Naruto sighed as he slumped back in his chair. It had been a week since the incident, as he had taken to calling it, with Sasuke.
Sasuke. The one person he wanted to forget and he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Why was he being like this? What was wrong with him? Was it Naruto's fault? Why hadn’t he been at school for the past week? Naruto wanted answers to all those. But there was one question that topped his list, one question that made his stomach flutter whenever he thought about it. And boy oh boy... did he think about it!
That kiss. Why? Where did that come from? Why did he do it? What does he want now? What does he expect from Naruto?
Naruto sighed. It was getting late but he had to finish this marking. The journals had come in, and he had to get them back to the students tomorrow. Naruto had worked his way through each and everyone, until he reached the one he had been waiting to read, the one he saved until the very end; Sasuke's. Breathing deeply, he opened the journal, skipping over the first entry, which was the letter Sasuke had initially written to Naruto, before he opened up to him.
Seven Deadly Sins:
Pride: My fall from grace.
Pride is something that runs deep in the Uchiha clan. It is a fundamental part of our upbringing; having pride in being an Uchiha, and bringing pride to our family. This is the thing that will destroy us. Pride; the deadliest of the sins. Pride is what stops me from saying what I want; doing what I like; being with the ones I love. My own personal pride and the pride of the family. Pride is what makes writing this painful. Showing a side to myself that others don’t see; that others don’t deserve to see... is difficult. Pride is what makes me pathetic. Instead of seeing myself as exalted above others, my pride only brings me down. Only you can read this...
Naruto was surprised. He wasn’t expecting this from Sasuke. What he was expecting was a fabulously neat, perfect journal dictating the steps he took to compose his peace; along with the necessary bare minimum expression of emotion. This was... raw. And expressing a side to Sasuke that no one had seen. This self loathing attitude was not something Naruto expected from the boy.
Only you can read this... Sasuke, he was speaking directly to Naruto. This wasn’t some safe journal someone had written that just anyone could pick up and read. This was a personal letter, from Sasuke to Naruto, sharing his inner most thoughts; showing a side Naruto didn’t know existed. Concerned, Naruto read on.
Envy: I see my shortcomings in the virtues of others.
Everything I want to be, everything I’m not. This is what Envy is. Envy runs hot and heavy in this world; everyone wants what they can’t have. I know how they feel. Pleasure in attaining what others cannot have. Pleasure in denying people what they want. Pain when I cannot have what I want. No one is ever satisfied in this world with what they have. Humans always want more. More, more, more. Satisfaction, contentment, happiness; all dreams of an envious man. Wishful thinking. Anger that they will never attain these things. This is why I will never be happy. This is why I will never succeed in my own eyes, or the eyes of my father. Only you can know this...
This was... most unlike Sasuke. Naruto was... beyond concerned. Was this how the boy felt? Was this what he thought? What a miserable way to live... not even living. Just... being. Simply existing without a cause. Reading it saddened the already burdened Naruto.
Wrath: My weakness.
Wrath; uncontrollable rage, anger, hate. Unexplained. Perfectly justified. Something that I will never lose, someone I will never forgive. My weakness is my hate. My strength is my hate. It fuels me. It burns me. It’s like a soft poison; you don’t know it’s making you sick, making you weaker, until the damage is done, and you are lost. Is there an antidote? There's something.... someone who makes it better. Brings back the colour and strips the gray. Strange how these all link up in some way. And this thing, this person... do you need healing too? Only you can see this...
Naruto was deeply disturbed by Sasuke's musings. They were out of character for the boy, and even if they were in character... these were not healthy thoughts.
Sloth: Insatiable hunger.
