I stared into her bright green eyes full of tears, as they usually were when I was ever around. Her violently pink hair was moving with a small wind and her hands were shaking in anger or sadness. It hurt a lot to even look at her.

"Why can’t you be open for once Sasuke?" she yelled at me stomping her feet through the floor, "Do you love anything?"

My eyes sharpened but I knew I couldn’t blame her. I have done so much to hurt her, and never once had she said a word against me. She had never once scolded me, and had done so much to win even a glance. She saved me from being absorbed by the cursed-seal. She had always been there and I had always pushed her away. My head lowered and my jagged bangs fell over my eyes so she couldn’t see my expression.

"Sakura, I have only ever loved two people. One is dead, and then other I have sworn myself to kill." I said coldly, "Could you love under those circumstances?"

I took her silence as a no and turned my Uchiha fan facing her as it had done so many times prior. My feet carried me away and I could practically hear the salty liquid falling from her eyes. I wish she would just love someone besides me so badly. Lee, Naruto, Ino, Gaara, anyone, anyone but me. Because I can never requite her. All I can do is make her cry. This is not because I am cold hearted, or a bastard, or just cruel. It is because Sakura does not, and never will, understand me.

The two people I have loved understood me. They understood my tears and my smiles and motivated me to be stronger. They hurt me but they were there to dress the wound and apologize. I loved them with all of my heart. And every day I had to put up with the fact that they were gone.

I went straight home, if one could possibly call it that, and started up some instant ramen. Yet when I peeled off the paper top to the hot noodles I didn’t want them. I just left the cup there and walked into the bathroom. I glared at the water pouring out of the tap as I twisted it and the bathtub began to fill. Stupid water. Stupid life. Stupid existence. Stupid Naruto. Stupid Sakura. Stupid everything. God I sound like Shikamaru.

I stripped myself of my clothes and crawled into the tub twisting the tap back once the water began to spill out off the side. The water wasn’t very warm but it wasn’t cold either, and it stung my skin like very dull needles. Needles. I placed my face in my hands and felt a shiver ran through me.

Who I love…

It seemed like so long ago that the word had crossed my own heart. The memory was bright and probably romanticized on my own part. The two people I loved. One I had known since I was a child and loved so deeply it couldn’t be described. His name is Uchiha Itachi. I love him as a brother would, no way besides that. They is no forbidden incest in my affection, but he is the object of that affection and always will be. There was another person.

He was beautiful. He had long soft black hair that looks the color of chestnuts in the light, and eyes that had seen so much pain in the past. His appearance was very feminine, and it didn’t really help that the times he went out he wore a pink kimono. However the absence of…certain things had proved him to be male. I loved him. His name was Haku. And I loved him in a different way I had ever loved Itachi or anyone else. I think I either fell asleep or passed out in the bathtub because I was off into a little world of my own painful memories after that.

Wave Country had been odd from the start. We hadn’t been there for twenty minutes before we were attacked by a notorious assassin by the name of Momochi Zabuza. He had been very powerful. But in the end it had been Naruto’s ‘genius’ and Kakashi’s sharingan that had saved us. I remember I had felt someone there. And then he came. A tracker ninja came and supposedly killed Zabuza taking him away, but not before Naruto got a word in. I really hated that boy.

The entire way to the village I mused about that tracker ninja, because constantly I had felt something wasn’t right. When we got to the village I could tell that something was seriously wrong there. Not just because there were little kids begging for food of the streets, but because I always felt someone’s presence. I never let my guard down. Ever.

My stupid sensei told us we needed to train once he had confirmed that Zabuza was probably alive. Perhaps he had been thinking about it as long as I had, but probably not. Our job was to climb trees. Without hands. Sakura had been the best, making it about halfway up on her first try, I made it about thirty feet up, and Naruto made it about four feet up. Just about what I could expect from that loser.

