No, this year, Christmas was bleak and black, bitterly broken and bland.

Naruto wished there was snow as he sat on his couch, absentmindedly singing along with the tunes. There was a large, orange fleece blanket wrapped around him and he was warmly tucked together. His head leaned limply against the fabric of the couch and, if one were to glance over hastily, he would have appeared asleep. A closer inspection, however, would reveal that his blue eyes were merely half-lidded and his mouth was moving with the words of the song hesitantly. His voice cracked, causing lapses in the lyrics until he picked up again halfway through.

A deep sigh, half-content and half-regretful, slipped from his dry lips as he listened to the song ending merrily and the announcer pick up the trailing notes with their low, soothing voice. The gentle voice told him what he had just listened to and gave a preview for what was coming up next, but Naruto was barely paying attention.

With a lazy shake, he unraveled his limbs from the blanket and stretched sinuously. His hands fell limply back on the couch as he stared out the French windows. Darkness: that was the only thing he noticed outside of the clear glass. The sky was black and no white was floating down it to cheer things up.

His tiredly curious eyes roved around his house. In the corner, a proud Christmas tree stood, laden with tinsel and ornaments, glittering stars and tiny gift boxes, candy canes and glimmering lights. Around the halls, wreaths and bows, sultry, low-burning candles, and an occasional clump of holly. The air was filled with warm scents, cinnamon and apple cider, roast meat and the remnants of a cherry pie; the announcer’s voice had melted away and turned into another song already. An upbeat strain kicked up happily.

But it felt empty. Despite the decorations, smells, and sounds, it felt empty and silent.

He stood up and walked over to the window, pulling the blanket with him and making it a cape. When he placed his hand against the glass, a chilly halo appeared around it immediately. It was startlingly cold, but he didn’t draw away; instead, he pressed his fingers closer to the glass and urged it to steal away his warmth with its whispering voice. The white spread and he breathed on the glass to make it fog up. The virus spread across the glass and then it slowly crept away. Its jagged, uneven edges shifted with each movement of his fingers and palm.

With a detached air, Naruto watched this ebb and flow before turning his attention out the window again. He wished it would snow. Actually, he wished for many things, but he just wanted snow for now. Somewhere in the house, a clock struck whimsically and he knew it was late (either incredibly late or incredibly early). Naruto let his hand fall to his side and he clenched his fist, not feeling it properly due to its numbness. Maybe he had offered the window too much of his warmth; gods were always greedy anyway. He tugged at his blanket and turned away from the silent outdoors.

It was time to sleep. He wasn’t sleepy, but he was exhausted. His mind was racing, but his body could no longer support the mental activity that thrived. He needed to rest. If he didn’t, his body would collapse in on itself—or so he felt.

The blonde walked over to the radio and switched it off, relishing in the sudden silence that filled his ears. Faintly, he heard a high-pitched ringing noise strain at his eardrums. Next, he went over to the light switch and flicked that off too, causing the Christmas lights to intensify several times over and change his furniture into something vaguely menacing and comforting. The shadows danced joyfully, stretching thick and thin over the floor.

His fingertips trailed along the surface of his possessions: his couch’s rough fabric (and while he was at it, he draped his blanket over the back of it), a table’s smooth wood, the knobbiness of a rail here and there, some dust along the wall. Slowly, he made his way toward his room while empty Christmas carols echoed in his hyperactive mind and blended in with his chaotic thoughts. The shuffling of his slippers along the carpet was the only thing that accompanied him.

At his doorway, Naruto paused and stared. The bed was just as he left it in the morning: a mess. At this, he smiled lightly. After making his way to his side of the king-sized bed, he sat down and allowed the mattress consume him. He stared at his bedside table, or more correctly, at a picture frame on his bedside table. Naruto brought it up to his face and peered into it longingly. It was dark and difficult to see, but the moonlight spilling from his large window was enough to decipher it. If not for the light, then his memory made up for the rest of it.

