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Chapter notes: I actually had this written and typed up way before I posted Imperfect Portraits. Then I accidentally deleted it. So this is the retyped version.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Pokemon or Naruto. If I did, Team Rocket would be a lot cooler and the Akatsuki would be the main characters.
Chapter Two: Getting Seriously Lost
Sasuke was in a bad mood. Maybe it was the fact that he was trudging through a damp, dark forest that strongly resembled a rainforest. Which made absolutely no sense since he could have sworn he saw an evergreen forest right beside it. He wondered why he hadn’t gone through that one instead. At least then he’d be able to make out where the ground was and avoid getting lost. Not that he was lost. And even if he was, it was only because this forest was so confusing. Not to mention the fact that even if he’d been in a wide open field, he’d still have no idea where he was, courtesy of being in a strange world.
So preoccupied was he in mourning his many troubles and blaming Itachi for them that it took him a full half hour to figure out that he was being followed. By a brown furball that was too cute for its own good. And seemed to know how to walk on the moss without slipping. Sasuke was sure it was laughing at him every time he fell on his butt. Or his face. That hadn’t been pleasant. He was going to need a bath after this. He wondered if maybe the furball would know how to get out of this forest.
Actually, he thought suddenly, that was a good idea. He stopped, turned around, glanced at the log he was about to sit on, and decided to remain standing. He crossed his arms and put on his best ‘are you going to come out already’ look, Uchiha style. The fox-thing seemed to get the message and walked out into plain view (keeping perfect balance on the massy rocks, Sasuke noted disgustedly) and blinked up at him cutely.
“Vee?” it inquired hopefully, cocking its head. Sasuke stared at it, deciding on the best way to get it to help him (Orochimaru had managed to convince him that sometimes diplomacy was better than brute force).
“So…what are you supposed to be?”
“Eevee!” the animal chirped happily.
“Is that your name?”
The animal nodded. “Eevee.”
There was a pause. “That’s a stupid name.”
The eevee seemed to roll its eyes. “Eevee! Vee, ee!”
“You do realize I don’t know what you’re saying, right?” It probably should have occurred to Sasuke that most people didn’t talk to animals (unless you were from a clan that did so regularly. Those were exceptions). A year at Orochimaru’s, however, had effectively squashed that instinct, as many of the snakes there were much more pleasant to talk to than the humans. “Whatever. You any good at fighting?” He’d seen a bunch of kids earlier fighting with animals (that spit fire, always a plus) and he’d realized that perhaps they could give him an edge over Itachi.
“Vee!” Eevee nodded energetically.
“God. I guess you can come with me, then. But I’m going to give you a better name.”
The eevee seemed to shrug, if that was possible.
“You are now…” Sasuke thought for a moment, “Fan Uchiha!” The eevee sweatdropped. Apparently it didn’t agree with Sasuke on what constituted a good name. “Now find my brother!”
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Sasori rejoined he group about a half hour into their journey (Kisame and Deidara were only ten minutes into their latest argument about whether it would be better to keep following the road or to take to the rather dense forest on either side of them). The sight of the puppetmaster sporting a broken nose, a crack down the side of one arm and with several fingers was enough to make even Itachi pay attention (though he tried not to show it).
In his good hand, Sasori held a ralts in worse shape than he was. It was obvious who had won the fight. The redhead walked wordlessly up to the group, fished out one of the red and white balls they’d been given, and pressed it to the glowering ralts’ head. It would seem Sasori had found his pokemon.
“Kisame, you owe me five bucks.” Deidara turned to the shark-man triumphantly and stuck out his hand.
“That doesn’t count. They i did /i fight, obviously.”
But Sasori-danna didn’t kill it.”
“That’s not the point.”
“Yes it is!”
This could go on for a while. Over in the (comparatively) sane part of the clearing, Sasori had sat down on a conveniently placed rock and started fixing himself. Since Deidara was otherwise occupied, he enlisted Itachi’s help in doing so.
“I didn’t expect you to be beaten up by something so small,” he commented as he snapped on the last finger. Sasori scowled.
“The thing’s telekinetic. It threw me clear across the forest by i looking /i at me. I figured I could use it to beat your sharingan.” He smirked.
“Che, the way it was glaring at you, I bet it wouldn’t listen.”
“We came to an agreement,” Sasori waved the comment away, “it’ll listen to me.”
“If you say so.” Itachi looked back to where Kisame and Deidara were still arguing. “Cyndaquil, go break them up.” The small pokemon that had been quietly napping beside Itachi looked up and made its way over to the pair. Stopping right next to Kisame's foot, it launched a stream of fire directly between them.
