StarsOfYaoi: after chapter 321 of Naruto, and after reading some wonderful doujinshi, I just had to write a one–shot KakaNaru… so you get a lightly angsty, lightly fluffy, absolutely random, KakaNaru shot.

Inspired by unnamed doujinshi… takes place… let’s see. Who cares? One–shots usually do not need locations.

……………………………………………

Rating: T

Summary: (KakaNaru, side GenmaRaidou) It’s wrong. Always thinking about him… it’s wrong. But I can’t stop myself. I want him to be happy…

Warnings: shota, yaoi, WAFF, SAPPINESS! Run for your life! I warned you!

Disclaimer: meaning not claim. Why is it here? To state I don’t own Naruto. I wouldn’t be writing here otherwise. I would be living in Japan, reading yaoi…

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

–Flashbacks, dream, memories–

……………………………………………

Uncertainty

One-Shot

When did this start?

Kakashi didn’t know, really.

Ever since he was little, Kakashi had been around many people; there were some he respected, some he befriended, some he hated and some that ended up as his enemies. It was normal, he was a ninja.

But after two painful experiences, he’d secretly decided to simply give up on caring. He was a ninja… he would end up being hurt. He would end up hurting others.

It worked; for years he managed to live without a thought on his decision, simply living and fighting and moving on.

So what was different this time?

He was older, yes, and stronger, and some things had changed in ways that sometimes he didn’t like… but his life had continued in the same way.

At least until he noticed.

“Sakura–chan! Good morning!”

His eyes shifted to his right, seeing a blond ball dressed in orange run towards his two team mates with a grin; unconsciously, Kakashi’s right eye observed as Naruto reached his two friends, brightly smiling at them, blue eyes sparkling with energy.

Just like everyday, Team Seven met on the bridge, waiting for Kakashi to arrive and offer them the day’s mission.

It was something familiar, something usual, and it felt comfortable in a way none of them could understand.

Naruto commented something under his breath –probably against Sasuke– and promptly received a slap from Sakura, who then started fussing and cooing around the Uchiha heir like a bird in love, receiving nothing back but a glare and a growl.

They were waiting for him, Kakashi knew this; but he would not move from his spot on the tree, at least not for a while.

It was mildly entertaining to watch as their expressions turned from ecstatic to annoyed and enraged as time passed by, and Kakashi could not deny he had fun; he liked to come in early and observe his students gather on the bridge, watching them interact without an adult around.

In fact, Kakashi was not as late as everyone deemed him to be; every morning he used to wake up and pay a visit to the Memorial Stone, where some of his friends’ names were carved on the smooth surface, and offer his respect to them.

The fact that from his visit to meeting with his students still passed a good hour, well, this was purely a need of his for some entertainment.

Besides, there were things he was not supposed to see that he did, at least when he was not there; to keep up his careless act when around his three students, he used to read his porn book as he walked, perfectly aware of everything that was going around him, but sometimes…

Sometimes watching from afar helped him more.

His covered lips turned into a small smile as he watched Naruto drop himself down on the bridge, pointedly ignoring Sasuke –who on the other end was pointedly ignoring the blonde– and instead started polishing his weapons, in a rare attempt to do something useful for once.

Kakashi was fond of Naruto.

He had noticed this after many useless missions, after the Chuunin exams, after everything his blond student had been through; he liked Naruto.

He liked him for what he was, taking in everything, from his endless determination to his huge optimism. He’d seen him fight, endure and train, managing feats no one else had before; and despite his own previous disinterest for him, Naruto had still blossomed further in the shinobi’s path.

Kakashi liked Naruto. Not as in, teacher student. He liked him… romantically. He wanted to be able to see Naruto smile for him, and he wanted to kiss him.

Maybe it was because he reminded him of Obito, Kakashi didn’t know; but Naruto was Naruto, and Kakashi was going to embrace everything about him.

Even his stubborn side, even his childish acting.

When did this start? Kakashi did not know.

When had Naruto’s rant suddenly turned from annoying to amusing? When had his smile warmed up Kakashi’s heart for the first time? When did Kakashi start to look out for the blonde a little more?

Everything happened during a long time, but still Kakashi could not remember exactly.

All he knew was the present… And he knew he liked Naruto.

He wanted nothing more… he could settle with his student’s smiles, and his happiness, because if he were to ask for more, it would be wrong.

Wrong to touch him –he’d never touched Naruto before, if not to ruffle his hair.

Wrong to even think about kissing him –though Kakashi’s mind often wondered about that.

Wrong to want more.

Kakashi knew his mind worked in the wrong way; to have such feelings, for another male, for a boy, for his own student… it wasn’t right.

He knew what other people would think if they were to know. They would call him ill. Sick. Insane. To harbour such abnormal desires…

Kakashi thought it would be enough to watch him from afar. Because maybe, his smile was enough.