A nostalgic smile on his face was unmistakable as he examined it. He tilted his head to the right and brushed his thumb over the glass, a small laugh rising up from his chest. There was no way he couldn’t remember this picture.

It was his first picture with Sasuke—that was, his first picture with Sasuke as a couple. To the common observer it looked normal and friendly, but the slight familiar touches said otherwise.

In it, Naruto was laughing at a long-forgotten joke and Sasuke’s eyes held the glimmer of amusement as he gently held onto the blonde’s waist. To this day, it was still his favorite picture.

A flicker of sadness pervaded his senses and Naruto sighed. He wished Sasuke was here with him on this Christmas night, but he couldn’t be.

Of course, not all wishes could come true, but he just wished that perhaps….

No, it was impossible.

Naruto blinked at the photo and set it back down gingerly. He sat there, hunched over, still staring at the not-snowing sky and thinking about things.

What would he do tomorrow? What should he eat? What would he do with his leftovers…?

He shook his head and shrugged to no one in particular. With a stretch, Naruto kicked off his slippers, swung his legs onto his bed, and pulled the thick, down blanket over his body. After some moments of shifting and curling about, he was comfortably put. The blanket was closely drawn to his chin and one of his hands was pushed under his pillow. Naruto buried his nose into the sheets and breathed out heavily. His breath mingled with the fabric thickly and he willed his cold hands and feet to warm up quickly.

Blue eyes gazed outside. He had no doubt that it was windy and cold, but he was warm and safe. There was a streetlamp close by, though he couldn’t quite see it lying down. The off-white, nearing yellow glow of it gave it away. He wondered if he woke up in the middle of the night, he would be able to see snowflakes dancing and skipping around that beam of artificial light.

He hoped so—but then again, Naruto always hoped for too much.

A smile stuck to the corner of his lips as he moved around again (more out of habit than need). He squeezed his eyes shut, tried to ignore the blatant lack of a warm body next to him, and fell asleep slowly. It was a battle against consciousness, really. He was thinking about everything and he was acutely aware of the black, fuzzy edges in his mind.

I’m going to fall asleep soon… he thought, and indeed, just after that, he dozed off.

Long thin fingers ran through the blond locks gently, lovingly. They started from his hairline and worked their way back, untangling knots and catching onto soft strands. A thumb stopped by his cheek to caress the warm skin, brushing by two of the three scars, and charily running over the thick flush of eyelashes of one closed eye. It was cold, the hand, as it settled on the tan cheek and touched the corner of the slightly parted lips. For a moment, it stayed there, admiringly, before moving again. Petting and stroking, the touches were not invasive, but intimate—familiar.

Naruto’s breath caught and he moaned slightly, finally feeling the touches on his face. It burned because it was so cold. His eyes opened and he looked up blearily, only to see a dark shadow silhouetted by the waning moonlight outside. The person moved and a sliver of light caught his profile.

He gasped sharply and his blue eyes widened. When he tried to speak, his voice rasped and nothing came out. He cleared his throat and attempted once more.

“Sasuke! I-I thought you—”

There was a smile and then he leaned in, black bangs brushing up against his cheeks, tickling him in a way that Naruto missed too much. Automatically, they moaned and Naruto’s thoughts stopped. His arms began snaking out of the blankets, but by then, Sasuke had drawn away. The man straightened out from his sitting position (So that’s why the bed is dipped down, Naruto realized) and gazed at the blonde softly.

“Were going to come back next week?” Sasuke finished Naruto’s earlier, unfinished question. His rare smile didn’t waver. “I came back to surprise you.”

Naruto’s surprise, his widened eyes and gasp, faded away to be replaced with a comforting warmth and certainty. That’s right—Sasuke had flown off to Japan three months ago on a business trip. He was supposed to be back next week, after Christmas….

Sasuke moved his hand away and Naruto immediately missed the searing frostiness of his fingertips. He glanced out the window quickly, but Naruto didn’t follow his gaze; he was too entranced by his face, vaguely distracted and gentle. When he looked back at Naruto, the blonde lost himself in his dark stare. It had been so long since he saw Sasuke last….

