Yaoi! That Hurts! (Its a pun ( a jaPUN(thats a pun too)))
Ooh
"Wait! Wait!" Naruto was chasing the bus. He wasn't late. the bus driver was mean.
So were the other kids on the bus. "HAHA! Look! Uzumaki's late again!" said one
student. "Ha, what a loser" said a big burly guy sitting next to a pretty girl. THE
pretty girl. Orihime. "Guys come on, it's not that funny". After chasing the bus for two
minutes he finally gave up and stopped. while tearing off the "Homecoming" banner.
"Uzumaki, you're late" "I know" "Detention" "I know". life is not good for naruto.
the most unpopular kid in school. even the nerds don't like him. it never bothered him until
the day he fell in love with a girl. this wasn't a "Man is she hot!!! I would so go out with her!"
It was true love. But she was one of the Untouchables. So popular and pretty, all the schools
know them, they have connections through their rich and prestigious parents so they never
get in trouble. and they get out of EVERYTHING and into ANYTHING. Naruto was the whipping
boy. he got all the blame.
Naruto gets home. he throws his bag into the closet. and walks over to his Voodoo super
computer. Windows Vista, Nvidia GeForceX 8800 (compatible with DX10), 8GB Ram, 1Terabyte
hard drive, Pentium Quad-Core processor and water cooled.
During a hard core counter-strike match...
UZ1_MAK1:dammit! i need back-up!
SH!ZZNO:god naruto! do it urself!
UZ1_MAK1:im under fire
SHHikA_GNARRA:fuck naruto dnt let em take th hostages
SH!ZZNO:dnt bother. lets b00t him
SHHikA_GNARRA:aite
naruto had been booted from his last game. all servers and players knew him. they banned him.
nobody played when he hosted. and everybody would leave if he joined in chat. he has no
friends on myspace. not even tom. he thought maybe its not that bad. he never downloaded
soldat. maybe he should try it out. but as he was downloading it, fate was busy fucking with
his wires and gadgets and... ooo.... whats this fate found? a water cooling system! this is
gonna be SOOO GOOD!!!!
the monitor went out. the other monitor went out. the computer went out. the computer was
smoking. the computer was on fire.
naruto had every window open and every fan on. he couldn't use aerosol cause it might burn
the air and blow up the apartment. but he couldn't get the smell of melted plastic, metal, and
silicon out of the air.
laying on his bed. looking at his posters of his favorite rock bands. laying on his mighty
morphin' power rangers bed sheets. he decided he should die. not a suicide. but someone
should go and kill him. he has nothing. he has nobody.
"Fate, God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, whoever... i'm depressed out of my mind. i want to
love, i want to be loved. i don't care who it is. i'm desperate! please... *sob* if not...
then tomorrow I'll do a bunch of weird things!"
Somewhere in heaven...
"Alright, you heard him. who wants to it?"
Thor stands up "hey, he didn't ask for me"
Ron Hubbard stands up "not me"
"well its only us... rock, paper, scissors?"
"Now wait just one second, everything i do good you are credited for!"
"aand everything you do bad"
"true" Allah sits down.
Buddha stands " i think we should put this on whoever caused this predicament"
"Yeah, that's a good idea. get em' in the bollocks is what will do."
"Jesus... the British thing isn't working"
"fine"
"But who did it?"
Fate walks in. "guys you wont believe it. i just destroyed this kids computer. tell
me how that will turn good for him?"
"Fate we made an executive decision. we want you to make him happy."
"DAMMIT! why can't i do anything that won't be coincidentally good or bad?
hm...bad? not bad"
"we said happy"
"i dont have to listen or else..."
"he prayed for it"
"DAMMIT. WHY DO PEOPLE PRAY SO MUCH IF THEY HAVE NO GOD?"
"that's why we made this council"
Fate marches off. *if its love he wants. its love he gets!*
Morning. bus. don't think about it. wait. i hear something. a girl? a girl!
showering! in my house! my wish came true! *eyes open* huh? wha?
hu? ah? duh? du? duuu? this isn't my room. it's baby blue. those aren't
my posters. scissor sisters. queen. elton john. culture club. aaron carter.
those are gay bands. and my pc is gone. whats an imac doing in my room?
wait. im in a girls house! yes! *gets up* is that girls
underwear on the floor? Naruto you fox! the drawers are full of them.
and girlish clothes. im wearing her pajamas! nice! school! gotta get ready.
damn. shower. i'll just walk in and act like it was an accident.
"hm hm hmmm....OH! sorry, didn't know you were in here."
"it,s okay"
Wow, she's naked and ok with me watching.
"oh, and thanks for the underwear"
Record scratch
"...................What"
"The underwear, thanks"
and then the pieces fall into place.
"Oh my god"
"i know, last night was tough on you. finding out sasuke's not gay.
it's okay. theres other fish in the sea."
"Right...im...going to my bedroom"
Naruto screamed into the pillow
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!!NO!
YOU GOTTA BE FUCKIN' KIDDING ME!!! WHY GOD WHY?!?!?!?"
"see? he blamed me."
"sorry"
"You can use the bathroom now"
Naruto rushed into the bathroom. taped his mouth shut and started to beat the
shit out of himself.
"Done. School. How am i getting to school?"
"it's okay, lets show up late again!"
"why? i gotta test today."
"you never cared about tests."
jesus. am i an untouchable?
"i know. im just not myself this morning"
"i know what'll make you happy..."
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To be continued...
Next time... I Don't Feel Like Dancin'
Excerpts from the next chapter:
"she died a long time ago"
"how?"
"you don't remember? she became depressed after she found out you were gay"
-
"Frankly dear, i don't give a damn"
-
"All i ever really wanted to do was build plastic models, and now i have no
place to build them"
-
"Hey, Why don't we give naruto a preview of forbidden lesbian love?"
"Oh don't make me laugh"
-
"i love this moment so much, i want to have sex with it"
-
"You're an actor"
"You're a fireman....what are we doing?"
-
"I met your dad"
"you met a man"
-
"I love this moment so much, I'd leave the other moment, have sex
with this one, and raise little moments"
-
"Sasuke sucks"
-
"Yeah, well right here!"
"Your supposed to grab your crotch when you say that"
"but wouldn't that hurt?"
-
"Do you know what it's like sitting on a piece of gothic architecture
for two-hundred years? gets right up your arse you know"
"isn't it a little early to be talking about 'architecture'"
"Well come a little closer, and we can talk about things of a
different nature"
-
*how can i say this that won't sound gay?*
"I miss you so much it hurts sometimes"
"...you've had a hard day, so I'm gonna let that go"
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Table of Contents
- Text Size +
Chapter notes: None. I'm not a fan of yaoi it's just this idea was in my head for so long.
Blah blah. standard disclaimer. none of the featured characters are mine.
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