I didn't mean to hurt you that day.
I couldn't help it.
When you came to my house that night, I was surprised and pleased to open the door and find myself gazing into your deep aquamarine eyes. It was a pleasure I hid fiercely, not wanting you to see it, for some reason hidden even to me. Instead I wore a cold, indifferent mask.
You were crying. You flung yourself into my arms with a cry of “Oh, Sasuke!” I shoved you away, inside my apartment, and shut the door. “What?” I asked sharply. You became hysterical, and I forced you into a chair in the small living room. My heart felt like it was being torn apart and roasted over a slow flame at the sight of you in such pain, but I kept it behind my frosty mask. “S-Sasuke!” you wailed. “Wh-why are you leaving?”
Oh, how I wanted to put my arms around you at that point! I wanted to hug you, caress your soft hair and explain everything, tell you I'd be back and everything would be all right. But I... couldn't!
I was startled by the sudden emergence of my feelings, not to mention a little frightened. So, somehow I managed to look at you blankly and just say, “Because there's nothing for me here. Duh.”
You stared at me in such shock and pain that it shattered my heart until my own hurt must have been just as great as yours. You got up silently and left the house, running off to Naruto's or Hinata's, whichever.
I wish I could say sorry. I wish I could tell you how I feel. But in the end, all I can do is write what I'd like to say. I'm such a coward.
I didn't mean to hurt you that day.
I couldn't help it.
Even if I love you…
Sakura.
When I left that day, you came after me even though I had hurt you. You confessed your feelings for me. I thought I would explode with pure happiness. But I didn't tell you that I returned your feelings. I couldn't do that either. There wasn't much of a chance I would return to Konoha, to Kakashi-sensei, to Naruto, to my friends—and to you. I merely knocked you out, with a simple, “Arigatou, Sakura.” Then I left.
And I will pray every single day that I will return to you.
I didn't mean to anger you that day.
Is that why you left?
Was it my fault when you suddenly hared off for—something, I don't know? I ask myself that question so many times a day, yet have never come up with a satisfactory answer.
I've always loved you. Always have and always will. I bet you can imagine the surprise and pleasure when Iruka-sensei called out my name, and then yours! I wasn't so happy at first about Naruto being in our team—annoying little moron—but I was so sure you and I would be friends, at least, if not more. I was thrilled when we went on our first big mission and you saved my life. Even when you almost died, though it felt like my heart and soul were being torn apart, I was glad to have had the time with you.
Did I anger you that day? Or were you just suddenly so damned sick of it all you ran off? Was it my fault, or someone else's? Was it the whole village, or just one person? If so, was that person me?
Naruto went ballistic when he learned you'd gone. He ranted and raved for hours, then spent the next day and a half crying. Hinata, Kakashi-sensei and I stayed with him the whole time, though Hinata and Kakashi-sensei did most of the comforting of both of us. I wasn't much help; I alternated between hysterical sobs and sitting in a corner, staring at a picture of you, me, Naruto and Kakashi-sensei together. Your last word to me, Arigatou, rang over and over in my ears. I hope with all my heart I'll hear your voice and see your face again.
I love you, Uchiha Sasuke. I hope you know that. It isn't just because of your looks, either, though that's how it was at first. No, it's also because of your bravery, half-concealed kindness and the fear that no one will ever love you. No worries, koibito. I'm here.
And I will pray every single day that you will return to me.
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Chapter notes: DISCLAIMER: *sigh* Can't believe I keep on having to do this... I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! Too bad...