It was late—Sasuke must have been tired from his long flight, but nothing about the Uchiha showed signs of exhaustion, no mussed up hair or crumpled collars. Only the faint circles under his eyes, as if someone had smudged a charcoal-covered thumb under them softly, gave any indication at all. Naruto ignored that small detail. If it was going to be anyone who could survive a twelve hour flight without looking bedraggled, it would be Sasuke.

“It’s the twenty-sixth right now, but we can still pretend that it’s Christmas.” The blonde simply nodded. Gods, he felt like he could agree to anything Sasuke said right now. The Uchiha could have told him that the sky was purple and he would have agreed. Trivialities slipped away along with the mirages that blended in with sleep deprivation.

“I’ve missed you,” he said softly. Naruto pressed his warm hands against the Uchiha’s cheeks, feeling how cold he was. He was rewarded with another kiss.

“I know; I’ve missed you too,” Sasuke said wetly, between their lips, before pressing forward again.

Naruto sighed happily and tangled his fingers into Sasuke’s hair. The first thing he noticed was how wet it was. He turned his face away and broke the kiss. “Sasuke…?” he asked, tugging on the black strands.

“You didn’t notice?” the Uchiha asked, sounding somewhat amused. “It’s snowing outside.”

The blonde bolted up (nearly knocking Sasuke’s teeth out) and tripped out of bed. In a second, he was plastered against the glass and breathing against it again. A huge grin stretched his face as tiny specks of white reflected in his irises.

“It is snowing!” he told the window. It fogged up exponentially in response. Childish excitement, not lost in spite of the unforgiving and sardonic years of adulthood, immediately sparked inside of him. He spoke quickly and urgently. “I was hoping that it would snow; I didn’t think it would, the weather forecast didn’t say anything about it. I thought it wouldn’t, but it’s snowing! Sasuke, look, it’s—”

Again, he was cut off when arms grabbed him by the waist and turned him around. “I know,” Sasuke reiterated calmly. The Uchiha stared at him silently before speaking: “Only an idiot like you would fail to notice something so obvious.” A haughty smirk mocked him, and Naruto glared in response.

“That’s only ‘cause your big head was blocking the window, bastard,” he shot back wittily. Something inside him hurt, but he disregarded it; he wasn’t so easily insulted, especially by Sasuke.

The Uchiha merely rolled his eyes and snorted. “Moron….”

Naruto stuck his tongue out at him and pulled on his bangs a bit, making Sasuke growl. The blonde swatted his arms away and stepped out of his embrace.

“You should go shower, Sasuke. You’re tired right? That will refresh you. Are you hungry? Should I get some food for you? There’s a lot left, so I can still reheat it if you’d like,” he rattled on. For a moment, he paused and looked at Sasuke, giving him half a second to respond before plunging back into a lively speech. “Or maybe you’d just like some hot chocolate. I had some earlier tonight, but I can still make some, you know?” He grinned cheekily at the Uchiha.

Sasuke ignored half of the things Naruto said and focused on one. “You… cooked?” he asked charily, raising an eyebrow at him.

Naruto laughed at Sasuke’s cautious and worried face. Gods knew how bad his cooking was. “No, don’t worry. Sakura came over tonight to help me out. You know… since you weren’t here.” Naruto’s voice softened at the end and something clouded his eyes. His forlorn expression didn’t last long though. It didn’t matter if Sasuke wasn’t here before; he was here now, and that was all that mattered.

A low chuckled filled the room as Sasuke shook his head. “No matter; I’m not hungry, so don’t bother getting me food.”

“Hot chocolate then?” Naruto asked hopefully.

The Uchiha eyed him suspiciously. “You consume too much chocolate. It’s not healthy for you.”

“That’s just because you’re a health freak, Sasuke,” he rebutted quickly, his mouth tilting up lopsidedly.