Yearning for more, yearning, but unwilling to do anything. Fear of hurt, fear of moving out of my comfort zone. Feelings repressed for fear of what they might do. Repressed because I can’t deal with them. Because I don’t want to. They're too hard. It’s too much effort to feel these things. But unable to control my hunger. Unable to stop it. I never do more than I have to. I never do more than I am willing. And I never give up more than I have to another person. But there is one thing, one person that changes all this. I don’t know if they can help. But I can’t ask them for help. I can’t ask them for more than what they give; I don’t know if I can give it all back. Only you can hear this...
Naruto was trying to put the pieces together. There were so many things Sasuke was saying to him; he just had to put it together. He had an idea... and it concerned him. Was that what Sasuke wanted? Was that what he was trying to say?
Greed: The material consumes me.
Material possessions are all I have to measure my life. There is nothing else that I can say is worth anything except the things that have a monetary value. That is the supreme aim of an Uchiha; create as much wealth as you can, and you are successful. The journey for more and more and more continues on through the generations. I am a product of greed; and my successes will add fuel to the fire. I will feed the greed. Only you can understand this...
As disturbed by this as Naruto was, he was insanely interested. These thoughts; this being in Sasuke's head was the missing link for Naruto. Comprehending his past; understanding why he is the way he is was now that much easier for Naruto. That much easier for him to help the boy when he understood him.
Gluttony: Indulging until I am ill.
Self destruction because I cannot say no. I don’t know when to quit. I have no will power. I am unable to control myself any more. Something changed, and I am becoming addicted, quickly. This poison is healing me. This antidote will never come. The poison is like a hideous pleasure. And I consume it and consume it until it sickens me, and yet I cannot stop. Only you can do this to me...
Naruto stopped. Only you can do this to me... Was Sasuke talking about him? Naruto didn’t even know anymore. All he knew was he needed to see him. Reaffirm in his mind that he was ok. Make sure he was actually ok. Even though he knew the younger male wasn’t. This cycle had to be broken.
Lust: Uncontrollable want.
I can’t control it. It’s taking me over. It broke out the other day. I always thought I was immune to such things; Lust had never seemed to be something I was ever beaten by. Apparently not. I lost control of my want, of my need. The addiction was stronger than I could manage, and I needed an antidote. But I have a feeling the antidote was a wolf in sheep's skin. The addiction is worse now. And the focus of these feelings?
Only you...
That was where the journal ended. Naruto took a few deep breaths, before grabbing his jacket, the journal and his car keys.
Sasuke lay on his bed, looking at the roof. The same thing he had been doing for the past week. Getting out of bed seemed pointless now days. He was completely ashamed of his weakness.
'Naruto's probably read the journal by now...'
Sasuke couldn’t be more nervous about that. He wasn’t at class; he had his mother take it in for him. He hadn’t seen Naruto since he had kissed him one week ago. Sasuke sighed as he thought of that day. How many times had he played that out in his mind now? Ten times? One hundred? Sasuke wasn’t sure. All he knew was the journal mixed with that kiss displayed everything he was feeling. Ever since Naruto had wormed his way into Sasuke's life, and into his heart, Sasuke had had these thoughts, and feelings. Memories of old pain rushed back to him, new feelings of happiness, of sadness, of lust, of longing, of pain, everything that he had been blocking for the past few years came back to him in full force. He couldn’t control himself. And he hated his lack of control. He also hated the journal. But everything in there he wanted Naruto to know. Everything in there had been a message to Naruto: I need you.
Sasuke was hoping he'd get the message. And not reject it.
Naruto drove to the Uchiha house. Mansion is more like it. Really... who needed such a big house? It certainly emphasised a number of points Sasuke had made in his oh so dreary journal. Getting out of the car, he walked to the front door and rang the bell. His stomach was full of butterflies; he didn’t even know why he was so nervous. The door opened. An older version of Sasuke opened the door.
"Yes? Can I help you?"
"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, Sasuke's teacher. Is he in? It’s rather urgent."
"Oh right. I’m Itachi, Sasuke's older brother. Please, come in."
"Thanks."
