Reviews For Learning to Run
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 01/07/11 - 08:40 am · For: Lessons in Pain
This was lovely - and up to your usual high quality, but if I'm totally honest I can't help thinking that maybe you enjoyed writing about the Merkingdom more? Maybe because you were actually creating more for yourself then? This is still really good, but - as you're looking for things to work on - to me that chapter felt a lot more lively and engaging than the rest. I couldn't tell you why, but that is something I'd noticed - and as I know exactly what you mean about reviews - I figured I should point it out. Otherwise allow me to reiterate that your writing is lovely, you pay magnificent attention to details, such as Manami learning about pain & the oven, and (although obviously deliberately OOC compared with Naruto) Ayame makes for a great character in your story. I enjoyed reading her section.One other minor thing:
"She was taller than Manami and far leaner--where Ayame was buxom and curvy, this woman was angular and decidedly flat."
Is that meant to be 'she was taller than Ayame and far leaner'? I sort of struggled with this sentence in context with its second half (as it would make Ayame both the leanest and more buxom and curvier than the flat angular Nanami - which is a picture I struggle to make sense of, unless Nanami is actually cube-shaped), so I was just wondering if I'm actually being an idiot (which is entirely plausible) or that's really just a typo...
Author's Response: Oops...I meant to write Ayame, not Manami...thanks for pointing that out. Again, thanks for your review--it's nice to know some people are nice enough to review. :3
Name: ontuva (Signed) · Date: 30/06/11 - 02:48 pm · For: The Veiled Princess
REWRITING THIS? Are you crazy? It's perfect! I loved the flashback, I loved everything in this chapter. ;_; You portrayed Manami beautifully! She's not a Mary Sue, she has a personality and vulnerability that makes her an interesting character. I want to know more about her! I want her to find happiness! I LIKE HER. She's one of my favourite OC's I've found in a story!
Author's Response: ...Wow, I'm seriously flattered. An OC that you like? A vulnerable and interesting character that you want to find happiness? I AM SO EXCITED TO CONTINUE THIS NOW. ...I wonder how different my writing is from Firefly Tears and You Found Me...I kinda wish I could compare but I'd find too many nuances that are my trademark. -_-"
Name: ontuva (Signed) · Date: 30/06/11 - 02:45 pm · For: Speaking: Not Always With the Mouth
Hahaa, now I have time to do the reviews in TONFA too. :3 The fact that Kakashi tried to serve fish to a mermaid (although he doesn't know she is one) made me laugh. I can imagine his face way too clearly. "o_o hoo. what did I do wrong? ;-;"
And Sasuke's prank to Naruto. XD Hahaa, it was awesome! As I've said about too many times before, your way of describing characters and the small details you put into your story, are awesome! :) You've got the talent!
Author's Response: Awwwww, thank you. ;_; *cries tears of joy* YOU NEED TO SEND ME YOUR NEXT CHAPTER TO REVIEW, GIRL.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 27/06/11 - 06:29 pm · For: The Veiled Princess
Oh, sure you can call me Wolf, I love nicknames! And I think I'm just going to stick with Sarah-hime anyway, just because :D Hmm, it almost seems that I upset you with my previous review and the sentence 'Manami is perfect.'. Let me rephrase. I like the non-Mary Sue you are creating. And this chapter made it even better. There was huge plot and character developments here. And I also liked the insight for the other characters, not just Manami. I personally hate when writers only focus on their OC and completely disregard the original Naruto characters. But you do amazingly well with capturing the personalities of all the characters, so good job with that. I enjoyed the back story because it set up the plot in a really impressive way. It was really well-placed, not a random blurb inserted somewhere where it would make no sense. I really do like how you are writing this story. It is going exceptionally well, I really enjoy it. Nice work!
Author's Response: Ack, crap. I didn't mean to get all tangent-y...I didn't do it because you said Manami was perfect, it was a response to dissatisfaction with Mary-Sues in general and how determined I am not to make her into one. I didn't react to anything you said specifically; I think I reacted more to you liking the character and me wanting to keep it that way. And then it transformed into a rant, as you can see. So don't think that I was angry or annoyed; I was (and still am) thrilled that you like Manami. Sorry for the confusion, and thanks for yet another review! I can't believe you're sticking with such a mediocre fic.
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 27/06/11 - 12:58 am · For: The Veiled Princess
This was fascinating. It was great to see the Merkingdom and Manami's pov. It really spiced things up and made this chapter a riveting read! Your descriptions were highly imaginative and I loved your development of the characters. Add that to your usual high standards of writing and honey, I am hooked! A terrific story!