“Hn. Whatever.” Sasuke smiled and made Naruto’s heart skip a beat. He stepped forward and placed his hand onto Naruto’s cheek. “I’m going to shower now,” he reported simply.

Naruto nodded into the hand. He wanted to catch his wrist and hold it there, but was caught off guard by a sudden change in Sasuke’s expression. For a second, Naruto thought he saw the Uchiha’s dark brows furrow together and the corners of his mouth pinch down; but, when he blinked, all he could see was Sasuke’s back as he walked toward their adjoining bathroom.

He was puzzled by this, but said nothing. The lighting was bad in the room, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to see things that weren’t really there. Naruto just smiled and went out the bedroom.

“Hurry up with it, bastard!” he called out, not waiting to hear what Sasuke said in response.

Naruto returned promptly with two cups of hot chocolate: one was overflowing with whipped cream and marshmallows while the other was plain and steaming. He had only used half a package of the chocolate powder and water for Sasuke’s, making sure it was more watery than usual to suit the Uchiha’s preferences. Since the other half of the chocolate wasn’t used, he dumped that into his cup as well and poured in some milk. He wasn’t stingy on the marshmallows or whipped cream either. Naruto couldn’t deny the fact that he was a sucker for sweets.

Idly, he hummed as he placed the two cups down on his bedside table—beside the picture—and hopped onto the bed, bouncing on top of the sheets merrily. He grinned as he carefully picked up his cup and started sipping at it warmly. Glancing outside, he admired as snow swirled about the window, feeling inexplicably happy.

Who would have thought that both his dreams would be granted tonight? It was incredible. Snow and Sasuke. He almost couldn’t decide which was better. His grin became softer until it was a smile. Cold fingers curled around the hot cup. Who was he kidding? Of course he could decide which was better….

His head snapped up when he heard the bathroom door open. Naruto licked off the cream stuck on his lips as he watched Sasuke rub his hair dry with a towel and flick off the light, leaving the two of them in darkness again, save the large rectangle presented and framed by the window. He peered at the Uchiha carefully as he ducked back down to drink deeply from the burning liquid, enjoying the simple silence between them in the room, which was neither uncomfortable nor odd.

Sasuke glanced at his lover out of the corner of his eye, a slight twitch coming to his lips. He threw his towel into the clothing hamper and ran his fingers through his still-damp hair. It was lying close to his neck for now, but as time passed, the strands would miraculously (at least in Naruto’s opinion) stick up into spikes. The aid of some hair gel resulted in the distinct hairstyle unique to Sasuke.

“Like something you see?” Sasuke teased with a haughty smirk as he crawled up on the bed.

The blonde threw his head back (carefully as not to make the drink spill) and barked out a laugh. “You know it, bastard,” he replied with a cocky grin.

“Hn.” Sasuke leaned close to him and brushed their noses close together. “Idiot,” he breathed softly.

“Heh.” Naruto laughed gently before pushing Sasuke away and turning around to get his cup of plain chocolate. It wasn’t as boiling hot as before, but still hot enough. He proffered it to him. “Here.”

Sasuke took it, his pale fingers wrapping around the dark blue ceramic cup. His fingers warmed pleasantly at the contact. “Thanks,” he said, moving back on his side of the bed so they wouldn’t be crashing into each other. Naruto merely hummed and thoughtfully chewed on a marshmallow.

They sat there quietly, both of them staring at a different part of the bedroom, simply enjoying the feeling of sharing a room together. Muted sips from the cup were the only sounds taking refuge in the room. Outside, the snow still fell.

“Hey Sasuke—” Naruto suddenly said, rousing the man from a detached contemplation. “Why did you come back?”

A sleepy, pregnant silence followed. Finally, Sasuke shrugged. “Didn’t I already say? I wanted to surprise you.” The gilded edges of forced reasoning touched the edges of Naruto’s consciousness, but it wasn’t enough to make him wary.

“They let you off early?” Naruto tilted his cup and started licking at the remaining islands of whipped cream.