Itachi stood back to let Naruto into the house. He led him into a parlour, with comfortable looking sofas and books adorning the room.
"Ill see if Sasuke is able to see you. May I ask what the issue is?"
'Wow... formal guy...' thought Naruto
"It’s about an assignment."
"Please, make yourself comfortable. I shouldn’t be long."
Itachi nodded, and headed down the hall and up the stairs.
There was a knock at Sasuke's door.
"What?"
"May I come in?"
Sasuke sighed. What did his older brother want...?
"Yeah."
Itachi opened the door and came in, closing it behind him. Sasuke raised an eye brow.
"Your teacher is here to see you."
Sasuke's stomach plummeted to the floor.
"What?"
It was Itachi's turn to raise his brow
"Your teacher, Uzumaki Naruto is here. To see you. About an assignment. It would be best not to keep your guest waiting little brother."
Sasuke scowled.
"I don’t want to see him."
Itachi frowned slightly.
"Any reason why?"
Sasuke hesitated... he wasn’t close to his brother. He wasn’t really comfortable talking about feelings and stuff with him. Itachi was naturally emotionless, so he probably wouldn’t understand anyway...
"Yes. Just get rid of him."
"Afraid I can’t do that little brother. Go and see to your guest... he was most... insistent that he see you. He said it was urgent."
Sasuke sighed. Knowing the blonde man, if Sasuke didn’t go to him, Naruto would just go on a rampage around his house until he found Sasuke. Rolling his eyes, he acted like he was ok. And that he just couldn’t be bothered. This was completely opposite. Sasuke knew it, and he could see from the smirk in Itachi's eyes that he knew it too.
'Fucking bastard...'
Naruto sat in the parlour, a little intimidated by the splendour of the house... which really was a little much for one family. They weren’t even a big family, at least, there was only four people living in this house. Naruto sighed as he waited for Sasuke. Naruto had a feeling the boy wouldn’t come to meet him. Oh well... if he did that Naruto would just go through every room until he found him. He was a very determined man. But the younger brunette was taking a long time...
Just then there was a movement in the doorway. Naruto looked over and saw both Uchiha brothers standing there, Itachi smiling slightly and Sasuke staring a hole into the ground.
"Sorry to keep you waiting Uzumaki-san. Ill be going now. It was nice meeting you."
"Yes, pleasure meeting you as well Uchiha-san."
Naruto had good manners when he wanted! He just... didn’t like them. They were stuffy... at least that’s what he felt. Itachi gave a smirk to his younger brother and walked out. Sasuke continued staring at the floor.
"Sasuke. We need to talk."
Those four dreaded words rang in Sasuke's head.
'Fuck.'
But he just nodded. Naruto sighed, relieved.
"Is there any where we can go? A cafe or something?"
"Uh, yeah. Ill just grab a coat and we can go."
Naruto nodded. Both men knew this conversation was going to be vital to the way their relationship went from here on out. For Sasuke it was make or break. For Naruto... well for Naruto it was to be a learning experience. He would finally understand why Sasuke is acting in this strange manner, and he will have an important choice to make, a choice that will change the lives of both men. Naruto would learn some things about Sasuke, and he was going to learn some things about himself. The question is, was he ready for any of this?
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Fin
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Chapter notes: THIS CHAPTER IS KINDA ANGSTY!!!! Just thought Id make a nice big warning at the top. So dont say i didnt warn you. I wasnt planning on updating this today... but i couldnt think of anything for my other stories, so this got done. Im going to apologise in advance to people who will hate this chapter. I think there will be a few of you that do. So sorry. But its not changing; this is important. Anyway, the angst will be clearing very soon!!! Oh and another warning THIS CHAPTER IS QUITE OOC AS WELL!!!! Sorry. But you know... it happens. Anyway, I hope you dont hate it and please review!
Chapter end notes: Well there we go. So did you hate it? I hope not. Anyway, thanks guys and please review!
LittleCrane