Wow, even a nurse will turn their back on a little girl just because they see the mark of the Guardian on Suki's wrist... And for Suki to hear that is just down-right awful. Those meanies!!! Yes, I know it's childish but it's still true! I'm glad Suki likes Konoha, it really is bright and colorful.
Tetsu reminds me of old man Tsuchikage... After reading the newest Naruto manga chapters and then reading this I thought they were brothers O.O I can't believe the ending! What a cliffhanger! Super fantabulous writing, I just love it!
Author's Response: Yeah, it was really sad to see that the nurse is actually pretty mean. But it shows the real side to Suki's life problems; nearly everyone dislikes her, and seeing the tattoo is a major contributing factor to why people don't like her. It's a cursed symbol. Haha, meanies... Don't worry, I definitely agree with you on that one. Huh, I never thought of Tetsu as simiilar to Tsuchikage, but now that you mention it, they really do seem alike! Haha, that's crazy. Hehehe, I love making cliffhangers. I don't enjoy reading them, but I enjoy torturing my readers with them ;) Thanks for still reading, I love seeing your reviews, DestinyGirl!
I guess there are some parents, despite their kind natures, who will turn their back on their newbron child. The way you described this was heartfelt, how one simple mark and a title could bring disaster such as this. Thanks for this flashback, it really helped to see the parents' side to this!:D
Author's Response: Yeah, it is very depressing to see how some parents react to having children... It really pained me to write this, but I knew it had to be done sooner or later. It was important to see the parents' perspectives during this dilemma. I'm glad you appreciated this sorrowful chapter! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Aw... Poor Suki, I just want to wrap her up in my arms and give her a big hug! How can people be so cruel is beyond me, hopefully karma will come around and bite them in the you-know-where. Oh wow, Kakashi?? I love Kakashi! My little sis is currently obsessed with him at the moment, lol:P That's just pure fate with Suki meeting Kakashi like that, I can't wait to see where this goes... You know, Sasaui's right Wolf-chan, you ARE the best!:D
Author's Response: I know, I want to give her a big hug as well... but instead, I end up being mean to her... I know what you mean about people being mean, but karma almost always come through and smacks people when they need it ;) Haha, Kakashi is just awesome, and I couldn't help but make him a major factor in this story. Ah, Sasaui's going to corrupt this entire site by repeatedly saying I'm the best; I love hearing these compliments, but I'm really not as great as you guys say. But thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it!
Thx for posting this up, it's really detailed and allows people to look at their zodiac sign -which I do, a lot:P How weird is it that after reading this I realize just how alike me and my sign is? I was born in the year of the dog, and although I share similarities with the other animals, the dog just speaks out to me. So cool! ^_^
Author's Response: Yeah, I had been debating if I should include this as a chapter, but I figured why not. Haha, I was born in the year of the Bird (or Rooster, in some cases), and I am definitely just like the description. I understand what you mean about having similarities with the other animals; I used to question how accurate it was. But I think my Zodiac animal is pretty accurate :)
Oh wow, this is really deep and super amazing for a first chapter. I think this is probably the best starter chapter out of any stories I've ever read (including major novels). Wolf-chan this is so great! I wish I could have read it sooner :'(
The tale of the Guardian was so awesome there are no words to describe its awesomeness. Just awesome, like you!:D
I've always been intrigued with the Zodiacs since I first went into a Chinese restaurant and they gave me one when I was little, this is a perfect and marvelous tale that you've created! I can't wait to read about Suki's life and how this affects her. Amazing writing from an amazing author!
Author's Response: :D I'm so excited that you decided to read my story! I'm so deeply honored. Wow, I can't believe you liked this first chapter so much. I didn't think it was that great, so I'm really shocked yet flattered that you thought it was good. I'm glad you like the idea of the Guardian and my references to the Zodiac. I also love the Zodiac, I've always been fascinated with it. When I found out the hand signs were the animals of the Zodiac, I just had to write a story about it XD Anyway, I'm super excited that you liked this first chapter! Thank you so much for deciding to read this, and thanks even more for reviewing! You're awesome!
I was honestly worried you might fail Suki and her team! It certainly seemed that way toward the end, when Deno almost seemed disappointed! You're so evil for making me think that!
And you're still evil for making such a sad ending, when things were finally looking up for Suki! The reminder of losing Naruto makes even me sad. It's just so depressing...
I loved the survival exam! It was so original and fun. I loved getting to see everyone's abilities and personality throughout the chapter, it was all portrayed really well.
Great job, Silverwolf-san! This was amazing! I was so happy to see a new chapter (and a long one at that) so soon! Thanks for updating, keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Haha, no, I'm really not that mean... Well, maybe I am, but that would seriously be counterproductive. Failing her would probably set the entire story back by a good ten chapters :P Oh, I'm sorry for making it so sad... I guess I instinctively had to add in some sad things to torture Suki... Gosh, I am evil... Yes! I'm so happy to hear that another person likes the survival exam! That's so great to hear! I was honestly very worried no one would like it. I'm happy you liked how I portrayed the characters and abilities, I also loved illustrating the OCs throughout this chapter. Thank you so much for such positive feedback! I'm really happy you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it! You're awesome!
Hehe, I listened to the song after you gave the order in the end notes. Gosh, I love that song. I'm so glad you used it for that chapter XD
Now, as for the review...