“Yeah.” Sasuke’s gaze fell away from the blonde’s eyes and to the edge of his cup.

Naruto hummed thoughtfully. He swirled the contents of the cup around, watching it carefully. A question came to mind, but it trickled away too quickly for him to catch. He opened his mouth and closed it again. His eyebrows furrowed and he tried again, but grasping the tail ends of his question was suddenly as hard as catching a shadow with a butterfly net made out of spider-webs.

“Don’t hurt yourself thinking too hard,” the Uchiha said, purposefully being a bastard, just to piss him off.

“Hey!” Naruto yelled indignantly, glaring at him. “I was just… trying to ask you something.”

Sasuke’s fingers tightened marginally on his cup.

“I can’t remember what it was though.” He shrugged nonchalantly and finished off his hot chocolate. “Done?” he asked, motioning to Sasuke’s cup. The Uchiha handed it to him and he placed both on the table again. Naruto tucked his knees close to his body and leaned his cheek on them, facing Sasuke. He laced his fingers over his feet and sighed comfortably.

Dark eyes caught the even gaze staring at him. He ran his fingers through his hair again. “Hey,” he called out softly, reiterating the need to have Naruto’s undivided attention. “I forgot to get you a gift this year.” His hand fell back on the bed, close to Naruto’s intertwined ones, but not close enough to touch.

Naruto chuckled softly at the sudden vulnerability Sasuke showed. It was uncharacteristic and bordering apologetic. His eyes dropped to look at Sasuke’s silently beckoning hand. He untangled his fingers and scooted one closer to Sasuke’s, holding it affectionately. “Don’t worry about it; I forgot too….” Saying it aloud finally made Naruto realize the verity of his statement. He had forgotten, but why was something he couldn’t figure out. He must have been getting old and senile to have forgotten a gift for Sasuke. “I forgive you, since you’re here with me!” he proclaimed playfully. Sasuke squeezed his fingers firmly. Naruto smiled.

The Uchiha made a small noise at the back of his throat. “Do you really?” Half a teasing smirk was perched on his lips as he tugged at their linked hands gently.

His fingers removed themselves from Sasuke’s grip and relocated to Sasuke’s pale cheeks. Naruto had rapidly repositioned himself so that he was on his knees, looking at Sasuke with his face between his hands. He had an earnest and serious expression on as he stared down at Sasuke. “Yes, Sasuke. I forgive you for being a bastard and not buying me a gift this year. I hold no grudges against you.” He held onto his gaze for a long time before he suddenly burst out into laughter and kissed Sasuke fully on the lips, overtaken by the solemnity that was bizarrely out of place.

Sasuke’s hands cupped Naruto’s face in the same manner the blonde had as they kissed briefly. When they pulled apart, Sasuke was smirking in full.

“Who would want to buy an idiot like you a gift in the first place?”

A short laugh filled the room. “What a jerk! I should take that back just to mess with you!” He pinched Sasuke’s cheeks, but the Uchiha batted his hands away.

Sasuke suddenly pushed Naruto down and rolled on top of him, holding onto his wrists firmly, but gently. He leaned down to face him until his dark bangs brushed up against his skin. “Don’t—” Sasuke said, staring down at him. “Don’t take it back.” His voice rumbled dangerously, a silver edge digging into the side of it.

Whatever stupid thing Naruto was about to say melted away when he saw the face Sasuke was wearing. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought Sasuke was feeling panicked. His smile wavered, weighted down by Sasuke’s heavy body and words. “I—” His voice stuck to his throat. He cleared it. “I won’t. I was just kidding, geez.” Naruto smiled again, this time hesitantly.

The Uchiha kissed him again, and all tension melted away.

Naruto was once again under the covers, easily tucked in and warm. Sasuke was sleeping behind him, his arms loosely wrapped around his waist and legs protectively clinging onto him. The Uchiha’s mouth was pressed against his neck once more, each exhale warming and wetting his skin, each inhale drawing cold air over it. Naruto shuddered the first few times Sasuke breathed, but soon got used to it.