The training had been harder than I had expected and I spent many nights out there, even sleeping out much to the unknowing of my comrades. I consider them comrades now, but at the time I saw them as inferiors. It was around the third day of training and I had gone out late at night to train. Around midnight or so. And there was someone there, lying in the grass of my training field gazing up at the sky as though expecting some apocalyptic evil to escape from the twinkling stars.

"What are you doing?" I asked this figure unsure of it and a kunai within reach on my hand, "You’ll freeze."

The figure sat up and the moon shone brightly over his features as he turned to face me. I won’t lie; I thought he was a girl. At first glance anyway, and one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen to boot. Yet upon a few seconds of staring I realized that this person was male, making me feel slightly ashamed for my previous assumption.

"I should be asking you the same thing," he said. His voice was smooth and seductive, yet filled with an utter innocence I couldn’t help but recognize.

We stared at each other and I’m pretty sure we both knew that we were enemies. His gaze had been that of ice. Like a piercing snow straight through my eyes. I don’t know if it had frightened me or not, but I was drawn into it like a moth into a light. This unease between us continued until I finally remembered he had asked me a question and that I was just standing there looking dumb because I wasn’t answering.

"Training." I said shortly, "I came here to train. That still didn’t answer my question. That kimono doesn’t look thick, you’ll get sick if you stay out here."

I chose my words carefully. This was the ninja I had been memorizing the voice and appearance of since my sensei’s fight with Zabuza. My thoughts at the moment were varying between two things. ‘I must keep my guard up.’ And ‘Gods, he is so beautiful.’ Mildly pathetic, this I know, and hell I knew it at the time as well.

I soon began to realize that he wasn’t going anywhere and I became uneasy with training around him. So instead of doing what Kakashi had told me, I just jumped around punching the unused trees then fixing the damage. I didn’t want him to know what I was doing. It would be fatal. Then again, hanging around an empty forest with an enemy wasn’t exactly the most life-preserving move either, but I suppose one could play along. I didn’t see any weapons, or place for weapon on him, but even so, he could steal a kunai or a shuriken from me and kill me just the same.

"You are fast," he said after I had begun to get irritated under his piercing gazes and snapped a tree in half, "and you are strong. Yet you look young. So why are you here? Training as though..." his voice trailed for a moment, "as though your life was on the line."

The first thing that had crossed my mind at that moment was ‘Shit.’ The second was ‘he knows that I know.’ And the third thing was ‘but does he know that I know that he knows?’ By that time I wasn’t making sense to myself so I chose my words as delicately as I could, "My life is…always on the line...whether I am a genin or a kage, a shinobi’s life is never on hold. I don’t have time to just…lie around and stare at the sky."

I saw one of his pretty eyes twitch and to my sadistic satisfaction I knew I had struck a nerve. His anger was only apparent for a moment for he turned to me and smiled pushing a lock of his beautiful hair behind and ear a few rebellious strands falling over his face. "Of course not."

It would have been the perfect ending to our relationship. The absolute perfect ending to a forbidden encounter. However, I didn’t know that as he walked away brushing grass of his kimono and giving me one last smile I would ever have to see him, without that phony mask on, ever again. But, nothing in my life has ever been perfect, so of course it didn’t end that way.

I saw him again when I was buying groceries for Tazuna, when I was training I could feel his presence, I even saw him giving some candy to a little boy on the street. The constant sight of him was driving me mad! So I stayed out again, and I trained, waiting for him to magically appear. And like a fish goes to a worm on a hook, he came to me.

I’m fairly sure he knew I had wanted to see him, because he didn’t even bother making up an excuse or pretending to have a reason for being there. He just sat down on the log Sakura had been seated upon just hours before and gazed at me. After awhile I turned to him and gaze him a long cold glare. Itachi couldn’t have rivaled such an illustrious, exhilarating glare.

"What’s your name?" I asked him simply.

"My name is Haku, and yours?"

"Sasuke."

