He could never look at anything that day. The sun out his window, a swing on a tree, or someone eating ramen… it would all just make him sick.
He couldn’t stay in bed either. It was his worst reminder. He would wake up on this day, and struggle to fall back to sleep, before clenching his fists in the sheets and growling at the nightmares he hated reliving. It was the same every year.
He would get up, throw the covers off of him and stumble into the shower, careful not to look at the mirror, lest he see the horrid bags under his eyes or the pale color of his face. He had already been forced to replace his mirror numerous times.
The shower usually succeeded in waking Sasuke up, and fooling him into thinking that he could take on the day. His face set into a hard glare as he exited the shower and was forced back into his room – a room he detested looking at on this day. He ignored the bed and went over to his closet, getting changed in his regular attire before walking out of the room. He closed the door behind him.
The Hokage never gave him missions on this day, but he always wished she would. Tsunade had been reinstated after…
All of the now-ANBU-level ninja who had grown up with him were given off on this day to grieve. Sasuke was sure they held some kind of ceremony, but he never went. He couldn’t.
Instead, he would go to the training grounds, and relentlessly beat on anything that stood in his way, whether it be the poles that stood as a reminder of their first mission together as Team 7, or the offending trees that served only as a reminder of memories past. Sasuke would glare, and shout, and scream at the top of his lungs, begging the onslaught of memories to stop, but they never did.
No one ever interrupted him as he sparred alone. Sakura had tried once or twice in years past, but had learned that his time alone on this day was precious to him. It was the look in his eyes that kept her away.
Sasuke was famous for his cool, calculating demeanor and mask that would never slip and show emotions. But that day… that day Sakura saw life in those eyes, a life that was haunted, tormented, and broken. She cried more than anyone at the ceremony that year, and not just for the boy in the earth.
He would train until the sun went down, until all thoughts ceased to exist in his mind and he would pass out with both mental and physical exhaustion. He would awake soon after though, being a ninja, and the memories would come again. Sasuke would clench his eyes shut, and wish he had the will to keep going, to keep fighting, and maybe the memories would stop again, at least for the time being. He never could.
He would look up at the twilight and remember their first kiss, they’re promises, the nights he stayed over and the time they had spent together just staring at the sky.
Sasuke eventually rose from the training ground and collected his things. He was flecked with golden sun as it seeped through the treetops on his path home, and the golden color reminded him of sunny hair, and a bright smile. His jaw clenched and his brows furrowed before he willed all emotion away from his face, and stepped back onto the streets of Konoha.
The path he took was always the most brutal part of the day, but he felt as though he should pay some tribute to the man, by walking here. Sasuke passed the villagers he loved, saw the Hokage monument in the distance with his face clearly dug into it. He passed the ramen stand, and spared it a passing glance, locking sad eyes with the owner, before continuing on.
He walked on, passed the docks where he had seen him as a child, and knew they understood each other. He passed the Academy where both he and the boy became Genin, and the swing that the boy would sit on, all alone. Sasuke paused for a moment, allowing sadness to flood through him, thinking of all the times he could have made an unhappy boy feel loved. His heart clenched, and he could hardly move. A bell rang, and Sasuke whipped his head around, before continuing walking, head down and hands in his pockets, trying to beat the rush of children heading home, knowing that this would be just another agonizing reminder of the people that he had so loved, and the lighthearted child’s spirit that was always in him.
Children ran passed him anyways, eager to head home. Sasuke paid them no attention, blocking out their voices, when a conversation split into his thoughts.
“—Hokage,” said one boy, Sasuke saw walking slightly ahead of him said. He had a light brown hair color.
“I will so!” said a second, this one with eerily blonde hair. Sasuke looked at him in wonder.
“Yeah, right,” the first replied, scoffing at the second boy. The blond looked indignant.
“Who says I can’t become Hokage?!” he nearly screamed. Sasuke gasped, and hurried his pace, wanting to remain behind the boys.
“I says you can’t be Hokage. It’s not possible. Just how do you plan on getting there?” the first boy crossed his arms and at the blond expectantly. The second boy just grinned.
“Through hard work and determination of course. Naruto did it didn’t he? The whole village hated him, and he still became Hokage. If Naruto can do it, why can’t I?”
The brunette scoffed again and replied, “Yeah, now I believe it.”
Sasuke’s lower lip trembled.
“Hey, that used to be his catch phrase didn’t it?!” the blond exclaimed. The brunette laughed and nodded. “Believe it! Believe it! Believe it! Believe it!” the brunette smacked the chanting blond on the back of the head.
“Itai! What did you do that for?!” the blond said, rubbing the back of his head.
“Because you were being a baka!”
The two went on bickering but Sasuke couldn’t help it, he couldn’t stand behind the two anymore. The boy reminded him so much of him, he was compelled to go over there and ask his name, afraid it would ring close… too close.
It was almost night and Sasuke, aching from the training, wondered if he could fall asleep now and wake up when this day was over. He had a feeling he wouldn’t.
Sasuke had made the long trek to the graveyard, after years of telling himself he wouldn’t go there, that that was just making this dream a reality, and that’s all this was, a dream. It was a test – someone had him under a spell and it was a test. Anything but reality.
The ceremony was over, although a few villagers still lingered. Sasuke masked his chakra and hopped up into a nearby tree, waiting for everyone else to leave. Sasuke deserved to be alone.
He woke up startled. He hadn’t expected to fall asleep, not in this tree, and not tonight at all. The breeze was chilly on his face, and Sasuke looked to the sky, trying to judge the time. He looked down at the site and saw no one there. After a cursory glance around the cemetery, he jumped down.
The stone did him no justice and Sasuke glared at it. His name was clearly printed, as were the dates of his birth, and his death. A generic design decorated the edges and Sasuke leaned over the many offerings of flowers from the villagers and touched it, running his figures around the cold, lifeless, gray stone. Cold, lifeless, and gray.
“Naruto,” he sobbed, falling to his knees and breaking down with his face in his hands, and cried over a lover lost, a friend taken, and two lives that never deserved to be so broken apart.
End
A/N: could someone please explain to me how to indent? i suck :[
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Chapter notes: Disclaimer: none of these characters are mine, just the story
actually kind of sad. maybe i'm just feeling a little dark today ^_^