Disappearing in a puff of smoke and reappearing in front of his students, he let out one of his usual smiles, waving at them, “yo!”

 ‘I would never do anything to hurt you…’

And just like every other morning, the day started.

……………………………………………

“Sakura–chan, will you go out with me?” Naruto stared at the pink haired girl with bright hope filled eyes, only to have his hopes crushed.

“No! Why would I want to go out with you of all people?” Sakura raised her nose in the air and sniffed before her attention was driven again on the silent Uchiha boy. “Sasuke–kun, will you go out with me?”

“No” was the curt reply.

Sasuke walked away, hands in his pockets.

Naruto sighed as he stared at his crush, Sakura following Sasuke and fussing over him; once again, he’d been refused…

‘If only I could…’ he stopped dead in his thoughts and shook his head, knowing that if he were to continue with this trail he would end up thinking about something wrong that he shouldn’t be thinking about. He liked Sakura. He…

“Naruto, you know, you should try showing Sakura that you are good as well, but without exaggerating…” Naruto turned around, yelping as he noticed Kakashi hovering on his right shoulder.

“Kakashi–sensei! Don’t scare me like this!” Naruto pointed a finger towards his teacher accusingly.

“Maa, maa,” Kakashi smiled and his visible eye curved. “You have so much energy left even after today’s missions”.

Naruto glared and pouted.

“What do you mean with that?” he pouted more, going back to his teacher’s previous statement. “I do anything I can to prove Sakura–chan I am better than Sasuke!”

Naruto allowed himself to meet Kakashi’s eyes for a second, then forced himself to look elsewhere.

Kakashi’s mischievous smile never faltered. On the inside instead, his smile had a more serene and sad tone; he would never be able to show his own care for Naruto, but he would help him smile.

It was enough…

‘I can’t touch you… my illness is wrong and I don’t want to taint you…’ Kakashi looked down, Naruto’s cute face looking innocently up at him, expecting him to explain like any good sensei. ‘But even if I’m going to suffer this way, you’ll be happy…’

……………………………………………

Naruto’s eyes brightened up as he stood up from the grass, holding in his hands a small golden trinket with a shining gem carved into it; he looked up eagerly, stepping towards the rest of the group. Lifting his hand to show it to…

He faltered in his steps, taking one deep breath. To Sakura. Yes, he had to show it to Sakura–chan.

“Sakura–chan! Look! I found the missing earring!”

Kakashi stared as Naruto waved at the pink haired girl, proud to be the one who completed their newest mission; the Hokage wasn’t going to allow his team to have any dangerous mission as of late, because of the latest happenings, so they had to settle with boring D–class missions.

“Naruto!” Sakura was enraged. “Why did you kick Sasuke–kun? He was the one who got there first!”

Sasuke stood on the side, his face unreadable as he stared at his team–mates’ bickering. He cared nothing about who found what, after all, the mission was finished and finally they could go home.

“But Sakura–chan…” Naruto’s shoulders drooped low, depressed because he had failed again; his eyes looked up to meet Kakashi’s gaze, and for a moment Naruto hoped Kakashi would tell him he’d done a good work… hoped…

Kakashi turned away.

“Ok group, bring this to its owner and you’re done for the day!” he said cheerfully, before transporting himself away.

Naruto bit his lip and looked down at the earring. He felt a bit sad, he’d expected something else…

Shaking his head violently, Naruto bit his lip. He would not think about it. Not at all. It was wrong. He’d already confirmed it in his mind, and he would not allow himself a slip.

Sasuke grunted; he would not waste his time with the report and the business stuff… with a wave he walked away.

“Naruto, can you bring that to the Hokage tower? I need to go now, my mom asked me to help her clean,” Sakura adopted her nice voice, knowing she could get everything out of the blonde just by acting sweetly with him. “Thanks, bye!”

She skipped away. Of course her mother asked nothing to her… but that way she wouldn’t have to write the report and waste an hour with it. Besides, Sasuke was gone too, and she didn’t want to stay with Naruto more than she had to.

Naruto stared at his two team–mates’ backs that walked away, and felt alone. No matter what he did, he would always end up alone.

Shaking his head again, he resumed his walk to the Hokage tower, knowing he had to complete the mission by himself and only then he could go home.

‘Why didn’t Kakashi–sensei care that it was me who found the earring? Had it been Sasuke, he would have cheered him…’ Naruto sighed.

He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the small child that was walking in front of him, until the little girl bumped into him and fell on the ground, her green eyes wide as she stared up at him.

She was cute, Naruto had always liked small children; she had blond hair curling around her face, and deep green eyes. Naruto thought she looked a bit like Ino.

Naruto blinked, and was about to knee and ask the little girl if she was ok, when…

“Stay away from my daughter, you demon!”