Really, my biggest complaint may just have to be what BattyBigSister said. Inserting the no-eating-breakfast rule was a bit random in your survival exam. It gave a nice opportunity for some banter between Suki and Kinmaru in the beginning, which then led to some displays of concern for our Guardian. But other than that, it was not necessary. Even some references as to how the hunger was eating away at everyone's patience and such would have been a decent insert. But sadly, it did not happen...
However, everything else was brilliantly executed. The scavenger hunt was an amazingly original idea for the exam. The guidelines were interesting, which added a lot of suspense to the test. And I really liked Deno's theories as to what the exam represented (the intellect, skills, and teamwork). I can tell it was really planned out, and your imagination paid off immensely ;)
You added some great depth to your characters in this chapter. Haurki and Michiko were portrayed really well, and I feel like I learned so much about them already. That's a great accomplishment, indeed, especially since those two have only appeared in two chapters. Same for Deno; this chapter really showed how deep of a person he is, while still adding that happy-go-lucky nature just a bit. I really liked how you illustrated the OCs here.
Suki is as lovable as always, honestly. Her insecurities, her defensive personality for other people, and her fighting spirit to protect what she believes in is pure brilliance. I love how well you've continued to write her, she really is an amazing character.
One of my favorite parts though had to be when Kinmaru explained Suki's psychological stress in the end. I don't know, I just really liked how her loss of Naruto ties into her goal to protect people. It really makes sense, and you truly have a gift with tying things together. That especially goes for Kakashi talking to his dad; that last line really got to me. There was no better way to end that scene than with that final line.
Great job overall on this chapter. It was definitely a great piece of writing. Keep up the excellent work, Wolf-chan!
Author's Response: I know, right? It's the best song in the universe :)
*sigh* I should've known... I really do apologize for that. It's my fault entirely, and I can't believe I didn't tie that in. I feel so awful about it now, that really was a mistake on my part. I'm so sorry...
Wow, everyone seems to like the survival test. I'm surprised, I thought it came out horribly. I guess not, it seems that everyone really enjoyed it. That makes me feel really happy! Thanks for admiring the thought put into it; it was relatively strenuous trying to come up with good ideas for the exam, so I'm happy that you like them so much :)
Ah, I'm glad you like the OCs. I wanted to portray them a bit more, since we didn't see too much of them in the previous chapter. I definitely want people to like them; maybe not as a whole, as they may have some unlikable qualities, but in general, I want people to like them. Because they're kind of important XD
Ah, Suki, how I have grown to love writing about you... I really like her as an OC, so I hate being mean to her, but I can't help it... That must make me a sick and demented person...
Haha, the funny thing is that your favorite part was completely on a whim. I didn't plan those parts, they just seemed to flow from my fingertips as I wrote. But I'm glad you liked them anyway; they were meant to be somewhat insightful and sad, especially that last line, so at least that came out nicely :D
Thanks so much for the review, Rainbow-chan! I'm happy that you liked this chapter (even if I did totally screw up the no-eating-breakfast thing)! Thanks so much for the wonderful review, I really appreciate it! You're amazing!
This was awesome! I loved the scavenger hunt idea, it was really interesting. The clues were hard (for me anyway), but I actually got a few, haha!
I loved seeing their abilities and personalities. It was a really good way of seeing what everyone is like.
Of course, I expected them to pass. I might have yelled at you if you failed them XD But those scenes with Suki talking about teamwork and Deno passing them was awesome. I really liked it.
Great chapter, Silverwolf! I really liked it, and I can't wait to see what Team 9 will do as genin now! Keep up the amazing work!
Author's Response: I'm happy to hear you liked the survival exam. And good for you for figuring out a few of them, that's still pretty good! This was a fun chapter to write because I enjoyed showing everyone's personality and jutsu, so I'm glad you liked it too. Oh, haha, I don't think I have the guts to fail them; it would have been awful. The scene with Suki fighting for what she believes in and Deno passing them were my favorite scenes, so I'm excited to see that they actually came out alright :D Thanks for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it, you're awesome, Demon Fox!
Just reading the first part made me hungry. I mean, seriously, how dare that fruit bowl taunt her like that!?! I shall eat it just to make sure it doesn't tempt her again! *five minutes later* Ah.... Those were some good apples! Okay, now to be mostly serious. I really liked Kinmaru's concern, and the fact he didn't tell Suki about knowing she may fail made sense. It would have changed it a lot if Suki had already known. And then Kakashi's worry about his daughter. Man, I was prepared to go knock the crap out of Deno if he failed her. The worry about Suki was just too much. She didn't deserve to be failed since she cares about it so much. And Kakashi was right - rather pass or fail, she would make a great Guardian.
Hahaha. Reading Haruki and Michiko fight was hilarious. I love how their personalities clash so much. And then Suki's calmer, more moderate moderate personality makes the team very balanced. I'm starting to think she's the glue in this team. And the idea for the survival exercise is great. I absolutely love it! It's really creative and a good way to make them fight against each other. They did better than team 7, though, and at least planned on using team work instead of already going against each other. Well, after Suki calmed them down, that is.
Wow. Just wow. Those clues are amazing! I figured out a few, but others I was stumped on. I think I was about half and half there, but I'm not exactly sure. And wow, I love Suki's (I almost put Kikiyo =P)Eye of the Bird technique. It's so cool. I was wondering how the earth had anything to do with the eyes, but now I know the true reason! And yeah, Kinmaru's reason made a lot of sense to why he was teaching her then. And then her way of getting the seal off was really interesting, and I liked how all the ways they did it varied.
