Reviews For Shi-Hua Shock
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 29/05/12 - 02:20 pm · For: Unsocial...Like Always
Well, I can't see/remember any mistakes except the one that has been pointed out - the tense thing. But other than that, the overall writing was good.
It was an interesting chapter. For some reason it surprised me she met Korra. Maybe it's just because I've just been so wrapped up in my own Avatar story idea. And I thought it was nice how you showed her entire day but didn't majevit seem like too much. And you also gave the readers a sense of who the main character is.
Speaking of your character, I'm actually pleased you changes her name to Shi-Hua since it's more Chinese name-based. I guess DDTD pointed that out where I forgot to. It's the only reason I can't find out what to name my characters - I'm used to Japanese names. Shi-Hua seems like a simple character who is still waiting to grow. And I feel bad for Shi-Hua even if she is actually antisocial because they're judging her only on that on part they see rather than the part Mako and Bolin and Tazo see. And I found Korea's somewhat surprised reaction toward Shi-Hua's antisocialness hilarious.
Author's Response: Thanks for your thoughts! I'm glad you liked it. I do believe I fixed the tense thing but I'll probably go over it again just to make sure. Hopefully I won't make the damme mistake later but luckily I have you three as reviewers to help me out. :) what I'm confused about is what is a majevit? Is it a typo? Lol Anyway I get what you man about transitioning names. I'm used to Japanese ones too :P I hope you continue reading and submit your fanfiction too I'd love to read it.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 29/05/12 - 07:44 am · For: Unsocial...Like Always
DDTD already pointed out the tense changes, so no real need for me reiterate that.
This writing style is different than what you've bee using. It's very omniscient, like you're narrating instead of letting the story flow on its own. It's not bad, it's just different.
I do like Shi-Hua. I wonder how she will fit into this universe. As of now, you've set up her identity rather well, as everyone knows her as the unsocial girl. It makes me curious to see her character development as the plot thickens.
Good job on this chapter. I liked it. Keep up the awesome work.
Author's Response: Like always thanks for your thoughts. It's very much appreciated. :) I think my writing is different because I'm thinking about this story in a different way since Shi-Hua is a much different character than my other ones. Also I see what you mean by me narrating it. The flow will probably come later when I'm not getting the scene together. Anyways hope you continue reading and giving me your thoughts!
Name: DropDeadThenDance (Signed) · Date: 28/05/12 - 07:59 pm · For: Unsocial...Like Always
Well, this was most certainly an interesting installment to say the least. I think it's kind of sad that Shi-Hua is so unsocial (nice name change, by the way) but I can say I know what she feels like.
My character Tako had the same problem before she hit the Naruto world, so I totally get where you're writing from, and you do a good job of it :D
One thing I did notice throughout this chapter was that there was a lot of tense jumping. I mean one minute you would be writing past tense like this: she had done this, and then the next it would be present tense: her parents are very into the whole idea. Anyway, that aside, I saw a few really minor grammar mistakes as well, but those were barely noticeable things that can be fixed really easily :D
Oh, I have a theory about this character. Can she see the future or something? It would explain how she reacted to Korra's voice on the radio/her congratulating the boys before the match was over :P On top of that, she seems like she has OCD or asperger's syndrome, explaining why she seems to do the same thing everyday, and it also explains her unsocial/shy behavior, along with her unwillingness to talk to people.
ANYWAY! Sorry for the long review, it's been awhile since I really commented on any stories, so I'm just going all out, and I like this story. As a little gift for making a character I can relate too, I drew you this picture! Hope you like it!! :D
Author's Response: Thank you for pointing those things out to me. Sometimes I don't notice these things, so it's good to have someone tell me. I'll be sure to fix it up once I'm out of school for the day. I also like your ideas they're very creative (of course they would be). Onto another part of your review...HOLY SHIZZ-NUGGETS THAT IS ONE AWESOME PICTURE!!!!! Thank you so much, I love it!!!!!! Okay, fangirling over :P I'm glad you like this story and I'm looking forward to reading more of your helpful reviews so I can make this story better.