He was pushed roughly away, falling on the ground on his own; looking up with shock etched in his eyes, he saw a woman cradle the small girl to her chest, cooing her with soft words before turning towards him again.

“Demon! Don’t think you can touch my daughter! You’d better off dead! Go away, do you think we need someone like you?!”

Naruto’s lips stretched into a smile out of habit; he was so used to them yelling and insulting him, that his face tensed into one of his fake smiles without him even noticing.

The woman ran away from him as fast as she could, and he stood up again, noticing the people around him were now staring with venom–filled eyes in his direction.

“Monster… what does he think… he doesn’t belong here!” a man whispered to another, loud enough that Naruto could hear him perfectly well.

“If he were to die I’d laugh on his tomb, that’s for sure!” another one said.

Naruto lowered his head but continued moving, trying to ignore their words.

“Hey, monster!” a man yelled at him, but Naruto did not look up, acting as if he hadn’t heard him. “I bet you had fun killing all our families! I bet you liked the blood… but you’ll be destroyed! You’ll be killed, and in the end it will be us celebrating!”

Naruto breathed deeply. The words hurt, but he could just move forwards, and ignore them.

“Do you think you can leave just like this? You have no right to do so! Hey, demon, I am speaking with you!”

The man moved forwards, his hand darting towards Naruto in an attempt to grab him, but his own wrist was grabbed a second before he could touch Naruto’s.

“So, what’s happening here?”

Naruto turned and looked up with widened eyes; Kakashi was standing there, eye curved into a smile, but his grip on the man’s wrist was strong and firm, and his posture said everything about just how dangerous he was.

“N… nothing!” the man cowered and freeing himself from the Jounin’s grip he dashed away, followed by all those who were staring.

Kakashi’s eye followed them, filled with coldness and anger.

How could they…

“Thanks, Kakashi–sensei” Naruto’s unsteady voice brought him back, and the silver haired shinobi stared down at tear filled eyes.

Naruto was doing his best to prevent himself from crying, and Kakashi looked away, giving him enough time to calm himself down enough that he could speak with a normal voice.

“Um… I need to go and bring that earring to the owner” Naruto blushed slightly and backing away from his sensei he moved towards the Hokage’s tower, only to be stopped by a hand on his hair.

“Well done with the mission, Naruto” Kakashi said, not looking at him.

Naruto stood there frozen as Kakashi disappeared again, leaving him alone in the streets, a bright smile gracing his features.

……………………………………………

Kakashi stared at his hand, remembering just how soft Naruto’s hair had been under his fingers; it was wrong to dwell on the feeling, wrong, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Oi Kakashi, you seem a bit out of it, what’s wrong?”

The silver haired jounin turned to his left, realizing exactly where he was; he was sitting next to Genma in a bar, sipping good liquor with his friend. It was something usual for him, at least twice a week if his and Genma’s missions were not in the way.

His fellow jounin was staring at him munching on his senbon, eyes scanning Kakashi’s face in search of something to explain his strange acting.

“Nothing,” Kakashi hoped he would drop the matter, and sipped his drink slowly, allowing the burning liquid to roll down his throat.

“Yeah, sure, and I am a genin in training” Genma scoffed, gulping the remains of his own drink in one go. “It’s something about your team?”

Kakashi closed his eye briefly. It wouldn’t do. He didn’t want to reveal his insane attraction for his own student, as he felt already bad for only feeing what he felt. He didn’t need his friend to know just how messed up he was…

A man of his age, lusting over a thirteen year old boy.

He would have laughed, but this was too serious.

He had to stop this madness, or he would snap.

“Nothing, don’t worry,” Kakashi turned towards the brown haired man and poked him in the ribs. “What about you, have you finally found out a girl?”

Genma blinked twice, recognizing Kakashi’s attempt to change the subject… but he accepted it. He knew Kakashi would tell him everything in due time. They were friends, after all.

“Well, something like it, really” he replied, moving the senbon out of the way as he spoke, waving at the waitress to pour him another drink.

After all, he reminded himself, he had his own secrets as well, and he wasn’t going to reveal them to Kakashi. He would not understand. He would think less of him, if he were to know Genma was…

“Hey guys!”

Both Genma and Kakashi turned and waved as Raidou flopped down on the seat next to Genma, who moved away a bit. Raidou stared at him with a strange expression on his face before he ordered a drink and joined the other two.

Kakashi sighed as he stared at his two friends, who were talking amiably with each other; there was no way he could continue this path.

It was wrong… he had to stop caring for Naruto… or it would be too late…

……………………………………………

Naruto stared.

Inside him, a strange feeling was worming up its way in his chest, tightening its hold and causing Naruto to flinch in pain.

Why?

He’d thought he was finally having some results. Had he been deluding himself so much?

‘Why am I thinking this way?’ he realized where his mind was going and promptly burned his thoughts, ignoring the stinging feeling in his chest.

He had to be used to it.

