Boredom is Dangerous

It was late on a school night that Uzumaki Naruto sat rocking back and forth on the couch in glee. He had done it! He had made the perfect plan and tonight he would put it into action. That bastard had it coming, oh he would be so embarrassed!

“Yes! Yes! It's perfect! Wonderful, even better than ramen!” Naruto, still rocking back and forth, rubbed his hands together and started laughing like a madman.

Minato, who was just about to start the movie, glanced at his son worriedly. “Honey, do you think that we should figure out what he's up to before he gets arrested for murder or something?” he whispered to his wife as she sat down with the bowl of popcorn and threw her legs up on the snack table.

“Nah, the movie is probably more important. And if I'm wrong we can just ground him when it's over and that means I can watch him suffer by taking him to Ichiraku's and not letting him eat.”

It was a sad thing that Naruto was to far gone to hear this conversation because he probably would have been able to avoid a lot of pain, but instead he sat rocking and giggling strangely.

Later that night, when he realized that he still had a mission to accomplish, Naruto packed the necessary items and disappeared into the night.

All right, all right. I guess you guys want me to explain. Well you see about a week before a new store came to the mall and well...

“So what you're saying is that this is a prank store? Do you have any idea how incredible this is? I almost think its a dream!” Naruto leaned toward the cashier eyes shining, “For being the first person to tell me you have just bought yourself a sot in my top favorite people list!”

“Look kid that's...great and all, but if you don't buy something and get out of my face I will end up hitting you.”

And so...

Naruto knew from various sleepovers and nights sneaking out exactly how to get into the Uchiha household without anyone realizing. He stalked giddily into Sasuke's room, who was a surprisingly deep sleeper, and made his way to his dresser.

Sasuke always set out his outfit for the next day on his dresser the night before, so it was easy for Naruto to slip the speaker into one of the back pockets. After he took the alarm and set it to go off ten minutes after school had already started. Then he gave Sasuke the finger as he walked out to the garage, where he kept his car. A minute later he was running toward the darkened school.

“Okay so the last stop is the school, and then tomorrow I shall watch it all unfold!”

Sasuke woke up to a start when his alarm rang he was about to close his eyes for another five minutes when he saw the time.

“Shit! How did that happen, damn I'm late!”

So Sasuke threw on his clothes and ran to his car without showering or eating breakfast. He didn't give his car a single glace as he dove in and sped out of the driveway.

The entire ride to school Sasuke was very thrown off. He knew he didn't look his best considering his late wake up call, but why were so many people looking at him like that? They looked...disgusted? Sasuke was very confused he had never gotten so many dirty looks...in both ways.
One guy took one look at him and took a picture. Another stopped to write something down.

When he got out of his car in the parking lot he saw what the commotion was. Written in big bold letters on the sides of his car was “I love gay porn” and his number was written under it with the words “I'm lonely if you want some 'fun' call this number.”

Sasuke did the only thing he could think of. He ran to his homeroom swearing the person who did this to death.

“Well well well, if it isn't Mr. Uchiha. What made you decide to suddenly decide to grace us with your presence?” Sasuke took a deep breath. He hated his homeroom teacher, he was lazy and read perverted books instead of worrying about his students education.

“Sorry Mr. Hatake I just woke up late.”

“Well, it is a first offense, take your seat.”

Sasuke gladly sat in his place in the back and barely paid attention. He looked across the room to where his best friend, Naruto, sat. He couldn't wait till break to tell him about it. Although Naruto would probably blame the whole thing on aliens or Orochimaru sensei. Whoever he was mad at that day.

However halfway into class he...

“phhhrt”

The class went silent,“Dude, did someone just fart?”

“prrt”

Sasuke's eyes went wide. Everyone was looking at him.

But...he didn't...then...why?...how?

“Prtrtrtrgurtrufnasutututut”

Slowly he stood up. His face was tomato red. “I don't know what's going on but-”

“brrt”

Everyone was dying laughing by this point, his fan girls seemed confused. Sasuke realized that the noise was coming out of his pocket. He opened it and found a speaker. Realization struck. Someone had planned all of this. “A remote controlled fart noise maker thing, are you fucking serious!”

He threw it at the ground and stormed out.
Sasuke ran down the hallway where he went to his locker for the first time that day. In Hatake's class they just keep their books in class and carrying a pen in your pocket isn't hard. What he saw made his blood boil. Whoever it was wasn't going to be living for much longer.
Taped and super glued to his locker was a sign that said
“If farting is an art, then I'm Picasso”

Infuriated Sasuke opened his locker, only realizing too late that it was a bad idea. Just as the bell rang pages upon pages of gay porn burst out of his locker.

