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Hmm…did I get that right? Okay…I can see myself…now what? What did Shikamaru say…if I see the icon…oh crap! Its recording! Maybe I should comb my hair…No! What the hell am I?! Some kind of chick?! Oh shit…it actually got that…great way to start my journal! So how do I stop this…great. Smartass Shikamaru only told me how to save this crap! God I hate computers! Maybe I should just take a thousand pictures of myself, so they’ll be worth a hundred-thousand words…or is that a million? Oh whatever! I hate math too! Oh well…it’s not like anyone else is gonna see this anyway. Might as well make sure I’ll be laughing my ass off fifty years from now…so…
Hiya! My name’s Uzumaki Naruto! No wait…that’s not right…uh cut? Take ten? Reboot? Aaaah! Okay…pretend I didn’t say anything so far! I know, I’m a moron and I talk to myself waaay too much but since I am recording myself I guess that’s a given. Hopefully I’m not flaring up any ulcers or handing you another heart attack after seeing what an idiot you used to be. And if I’m embarrassing any of my future Uzumaki’s then I apologize. Hehe…and if Sakura, my future wife is watching, then remember the days when you fell in love with me and left that damn Uchiha bastard…yeah right…okay, I’m seriously depressing myself…okay don’t mind the tears in my eyes, it’s not like it doesn’t happen often…if you don’t remember why you used to cry so much, don’t worry, I’ll remind you on another episode… You’re probably contented living in some retirement lodge near the mountains, with a wife who loves you, even if it’s not Sakura-chan. It’s okay right? It’s okay to remember pain when you’re happy right? Well…if somehow you’re not…then you should seriously turn this off right now…dammit! Why can’t I stop fucking crying!
Okay…I think I’ve put myself together enough. I’m really sorry about that. I guess you remember what a crybaby you used to be…anyway! I think I should really start the intro now. I’m gonna have to ask Shikamaru to cut that shit out. I can risk him seeing this. He knows me well enough. And I’ll have to ask him all the odds and ends of film editing so I can do this myself. Don’t worry! I’ll get the hang of it! Uzumaki Naruto reeks of determination! Hehe…I crack myself up…
Right…this is the REAL beginning. So uh…today is…damn! I don’t even keep track of dates anymore! Oh here it is! It is October 4, 2006. Time is eight pm. Wow…I sound like one of those time check things on the radio! Okay, moving on…yeah. As I said, my name is Uzumaki Naruto, I’m currently sixteen years old, but it’s my birthday in six days. Yosh! Hehe…I kid. Well, as you can see…or maybe not see if you’ve got Alzheimer’s or something, so I’ll describe myself then. Yeah, i’ve got sunny blonde hair…sunny cuz it’s not pale like Ino’s, if you still remember her. Though I don’t know how you can’t, old guy disease or not, she is very smexy. Next to Sakura of course. But I have never and would never lay any of my killer moves on her! She’s Shikamura’s after all. Wouldn’t wanna steal from my buds. Okay…uh…what’s next? Oh yeah! I’ve got the beadiest blue eyes! As blue as the deepest oceans that is but a sky to a deeper darkness…I think I got that off a fortune cookie…or a manga cover. I don’t know. I’d remember hiding an elephant’s carcass but I wouldn’t know where I put it. Yep, well, my eyes are that blue. I’m sure since I’m looking at myself right now. Damn I’m pretty.
Right…uh…sorry for sounding gay just then. But…it’s not easy dealing with the fact that twenty six people in my lifetime have mistaken me for a little girl! Yes! I’ve counted! And since no one is watching which means my male pride can take a breather, I have to admit that I look pretty feminine…Oh for the love of God what the hell am I talking about?! Before this started I was actually considering what I was gong to say! And now I’m talking about how much I look like a chick, it’s like word vomit dammit!