It wasn’t like someone had ever showed him a bit of care, except Iruka–sensei…

Kakashi was patting Sakura on the head, praising her fatigue and training, then he moved towards Sasuke and nodded to him, showing the young Uchiha his own good results.

Ignoring Naruto completely.

Ignoring his own hard work.

Ignoring him… as if he wasn’t there in the first place.

There it was again… Naruto dreaded it. That feeling. Wrong feeling inside his chest. That longed for that touch. That longed for a word of praise from him… that longed for more.

That wrong feeling he was trying to hard to suppress; he wasn’t meant to be this way… he had to like Sakura! Not…

It was wrong.

He was supposed to like Sakura. He’d stopped liking her without being able to remember when… but this new feeling was wrong. He had to like Sakura, it was not an option to follow this new path.

He was supposed to keep on his useless behaviour, asking her out.

Or else someone would notice.

He would notice.

And it was wrong.

Naruto turned and ran away, not bothering to look back. His departure followed by three sets of eyes.

‘It’s needed. I need to protect him’ Kakashi convinced himself. ‘It’s better this way…’

……………………………………………

“Iruka–sensei?”

The Chuunin stared at his right, where Naruto had been sitting and moving his ramen around; it was not normal, him playing with his food like this.

Something was surely wrong, as usually the blond would be wolfing down his food like there was no tomorrow… Iruka was worried.

“Naruto, is there something wrong?” his eyes were begging the genin to explain. Silently telling Naruto he could trust him.

Blue eyes did not look up from his bowl, fingers tightening on the table’s surface, knuckles white.

“What if… what if I liked someone I have no rights to like?”

Iruka blinked, taken aback by his student’s words; almost everyone that knew Naruto a bit was aware of his crush for his pink haired team–mate. But what did he mean with, ‘no rights to like’?

“Naruto, you know that you can do it,” Iruka smiled warmly at him. “Just like I said so many times… it will take you a while, but I believe you will one day win Sakura’s heart”.

Naruto froze.

“Sakura… Sakura–chan…?” he blinked, still not looking up, then his shoulders tensed. “Yeah, I like Sakura–chan…”

His voice was so low Iruka couldn’t but lean over a bit, even more worried. Naruto had never been this silent.

“It’s right to like Sakura–chan… it’s what everyone expects… right?” Iruka frowned even more. “What’s right… hurts” he stood up, and finally he looked at Iruka, who felt a tug in his heart at the sudden display of emotions in Naruto’s eyes.

Naruto smiled.

It was his usual smile, beaming and a bit mischievous.

But his eyes were not smiling, and Iruka saw it clearly.

“Yeah, I like Sakura–chan… everything will be alright, and it will disappear” he was talking aloud, but the brown haired teacher had a feeling Naruto was talking to himself. “That pain will disappear. Because it’s wrong”.

……………………………………………

“Kakashi? You look pretty out of it… even worse than last week!” Genma munched on his senbon, waiting for the waitress to serve him his drink; it was just the two of them this time… Raidou had a mission.

“Nothing” Kakashi pulled down his mask and drank his glass in one go.

It was working.

He’d thought it would help, if he ignored Naruto enough, maybe his wrong feelings would disappear; maybe everything would turn right again. Maybe he could forget.

It helped.

Focusing more on Sakura and Sasuke was easy, easier than he first thought… not looking at him, not praising him, knowing he was there but nothing more than that.

“I’m letting it go,” he muttered. “I am doing it for him… his smiles are enough”.

Genma frowned at him, the last part lost to his ears.

“What?”

Kakashi shook his head.

Now everything would go back to normal; he would keep on observing from afar, Naruto would move onwards in his life, and smile and become strong. And even though Kakashi’s feelings were still there, a painful reminder of his sickness, it was enough.

Just seeing him smile.

…

Kakashi stopped, the glass inches from his lips, as he tried to recall the last weeks.

When had he last seen Naruto smile? It was what made Kakashi stand another day without touching him. Without needing to kiss him, and feel his thin body in his arms. A smile.

When had Naruto smiled the last time?

He could not remember.

……………………………………………

“Ok guys, today we have a nice D–rank mission! Yuuki–san’s dogs need to take a bath, and your team is the lucky one who will do it!”

Kakashi smiled through his mask, just like it was required from him, and waited for the usual complaints.

It was normal.

“Kakashi–sensei! You can’t get us to do this! Not again! It’s the second time this month! Please, we need some higher mission!” Sakura whined, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

“Hn. What a bother” even Sasuke was getting upset. The last four weeks had been nothing but D–rank missions, and he knew they had the capabilities to do more.

Both turned towards Naruto, expecting him to complain with them, but the blond was looking down, as if deep in thought. Ignoring them.

“Oi, dobe,” Sasuke sneered, trying to snap his friend out of his trance.