Satisfied I had gotten a tiny bit of information I began to train more, the chocolate coated eyes never leaving me. Somehow, being under his gaze, it motivated me to train as hard as I could. It motivated me in no way Naruto ever had. Sure, we had a rivalry that goes back as far as our broken childhood friendship, not to mention Naruto would do anything to get Sakura’s smile, but being under this…Haku’s stare made me want to show off more than usual. Yes. I like to show off. I don’t like the attention and the squeals of ‘you’re so great!’ Its reactions like Naruto’s that I like. The kind of inferiority I give people. Sick. Twisted. Conceited. Yeah. I think so too.

I left at around two in the morning that night and my sleep was plagued with dreams of Itachi…and much to my disgrace of Haku. They weren’t particularly dirty dreams; in fact I remember nothing romantic about them. The Itachi dream was more of a memory. It was the day when I was outside training in a field and a genin had come to pick on me because I was ‘the spoiled Uchiha brat.’ Well, the genin was actually one of the top rookies in his class and found it quite necessary to beat me up pretty bad. However, Itachi saved the day for lack of a better description. He got rid of the punk in a few seconds and stared down at me. "Why’d you get so hurt?" he asked as he poked me in the forehead, "I think you could have taken him if you had believed you could have." This was an example as to why I loved my brother. He gave me a small bit of confidence that day. My second dream was different. I was training, when Haku arrived with Zabuza, both in their battle clothes and just staring at me with identical icy glares. The dream ended like that, for I awoke thoroughly shaken.

I made it to the top of the tree when I woke up. Far before Naruto did. But instead of gloating about it and spending the rest of my day in the village I stood, yes I stood, on the very tiny top of the tree waiting for Naruto to reach the top and mocking him with my superior skills every minute.

At nightfall around six o’clock Naruto reached the top and we finally headed back. The blonde was more exhausted than I had ever seen him before and I had practically had to drag him back to our temporary home. Kakashi had hardly been enthusiastic with our feat, not that I had particularly cared either. I just wanted to…I didn’t even know what I wanted to do. Part of me had wanted to crawl in my futon and fall into a deep dark and dreamless sleep, and another part wanted to go back to the forest and wait for Haku.

In the end my desire to see the beautiful boy overpowered me and I found myself walking to the forest. Of course, Haku was already waiting for me laying in the grass and staring into the sky with that same expression that had been on his face the first time I had seen him mask less. Yet, when he turned to me a sweet smile formed on his face.

"Hello Sasuke," he said in a sickeningly sugary voice, "Of course, I wasn’t expecting to see you here."

I rolled my eyes and sat down my back leaned up against the tree and I had run straight up only a few hours ago. I was really tired at the time and I hadn’t felt like training. So I just sat down and talked to him. I let my guard down, which I know could have gotten me killed. I shouldn’t have let my guard down, and the thought of what could have happened still haunts me to this day. I was in the presence of an amazingly powerful killing machine, and yet I just sat there talking to him in a friendlier way than I had spoken to anyone in years. It felt wonderful. When I left I was craving to spend more time with him, not craving, I was absolutely longing to be around him.

I woke up to see Tsunami in the kitchen and no Kakashi or Naruto in sight. I felt incredibly dumb and my ego certainly deflated when she told me they had left without me. I decided not to scour them out, and instead decided to go explore the village a little more. Perhaps he would be there, and perhaps not. Was there really a difference? I guess I would be lying if I said nothing was the difference, in my mind then and still now there is a huge one. But I guess my cold and indifferent exterior makes me feel a bit better about my existence.

It wasn’t long before I saw him again. He was in a fabric shop, looking at strings for a rip in the bottom of his kimono. I glanced at him in a ‘oh it’s you’ kind of way and he smiled at me. I was beginning to adore that smile, and it was perhaps a bit too much for my own good. I had been pushing my luck since I got here. He paid for the strings and we set out to where, well at the time I hadn’t the vaguest idea. We ended up by the ocean, staring into the waters one could never see in Konoha. It was…nice.