Author's Response: Hooked? :D I'm excited about that. I'm glad you want to keep coming back for more, and I'm eternally grateful for your kind reviews. They truly mean the world to me. Thanks for your time, and I hope to see you next chapter!!
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 27/06/11 - 12:54 am · For: Speaking: Not Always With the Mouth
Poor Naruto. This was an interesting chapter and it was written up to the same high standard. Ahh, love...
Author's Response: Same high standard? Now I'm getting nervous that I won't reach that high standard someday... ^^'
Name: BattyBigSister (Signed) · Date: 27/06/11 - 12:21 am · For: The Librarian and the Sea Maiden
Aww... I'm almost disappointed. I was hoping for ninjas. Figured mermaids and ninjas would have been an interesting contrast..
Moving on, you have a beautiful writing style: your narrative flows so naturally and your description is lovely. You pay fantastic attention to detail and you managed to create a tone that encapsulates Kakashi perfectly. Your characterisation perfect. Absolutely wonderful with nothing I could fault you on. Ten out of ten.
Author's Response: Wow, nothing wrong? Thanks, I'm honored, and also, thanks for reviewing! It means a lot to me. Most people read and don't review, which is...frustrating, to say the least, because I don't know how they feel about it. Some people wait til the last chapter and leave a "well, good overall" kind of review, but the chapter-by-chapter reviews are best because then they site details, like "oh, I liked it when Naruto did this!", etc.
Name: Anon (Anonymous) · Date: 26/06/11 - 08:48 pm · For: Speaking: Not Always With the Mouth
This is an excellent story! It is well-written, with good grammar, and a good plot. It's like The Little Mermaid, except from the perspective of the person who rescued her--who is not a Prince. I really like your spin on the plot. And Naruto is perfectly in character. This is great! I'm surprised it hasn't gotten more attention. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thanks, Anonymous! I'm glad you're enjoying it thus far, because I'm having fun writing it. Y'know, I think I must be bad at summaries. That's why it has, like, three reviewers. Hey, as long as they (and you, I hope) stick around, I'll keep writing. Well, I would anyway because I've got plans for this story...Anyway! Good grammar and spelling is a must for an AP English student!! I've read too many books to ignore basic grammar, and I want to be an English teacher (like my mom). So, while I will make mistakes, I try my best to keep a pretty clean slate for my grammar and stuff. I hope you come back, Anon...your review was much appreciated!!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 20/06/11 - 07:43 am · For: Speaking: Not Always With the Mouth
Wow! The fact that she is learning how to use sign language is genius. She's mute, and that makes the story that much more interesting.
Sasuke's such a meanie to do that to Naruto. Poor poor blondie... but it was still hilarious how he embarrassed himself. Manami was perfect. You described her so well, and I loved it. I love her character, and I love how well you write her. Excellent work! I definitely cannot wait for more, this is awesome!
Author's Response: Wolf (can I call you Wolf? You can call me Sarah, I'm giving you permission to drop the "hime", lol), let me first say thank you for sticking with me so far, and I can't wait for you to continue reading more. Okay, moving on. I'm glad you like Manami!! I'm worried about her, or more the readers' reactions to her. I'm scared of making a Mary-Sue (*cue the scary music*); DUN DUN DUUUNNNN. I realize that for many writers it's hard to make their beloved main character not pretty or graceful or bestowed with magical powers and a supernatural lover. I am doing my damndest to not make her into one of those girls, and I definitely don't want Kakashi or anyone else to be her perfect lover. I've gotten tired of those stories. I used to write them myself and heck if they aren't a blast to write but I find that these stories seem to question my intelligence and trust, so I'm trying to avoid it. And let me say this: Manami is not clumsy, even with her unfamiliarity with her feet. She is doing her best, and she is not clumsy. Clumsiness is the ultimate cliche of these Mary-Sue girls, the author's way of saying, "Look! I made my character imperfect in a way that is endearing and adorable and will provide opportunities for the male protagonist to sweep her off her feet as he catches her!" Oh God, spare me please. Manami shall be like a Sophie Hatter of Howl's Moving Castle; not a great beauty, and because she finds herself too plain, has no idea that many do find her beautiful, even if she doesn't, but they don't find her beautiful in a conventional way. She doesn't have a lot of confidence that anyone would find her to be "worth" anything, but has faith in her abilities of intelligence and sense. She is kind without being boring, spirited without being obnoxious, and gentle without being freaking Snow White. THIS IS HOW I IMAGINE HER. Okay, tangent over...