“Don’t call me dobe!” Naruto bristled. “Sasuke–teme…”

Sakura and Sasuke’s shoulders relaxed slightly.

But the complaints still didn’t come. It was like Naruto was ignoring Kakashi, the same way Kakashi–sensei was ignoring Naruto.

A chakra surge from the left made the four turn; standing there was Izumo, a jounin that worked usually under the direct orders from the Hokage.

“Kakashi–san, I think you would want to know that Raidou came back wounded from his mission, and he’s currently in hospital for treatment” Izumo said with a firm voice. He was aware that the Copy–nin was friends with Raidou, and would be glad to have been warned about it.

Kakashi nodded, signalling to the other jounin he’d understood.

Izumo disappeared, and the silver haired jounin turned towards his team, appositely ignoring to look Naruto’s way and addressed the other two.

“I have to go now, you’ll take on your mission and report to the Hokage tower when you finish” with that said, he poofed away.

Naruto forced a smile, “come on guys, let’s finish quickly!”

Sakura and Sasuke stared at him, frowning and sharing a look.

‘What’s happening to Naruto?’ both secretly wondered. Because despite their usual acting, both were his friends.

……………………………………………

“How’s he?” Kakashi let himself lean on the wall of Raidou’s room, not looking at Genma.

On his part, the other jounin didn’t look well at all; he was biting on his senbon hard, moving it from one side of his mouth to the other, fingers twitching every few seconds, as if itching to close around someone’s throat.

“He’s fine, now” Genma replied. “He was hit in the stomach and on his left shoulder, but he completed his mission as was required, and was brought here”.

Kakashi nodded, frowning in light worry for his friend as he stared at the other, a bit surprised by his unusual worried reaction. Ok, Genma and Raidou had been close friends, much closer than Kakashi and Genma had ever been, but still a reaction such as this was… different.

He’d never seen Genma this nervous before.

“You know, I don’t care anymore” Genma was now talking mostly to himself, but Kakashi politely listened, wondering what he was saying. “We worked so hard to hide it from everyone else, so much that we started seeing less and less, trying to deny and move on. We almost… but now I don’t care anymore”.

He gripped his senbon in one hand, eyes blazing with rage, and slammed it hard against the wall at his side, shocking Kakashi a bit (even though he didn’t show it). The senbon remained half way in the wall, cracks all around it.

“I can’t stay away just because everyone would think we are sick. I don’t care of what they think… what I feel can be wrong, but I can’t let him go. I can’t renounce and move on, not with these feelings. Everyone else can go to hell, everyone. I won’t back away anymore, I won’t run”.

His fingers were trembling as Genma wiped away the sweat from his forehead.

“Kakashi, no matter what. Don’t let those you care for get hurt… no matter what others say. No matter what everyone thinks. The most important thing is what you feel”.

Genma took a breath. He was going to turn his life upside down with these words, but he didn’t care. For once, he felt free. He felt like he could have a grip on his life.

“I love Raidou” he stated, clear enough everyone in the corridor could hear.

This said, he stepped into the room and closed the door on his back, leaving a shocked Kakashi behind.

……………………………………………

“Naruto, please, sit down” Iruka glanced at the blond, seeing the little details that always helped him when dealing with the teen; he felt as thought he had to protect him forever, being the father Naruto never had before, but there were things he could not say, not prevent.

Because Naruto was growing up, and he had to understand.

Now he had to act like a father and a parental figure, and had invited Naruto to his house, with the promise of ramen. He would not let him go without his answers.

“What, Iruka–sensei?” Naruto smiled at him, and for once Iruka was relieved to see it was a genuine smile.

“I need to speak with you about last time. I am worried, Naruto, but if you keep evading it, I will never be able to help”.

Naruto’s smile thinned out.

“Nothing happened,” he mumbled, looking away. “Everything’s ok”.

“Don’t lie to me, Naruto” Iruka scolded him. “I can see that, and I am not the only one”.

Naruto glanced at him, surprised.

“Who…”

“Your team–mates came to me, they are just as worried as I am… Naruto something’s wrong and I think I understand… but I need you to admit it”.

Naruto stood there speechless; Sasuke and Sakura had come to Iruka… because they were worried?

His shoulders dropped. Once again he was making his precious people worry for him… so much for getting stronger to protect them.

“I…”

Iruka sighed.

“Naruto… you are a ninja, right? And you want to become the Hokage… don’t you?”

Naruto blinked but nodded eagerly, wondering where this was going. “Of course!”

“Then, you also know that you have a long way to go… and that when you become Hokage, many in this village will not accept it and try to go against you”.

Naruto stared at his sensei, puzzled; a part of him wanted to hug Iruka because he’d used ‘when’ instead of ‘if’, the other was paying attention to his words. Feeling a pang of regret because he understood them.

He understood way too well what he was saying. They would not accept a demon as Hokage…

“Because I have Kyuubi in me, ne sensei?” this time he didn’t force himself to smile.