"Why are you following me?" he asked as his beautiful locks moved with a faint wind.

"Why are you everywhere I go?" I asked just as calmly staring into the ocean.

Haku didn’t respond but I felt his touch, warm yet cold, on my hand. I wasn’t sure at that moment if he was going to drive a kunai through my stomach or drag me into the ocean to go swimming with him. Either way had seemed plausible which disturbs me greatly. Yet, he did neither of those things. He twisted my arm to the left and flung himself into my chest. I didn’t know why he did it, but I could hear him crying. I didn’t ask why. I didn’t even really want to know. I just consoled him by stroking his hair and letting him cry. Granted I would probably never do this for anyone else. I hate being touched, a secret motivation I have to fight so hard, is that I hate feeling someone else there. But I hadn’t been uncomfortable. Not then. I had felt…for once since the death of my clan…I had felt as though I had some worth.

Our time together didn’t last long. After awhile he let go of me and stared into my eyes. That piercing stare that chilled me to the root. But this time the ice wasn’t so cold, for it was covered in Haku’s tears.

"Tomorrow..." he whispered to me, "It will happen tomorrow."

I nodded numbly and he crawled off of me and stood wiping away a final tear and avoiding my eyes. I noticed small traces of turquoise on his fingernails. His lips moved but no sound came out. Like he had wanted to say something, but it was caught in his throat. And he turned and vanished in a swirling cloud of mist.

I went straight to Tazuna’s home and helped Tsunami the best that I could with her home. I guess I had just wanted something to keep me occupied. Naruto made fun of me for less than a second when he, Sakura, Tazuna, and Kakashi arrived home. His “Sasuke you big pussy!” was ended halfway through big when Sakura punched him square in face. That girl shocked me sometimes. I skipped dinner and went to bed after sharpening my shiruken and my kunai. I suppose I knew that Haku was in no way kidding and that fate had gone ahead and sealed itself. Tomorrow someone was going to die.

Apparently Naruto had gone out in the middle of the night and climbed the tree…again. The boy collapsed when he came back so Kakashi decided to give him the day off. I wanted to protest, but if I told Kakashi he would be all over me for jeopardizing lives…or something cliché like that. So I kept my mouth shut. We arrived at the bridge, which looked pretty well built even though it was about a month from completion. Sakura hung around, being lazy and going on about what all the humidity was doing to her hair. I desperately wanted to grab her and scream "YOU IDIOT! YOU’RE ABOUT TO DIE!" but...I couldn’t. I liked the calm before the storm too much.

I felt sick to my stomach when they arrived. I could tell I was trembling. Mostly with sadness, and partially with excitement. In a moment Zabuza’s water clones had surrounded us and I destroyed them in an instant. And that was when I saw him, standing beside Zabuza wearing that terrible mask. A mask that hid his tears and his pain. I wanted one as well. Zabuza laughed at me and murmured that I was suitable to be Haku’s rival.

"So it seems." He said in a stone cold voice.

And so we fought. Haku is fast, very, very fast. But I used that training to my advantage and easily caught up with him. One kunai. One needle. Another kunai. He ducks. I slung my foot forward and I heard a sickening sound as it connected with the wood of his mask and he was thrown backwards. Sickening, but satisfying. He wasn’t unbeatable.

"Please back down," he in that stony voice, "I don’t want to have to kill you."

I know... had been my thought. But I couldn’t back down. My glare answered him the way no words ever could. He formed a hand sign I had never ever seen before and suddenly huge chunks of ice were encircling me. On the right, the left, and above me. In every one I saw Haku. I stared up at him and he stared down at me, I could only assume as much. Is this what Haku sees when he stares up at the sky? Is that why he always looks so sad?

