Kakashi was once again on his roof. He didn't know why the place felt so special to him, after all it was just a roof, yet he found himself there quite often. It had started when his father, the famous Konoha's White Fang, had performed seppuku. The walls of the empty house had felt suffocating and one day he realized he was spending more time on the roof than on the house itself. After that it became a tradition to him. Every time he had a nightmare, every time he felt lonely or sad, every time he felt there was something bothering him – he climbed to the roof and stayed there. It was a comforting place. It offered him solitude no other place could.
He was never alone when visiting the memorial stone. When Kakashi stood there he could hear Obito, Rin, his sensei and all the others he had lost during his life. Obito's laugh was in the rustling of the leaves, Rin's beautiful singing in the flowing of the nearby stream and Minato could be heard in the blowing wind. Kakashi hoped they were happy, wherever they were. He often told them about his daily life, his students (how Naruto had finally fixed the dripping tap he'd had for the better part of the year, how Sasuke was finally opening up again and how Sakura was now rivaling even Tsunade in her medic skills) and how Kakashi himself was happy now.
The war was over. Akatsuki and Madara had been beaten. There had been casualties, every war had them, but in the end they had won. Naruto had even achieved the unthinkable in beating some sense to Sasuke. The raven-haired man had returned with them to Konoha and although he still spent most of his time alone Kakashi could see a ghost of a smile on Sasuke's lips every now and then.
So why did Kakashi feel like he was lying when he said he was happy? Konoha was in peace, his former students were alive and well, Gai was still pestering him about their rivalry and Iruka was getting married to a girl he had met before the war. Kakashi had every reason to be happy, yet he felt an aching in his heart he could not explain by words. It felt like something was missing.
”And if I hear Gai saying I need a girl to love, cherish and keep me youthful forever one more time, I'll make him confess his love to Lee's mother with my Sharingan,” he muttered to the night.
”Why would you need a girl?” a curious voice asked behind him and made Kakashi flinch. He had been so concentrated on himself, he hadn't realized Sasuke had crept up behind him. Kakashi had to give him credit though, he hadn't been surprised by anyone in a very long time. He offered an eye-smile to the young man, who for some reason was dripping water on his roof in the middle of the night.
“You went for a midnight-swim?” he asked and turned his gaze back to the stars on the sky. When his father had died, Kakashi had tried to count them all to keep his thoughts occupied. More than once he had fallen asleep and woken up with the morning mist hanging around him. If Sasuke hadn't turned up, he might've done it again.
“It's too hot for me to sleep, so I jumped in the river for a quick cool down. After that I just wandered around. Your hair was really visible in the moon light, so I thought I'd give you company. I've seen you on other nights too,” Sasuke explained and laid down next to him. Kakashi raised his eyebrows. How many times had Sasuke went past him unnoticed? He was getting old and rusty. Sasuke guessed his trail of thoughts too.
“Don't worry, I'll tell no one that you've become old and deaf to the world,” he offered and the corners of his mouth did a slightly twitch towards his eyes. Kakashi snorted.
“I'm not too old to beat you,” he replied which made the handsome young man tap his shoulder sympathetically. The uncharacteristic behavior made Kakashi raise his eyebrows even higher. Sasuke never was this friendly. After coming back it was clear to Kakashi and everyone else that the young man liked to keep even his closest friends an arm's length away. He touched people rarely and talked about himself even less. That didn't stop Sakura from trying, though. Kakashi had seen her more than once making her way to the Uchiha carrying a dinner consisting of rice balls, tuna and tomato with her. Even though Sasuke had stayed two years in Konoha now, Kakashi still didn't know everything that had transpired with him and Orochimaru during his stay away. He hoped that Sasuke would find someone to confine in before he'd be lost in his dark world again.
Now that Kakashi looked at Sasuke closer, he seemed nervous and a spontaneous smile would appear on his face every now and then. That made Kakashi worry.
“Are you drunk?” he asked with a hint of apprehension in his voice. The former ANBU member knew many shinobi who had fallen a victim to alcohol. It was an easy way out of the nightmares albeit a coward's way.
“What?! No!” was the quick answer from the last surviving Uchiha, who looked at him like Kakashi had grown a pair of tentacles from his head. “Whatever gave you that idea?!”
“Are you on sedatives? Drugs?” Kakashi tried to see if there were any needle marks on Sasuke's skin. “Painkillers? You know I'm going to drag you to Sakura to get you tested if you don't tell me.” A blush was creeping on the young man's cheeks and he seemed speechless. “Well, what is it?”