Now I have a quick question: Did you get some of your attack ideas from Pokemon? It may just be because I've played Pokemon so long that it's the first thing I thought of, but I had to know. I loved both Haruki and Michiko in this chapter. I love their personalities. I don't think they're as much like Naruto and Sasuke as you say. Haruki can kinda annoy me with how he's so..... selfish..... No, I don't think that's the right word. Arrogant! He's so arrogant, but in the end, he pulls through. Then with Michiko, she is so hyper and happy, yet she has a lot of luck and knows how to use the intellect she has (not that's she's not smart, she's just not Haruki genius smart). Her hyper personality is really quite likable. And strangely, even though he can be a butthole, so is Haruki's personality. You already know I love Suki, which is why I'm not getting into her. But overall, I love both your characters. And you're doing perfect with Deno. I love him (and am having to restrain myself from writing a whole word of DENO! repeated), and you're doing a great job with him!
That last scene with Suki and the other two really was my favorite. Once again Suki showed how she was the glue. Her fighting for what she believes in is one of my favorite things about her. I'm glad that Suki managed to stop the conflict. I was slightly surprised when Michiko (but not when Haruki) decided to go for the third flag. Michiko is just so much more friendly and not so much selfish. So I was happy when she questioned herself for it because that seemed more like the Michiko I expected. I'm hoping some of her conscience. will rub off on Haruki. He seriously needs one.
I had a feeling there was no failure flag when I realized they were about to fight Suki. I was too focused on your amazing story to think of your twists, but then it suddenly hit me just what Deno was doing. I loved their idea for tying the flags together, but when Deno reacted how he did, I was a little afraid he actually hadn't wanted them to do that. But it all turned out good and Team 9 is officially a team =D.
Then the end...... Well, I can tell you I definitely didn't expect it after the seemingly happy ending. Then again, it's you we're talking about. You're almost as mean to me to your characters. Well, at least when it comes to Suki. I can't believe just how quickly her happiness could change to sadness. But she stuck to being the pure, great person she is when she still said she was glad Naruto had passed. That's the Suki I know and love. Then the very end where Kakashi thought the mental pain thing to his dad..... Well, I was about to cry (I don't know why, so don't ask). I didn't though, instead realizing I was at the end of the chapter and instead being sad about that.
The writing itself was very discriptive with only a few mistakes (so really only 1) I really remembered seeing. That's at the end where Kakashi thinks:
Right Dad?
It should be: Right, Dad?
I'm sure you already knew that, but I think I'm too used to helping my sister at English to remember not all people need things told to them =P. But yeah, overall everything was amazing. Everything flows right into the next part, and you have it so it doesn't completely mess up the Naruto plot or draw everything that was supposed to happen to Naruto to their OC (I've seen some stories that do that). I'd give you a 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10 on the option, but sadly, they don't have it.
As you already know, my gift for your birthday has been given to you. I'm glad you seemed to like it so much!
YOU'RE THE BEST, SILVERWOLF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: I honestly think I was hungry at the time of writing that scene, so it was easy to put myself in Suki's shoes ;D But on the more serious note for that portion of the chapter, I thought it would be helpful to show Kakashi's and Kinmaru's concern for her, and her insecurities are just a part of who she is, so I had to throw that in there as well.
Hehe, I like Haruki and Michiko at times purely because they're such conflicting characters. And you're absolutely right in saying that Suki is the glue. As the Guardian, she needs to learn to keep balance, so what better way to do that than to first be the balance to her team? I thought it was nice parallelism. And wow, everyone seems to like the survival training; I'm surprised, I thought the instructions were complicated. But I'm glad you liked how it all turned out.
My gosh, those clues were not easy to come up with, let me just say. Then when I was done the first time, I erased them and started over... It was all just a mess. In the end, I tried to make some obvious ones while making a few vague ones, but they had to be somewhat puzzling yet possible to solve. For her advanced technique, I had planned for a while to have her master a jutsu in the midst of the survival exam, so I figured I would make her Eye of the Bird jutsu a bit more... hawk-like ;) This chapter was definitely a time to show off some jutsu and ability, though I had to keep it to a minimum since they are still rookies.
Haha, I knew you would be the one to bring that up. In fact, some of the attacks I am inspired by, but I try to tweak them a bit to make them not exactly the same. But I'm glad you like the OCs' personalities so far. Haruki does worry with me with how arrogant he is, but he's only like that because he doesn't know how to work with a team. I'm hoping I won't portray him as a Sasuke clone throughout the story; but if you say he's not exactly like the Uchiha, then I'm pretty happy! Michiko is fun to write because she's so outrageous, but I hope I don't turn her into a female Naruto... But I am really happy you like the characters, especially Deno, of course ;D
Of course, I had to give Suki some more fighting spirit. She may be a calm nature, but she will always fight for what she believes in. I'm surprised that you're surprised about Michiko though. In the heat of the moment, she just wants to pass, and she doesn't like being underestimated by anyone (and Haruki tends to do that a lot with her), so she wants to prove that she's not weak. But she has her morals, of course, which is why she questioned herself and her motives. Haruki needs to learn from both his female teammates, I think. He is pretty stuck-up XD
Haha, wow, you figured out the secret that early, huh? I loved making Deno seem upset, it was one of those suspenseful moments that I love to write. It really helped with this scene I guess, hehe ;D
Pfft, of course! When do I ever put a happy ending in any of my chapters? It's like you don't know me at all XP I honestly did feel a bit of remorse for taking away her happiness, but it was just not meant to be in this chapter, sadly... But she always proves to be a genuinely kind person, even wishing her former friend the best. It's one of her qualities that I want to stand out, to be pure and genuine person. Aww, I'm sorry I almost made you cry... though I honestly wanted to get a few tears for that last line. That was a last minute idea, and I couldn't help but put it in.