One thousand needles of death. That was what he did. The name is threatening enough, but it hurt more than that. From ever mirror the vision of Haku threw a very solid needle at me. I dodged as many as those that struck me. I could tell from the start he wasn’t shooting to kill. If he wanted me dead he wouldn’t have used this technique. From what I could tell, every one of his…clones maybe…was aiming for me. Yet none of them were striking a vital spot. He has the sense of stealth to kill me if he really wanted to. Yet he wasn’t.

I was on the ground soon enough. I had realized and accepted that this was the end of the fight for me. Haku was going to get me out. A death simulation to please Zabuza, or possibly he really was going to kill me. But salvation came in the form of Naruto at that moment. Figures. Naruto, that idiot, that fool, that inferior had appeared as the hero at the right moment. And for that single moment I may have even respected him. Of course that was corrupted the moment he appeared in the ice prison with me.

We fought hard. I began to catch up with Haku’s movements with my eyes. But that didn’t mean I could catch up with him physically. So I tried fire-style at the right moment. And in the ice, I saw that there was a singe in his pants. I suppose all was not lost. At that moment I heard the most ear-splitting scream I had ever heard in my life. It was Sakura. I could see nothing through the mist, but I stayed focused to make up for the fact that Naruto obviously couldn’t. Haku chose that moment to attack. We both took harsh hits. Naruto who hadn’t had his guard up took very harsh hits, and fell.

"Get up!" I yelled at him, yet he didn’t move.

The mist thickened and I could feel Haku behind me. I glanced up at the mirrors and saw that they were empty, so I turned to that ghoulish mask.

"Sasuke," he said numbly. Haku approached me slowly, until there was only a foot or so between us. He seemed to be dragging his feet, like a stubborn child who didn’t want to take a bath. He raised his hand up over his face, and pulled of the mask letting it clatter to the ground. We stared into each other’s eyes with a deadly calm. "I love you."

I would like to not think that Naruto was my first kiss. I would like to believe that he had never fallen on me, and that my guard had been so down I hadn’t had time to react whatsoever. I would like to think that. Because as Haku pressed his lips against mine I realized that I was in love. I realized that I was in love with him. And it was the perfect romantic moment that I would love to think was my first kiss. But it wasn’t. Yet another thing Naruto had ruined for me.

He backed away and put his mask back on, like a solemn salute that this was the end of it. But he didn’t attack me. His needles went for...Naruto. And I protected that hyperactive idiot. I can’t really remember what my inspiring death speech to Naruto was. He awoke just in time to see my blood in so many places and needles just about everywhere. The look on his face had made me want to laugh. And I blacked out.

When I awoke Sakura was on top of me. I didn’t see Naruto in my line of vision, but I did see Haku. He was laying there, blood running down his chin and innocence radiating from his corpse. I was too weak to move, and too horrified to speak.

In the end Haku and Zabuza had died. I was forced to stay until the bridge was finished which only gave me painful memories every time I went…well anywhere. Because the land of waves was now the plague of my broken soul. They buried Zabuza next to Haku. We had each been given a moment alone with their bodies, in order to pay our respect. I had gazed down at Haku’s beautiful face, and I don’t know if it had been a short moment of necrophilia or what, but I kissed him one last time.

The day we left I went to the graves. It all seemed so perfectly painful. Enemies have forbidden interaction and fall in love, even confessing and sharing an intimate moment before the death of one of them. It was the perfect story line, but instead it was real which made it all the more painful. I left a flower there, just a simple white flower on his grave, and then I left. And that was the end.

My eyes open and I find I am still in my bathtub. Much of the water has drained and I feel like I am being choked alive in the humidity. There were only two people I had ever loved. One was dead and the other I had sworn to kill. I stepped out of my bath and began to dress myself quickly. I could never have Haku in my arms again. Never again. So I realize, as I slip on my black shirt and tie my leaf headband over my forehead that there is something I can do. I must find Itachi.

The End