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Anonymous) · Date: 20/06/11 - 07:43 am · For: Speaking: Not Always With the Mouth
I love Naruto. Pure and simple. >_<
This was a fun chapter. I loved Naruto's stupidity and Kakashi's relationship with him.
I also liked how Kakashi's a match maker of sorts, and we got to have a peek into the village's pairings. I'm still holding out on one. ^_~
Anyway, I can see that you're really passionate and in the zone with this story, which is fantastic. As a result, you're laying down this awesome brick work in preparation for the drama that's going to ensue. And I'm so excited for it. >_<
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Hannahkins!! (It's taken me for freaking EVER to respond, sorry bout that. ^^') Anyway, I love Naruto too, and the family-dynamic he has with Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke. They're all so adorable. I can't wait for Manami to join their "family". ;) I'll let you know when the next chapter is posted!!
Name: ontuva (Signed) · Date: 19/06/11 - 12:38 pm · For: The Librarian and the Sea Maiden
Argh, I can't stop myself, I have to review here too (the first review I did is in your e-mail... Hopefully!). XD
You can't believe how much I like your version of Kakashi. He has all the qualities I like in a person! Dependable, intepended, warm and calm. He feels safe, you know?
I still hate that cliffhanger though. XD You need to update quickly! I can't wait to read more. :D
Author's Response: Haha, thank you :D I've gotta get to yours too (haven't had the chance yet...ahhhh nooooo :O). I'm glad you like this Kakashi; I like this Sasuke too. I'm not too thrilled with the moody, bitchy Sasuke we so often see in the anime and manga. I prefer to think of him as a tsundere.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 18/06/11 - 01:00 pm · For: The Librarian and the Sea Maiden
Wow! I'm surprised to see that you have returned to this site. I have read a lot of your stories, and I loved them. Just let me say that I am very excited to read more of your work.
When I found out this was a mermaid story, I nearly freaked out because I had noticed ontuva's story and was wondering what was up with all the mermaid tales. Then I read your author's note, and I had to smile. Friendly competition, good for you :D
This was very good. Everything was very well-played, you described Kakashi's life very nicely. Haha, Sasuke as a baker's apprentice and Naruto as a library assistant? Didn't see those coming, but whatever makes the story flow, I have no qualms with.
Everything from describing Kakashi's routine life to finding the girl on the beach to writing the dialogue was simply amazing. Sasuke's reaction was hilarious, I loved his reaction.
I think this has the makings of a very interesting story. I really look forward to more, keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Wow, you flatter me...I'm very happy you decided to read my newest fic, and I think I remember reading some of your reviews for others for my other pieces--haha, I can't believe you put up with my writing back then...I think I was 14 when I wrote most of those. So anyway, Ontuva and I are really good friends despite the ocean between us and we were on facebook on night and she was saying how she'd just reread The Little Mermaid and wanted to write a fic with Kakashi as the main character and the mermaid as the OC. It sounded like fun so I suggested a "showdown"--we would write a fic concurrently over the same idea and then examine how each other's writing has matured. I thought it would be a good chance for me to return after I'd really worked on my writing and bam, a story was born. Yeah, so now you know the inception of this little fic-clash was born. Friendly competition I can enjoy. :) Hey, thanks for reading and I really hope to see you again in the future, because I'll be posing more soon, I believe. And as per the request of two friends, Miki Everless (whose account is no longer accessible, sadly, because she's such a great reviewer ;-;) and ChicagoIsCalling7, I will be picking up a dropped story, By Your Side, once again. So there ya go--Sarah's current plans.
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Anonymous) · Date: 18/06/11 - 10:10 am · For: The Librarian and the Sea Maiden
Yay!! More stories by Sarahkins! I'm really glad you're writing fanfic again, and this is a fantastic new start! Seriously, love the new voice you're using, very clever sounding.
Also, I'm loving how Kakashi is the protagonist, which isn't a point of view you usually write from.
But most of all, I absolutely love how you e brought each and every character to life right from the first chapter. Everyone has a distinct voice and personality that you've subtly brought out through their dialogue, actions, and descriptions. And I love them all. >_<
Amazing job, Sarahkins! Keep it up!
Author's Response: Yaaaaaaaaaay thank you!!! I was so excited and figured you'd be my first review. ;) Anyway, I am very excited to continue this and will focus on this a lot this summer...and as per your request, I shall also try to crank out chapters for By Your Side.