“I'm not taking anything!” Sasuke hissed while tugging at his sleeve. Kakashi still wasn't convinced. Sasuke usually was very well composed and right now the man in front of him was everything but composed. He had a wild look in his eyes as if he was thinking of escaping the situation. Kakashi couldn't help but to notice Sasuke had his other hand in his pocket.
“Give it to me,” he said sitting up. Student or not, Sasuke was still dear to him and he would do anything in his power to prevent his downfall. So would Sakura and Naruto, even though Naruto was busy now that his life was revolving around Hinata and her growing belly. Kakashi would never forget the smile Naruto had when he had told the former sensei he was going to be father. It had rivaled even Minato's when he had told Kakashi about Kushina's pregnancy. Kakashi remembered having a silly smile of his own back then.
He wasn't smiling now, though. Sasuke was staring at him with a bewildered look in his eyes that begged him to let him just be. Kakashi was having none of that. He would force the truth out of the Uchica if had to.
“Please,” Sasuke whispered. Kakashi shook his head and held out his hand.
“Give it to me,” he repeated with a tone that screamed authority. He had made many mistakes during his lifetime, but he wouldn't let this be one of them. Sasuke offered him one last look of pure pleading before handing the object in his pocket to Kakashi's reached hand. After that Sasuke refused to look him in the eye and seemed to be very interested in the hem of his blue shirt. The blush he had earlier on was now evident on his face, but he didn't look like he was going to escape so Kakashi turned his attention to the object in his hand.
For a moment he could do nothing but blink. He had to take a double look. No, the object was still the same. It hadn't mysteriously disappeared or changed into something else. No, he was still holding a small velvet box in his hands. It didn't take a genius to realize what was in there.
“I'm going to marry her,” Sasuke said when the silence threatened to swallow them. “I... I realized it last week when I saw Naruto listening to Hinata's belly and holding her hand. They both looked so full of love and Sakura was looking at them with this dreamy expression in her eyes. Then I knew I want her to be happy. And I...I want to be happy with her. I want to marry her. I want to be with her until we are both old and grumpy and our grandchildren are annoying the hell out of us. If I'll lose my eyesight completely, I want her to be the last thing I'll see. I love her.”
Kakashi was glad he was sitting because otherwise his legs might've given out. Out of everything he had been expecting this was the last thing! Sasuke had finally realized what sort of treasure the world was offering him and he was accepting it. Finally! A smile started to form on his face.
“Ah, Kakashi? Do you think she'll, you know, accept it?” Sasuke's voice sounded small to his ears, but now Kakashi knew the real reason why the young man had acted so strangely. He was terrified.
“Sasuke, she's brought you dinner for the past two years and has made sure you are alright with every chance she's got. She tried to get you back more than on one occasions! She loves you, even Gai can see that!”
“Why am I so afraid then?” Sasuke sounded like he was on the verge of a panic attack. “What if she doesn't want a man whose going blind? What if she doesn't like the ring?” The idea of Sakura disliking the ring made Sasuke's face go even paler than it had been before. “Oh gosh, what if she hates the ring?” Kakashi resisted an urge to roll his eye. He had went through this same ordeal when Naruto had panicked about proposing to Hinata. Back then he had thought he wouldn't face this same scenario again. Why wouldn't they like the rings anyway?
“Sasuke, I'm sure she'll like the ring just fine,” Kakashi tried to comfort but to no avail. Sasuke was being frantic now. He grabbed Kakashi's elbows and stared him right at his visible eye.
“You need to check it,” he decided. For a moment Kakashi was sure it was Naruto staring back at him, so similar was Sasuke to Naruto at that moment. Although, if he remembered correctly, Naruto had actually been shaking him rather violently.
Kakashi sighed in defeat. He knew that arguing with a nervous suitor wouldn't end well, because they couldn't be reasoned with logic. Naruto had been the worst, since he had the most peculiar ideas of why Hinata would hate him: he had taken her to a ramen stand in stead of a fancy restaurant, he had given her yellow roses instead of red ones, he had forgotten his wallet home and Hinata had to pay... The list had continued forever. In the end, when Hinata had actually said yes (who would have guessed?) a grin rivaling Gai's eternal smile had been plastered all over the blonde's face. Sasuke had said he wanted to punch that punk for wearing that idiotic smile everywhere he went, because it made him look mentally impaired.
Right now Kakashi would have given anything to get that Sasuke back.
“Why do I need to check it? I'm not a woman, I don't know what they like!” Kakashi complained although he was already opening the box. In truth he had a fairly good sense of women's tastes. He had dated quite many in his life and even though none of them had ignited a spark that yelled “marry that girl!” inside him, the times spent with them had been enjoyable.