Wow... I cannot believe I made a mistake on the LAST LINE! That's so ridiculous of me; I must have been eager to finish it. Thanks for pointing it out, I appreciate it.
Aww, thanks for the compliments! I don't deserve them, but they're still nice to have anyway. I'm so glad you liked this chapter, thanks so much for reading and reviewng! I love your amazing feedback! Thanks for such a thought out and insightful review, you're awesome, Sasaui!
Yea, pretty awesome OCs.
They were believable, which I liked. It's sort of like team seven. You have a quiet, broody one. You have a loud, hyper one. You have a smart, quiet one. Though everyone likes Suki more then Sakura. I sort of hope that when the chunin exams come along, she will have to fight Sakura in the preliminaries. That would be fun. But not as much fun as her fighting Naruto. That would be awesome....
Back on track, I thought you did a nice job on these. Nice job on the test, original yet following the teamwork trend. Everything was believable, and fun, so thanks! Please update soon!
Author's Response: Cool! I'm glad you like the OCs. And thank goodness they were realistic, I was kind of worried about that aspect. Yeah, they're meant to be like Team 7 in respect to the makeup of personalities. Haha, I'll take that as a wonderful compliment, that you like Suki more than Sakura. That's so nice to hear. Oh, we'll have to see about the Chuunin Exams; I'm debating between different fights, though I may put it up to a vote ;) I'm so happy you liked these chapters! Especially the test, I was highly worried about that. Thanks so much for the awesome review, Fantasy Madeline! I always love hearing from you! Thanks for reading and reviewing, you're wonderful!
Amazing! I'm only sorry it took so long for me to read it :) I really love the test you invented, and I think it's more accurate than kakashi's. Honestly, I love Kinmaru more every time I read about him! I also enjoyed how solid your other characters are, they never strayed from their set personalities. Great job, Gin-cha. I can't wait for the next one! Seriously *Hint hint* I can't.
Author's Response: Yes! I'm so happy you liked it! Oh, pfft, you don't need to apologize; it didn't even take you that long to read it. It was within the day, which is good enough for me :) I'm glad you liked the survival exam. More accurate than Kakashi's? Eh, maybe more complicated, but I'm still happy about the compliment :D Hehe, I'm so happy you like Kinmaru, you're probably one of the few who has even acknowledged his existence at times. It's also nice to hear that you like the other OCs; I want everyone to like them in some way because... well, they're not really going anywhere XD Haha, I'll try to get the next one out relatively soon. We'll have to see... Thanks for the awesome review, Koinu-chan! I appreciate your wonderful feedback, you're amazing!
You know, something else I was going to mention in the 'Use of Characters' section of the last review: Kiba & Hinata. Am I correct in thinking that you were originally thinking of using them as Suki's team mates? I just wondered as you went to all the effort of introducing them in the earlier chapters. I'm sure you still have plans for them (which I look forward too), but I have to say I think it does work better with Suki now feeling very alone among her own age group after Naruto's loss.o/ Plot development? 9/10
Progressing nicely. Still fairly predictable, although I loved the elimination/survival exam. I feel my stomach twist into knots sometimes when I can see a big cannon event looming over the horizon in a fanfic as I wait to see events I already know monotonously retold for me for the upteenth time, but this was nicely done and novel (which I need to remember to comment on below as well - because I liked that for cannon reasons too). The scavenger hunt was an interesting set-up, which was fun to read about and also gave the readers our first real insight into the different personalities of Tsuki's team mates. I like the way they seem to be mirroring Sasuke and Sakura a little too. I can't say I was surprised though when Suki pushed her team mates towards co-operation & thereby ensured a successful finish and resounding pass. The similarities with the ideals of Kakashi's test were so very prominent all the way through.o/Use of characters? 10/10
We've seen a lot of Deno so it was good to explore the remaining team members in a little more depth. It was interesting to see how they mirror Team 7 with Haruki cut from a similar vein as Sasuke or Neji and little Michiko a firebrand who is as short-tempered and stubborn as Sakura or Kiba (although without Sakura's apparent academic skill), but with an equally good heart as either of those two. It adds a certain strange parallel to Suki's and Naruto's life that highlights their strong connection. This was a great insight into the newly established Team 9 and serves as a good foundation for their part in the later storyline. Excellent.o/ Description? 10/10
Oh, this was beautiful - especially the opening. You painted such a lovely picture there. Throughout the rest, the usual brief one or two liners served masterfully to help the reader envision what was happening in the plot. Fantastic!o/ Inconsistencies with cannon plot? Characters in-character and true to themselves? 9/10
You know, the one thing that bothers me there is why they were warned not to eat. Kakashi used the hunger of his genin as part of the test: it served as a punishment (for failure to complete the task) and also as the basis for the second part of the test (would you break the rules & care for a teammate who would be struggling to continue after no breakfast or lunch). This didn't seem to be a factor in Deno's version of the exam - and there was also a lack of anything extreme in the way of 'being whirled around' that would make you sick, so I was curious as to why you included that? Isn't it rather extraneous here?
