need to bother being conscious through.
Naruto refused to look at Sasuke, refused to dignify his with any response and turned his blue eyes to the window, hoping the waking world would be sufficient to distract him from the suddenly reawakened pool of nervous energy in his stomach.
“What the fuck did you do to my songs?” Sasuke seethed, pulling on Naruto’s shirt, bringing the blond’s attention to himself.
“Wh-what do you mean?” Naruto asked, a nervous grin on his face as he laughed softly.
“Why are there… why did you change my songs?” Sasuke asked, his dark eyes narrowed in anger. “Do you think this is funny?”
“Well… no.”
“Well?”
“Get off of me,” Naruto answered, he was pissed now. Sasuke had completely not gotten the point of the love songs on his iPod, he’d completely ignored the fact that Naruto had been trying to tell him something important, and he’d assumed that Naruto was playing a joke on him. Which he would have been in any normal situation, but it wouldn’t have been love songs. It would have been comedic routines, to see if Sasuke could maintain a straight face while he listened to it.
“What did you do to my songs?”
“Get off of me or I’ll make you,” Naruto ordered softly.
He stood up, picking his bag up and stalked from the classroom. “When you’re done being an asshole,” Naruto announced before he shut the door behind him.
He didn’t listen to the buzz that sounded at his departure, he didn’t listen to the teacher ordering him back to the classroom. First period was always a free period for Iruka-sensei. And that’s exactly where Naruto headed.
“Oi, Naruto!” Sasuke’s voice called in the quiet hallway.
“You know,” Naruto murmured, his voice low but carrying. “I always knew that I was an idiot. But I never took you for fucking stupid! How can you not understand what the fuck I was trying to do for you?” Naruto asked, rounding on the raven-haired boy, letting his anger and his hurt show on his face.
“What are you talking about?” Sasuke asked.
“I’m fucking in love with you, Sasuke,” Naruto declared, throwing his bag to the floor as he rushed forward, pinning the smaller, paler boy to the wall behind him. “I don’t want you to leave me alone. I don’t want you to forget about me. I want you to stay here. I want you.”
Sasuke didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to answer. He didn’t know the right words to say to that, the vehement blond’s declaration, the honesty in those blue eyes and the closeness of that body pressing him against the wall. He was in shock. Stunned and forced into to silence, he didn’t know what to say to Naruto.
Disgusted at the lack of response, Naruto pushed away from Sasuke, pressing him into the wall once more. He’d been hoping for some kind of response, something more than stupid staring. “I’m going to Iruka-sensei’s room. If you decide you want to talk to me then come see me. I’ll be there.”
He didn’t turn around, didn’t look to see Sasuke falling to his knees, his face a twisted mask of confused emotions. He didn’t have the strength right now. He’d put everything out on the line for Sasuke and he’d been completely exposed, and he’d been ignored.
-.-.-.-A Moment Like This-.-.-.-
Naruto was hiding in the back of Iruka-sensei’s empty classroom, leafing through a book he’d found on one of the many shelves in the room. He was lost, confused. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to expect, and he was completely pissed off that Sasuke had turned stupid on him. Naruto was the one who was supposed to be stupid, not Sasuke. Sasuke was supposed to be brilliant, to never stutter in anything.
He could feel his anger boiling beneath the surface again as he sat there, alone.
This was not how he’d expected things to go. He hadn’t wanted to end up like this. Now he would have to convince Sasuke to just forget about his confession, to just… to just pretend like nothing had changed between them.
-.-.-.-Please Forgive Me-.-.-.-
Naruto had study hall next period, his last hour in school, and he would be spending it in the library, trying to find literary examples for his senior thesis for English. He hated that paper, but it was a good chance to show off his intelligence. His best class, because his perceptions were different. He didn’t have the same interpretations that others had, and the teachers loved his originality.
Walking through the hallway, his bag clutched tight to his shoulder, Naruto kept his head bowed. It had circulated, his confession to Sasuke this morning. And he hadn’t seen the other boy at all, all day. It made him sad, but he didn’t care. Not anymore. He couldn’t care. If he did care, he would have to admit that he couldn’t let this go. He wouldn’t be able to accept the truth about everything that had happened. He wouldn’t be able to accept the truth that Sasuke really didn’t like him back, not like that.
He opened the door to the library, smiled at the kind librarian, Shizune, and moved to his regular table, laden with books he’d already filtered out and convinced the librarian to save for him. He was surprised to see a backpack sitting at the table already and a friendly nod from Shizune told him it was okay. He approached the books and smiled sadly when he saw Sasuke, his head down on the table, hidden behind a stack of books on philosophy. A piece of paper was by his face and Naruto, curious, shook the other boy awake.
“What are you doing Sasuke?” Naruto asked, tired resignation in his voice as he pulled a chair out and plopped down. He scowled at the boy who held his affections and waited patiently for the answer.
Sasuke, for his part, looked quite a bit different than he had this morning. He looked like he was scared, nervous. Almost afraid. He smiled shy at Naruto and picked the paper up and read softly, “Please forgive me, I know not what I do. Please, forgive me, I can’t stop loving you. Please forgive me if I need you like I do.”
“Sasuke?” Naruto asked softly, a lot confused about what was going on.
“It was one of the songs on my iPod,” he shrugged, like it explained everything. “I’m… I’m sorry Naruto. I… forgive me?”
Naruto smiled, and gestured Sasuke to his side. He couldn’t stay mad at the other boy. He refused to stay mad at him, not when he looked so thoroughly confused and scared. He was afraid of rejection, afraid of being pushed away. And Naruto wasn’t going to do that. Not to Sasuke. Not ever.
“I’m serious Sasuke. I’m in love with you,” he murmured, wrapping an arm around Sasuke’s small shoulders. “It’s not a joke.”
“I know,” Sasuke answered, looking away. He couldn’t bring himself to meet Naruto’s intense gaze. “I… I really like you too,” he murmured, sliding a hand to press it to Naruto’s leg.
A bright smile danced across Naruto’s face. He tightened his hold on Sasuke, pulling him close to his body, holding him tightly. This was good. This was a start. This was right.
-.-.-.-Nothing Else Matters-.-.-.-
Months. It had been months since he’d confessed his feelings to Sasuke, since he’d admitted to Sasuke that he’d fallen in love, and that he wanted nothing more than to just be beside him. And it had been months that they’d been dating.
Sasuke had been eager to make things progress as quickly as possible. He would be leaving soon, and he didn’t want to leave, knowing that Naruto would doubt any feelings he had. He wanted Naruto to know how he felt: body, mind, and soul. He and Naruto had been together, lovers and friends for almost all of their lives and it had only been natural, easy.
And here they were, six months after Naruto’s mussed confession, watching their friends graduate, smiling at the ocean of faces that had congregated to celebrate the auspicious occasion. Naruto had plans, he’d mentioned to Sasuke. He had his own celebration worked up, and he couldn’t wait for their private party to start. A comment that had promptly made the paler boy blush and turn away in embarrassment.
Their hands were twined together, holding tightly to the other as they listened to the steady progression of speakers and flatterers at their ceremony. Neither boy had much to go home to, they were just happy to be with each other like they were. They were just happy to have each other.
And at the end of the day, that was all that really mattered.
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Chapter notes: Written for Allys, inspired by Nomme de Plume