“Baa-chan! Ero-sennin!” Naruto cried out as he burst into the hokage office.
Tsunade rose from her seat in alarm and Jiraiya twisted around from his position in front of the desk to blink in surprise at the devastation in his student’s voice. There was a bottle of sake and two cups on the desk between the old teammates and it was clear that they had been drinking for a while from the dozen empty bottles stacked somewhat haphazardly on the floor.
“What is it, Naruto?” Tsunade stared through narrowed eyes at the young man whom had given her a new reason to live.
“Sasuke left the village! There were Sound ninja with him!” Naruto blinked back tears of betrayal and his eyes hardened with determination. “Baa-chan, I’ve got to bring him back!”
Tsunade opened her mouth, about to tell Naruto to gather a quick team to chase after the wayward Uchiha while she gathered a backup team of jounin, but she stopped for a moment to consider her options. She scowled fiercely at how upset her surrogate child appeared and her mind was made up. “Like hell you will!”
She slammed her hand on the desk. Due to its exceptional sturdiness—it was crafted by the Shodaime Hokage himself—it creaked ominously but managed to remain intact. Naruto looked taken aback for a moment and then mutinous as it seemed that Tsunade was going to let Sasuke go to Orochimaru without any fuss.
“But—“
“Naruto! Sit here and guard the desk,” Tsunade barked as she picked Naruto up under the arms and plopped him in her chair where he blinked owlishly. “Jiraiya, you’re coming with me,” she commanded, grabbing the toad sage by the arm and dragging him behind her. “That little shit thinks he can do whatever he likes because he’s the precious baby Uchiha?” She sneered as she barreled out of the office, knocking a few chunin who weren’t experienced enough to get out of her way flying into the walls.
“Tsu-Tsunade-hime! As hokage, you just can’t go off and do whatever you want,” Jiriaya protested weakly as he was pulled bodily behind the rampaging woman.
“Bah,” she scoffed. “I’d like to see them try and stop me. I’ll beat the shit out of that little bastard and drag him back by his entrails!”
“Why do you need me?” Jiraiya whined, finally giving up and allowing himself to be dragged along.
“You’re coming to remove that curse seal so the little jerk can feel every bit of his punishment,” Tsunade said with a truly frightening smile.
~*~
Naruto finally shook himself out of his shock and surveyed the hokage’s office. He wasn’t worried about Sasuke anymore. He rather pitied the boy instead. Tsunade was absolutely terrifying and had the strength of twenty men. “Poor bastard would have been better off letting his brother kill him too…” Naruto sighed as he began to clean up the sake that was spilling over the desk. There was a messy pile of paperwork stacked on the floor by the desk that caught his eye.
He opened the scroll on the top of the pile and saw that it was a mission request. As he looked through a few more, he realized that Tsunade hadn’t gotten around to sorting through them yet. Naruto shrugged and got to work, carefully setting the scrolls according to their mission rank. It was the least he could do, seeing how she was going to not only drag Sasuke back, but would make sure that he never even considered leaving again.
~*~
Kimimaro shivered uncontrollably as he knelt in front of his master. His eyes were wide and his skin deathly pale.
Orochimaru frowned at the show of terror from his usually unflappable minion. “Where is the rest of your team, and Sasuke-kun?” He questioned. The unexpected failure of the team comprised of his strongest experiments had thrown him for a loop.
The bone-wielding ninja burst into sobs as he groveled at Orochimaru’s feet. The snake-like man sneered at the weakness. Kimimaro’s words were nearly incomprehensible but Orochimaru was able to piece together enough of what had happened for his own skin to pale even further. Then he sighed with irritation. Once again, Tsunade had ruined his plans. He could count on never seeing the other four ninja ever again and now he would have to put Kimimaro out of his misery as the ninja was now completely useless to him. Orochimaru shivered slightly as he remembered Tsunade at the height of her rage when she had been drinking and had someone to protect.
While he had been fortunate enough to never be on the receiving end of that particular fury, he could clearly remember what had happened to the group of enemy ninja who had killed her fiancé. He could sometimes still hear the screams in his dreams…
Orochimaru shook himself from the horrifying reverie and called for his right-hand man. “Kabuto, extract what you need to replicate his bloodline and then take care of him,” he said, gesturing with his chin toward the trembling, slobbering madman on the floor. As Kabuto dragged Kimimaro out, Orochimaru sighed again. Now who was he going to use for his next body?
~*~
As Tsunade sat among the village council, she narrowed her eyes at the old farts who dared question how she treated the nearly-traitorous Uchiha. These people who claimed to treasure the sharingan bloodline so much that they were willing to let the brat do whatever he pleased without repercussion certainly didn’t seem to remember that it was their decision to eliminate the rest of the clan in the first place.
“Enough,” she said firmly, silencing the bickering old fools. “Uchiha Sasuke attempted to betray this village and defect to the side of our most dangerous missing-nin, Orochimaru. Any other ninja would have been executed for this offense and if he were any other ninja, you would all be clamoring for that result,” she said, eyeing each fidgeting member of the council. “Furthermore, as Uchiha Sasuke is an active ninja, he is under my jurisdiction and must comply with whatever punishment I choose. You are dismissed.”
As Danzo, Homura and Koharu filed out mutinously, Tsunade leaned back in her chair. It was about time she did something with those three. She had no idea how her sensei had put up with them trying to block his every move. Suddenly, she grinned as she realized that she could override their judgment and decisions because they were technically at war with Otogakure and its leader, Orochimaru. After all, during wartime, the hokage’s word was absolute.
~*~
“So, Sasuke… what happened?” Sakura asked cautiously as she sat at the beside of the Uchiha. His hospital room was surprisingly unguarded, excepting the usual security that roamed around the halls. She looked at him in concern as his face displayed more emotion than she could ever remember seeing.
“Hokage-sama showed me that I was… wrong,” Sasuke said softly, his eyes wide. He began to mumble under his breath and rock back and forth slightly.
Sakura sighed and smoothed out a piece of Sasuke’s blanket. She was grateful to the hokage for bringing him back, but did she really have to traumatize him? As Sasuke turned a brilliant smile on her, Sakura blushed and decided that maybe Tsunade had had the right idea after all.
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Chapter end notes: So… I was reading other lovely fanfiction and it occurred to me just how stupid and irresponsible it was to send a bunch of newbie genin (and one chunin) to take care of bringing Sasuke back to the village… I mean, Konoha always seems to have at least one team of ANBU available at all times and surely Danzo would have sent a couple of his Root members after the last semi-loyal sharingan user in the village. If for no other reason than to keep Itachi happy, who very much wanted his little brother to stay safe in the village and far far away from Orochimaru.
q95;
Therefore, this little bit of crack was spawned. Tsunade went to take care of business herself and made sure that it was done right. Sorry if you wanted to know exactly what she did, but I find that is always scarier when left to the imagination.