I did however love the fact that you used a different style of test from the one employed by Kakashi - not least because it is strongly implied throughout the Naruto series that different instructors do use different tests (often the ones they faced themselves) and I'm always relieved when people pick up on those things. I can't say I was exactly worried about you specifically not picking up on something like that (this is after all the type of thing you're good at) - I think the dread is just automatic now and it is always a relief to see things properly thought through.o/ Overall quality of the writing? Easy to read? Engaging? Grammar and Spelling? 10/10
Faultless as always, as near as i could tell. You don't have any problems here.o/ Enjoyment? 9/10
I loved it. It was fun and well-written - what could be better?o/ Overall? 9/10
A fun easy chapter and a great set-up for things to come. =0D
Author's Response: Hmm? Ah, no, I never planned on them being her teammates. OC teammates were planned from the beginning. Kiba and Hinata relate more to the friendship category; they also play a role in the romance part of the story. But that comes WAY later. But having them desert her so suddenly did help with the 'feeling alone' part.
Yeah, predictable I suppose. In the sense that we know how it ends anyway. But this should be the last predictable chapter for a while; now that Suki has an OC team, things will be original ;) I'm really glad you like the scavenger hunt. It was a big fear of mine that people would not like it or get confused or something. It also took a lot of imagination on my part because I tried making it unique while still sticking to the moral of the training: teamwork. Deno is Kakashi's old ANBU teammate, so they kind of think along the same lines in that respect. As for Haruki and Michiko, this was the first chance for me to illustrate their personalities and a bit of their abilities. I'm happy they came out well.
Team 9 and Team 7 do have some striking similarities with one another. That is for a reason, slightly. But I don't want them to be exactly alike, obviously. It'd be so unoriginal. Along the way, I'll obviously try to showcase their personalities a bit more and try to show that they're not exactly the same as Sasuke and Sakura. But they do purposely mirror Team 7. For parallel reasons, of course ;)
I am so excited to hear that the description is still going good. I did have a dip in my elaboration a few months back, so I'm happy that it's getting better now.
Hmm.... you're right, I do apologize for the no-eating rule. I think I meant to make it implied that they were rather antsy with one another, since they had to work against one another. Hunger leads to irritation, but you're absolutely right in saying that I didn't use it at all... I'm so sorry about that. That is my fault entirely... Oh, well, of course Deno would use a different test. My favorite idea of creating an OC team for Suki was being original, and the survival exam is a major part of that. The not-so-fun part was coming up with the guidelines and clues and such :P
Ah, that's nice to hear that my quality of writing is decent in this chapter :D
Yay! Accomplishment! You enjoyed it! Heck yeah!
I'm glad you liked this chapter! It's so nice to hear your feedback again, I've missed your critiques. I was worried when you weren't around to review Pirates of the Mist, I thought something had happened. Just computer issues, I suppose XP Glad to see you around! Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews and feedback! I appreciate every word of them. Thanks again, BattyBigSis, you're incredible!
o/ Plot development? 9/10
Nothing too surprising in the way things played out, but it isn't really the kind of chapter where that is needed. Everything is thoroughly and very neatly underpinning and adding to what has gone before, as we delve deeper into Suki's heartbreak at the loss of her best friend and her initiation as a genin - which is precisely what was needed at this point in the plot. As usual you demonstrate a keen author's instincts and bucketloads of talent. Well done!o/ Inconsistencies with cannon plot? Characters in-character and true to themselves? 10/10
Of course there are no problems here. You demonstrate your usual flawless knowledge of the Naruto world and its inhabitants. The only things that surprised were the fact that there are two girls on Suki's team as most of the Konoha ninja teams consist of two boys & a girl. Knowing you however, I strongly suspect that you had considered this and chose to be different on purpose. After all, there are other combinations in the Naruto cannon such as the older Ino-Shika-Cho team.o/Use of characters? 10/10
Nothing to fault nor would I expect there to be. As always - you place every character into the story with expert precision and give them exactly the amount of time, depth and detail they require. There's never any playing 'favourites' or glossing over anyone you don't like much. Perfection.o/ Description? 9/10
Nicely used and never overused. It's just enough to give your story flavour and depth, but not so much as to become bogged down in it. You're story reads as well as anything (and better than many) you'd find in a bookstore. Beautiful.o/ Overall quality of the writing? Easy to read? Engaging? Grammar and Spelling? 10/10
Of course there are no problems here. You pay attention to your work and take your time over it and as a result it is as flawless as anyone has a right to expect.o/ Enjoyment? 9/10 I would dearly love to give you a ten here, because this is a beautiful example of a technical 'filler' chapter designed to bring the story forwards in between the major events - but then it is a filler and we are going over the less exciting but necessary parts of the plot, including cannon scenes which your readers are highly familiar with. Don't get wrong - you did a beautiful job and made that scene your own - it was a real pleasure to read, but if I start handing out 10s like candy then they'll start to mean less.
o/ Overall? 10/10
A flawless, brilliant chapter: expertly constructed and laid out like a true professional as well as being highly engaging and fun to read. Great work!
Author's Response: Oh wow, I love this review format. It's very nice and very helpful :D
Yeah, this chapter was definitely a rather long-ish chapter filled with a plot that we already know about. That's why I tried throwing in some scenes with Suki, Kakashi, and Deno. I wanted to show Suki's heartbreak, Kakashi's concern, and Deno's relation to the Copy Ninja. I'm so glad you liked it, considering about half of it was plot repeats.