"What was that for?" Kisame turned to the cyndaquil angrily as Deidara looked sorrowfully at his singed hair.
"You were annoying me," Itachi answered flatly.
"Does anyone know where we're going?" Sasori inquired, changing the subject as he inspected his newly reattatched fingers. The other three looked at each other.
"I figure the road leads i somewhere /i , or they wouldn't have built it," Kisame reasoned, looking along said road. Currently it was occupied by a small boy, who looked like he was barely ten. Which again emphasized the difference between this world and the shinobi world, where sane ten year olds would stay inside for fear of missing-nins like the four sitting right there on the side of the road. This boy, upon noticing said missing-nins, lit up and started heading toward them. The boy was definitely not sane.
"Why am I getting a bad feeling about this?" Sasori asked nobody in particular as he watched the boy i not /i running away in fear.
"Hey, you guys are pokemon trainers, aren't you?" The kid yelled out when he got to the quartet.
"I guess..." Kisame wasn't sure where the kid was going with this.
"Great! I challeng you to a pokemon battle!"
"What, all of us?" Sasori eyed the boy impassively. He didn't much like kids. They reminded him of a certain idiotic partner of his.
"Of course not!" The kid scoffed, then began to size them up. Finally, he pointed at Deidara. "You! Girl! Battle me!"
This was the wrong thing to say. None of the Akatsuki members liked the boy's attitude in the first place (as any sane person back home would treat them with the utmost respect, for fear of their wrath). Deidara didn't take kindly to being called a girl, either, if his glare was any indication. Sasori and Kisame were mildly impressed, actually, while Itachi still refused to acknowledge any glare not made by an Uchiha.
The kid faltered slightly, obviously not used to being glared at, bu quickly regained his composure. There was something about being annoying that simply refused to take a hint. He grinned and pulled out one of those red and white balls.
"Go, rattatta!" There was a flash of light and a small, rat-like animal popped out.
It was at this point that it occured to our heroes (and we use this term very loosely) that they didn't know what to do next. There was an awkward silence.
"So...how exactly are they supposed to fight?" Deidara looked at the two tiny creatures skeptically.
"You can't be serious. You mean you don't know how to battle?" The kid was staring at them like they were stupid. "Do you know what attacks they can do?"
All four shook their heads. Arrogant this kid may be, but he seemed to know what he was talking about. Therefore, he would live. Until he did something really stupid, like call Kisame a fish. Kisame didn't tend to stop at merely glaring.
The kid sighed loudly, then assumed a long-suffering look. "I suppose I'll have to teach you. See that pidgey there? It should know tackle and growl. Tackle's pretty simple - the pidgey goes up and tackles his opponent. Growl tries to intimidate the opposing pokemon, making its attacks more hesitant and thus less effective."
Deidara blinked. The kid was smarter than he looked, apparently. "Oh. It's a lot like jutsu, then."
"Uh, sure." The kid gave him a strange look. "Each pokemon knows different kinds of moves, and as they gain experience they'll learn more. Like right now your cyndaquil should know the same moves as the pidgey, but later on it'll learn more fire-based moves and the pidgey'll learn more flying-based moves. There're books you can buy that go over it in more detail. Is that enough for now?"
Deidara grinned and nodded. "Pidgey, tackle that rattatta!"
"Hey, wha-? That's not fair!" The boy cried as Deidara's pidgey slammed into the surprised rattatta, knocking it across the road and into a clump of grass.
"What's not fair, un? You challenged me, like, ten minutes ago. Technically the battle started back then." Proving that you should never trust a criminal, not that the kid had any idea of who he was talking to.
When the kid looked back at Deidara, there was fire in his eyes. "So you wanna play dirty? Fine! Rattatta, get it together and tail whip him!"
The rattatta perked up at the sound of its trainer's voice, and dodged the pidgey's latest assault with new energy. It darted behind the startled bird and swept its tail under her feet, unbalancing the previously sure-footed creature.
"Great, its defences are down! Now tackle it!" The pidgey flapped her wings frantically to dodge, but the rattatta was faster, sending her flying into a tree. The boy winced sympathetically and Deidara scowled.
"Don't let him beat you, un! Take to the air!" Cornered, Deidara reverted to his favourite strategy. To the side, the other Akatsuki members looked on impassively.
"You know, having to yell out your strategy at the top of your lungs is going to be irritating," Sasori commented, watching the pidgey try to take off, without much success.