Sasuke then connected all of the dots that should have been obvious earlier. There was only one person who had his locker com and only one person would have been able to get in his house and knew he left out his clothes each night. And only one person was jumping up and down in the hallway screaming, “This is way better than I imagined it would be! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!”

“Naruto! You idiot!”

Naruto then realized that now would be a good time to run. And so he did, laughing the whole time.

Sasuke's Sweet Revenge

“Boom!”

Another roll of thunder shook the house, but it didn't bother the dark figures gathered in the Uchiha living room. They were all chuckling and smiling evilly as they plotted and planned. They had been planning this for weeks. It was time for revenge.

“So does everyone understand the plan?” Sasuke looked at all of the people he had gathered. He was reluctant to ask for their help at first, but he had to admit that they were insane enough and would do anything he told them to.

“Yes! Sasuke-kun!” they all answered in unison.

“Hn, then get ready because this is the time. This is the time that we get revenge on Naruto Uzumaki for humiliating me!” As he was finishing a strike of lightning illuminated the dark room and revealed a crazed look that no one had ever seen on his face. It was scary and made him look mentally ill.

So, of course, all of the fan girls gathered swooned.

They all then split into different teams. Some went to Naruto's house, others went to their own houses to get some props ready, others went to town, and some other unmentionable things.

Sasuke himself took part in the breaking in of the Uzumaki household. He didn't worry about Naruto's parents finding them because they had gone out of town for spring break. There was no one to get in the way of his revenge, not even the school. It was perfect.

They started in the kitchen. They took all of the instant ramen and carefully began to remove the lids. Then they threw all of the contents into a garbage bag they had brought with them. Afterword they glued all of the tops back on and before they put the empty ramen cups back in the cupboard they used whiteout to erase the number for questions and comments and replaced it with one of the fan girl's numbers.

Then they made their way into the bathroom where they replaced his shampoo with hair dye and covered all of the towels in itching powder. The last thing they did was install cameras throughout the house.

On their way out Sasuke made sure to stop in Naruto's room and stand next to his bed in a very creepy way and said, “Sweet dreams Naruto...hehehe, they won't be so sweet after tomorrow!”

Naruto woke the next morning in a great mood. The sun was shining and all of the plants outside looked extra healthy after the storm they had last night. His good mood might have also been linked to the fact that there was no one there to tell him that he couldn't have ramen for breakfast.

So he made his way to the kitchen and opened one of his instant ramen cups...empty.

“What? How the hell did the company make that mistake?”
Then Naruto opened up another one. It was empty. Then in a frenzy Naruto began tearing open ramen cups in a craze.

“Empty! Empty again! Are you serious? Why? Empty!” Naruto ended up crumpled on the floor sobbing, “I love ramen...so why did it have to leave me?”

That was when he was the number for “Questions and Comments” on the container. He picked up the phone and dialed the number.

“What is it now?!” Naruto flinched a little bit. What did the customer service person have to be mad about. The girl at the other end of the line sounded busy, aggravated, and bombarded.

“W-well, I just opened up all of my instant ramen and there isn't anything in them...”

“Arghh! Are you kidding me! That's the fifteenth call today and we've only been open for ten minutes...Jesus. Do you know how many people I've had yelling an-”

Naruto hung up the phone out of fear. So he wasn't the only one. He sighed. Well there was always Ichiraku's, and he could call Sasuke to go with him. This was definitely going to be a story that would amuse him. So he called
Sasuke and got in the shower.

Somewhere in the distance a fan girl patted herself on the back for a phone call well answered.

Sasuke smirked as he pulled into Naruto's driveway. When Naruto had called he had agreed to drive him to Ichiraku's if after Naruto would go to the mall with him since he needed some new shoes.

“Hey bastard!” Naruto hopped in the passenger seat.

“Um, Naruto? What did you do to your hair?” Naruto looked at him questioningly while itching at his arms.

“What are you talking about? I didn't do anything to my hair.”

Sasuke pulled down the mirror and Naruto stared. It was green.

“Oh my god! What do I do?”

Sasuke pretended to be calm and not guilty and said, “Well, I'm sure no one will notice.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, totally,” Naruto seemed a little reassured and they made their way to Ichiraku's with Naruto itching the whole way there.

When they got there a huge sign was on the door. It read “CLOSED NO LONGER IN BUSINESS”

“What? The old man really lost his shop? Why didn't he say anything?”

Naruto looked close to tears. Then he heard a voice behind him. “He didn't tell you because he didn't know.”