Iruka nodded.

“Yes. You have to understand that not everyone will agree with your choices, because they think your ideas are wrong. Are you going to nod to them and resign just because of some that don’t like you and think otherwise?”

“Of course not!” Naruto bristled, waving his arms around. “I’ll show them I can be the best ninja this village has ever had!”

“Then you have to take your decisions all by yourself, without caring about those that come against you. Everything in your life will make you decide, your position requires you to; some are important, some are silly… what kind of shirt you’re going to use in the morning, or how you’re going to defeat your opponent in a fight. Life is made by decisions, and it shapes around what you choose to do” Iruka sighed and kneeled in front of Naruto, smiling warmly at him.

He could remember how Naruto was during academy days, how he would stay far from everyone, left alone, with no family and no friends. He remembered how he’d felt attracted to him, caring for him like a family would.

They couldn’t be related by blood, but they were family for each other. He’d done his decision, just like Naruto was still doing his.

Iruka’s smile was warm and steady. “”I decided long time ago I would take care of you, and even though sometimes it’s hard to stand next to you against the village, I would never go back to my word. I care for you like a father would, and I want you to be happy”.

Naruto felt hot tears burn his eyes, and he wiped them away before they fell.

It had been long since someone had spoken this way to him.

“Iruka–sensei…”

“That’s why you have to ignore those who say you’re sick or wrong, and just follow your heart. It will never be wrong, right?”

Naruto let out a sob and threw his arms around Iruka’s neck, hugging him tightly as he finally cried out. Iruka hugged him back, offering as much comfort as he could.

“Because no matter what, those who care for you will always accept you and your decisions…”

Naruto understood.

“Thanks, Iruka–sensei…”

……………………………………………

Kakashi walked away from the hospital without really knowing where he was going, his mind buzzing with all the things that had happened during the day, his feet taking him through the village in a slow pace.

He didn’t even think about opening his book, like he used to. Even though he wanted to run from what he’d seen, he couldn’t allow himself to. He had to reflect, understand…

He felt confused, overwhelmed even, and for once he didn’t know what to do. He had expected something else, certainly not the words coming from his friend’s mouth at the hospital.

“I love Raidou” Genma had said.

He didn’t care anymore what others thought, because Raidou had almost lost his life in that mission, and Genma didn’t want to that to happen again when he wasn’t with him.

They were with each other, and their love… was strong enough to resist to what others would say.

Kakashi felt bad.

He’d never noticed. He would have taken Genma’s side… not because he was going through the same path (only worse…) but because he was his friend. Their friend.

“Kakashi–san?”

Kakashi blinked at the formal tone and was shaken out of his thoughts, finding out he had almost bumped against another ninja in his walking.

So much for a skilled shinobi, he wasn’t even looking where he was going, too lost in his thoughts to pay attention to where he was going.

Blinking, his eyes focused on a pair of brown eyes over a scarred nose. He recognized the young man, it was… Naruto’s… academy teacher.

But before Naruto’s name could start another uproar in Kakashi’s mind, Iruka spoke, his tone calm and controlled.

“Don’t hurt him, Kakashi–san” was all the Chuunin said, before walking away.

Kakashi blinked, not really understanding what was going on.

He seemed to not really catch what happened around him lately.

But there again, he had never bothered to know Naruto’s teacher more, so his uneasiness wasn’t completely irrational.

Silently walking towards his apartment, trying to forget Iruka’s strange behaviour with him, Kakashi dreaded the moment he would get there; his house felt so empty, especially when the night approached. There was no warmth there, only a few photos of dead people who once had been loved ones, to remind him of what he’d lost.

Four walls he used to call home, but that held no meaning for him.

Walking up the stairs, Kakashi felt a pang of pain in his heart. His smile would warm up everything… why hadn’t Naruto smiled?

Why couldn’t he smile?

What was going on? He could refuse happiness for himself, but Naruto was not smiling… was he doing the right thing?

Reaching the door of his apartment, Kakashi was shocked once more to see a cuddled up Naruto sitting in front of it, head bowed in–between his legs. Kakashi felt a tug in his chest at the sight.

The moment Naruto felt someone approach he looked up, and gulped as he saw Kakashi standing there.

“Kakashi–sensei…” he murmured, staring at him in the eyes. Kakashi could not look away, those blue orbs were captivating and deep. And sad, but Kakashi could not understand why. Of course he could not ignore Naruto… he was blocking the door after all.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” Kakashi masked his concerned voice with a cold edge; he could not allow his feelings out.

It was w…

“I love Raidou”.

Again, Genma’s words echoed in his mind, sounding much like a yell, suffocating the words his brain was telling him.