He felt so happy, so at ease. Sasuke was back and here, his heartbeat coaxing him into a careless calm, and he was safe.

“Good night, Naruto,” Sasuke murmured sleepily into his neck.

The blonde nodded. “Good night….”

“I love you.”

“I know, Sasuke. I love you too.”

A long pause followed before something skittered over the warm, still air between their bodies. “Thank you….” But by then, Naruto had already slipped into a peaceful sleep.

When Naruto awoke, it was a gentle, serene transition. First, he felt warm fuzziness tickle the edges of his consciousness, pulling him out of his dream world. The morning light was making him see red behind his eyelids, but it wasn’t uncomfortable or intrusive.

He rolled over to his back, expecting to fall back on a warm chest or get stuck halfway through the process due to an impediment caused by a tangle of limbs. But nothing hindered him. He rolled over easily.

Confusion overtook his clouded senses as he turned all the way to his other side. He opened his eyes slightly to see what was wrong.

Nothing was there. Nothing—

Sudden panic filled him and his eyes snapped wide open. He stared, heart beating fast, at the empty white sheets. His palm was wide open as he swept his arm wildly over the other side of the bed. Bile rose.

Cold. Empty. Nothing.

Naruto shot up from bed and around wildly, as if something in the room would tell him what was wrong. But no tell-tale sign was present. He turned around quickly and stared outside, blinking and squinting at the uncovered window.

A choke tore at his throat, his vision blurred, and something inside of him broke.

The morning was crisp and the sun was bright. Snow was falling. Snow—white and fluffy—covered everything. A sudden gust blew the soft flakes at an angle before the wind relented and they continued their merry way down.

Oh gods—

What had happened last night? Was that all a dream?

Naruto fell back into bed and curled up into a fetal position. A strange sound escaped from his throat.

Obviously he wouldn’t be there—of course he wouldn’t.

He started to cry—sob—but no one heard him.

What kind of fool was he to believe that Sasuke had really been here?

Of course—(and the words kept echoing in his head, chastising and berating him)—he wouldn’t have.

“Sasuke...!” Naruto choked out miserably, his hand clutching at the front of his shirt. He wanted to tear something out—anything—because it hurt so much. Breathing became a life-or-death battle and seeing was impossible.

Of course Sasuke wasn’t here last night because—

Sasuke had died three years ago.

Naruto liked to think (but not really, because it hurt to think about it) that Sasuke didn’t want to die, because they weren’t done, because their fight was never resolved.

There was still time, he kept telling himself, There was still time to mend what we still had.

Deep inside of him, however, Naruto knew that that was a lie; and, if not for his consciousness, then Sakura and Sai, and everyone else who kept telling him that. But to Naruto, it had never been too late.

That is, it was never too late until Sasuke drove away that night and was hit by a drunk driver.

It’s always a drunk driver, isn’t it? Naruto had laughed hysterically at the funeral procession, sobbing and laughing at the same time, wanting to throw up while he was at it. It was so ridiculous, so absurdly surreal that Sasuke was killed that way.

Then again, it was absurdly surreal that Sasuke was killed at all.

It was all like a badly written story with a cliché ending. Except it was real.

He moaned, rocking back and forth. “Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke…” he cried, voice mangled and torn. It was the only thing that made sense to him now. He screamed in despair.

Sasuke used to stroke his back when he felt sick. Sasuke used to whisper unintelligible things into his ear and keep him warm. Sasuke used to—

He wished he knew what could have happened if Sasuke lived. Would he have come back to apologize? No, that probably would not have been the case. Naruto would have gone to him, like he always had. It was always Naruto trying to put in another stitch through the gash of their relationship; he never learned that stitches didn’t work on fatal wounds.

If they didn’t work on Sasuke’s wounds, what made Naruto think that they would have worked on their wounds?

Perhaps it was because Naruto hoped.

But then again, Naruto always hoped for too much.