Flawless knowledge? Haha, well, I wouldn't say that. I do try to make sure the cannon characters are true to their original forms, as I hate OOCness myself. Oh, you're the first to comment on the 1 boy/2 girl team makeup. I will tell you that it is on purpose; Haruki and Michiko aren't just there for show, they will play major roles in Suki's life ;)
Oh, I didn't even know something like this could be considered a category :P That makes sense though, and I'm glad I was (surprisingly) able to deliver. I guess I never thought I would ever try to gloss over a character and emphasize more on someone else. I know that's not fair to the characters that Kishimoto-sensei created, and I could never dream of giving more depth to an OC over another. So I'm glad this came out nicely.
Yes! The description was nice! I know that I sometimes don't give a scene everything it needs, so I'm happy to hear this chapter was relatively nice in elaboration.
Well, even though I try with the proofreading and all, it's nice to see a 10. I know I do miss a couple things sometimes.
Ah, of course I'm disappointed to not have a 10 for Enjoyment, but I wasn't expecting it for this chapter anyway :P You're right in saying it's a filler chapter, and when I actually think about it, having a 9 for a filler chapter is amazingly exciting! I understand your reasons; I don't want a plethora of 10s anyway. It won't help me improve :)
Heehee, a 10 overall though is really nice. Such nice compliments, thank you so much! And thanks a bunch for such a constructive review, this is very helpful and very well thought out. It'll really help me with my writing. Thanks for the awesome review, BattyBigSis, you're amazing!
ok...
from all that i remember wat i read last night....
firstly...
an excellent placement/use of words... coupled with an amazing imagination... u mixed it to describe such a beautiful scene... :D
hw do u do it..? O_O'
fudging goodness huh? :P for a second i thought even u started swearing "publicly" :P
n y do u always say tht the chapter ws not good? it ws amazing..!! believe me.. :)
hehe... so they took the no breakfast thing veeeery seriously huh? xD
n lol urufu...u really r a philosopher if u ask me... coming up with all those motivational dialogues n stuff... really great xDD
just as i thought... takin a look at Haruki’s n Michiko’s behaviour n personality.. :P Suki surely had to b the one to keep the team together… :)
she is soooo caring: :D
overall…. I like Haruki’s skills :D n Michiko’s personality… x] thts kinda the way I am…xD i mean the personality…:P
hehe… they’v got a Kool Sensei.. :P
n bout the Survival test… PLAIN AWESOME….!!!!
A Treasure Hunt… I’ve hosted one b4 n I knw hw much of a pain in the …. It is to come up with good clues…. :/ n u’ve done an Awesome job at it… :D as always ^^
the clues really were pretty good..
n woah… Suki’s new ability… :D Just like Byakugan… ^_^ Awesome…!!!
eye of the Bird eh? Kool ^^
haha… Haruki is pretty strong himself… :D
Shadowball jutsu… @_@ awesome..!! :D
n the plant mistress is pretty lucky to hv gotten the flag just like tht… :P
but I guess if she hdn’t gotten it like tht.. she would’ve given up already huh..?
anyways….i guessed the ‘failure flag’ thing hd to b a lie… since nobody evr passed…n hd to do something with teamwork….but I didn’t knw tht all would b sealed flags… O_O’ lol….
Deno is a pretty tricky guy xD
I found the answer to the 3rd,4th,5th n 7th clue… xD
the easiest ones I guess^
anyways…overall… the test ws a VERY WELL thought out one…..
N as I said b4…Suki helpd keep the team together… :D
The team is pretty awesome…!!!!
its gt many qualities…. A genius, a calm minded person, a brawler, a team spirit, good leader, tacticians, blah blah….
so a job well done it is…! :D
n hmm… the end ws expected wsn’t it… :(
Suki is sad… bt I do hope Kakashi helps em get together again….
Anyways…. An Brilliant Chapter :D
well done Urufu-chan…
and once again….
HAPPY BIRTHDAY…!!
Author's Response: Aww, really? The description was really that good? I'm surprised, I thought it wasn't as good in this chapter. I couldn't tell you how I do it because I really don't know the answer... Hehe, fudging goodness... I try to avoid swearing as much as possible, but I know I may eventually make my characters say some cuss words eventually... I can't help but have low expectations for my chapters, I'm sorry! It's just how I am, so I always think the updates are not good.
Haha, the funny thing about the breakfast thing is that I was saying everything I would say; I could never give up breakfast, so I was just imagining what I would say if I didn't get to eat :P
Me? A philosopher? Eh, I don't think so... I just like writing dialogue, so I guess that's why inspirational speeches are always fun for me to write. Suki is a really caring and nice person, so she is going to act as the balance for Haruki and Michiko. That also plays into the whole thing with the Guardian. I'm glad you like the characters though. That was my biggest fear of recent: the readers would hate Suki's team. But I've gotten some positive feedback on them so far, so I'm thankful for that :)
I liked the idea of the scavenger hunt, but I was afraid it didn't come out the way I wanted. The clues were probably the hardest part; it was difficult trying to come up with something that could be solved but not too easily figured out... Suki's technique is the same as in that one chapter, it's just the advanced version. Haruki is probably like another Sasuke: stoic, strong, smart, etc. But I want to make him more relatable to people, unlike the brooding Uchiha. And Michiko is his opposite; so maybe like Naruto but not as annoying sometimes.
The 'failure' flag was the part I was afraid would trick people up. Guess not then :D Yeah, I had planned it like that, to have all the flags be sealed, so they were all technically 'failures'.