…once again I apologize. And since I’m Uzumaki Naruto, you’ll be seeing a lot more strange and random outbursts from yours truly. I’m gonna have to ask Shika-teme to cut that part too…so yeah. I guess I should start talking about my day now. Not all that eventful. It’s a Saturday and I don’t really have that many people to hang out with. I’m not really a couch potato but what else can I do. Going out alone is so damn boring. I called Shikamaru at two in the afternoon and the bastard was still sleeping. God! Who sleeps seventeen hours?! He slept at freaking nine for god sakes! What was worse it was his mother who answered…truthfully, I don’t have anything against the woman, but…she terrifies me. I think Shika sleeps as much as he does just so he wouldn’t see her so often. He’s pretty open with the fact that his mother has the power to piss his pants. Wait…that really didn’t sound right…whatever, I don’t know how else to word that. Okay, back to Shika…yeah. I felt really sorry when his mother started hounding at his door, I could barely hear the groan from Shika’s side. But I didn’t miss the sound of wood breaking and hinges being torn off…God that woman’s a beast! Then she started nagging and screaming stuff for ten minutes straight, which if you would be able to break it down, it would simply sound like “You’re friend’s on the phone. Don’t sleep so much.” Yeah…when she finally gave Shika the phone, I could hear it rattling in his hand! Then he slammed it! I felt really guilty…Shika tries so hard to be lazy and quiet and emotionless just so he wouldn’t set his mother off! I know I had messed up the flow of the universe somehow…
So I just sat there and watched reruns of Futurama…obviously I wouldn’t be going out today. And then…I almost pissed my pants when someone banged on my door. I thought it was the landlord, even though I already paid my overdue rent the other day! Boy was I surprised when it was Shikamaru! He actually left the bed, the bastard! Even though I was totally to blame for that… I said I was sorry…I really was! Even though I would kill to have a mother, that’s just rough! Then he just mumbled stuff and shoved a box into my chest! He said it was an early birthday present…and it was a freaking webcam! I almost sobbed right there! No one ever gives me gifts! I almost kissed him but I know guys don’t do that.
Then I had an ‘epiphany’, if that’s the right word. I didn’t have internet… The dude just read my mind, after all, how can he not? He’s president of the shogi club! Very nerdtastic but I’m proud of him though…since sadly I only got a third of his IQ…I took the test… Okay…what was I saying…right! He read my mind! He said I could use it for a video journal, just to keep for myself. Now, how the hell did he know that I’ve been documenting my existence since I was six? Ask the Lord, cuz I sure don’t know. Then he offered to install it for me. And of course, no duh! I let him. Since for me, operating a waffle iron is an atomic risk. I don’t know much of anything bout software or whatever but somehow It seemed that it took longer than it should have, I mean, it’s just a freakin webcam! Okay…what happened after that…oh yeah. When he finished, he gave me some basic instructions bout recording and saving and labeling and yata yata. Then he told me happy birthday. And this was the weird part. For reasons unknown to me, he told me he was sorry. Okay…that was random. Since when was giving a friend a gift a crime? I was about to ask him but he just left… Okay…I was stooped. And frankly I still am. Really, really stooped. More stooper than usual.
Well to round out the day… I continued to watch television until the sun went down, which I could see since my balcony faces that way. Just wish I had someone to watch it with…right. Anyway, yeah, I made ramen, put it in the microwave, and decided to make the first entry to my video journal…
…Oh crap! I have to microwave it AGAIN! I hate stale ramen! I guess that’s the signal to wrap things up. Whew! Saved by the noodle! Well…I hope you’ll be able to stomach more silly memories since I’ll be making another tomorrow. Hehe…this is actually kinda fun! Alright…see yah Naruto-baachan! Future grandkids!
Okay…so…the square thing is stop right? I guess I’ll find out if I ---
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The next morning, one of many dark haired boys awoke to sunshine streaming through his parted curtains to his laving bedroom. Bored already, the boy folded up his laptop and checked his email.
‘I think you’re so hot! Please go out with’ Spam.
He deleted every single email that belonged to someone with a name and decided to go browsing on Youtube. He stumbled upon a featured video that had received three-hundred thousand views in less than fifteen hours. It was entitled:
“The Diary of Uzumaki Naruto”
Hmm…seems interesting…
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Chapter notes: A/N: First fanfic everyone. Hope you’ll like the effort and I would like to keep this going so do motivate me to do so, if you like it that is.
Pairings: Temporary SasuSaku, and…eventually everyone will want Naruto, so God knows how that ends.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto or Youtube, and if I did I’d be stinkin’ rich and wouldn’t waste my time writing fanfiction. Just the truth fellas!