Inside the box there was a simple silver ring, with three beautiful pearls on it. In the moon's light they shone as dark pink, but Kakashi could guess what they'd look like on better light.
“They reminded me of her hair,” Sasuke explained with a smile that spoke volumes about his feelings. “They were exactly the same color. I first thought of getting an emerald ring, but then that one caught my eye. I doubt she'd like emeralds anyway. Sakura doesn't want to be too flashy.”
“If you were so sure that she'd like it, why did I need to check it?” Kakashi asked with a smile tugging at his lips. His hand had unconsciously checked that the pinkish pearl in his chest pocket was still in its place. The shinobi had found it in a pouch laying beside him in a temple after he had survived a pirate attack fifteen years ago. It was the first thing he had seen when waking up and had been always with him ever since. He still couldn't remember what exactly had happened and why of all things did he have a pearl, but burying it in a chest full of other memories seemed wrong. The pearl bothered him - he even saw it in his dreams. Dreams he couldn't make any sense of.
“Kakashi, don't zone out when I'm talking to you.” Sasuke seemed to be annoyed with him. Kakashi offered him a sheepish grin behind his mask before handing the ring back to Sasuke's waiting hand.
“I'm sure she'll love it,” Kakashi concluded. He was quite sure Sakura would love any ring if it came from the raven-haired Uchiha. If Sasuke's love had been Ino, the story might've been different. That girl loved jewelery a bit too much.
“Ah, well, that's good. Right?” The uncertainty still hadn't left Sasuke's features. It made him look younger than he actually was. For a moment Kakashi was sure it was the thirteen-year-old Sasuke standing in front of him. The moon cast strange shadows to his features and he looked almost ethereal to Kakashi. Then again, the whole situation was a bit absurd.
“Usually when the bride likes the ring it is a good thing, yes, Sasuke.”
“I feel stupid. I've never done this before. I mean, I've never,” Sasuke stopped his sentence in midway and seemed to blush even more. Kakashi hadn't thought it was possible.
“You've never?” Kakashi urged him to continue. His curiosity had been piqued.
“I've never.” Sasuke seemed reluctant to continue and was squirming under Kakashi's gaze.
“Never what?” he asked. Where was this going? He didn't understand why it was so hard for Sasuke to say whatever he wanted to say.
“Never done. Anything. Like. You know. With.” Now it was clear that Sasuke was once again looking anywhere but at Kakashi.
“With what?” he started to have a dreadful feeling in his stomach. Sasuke couldn't be a...
“Oh goddamn you, Kakashi, I've never been with a woman before!” Kakashi hoped with all his heart that a shinigami would randomly appear and take him away. He was not having this conversation! He wasn't! It was bad enough he had once had to explain to very oblivious Gai about bees and honey. Why was he punished this way?
“Why aren't you saying anything? And don't you dare to laugh!” Sasuke was frantic. Kakashi could understand why. He was happy that he was wearing a mask and it hid the embarrassing blush on his cheeks. He had been prepared that he might need to give the sex speech to his children someday, when he actually had children, but to Sasuke?
“Well,” he started, “you know that you have different parts than Sakura and when you combine those parts, you get babies.” Kakashi hoped with all of his heart that Sasuke wouldn't ask more. The only thing he received was a stern stare from the said Uchiha.
“I know the biological differences, but... I mean... What if she doesn't like it?” Kakashi was sure that if he'd hear one more “what if” combined with “she doesn't like it” he'd explode and start doing raikiri to everyone around him.
A sudden thought came to him. It was a good thought.
“Read this,” Kakashi solved the problem and handed Sasuke the Icha, Icha Paradise. “Enjoy!” With that he escaped the roof and left the bewildered looking Sasuke staring at the orange book.
/
/
He was having that dream again. Kakashi recognized it straight away, because the beginning was always the same. He was enveloped in darkness, flat on his back, falling. It was a peculiar feeling, to know you were falling down although you couldn't see anything. It had been frightening at first, but seeing this same dream more often than any other had made Kakashi get used to it.