I'm glad you like the team. You'll obviously be seeing a lot of them ;D As for the Naruto and Suki drama... well, you'll just have to wait and see. Thank you for the incredible review and birthday wishes! I really appreciate both! Thanks again for reading and reviewing, you're awesome!
lol...
u rock my socks... xD
Many Many Happy Returns of the Day...!! Urufu... :D lol... u r smaller than me... xD
hehe... anyways... hv a blessed Day.... enjoy it... ;) bt shizz... i think m too l8... :/
anyways... I'll type d review 2maro... nw i cant since m feeling well... n doc tld me to rest bt i just hd to wish u... :D
so the review is comin 2maro :)
bye...
Author's Response: Pfft, so what if you're older than me. That makes no difference XP Thank you very much for the kind wishes, they really make me very happy :) Don't worry, you're not late. It's still my bday over where I am :D Thanks again for the kind wishes, I really appreciate them.
You always put wondrous descriptions into you story! As for the ocs, I absolutely loved them :D I'm not that creative with characters that are so deeply tied to the Naruto story line. You say the kakashi parts were made up on the spot, so's pretty much everything I write that doesn't involve death! You did good, I enjoyed it muchly, and- I'm out of chapters. 0___o *Eye twitches*
Author's Response: Why, thank you! I try really hard on my descriptions, though I try not to go too overboard. I'm glad you liked the OCs; I know I took a big risk by creating an original team for Suki, but it just felt right to me, I suppose you could say. Haha, yeah, I totally improvised on the Kakashi scenes. I hadn't planned to put them in, but as I was writing, it just seemed to flow out. Though I'm not sure if they came out alright. Aww, don't worry, I plan on updating at least by next Tuesday. Don't fret, the next chappie is coming soon! Thank you so much for sticking with this story so far! I'm glad you liked it up until this point, and I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thank so much for reading and reviewing!
I liked this muchly! I love how you make Suki fit so perfectly into the original story line. And I feel so bad for her, why Naruto!? By the way, I forgot two things. One: It's nifty that you made Kakashi have a scare, and two: is the circle picture on your banner Suki's tattoo/birth mark? I love Kinmaru, just so you know. Keep up the amazing work! And- I only have one more chapter o__o
Author's Response: XD This is my 100th review! I am so happy right now, you have no idea! I'm grinning like crazy, and I did a ten minute happy dance before I started replying to this. :D I can't stop being so happy, this is an awesome 100th review! Ah, anyway, now for the official reply... I'm so glad you think Suki fits into the storyline, it's one of my biggest fears to have her not mold well enough into the plot. Yeah, I felt really bad about making Naruto hate her, but it had to be done. Realistically, he wouldn't be alright with her keeping such a huge and significant secret from him. Oh, yeah, I think Kakashi should have some scars beneath his mask; I think you're the first to comment on that :) And yeah, the circular figure in the banner is the Guardian tattoo. BattyBigSister knows how to make the most amazing banners :D Aww, I'm glad you like Kinmaru, I quite like him myself, actually. Oh wow, you do only have one more chapter.... Well, I'm hoping to update before the holidays kick in, so keep your fingers crossed! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I am so grateful for your positive words! You're amazing, Koinu-chan!
food of the gods, eh Naruto? I think not. The food of the gods is definitely, um... RAMEN! Wait... never mind. Anyhow, I love how you continuously introduce the gennin to Suki. As Naruto stated, Suki is very friendly. And that bird! I thought it was something mystical, but I thought it could only talk to Suki. You really had me fooled :D Also, I love how you made up a reason for Kakashi to leave ANBU. I don't recall the manga ever covering that. You have a knack for filling in the loop holes to increase the awesomeness of your story. Great job!
Author's Response: Haha, of course, the food of the gods is definitely ramen. There's no denying that at all ;D Yeah, I'll be introducing the genin and Suki's effect on them during her Academy and early genin years, so we'll see some of that. Suki's ability to make friends is sort of symbolic to the fact that everyone technically hates her. Well, the bird is kind of mystical, he is her animal guide. He'll help her reach her destiny as the Guardian. And he can talk to whoever he wants, he's just that awesome :D I'm glad you think I fill the loopholes well; having Kakashi resign from ANBU was kind of fun for me to write, just because I was able to include something that hasn't been mentioned in the manga. I'm so happy you like my story so much! Thank you so much for still reading and reviewing! I really love your wonderful comments!
I don't think you got Naruto terrible wrong. We don't see much of him as a child, so I think his seven year old personality is very flexible. I liked this chapter, it had a pleasant suspense after so much calm. And the golden bird... Hmmm.... WHAT IS IT!? Anyhow, great chapter, Gin-cha! Sorry for not reading in so long D:
Author's Response: Phew, I'm glad Naruto didn't seem OOC or anything. I was afraid I would get a lot of flames for making him run away. Haha, wow, you liked this chapter? I received a lot "How could you?!" reviews for trying to kill Suki. But I like what you said, "Pleasant suspense after so much calm", that is a great way to describe it. Ah, you shall find out about the golden bird in the next chapter, so don't you worry one bit ;) And don't fret about not reading for so long, I'm just happy that you came back to it anyway. Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, I really love hearing your feedback!
That was awesome, this is my favorite chapter so far! I love how you had Naruto and kakashi meet early, and I especially like how you made them friends. I'm so glad I found this story, it would be great if it was finished by the time I caught up, jk. I loved it. Gin-ca, this was a fine work.