“Huh?” He looked over at the girl standing on the curb.
She then made her way to Naruto and got hold of his shoulders and whispered, “All of the people who made ramen in the world have gone missing. So has all the ramen itself.”

“What? That can't be true!”
“Have you opened any instant ramen today?”

“Yeah, it was-”

“Gone, yes I know. Just remember this is only the beginning. Tell your friends tell everyone. The end is near.”

With that said she ran away looking like she thought all of the people on the street would suddenly stop what they were doing and chase her.

“Well I guess we're headed to the mall. There's probably something to eat there.” Sauke then started toward his car.

“Are you seriously gonna ignore that? What about the old man?”

“That girl was psycho, Naruto. You could probably call the old man when you get home and he'll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay.”

Now some of you may be wondering 'how did Sasuke get someone to close his business?' That is a really easy question to answer. The exchange went something like this.

“You want me to just not work for an entire day and hang up a sign that says I'm out of business?”

“Yes.”

“I could lose customers that way are you-”

“I'll give you 5 grand.”

“Deal.”

And that was that.

Shopping went normally except for the fact that Naruto kept feeling like he was being watched. He would turn around to see who it was to see no one there. Between the itching, not having eaten, his hair and this, he felt like he was going crazy.

On their way out they were stopped by a group of people shouting in the parking lot putting fliers under people's windshield wipers and intercepting people before they could get to their cars.

It wasn't long until they were stopped.

“YOU! Young sirs! Make yourselves aware! The end is coming. All of the signs are showing and if you don't prepare you WILL die!”

“Okay, well we kind of just want to get to our car...”

“No you don't. Haven't you heard? All of our cars are destined to come alive and eat us and make us their slaves.”

“Are you talking about Transformers?”

The guy looked at Naruto for a good 45 seconds without speaking and then gave him a flier and ran away.

Once they were in the car Naruto started looking over the flier, “Signs that the world in ending...Contaminated water: will leads to discolored skin or hair and itchy skin...Ramen will disappear?...Gorillas and cars will kill everyone...Hey Bastard, doesn't that seem like everything that's happened today excluding the last part?”

“You don't honestly believe the world is going to end do you Naruto?”

“Well it is 2012...”

Sasuke sighed, “Will you shut up about the end of the world if I stay over?”

Naruto reluctantly nodded. But it was hard when the passed several churches, and all of them had signs that said, “THE END IS COMING” where there would usually be a weekly quote from the Bible.

A couple of fan girls high-fived each other after hiding their step ladder.

After about two hours of playing video games at Naruto's house the phone rang.

“Hello? Who is this?”

“This is Ms. Hamilton from Wildlife Services. I called to inform you that your local zoo had an incident and as a result all of the gorillas and monkeys escaped.”
Naruto didn't say anything. He just stared at the counter where he had placed the flier and listened to the woman on the phone intently.

“It is requested that you turn off all electrical devices, lock your doors and remain calm. Thank you and have a nice evening.”

Then she hung up.

Finding his voice, Naruto shouted at Sasuke, “Turn off the video game, now!” He then proceeded to run around the house flicking off lights, disconnecting the phone, and ripping cords out of the walls.

“What the hell are you doing, idiot?” Sasuke watched in fake concern as Naruto made a complete mess of the house on the verge of a psychotic break.

“They were right Sasuke, they were all right. We need to hide. We need to be prepared...Oh shit, we're gonna die!”

“Whatever, I'm going to the bathroom and when I get back I hope to see you mentally stable.”

Naruto's eyes stayed focused on Sasuke about to cry in disbelief. He was leaving him alone. He was leaving him when he was like this. He really needed to rethink who he chose as his friends.

Just then he heard a scream from the bathroom. “Sasuke!”
Naruto ran to the bathroom and stood still in disbelief. There, standing over a bleeding Sasuke was a gorilla. The gorilla then made a sound that could be compared to a growl and made its way over to Naruto.

“Oh my god! Sasuke get the fuck up right now!” Naruto began backing into the wall, cowering, “Shit! Please Sasuke get up! Just let this be some nightmare and the world isn't ending...Oh god...”

“Naruto...” Sasuke's voice was barely a whisper, “If this would end, would you promise to be on your best behavior and be nice to me for the rest of your life?”

“Yes! I'd agree to anything for this to end!” Naruto was far to scared to feel suspicious about anything Sasuke was saying.

“Okay then...”

The gorilla got right up to Naruto's face looking as if it might eat him. Then it raised its arms and...took off its head. Inside a fan girl was smiling cheerfully at him.“Gotcha good, huh?”

“Sasuke...wha-”

“Naruto, revenge is sweet. You best remember that before you prank someone. Especially me.”