So sure of himself…

“Iruka–sensei gave me your address” Naruto’s voice was quiet, but steady. “I need… I need to speak with you, Kakashi–sensei…”

Kakashi’s eye was cold as he forced himself to push away the tingling in his stomach. He would not allow Naruto to get hurt.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Naruto, you should go home now” Kakashi stated, only visible eye narrowing.

“I won’t move until we speak, Kakashi–sensei” Naruto’s tone was determined and he looked ready to tie himself to the door.

Kakashi sighed. Naruto, as if feeling he’d won, moved away from the entrance and allowed Kakashi to open the door; the silver haired jounin stared at the teen, then motioned for him to enter as well, closing the door behind his back.

“Sorry if it’s a bit empty” Kakashi’s voice sounded less cold but at the same time bitter.

Truth to be told, Kakashi’s apartment was just like any single man’s in Konoha. It was small, and divided in three main rooms with a bathroom. The main one was the kitchen, with a table and two chairs, and a few other things. Then there was a small living room with a couch and a TV, and the bedroom, with a bed, a cupboard and shelf filled with books and scrolls.

There were few things that marked the place as Kakashi’s, like the entire collection of ‘Icha Icha Paradise’ and some framed photos, and clothes in the cupboard, but apart those, the apartment was bare.

“No, it’s not…” Naruto fidgeted slightly, wondering how to approach such a matter as the one he came to talk about. Now that he was inside Kakashi’s house, his bravery had vanished away leaving him empty and unsure of himself.

Kakashi unconsciously removed his mask, as he was used to when entering his apartment, and motioned for Naruto to sit on the couch in the living room, only to find the teen staring at him with his mouth wide open, as well as his eyes.

“What…” Kakashi stopped seeing a light blush grace Naruto’s cheeks, as the teen turned away embarrassed.

The silver haired jounin scratched his chin, realizing the reaction was caused by his lack of mask.

“Then I am the first seeing you without a mask…” Kakashi heard Naruto mutter under his breath, and felt a bit embarrassed too.

“Do you want something?” Kakashi tried to appear normal, but he was failing; Naruto was in his house, sitting on his couch, and speaking to him.

Why?

How could he defeat his feelings? The feelings that pleaded him to circle those small shoulders in a hug and kiss the blond teen’s lips?

“No thanks” Naruto replied quietly, shaking Kakashi out of his musings.

“Naruto, why are you here?” Kakashi sighed. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want Naruto to be here.

Not now.

Naruto gritted his teeth. Now that he was there, the words didn’t want to come out. He was hurt, hurt because his sensei didn’t pay attention to him, hurt because he was distant and Naruto wanted nothing more than be acknowledged.

Be acknowledged by Kakashi.

Hurt because as much as he tried, the feelings would not disappear. But Iruka–sensei was right… his decisions were his and his alone. And he wanted to know… wrong or right, it didn’t matter.

“Why are you so mean with me?”

Kakashi was taken aback –mean?

“You were ignoring me, sensei, and you never speak to me… as if I don’t exist!” Naruto stared up at him with hurt eyes. “I thought you were different… do you hate me because of Kyuubi? Or do you hate me because I am not as good as Sasuke? You’re my sensei! I like you so much and still…” he stopped, his voice reduced to a whisper.

“Naruto…” Kakashi didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell the blond he wasn’t being mean, that he only wanted to protect Naruto from his sick feelings. That if he were to remain around, he would hurt him.

“I like Kakashi–sensei a lot” Naruto continued, as if he had not heard him. “I tried to ignore that, because it was not normal… I tried to like Sakura–chan again, you know?” blue eyes filled with innocence looked at him. “It didn’t work”.

Kakashi stood there, once again speechless.

Naruto… liked him?

“You… like… me?”

“Yes” Naruto murmured, not looking at him.

“Naruto, I am sure this is not the same thing as you feel for Sakura…” he tried to reason with the blond, all the while feeling his heart clench in pain. For how much he wanted it to be true, it was wrong. He couldn’t taint Naruto’s soul this way.

“It is not. It’s warmer and it’s deeper…” Naruto lifted his hands to cover his chest. “And it hurts here because you never look at me…”

Kakashi shook his head.

No.

It was not possible, he would not allow it.

“I tried hard to ignore it!” Naruto was yelling now. Kakashi was glad he had no neighbours. “But it didn’t work! I know you don’t like me Kakashi–sensei, but it doesn’t matter to me! Iruka–sensei said me that to be what I want to be I will have to face people who think I am nothing but a monster, that I will have to go against what others think for what I have faith in…”

Kakashi stared at him in shock, his mind replaying Genma’s determined face from before.