The next stage would always catch him off guard though. He could see his pearl sailing through his vision but if he tried to catch it, it would dissolve into black smoke. Then he would start to suffocate. He would try to get air, gasping for it, clawing at his throat, ripping his mask off, but nothing would help. He was choking on something he couldn't see or feel. And always he heard the same petrifying plea:
“Help him! Help him!” The voice would be distorted, but it was so full of heart breaking terror it made Kakashi feel like he was really dying. He could see Obito in the distance, reaching for him, his only eye full of tears and mouthing “go back you idiot”. He could see Rin, dancing with flowers in her hair, but there was a weight on her feet, a sorrow in her eyes that made the picture more melancholic than joyous. The people were always different, yet they all had the same thing in common – they were all dead. He usually woke up at that point, drenching in sweat and gasping for sweet, sweet air. But if he could force himself to continue, to see where the dream would lead, then...
Then he would see her. She was smoke and wisps, mist and fog, yet at the same time she was something else entirely. When she appeared the pressure on his lungs would disappear and he could breathe normally. When she appeared the dreadful feeling of him dying would leave his head altogether and he knew he'd be alright. Everything would be alright.
When he tried to touch her she would dissolve and disappear. When he tried to look at her, concentrating hard to see who she was, she would vanish. And in the end he had come to a conclusion that maybe it was the miko, who had saved him and tended to his injuries in the temple. She had explained that his head trauma had been bad enough to cause him a mild case of amnesia and perhaps the dreams was his way to recover those lost memories. Kakashi had visited her often later on and the miko had gladly accepted his company, but his dream vision stayed the same.
He had stopped dreaming when the war started. Kakashi was sure it had something to do with the fact that usually he was too tired to see any dreams at all. His mind was constantly working on something, be it battle strategy or worry for his friends and his village, and it simply didn't have any energy to chew on his lost memories.
But the battles had ended two years ago and now the dream, after a long pause, seemed to be back. In a way it was like meeting an old friend, yet it bugged him to no end. He didn't understand why he was seeing it and why it was recurring so often. Why did it feel so damn important?
And it is exactly the same as before... He was staring intently at the woman, trying to see her features, to see even a glimpse of who she might be, but the harder he tried, to more vague she got. And through his dream-hazed mind he actually had a coherent thought. Maybe he was doing it wrong?
Kakashi stopped pursuing her, because it always led to him waking up. Perhaps seeing her wasn't the key, but the surroundings. He had always thought there was nothing but darkness around him, but now that he looked, he could see lighter swirls. And when he listened very carefully, it wasn't silence he heard. At first he thought it was static, but the more he thought about it, the more clear it got. It was the sound of the sea. The waves, the currents, the cry of a seagull soaring through the air.
He had been drowning.
Kakashi opened his eyes when the realization hit him. He had been drowning and he had been saved by someone and that someone hadn't been the miko. And that particular someone was standing right ahead of him. He could see the strands of her flowing coral hair in the water that surrounded both of them. He could see her long alabaster hands, holding tightly to... to his silver bell. And when his eyes traveled lower, where her legs should have been, he could only see a iridescent yet at the same time colorless tail, like that of a fish.
Kakashi woke up abruptly sitting up, not quite believing what he had seen. He took a deep breath and then another. He had been rescued by a mermaid? A nervous laugh escaped his mouth. He knew the stories which the folk living near sea told their children and he knew some of them claimed to even have seen a real mermaid. But this...
This was even more absurd than Sasuke asking for sex tips.
“It must be because I ate fish before going to bed,” Kakashi said to himself. “My subconsciousness decided to put that fish in my dream too.” He didn't believe his own words, but coming up with a reasonable explanation made him feel a bit more sane.
The one thing that gnawed at him the most was the bell. When Kakashi had woken up at the temple, he had been one bell short. He had checked his every pocket and holster but found only two bells, when he had left with three. He'd thought it had been lost in the attack, perhaps dropped in the sea and was lost to him, but now...
Kakashi glanced at the pearl that was staring at him on his nightstand. He furrowed his eyebrows and did the simple math in his head. Losing an silver bell, but gaining an extremely rare pink pearl? It was too convenient to be a coincidence. Mermaids? Kakashi shook his head. He had seen too much during his lifetime to rule anything out of the equation. The more he thought about it, the more clear it became to him.
He needed to go to that village again.
[Reviews - 17]Chapter or Story
Table of Contents
- Text Size +
Chapter notes: Beta: inuyashas_only_1
Rating: T
Warnings: Awkward sex-talk between a student and a teacher. Nothing too graphic though!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I only own the OC's you don't recognize from the manga/anime.
Word count: 3,872
A/N: And then we get to Kakashi's POV. What has happened in Konoha during all this time?
I know some of you might not like the pairings I've chosen for some other characters, but I'll try to make them work. And the main focus will be on Kakashi's lovelife. ^^
Again huge thanks to Sarah-hime! She keeps my thoughts and this story in order!