Author's Response: Haha, really? I didn't know this chapter was so likable. Yes, Naruto and Kakashi already knowing each other will play a role later on, you'll find out when you catch up ;) Naruto and Suki make a really nice complement to one another, especially being a Jinchuuriki and the Guardian. Haha, I wish it was finished too, I'm really excited to see the day when it is done. I'll definitely feel accomplished when this story is finished ;D Thank you so much for such a lovely review, I really appreciate it! Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
I liked this a lot, it's not sloppy. I can tell it was a little rushed through, but I could see this event taking place realistically. These are the kinds of scenes I have trouble writing, but you're good at it. I love this story more every time I come back to it, keep up the amazing work, Gin'cha!
Author's Response: Yeah, it was rather rushed. I remember having a hard time writing this chapter at the time; I couldn't find the right way to make it believable. But if you thought it came out realistically, then that's all that matters to me :D Oh, I don't believe I am better than you at writing a scene such as this; I'm sure you'd be able to top mine. Aww, it makes me feel so good to hear that you like this story each time! Thank you so much for still reading and leaving reviews, they really mean the world to me! Thank you so much!
I personally love sad stories Gin-cha. They're more interesting and have far more possibilities for writing. This was great, it filled in some gaps that needed filling. I can't wait to read the next on :D
Author's Response: Hmm, you like sad stories, huh? Well, you've come to the right place. I am sadly continuously mean to poor Suki throughout this entire fanfic so far :P But I agree that stories with sad plots give more leeway for more interesting developments. And it's just so much fun to write :D I'm so happy you liked this little glimpse into the past. Thanks for reading and reviewing, you are so awesome for doing so!
Adopt? That's awesome, I really hope it goes well. You completely hid kakashi's sudden intention so well that I nearly fell out of my chair when I caught the word adopt! This is a great story Gin-cha, and I hope I can catch up with the rest of your readers soon :D
Author's Response: Haha, yes, I had always planned that for the story, though I suppose you'll have to wait to find out how it turns out ;) I'm glad I surprised you, that's what I was aiming for ;D I'm so happy that you like this story, it is such a confidence booster! I hope you can catch up with the other readers as well, but I will definitely not rush you. The fact that you are still reading makes me happy enough :D Thanks for the wonderful review and thanks for still reading! I love reading your positive reviews!
cha-ha = tea (my mother tongue :P)marathi
Author's Response: Hmm, cool, I learned something new about another language :)
AWESOME....!!!! :DD
wow... u'v been updating a lot nowadayz :DD my bad luck T_T
i wont b able to read all i guess... :(
But m glad i could read this one :)))
n yes..!!! i ws right on the team part ;) :P
hehe... wow... quite a big help huh? everybody knws u wont use the bell trick -.-"
but well... hmm....dunno wt u might put in as the 'Survival test' nice name xD
n Oh crap..! :/ i wish i'd known u were takin an OC :( though i knw i wouldn't stand a chance against Sasaui's n Demon Fox's OCs....
well....now for the Review :]
:/
wow... i knw hw it feels to lose ur best friend.. :( especially that significant one... >_<
Poor poor Suki... :( (u meanie..!!!)
he is so little...
oh well.... glad she has Kakashi n Kinmaru :D
actually i ws kinda confused between all the other's stories n urs... :P
i wswondering wat changes u'd do in the already existing teams...:P
glad u didnt do it.... xD its kinda irritating sometimes :P
hmm... Deno :D he is quite interesting... :] :D
so he is a Hyuga.. :] so he can see through byakugan...? huh? :D cz tht'd b kool...
hehe... the team is really awesome...
first team with two girls O.o
but quite some people... Michiko & Mr.Grumpy x] Haruki... i like him hehe...
hmm...
cnt wait to see wt their Kekkei Genkais are... O.o
does one of them hav a plant or poison kekkei genkai? :P
n the kakashi Obito scene ws Awesome...!!! :O so realistic....!!! kool urufu :D
hehe...i think Deno n Kakashi'l b really good freinds... :P
n hmm... now tht Naruto is in Kakashi's team... wonder if he'l help Suki gt along Naruto again...O.o
well...
hope ur able to update soon...(dnt take offense >_< i mean it in another way...)so i cn read it :D
anyways....m reviewing in a hurry so it is kinda conjested orsomethin like that... so sorry :P
anyways.... Awesome job Urufu-Chan...:DD
Yer the best :]
Author's Response: I have more spare time, though I don't know how much longer these frequent updates will keep up. Heh, I'm surprised you were able to review this chapter, I was a bit disappointed at the thought of updating this story right after you said you were leaving. Haha, yes, you were one of the people who was right; no, I'm not using the bell trick, since I get tired of reading variations of that. I don't think I could stand to write one. Oh, well, the fact that I was 'taking OCs' wasn't publicized, I only wanted two, so I asked two specific people to create them for me.
Yeah, I know, I am so mean to Suki, it makes me feel awful... I try to make Kakashi and Kinmaru care for her, because it's obvious that she needs some love in this story. I agree, I wanted to add a new spin on things by giving Suki an OC team; it makes things more interesting, I think ;) Yeah, Deno is a Hyuuga with the Byakugan, we'll see more of his abilities later on. I'm glad you like the OCs thus far, I know Demon Fox and Sasaui put a lot of thought and depth into creating their characters. Actually, Michiko has Plant Style, it's mentioned somewhere in the bingo book. Deno and Kakashi knew each other from ANBU, so I figured I would show a bit of their friendship, though the Kakashi and Obito made me all depressed while I was writing it :( As for Kakashi and Naruto... eh, we'll see ;D
Yeah, I hope I update soon too, I'm really eager to finish the survival training. Thanks for reading and leaving such an awesome review, I really appreciate it!