“He said that those I care for will still be at my side, no matter what” his face was scrunched up, and tears were pooling in his eyes, a deep blush staining his cheeks. But Naruto had still something to say. “I like Kakashi–sensei so much it pains me. I always think of how it would be to be kissed and held close… on how it would feel if you were to hold my hand” he sniffed, unable to restrain his tears anymore. “I know this will never happen because what I feel is wrong! I know you can’t see in me what you see in Sasuke! But… even if you hate me… I will still like you so much…”

Kakashi felt his legs weaken under him, making him fall on his knees on the floor. His only eye was wide and openly staring at Naruto, who broke down and started sobbing.

“I don’t care what others think of me! I care for what you think of me… and even if I can’t have what I want… I at least wish you could treat me like before… because I need your acknowledging…”

He could not speak anymore. Feeling angry and ashamed with himself for his breaking down, Naruto hid his face in his arms and cuddled up on the couch, tears staining his cheeks.

It hurt so much.

Kakashi was furious. Furious with himself. It was his fault Naruto was crying, it was his fault he could not smile anymore…

He’d been wrong the whole time. Thinking he could hide his own feelings and keep Naruto safe, he had never realized that he was hurting him instead of protecting him.

Because, and god forbid him for his intense happiness, Naruto felt the same. Naruto liked him, and it was not fake.

Kakashi knew he was not perfect. He knew he was no saint… and that he would probably hurt Naruto more. He couldn’t change. He also knew everyone would think it was wrong. He knew people would think he was sick… to like a thirteen–year old boy like this… to the point where this ‘like’ could turn into something deeper, if allowed to blossom…

But…

“Are you sure you like me? I am certainly not the perfect person you could like…” he commented, but his tone was soft, incredulous.

“I like Kakashi–sensei… only Kakashi–sensei…” Naruto gulped through his sobs, still hiding his face away.

“I’m sorry, Naruto…”

Kakashi leaned forwards, his heart leaping in his chest as he embraced the trembling form of his blond student, hugging him close, feeling the sudden tension in the teen’s shoulders, and the rapid thumping of the other’s heart, like a wild rabbit caught by a hunter.

Kakashi felt exactly this.

“Ka… Kakashi–sensei…?” Naruto lifted his head, sniffing, tears still falling freely.

“I am sorry, Naruto, I didn’t want you to be hurt… I always cared for you so much, and I didn’t want to stain you with my sinful desires…”

Naruto blinked, shuffling in Kakashi’s arms –he felt warm, warmer than in Iruka–sensei’s arms…

“What?”

“I like you too Naruto, I like you too”.

Naruto stared up at Kakashi, shock clear in his eyes. The silver haired jounin sighed, but there was a smile on his face as he leaned down, finally locking his lips to Naruto’s own.

This was what he wanted. This was what he’d wanted for so much he could not believe he was finally doing it.

There was nothing to add. It was simply… perfect.

……………………………………………

“Ok boys, today brings a joyful D–rank mission all for you! You have to paint the academy’s walls outside out!” Kakashi stated cheerfully, turning a page of his orange book, his eye happily scanning through it.

He didn’t know since when he’d stopped reading it. God only knew the torture.

“Kakashi–sensei! Not another D–ranked!” Sakura whined, fisting her hands in front of her face, inner Sakura going wild in her mind.

“That’s crap” Sasuke muttered under his breath, his left eye twitching. Sometimes he wished his pride could allow him some more freedom with expressions… but he could not. He was an Uchiha, after all.

“Kakashi–sensei! I am damn sick of those D–missions! We’re going to grow cobwebs if you don’t give us something higher!” Naruto yelled, waving his arms around to emphasize his point. “I want a C–rank mission! I will be the new Hokage one day! I am wasted out here! I want a good mission! And I want ramen too!”

Sasuke and Sakura blinked and stared at him, his hyper attitude returned ten times stronger than the previous day, leaving them baffled and totally shocked.

“Sasuke–teme, don’t you agree with me?” Naruto pushed Sasuke in the ribs with a pout.

“Naruto! Be nice!” Sakura slapped him in the back of his head.

“Sakura–chan!” the blond whined.

Sakura smiled contentedly, and Sasuke relaxed his shoulders. Whatever had been bugging Naruto, had disappeared.

He was back to normal.

“Maa, maa, don’t get this angry, I’ll see what I can do for tomorrow, ok?” Kakashi shook his head and ruffled Naruto’s hair affectionately, allowing his hand to rest on the other’s head for a second more than needed.

Naruto smiled up at him, his eyes bright and eager to demonstrate himself.

Just like before, Naruto was the first moving, jumping in front of the rest of the team, babbling away about ramen and Hokages.

Kakashi shook his head again. It was ok.

Everything was ok.

And this time, he would protect Naruto’s smiles even better.

Because now Naruto smiled, and he smiled for him.

……………………………………………

StarsOfYaoi: AAAGH THE SAPPINESS… THE FLUFF… I feel sick.

Feel free to drop me a review? :) I feel a bit ashamed about this shot, I don’t know if it’s good enough to stay on FF.net… if not, I’ll delete it.

But still make me know what you think… please…