"Yeah, that seems kind of stupid. Can't they fight their own battles?" Kisame snorted.
"What do you mean you can't fly?" Deidara was having his own problems over on the battlefield. The pidgey looked at him and hooted annoyedly, as if saying 'it's not i my /i fault.'
"Alright, rattatta! Finish him off!" The rattatta hit the pidgey, distracted by her trainer, square in the back. The pidgey wobbled once, twice, and then collapsed.
"That kid attacked him from behind," Kisame whistled. Deidara ran out and picked up the pidgey tenderly.
"Man, you really suck." The kid had recalled his pokemon and now started walking away, whistling. Deidara glared at him from behind, but a sharp glance from Itachi stopped him from pursuing.
"We don't want trouble just yet," he ordered quietly, still leaning on the rock.
"Still, that was humiliating," Kisame stated bluntly. The others nodded in agreement.
"It seems this battling thing might not be as easy as we thought." Sasori fiddled with his pokeball, not quite willing to let the ralts out yet. They sat in silence for a while, contemplating this new situation.
"He said there were books on it, right? And maybe there are teachers..." Kisame said slowly. The others frowned, they didn't much like the thought of going back to school, but it seemed the fastest way, better than learning from trial and error.
"So we have to find a town," Sasori stated.
"Great! I'll fly ahead and scout one out, un!" Deidara piped up excitedly, putting the wounded pidgey in a makeshift sling across his chest.
"Yeah, and get the attention of everyone in a thousand mile radius." Kisame grabbed the blond's arm to stop him from grabbing his bag of clay.
"Aww, c'mon! That was only one mission, and it was because they were watching for it, un! These guys aren't."
Sasori sighed. "Let the brat fly around if he want. It's better than wandering around here aimlessly." Deidara, backed by his partner, turned puppy-dog eyes on Kisame.
Kisame relented finally. "Go ahead, but if it causes trouble it's your fault."
Itachi smirked from his rock as the blond took off. "While we're waiting, let's see if that ralts of yours is as good as you say it is."
"You sure you wanna find out?" Sasori uncoiled silently from the rock and lazily dropped the pokeball on the ground, letting it explode in a burst of light.
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Deidara gazed at the landscape spread out before him. It mostly consisted of forest, with a light fog hovering just above the treetops. Deidara frowned. If the town was small, he might miss it in the mist.
Flying high enough to be mistaken for an ordinary bird (contrary to popular belief, Deidara wasn't stupid), he adjusted the lens on his mechanical eye (1) to zoom in and skim the tops of the trees, cutting through the fog as if it wasn't there. So intent was he on looking for anything that wasn't green that he almost didn't notice the huge bird headed straight for him until it was too late.
Cursing his innattentiveness, Deidara veered sharply to the right as a strange metal bird shot by, one razor-sharp wing grazing his cheek ever so slightly. As the sun hit the steel feathers, Deidara was too enraptured by the light show to notice the paperthin cut. "A metal bird..."
He was jolted back to reality when he realized the bird was headed for a tiny village nestled between the edge of the forest and the largest lake Deidara had ever seen. Adjusting his eye, he watched it alight on a woman's arm just outside the perimeter, presumably its trainer.
From her sling, the pidgey hooted softly. "You wanna fly like that, un?" Deidara asked her. The pidgey hooted again, sadly. "Well, whay shouldn't you be able to? I'll teach you, un." He steered the bird back to where the group was.
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"Has anybody seen Kisame?" Hidan burst into the room where Kakuzu, Zetsu, and the Leader were playing poker.
"Kisame and the others have been missing for a week and you're just now noticing?" Kakuzu didn't look up from his cards.
"D'you think that bijuu killed them? It was kinda odd, wasn't it?"
"Hidan, if all four of them had met an opponent strong enough to kill them we would have heard the fight from here. Deidara probably saw something shiny on the way back. Or there." The Leader was surprisingly unconcerned about the status of half his organization.
"...Well, if they aren't back in another week I'm going to go look for them. Kisame still owes me for that scythe he broke and I'm not gonna let him get out of it by dying on me." With that, Hidan stormed back up the hallway to his happy place to pray.
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"Sasuke? Don't tell me he's off training again." Kabuto sighed at the empty room assigned to the Uchiha. Why was he always convieniently away whenever it was time for a checkup? Kabuto made a mental note to have a chat with him when he got back as he closed the door. And thus, the shinobi world remained oblivious to its missing members.