One day, the big old pervert sennin came walking into the house. He started spouting off something about a dating service. I wasn't the least bit interested. But some one, Kankuro, pressured me into joining. He seemed to think that I didn't have any plans for Valentines Day. But I did. I was going to do what I always did, sit around acting like it was just another day while reading yaoi and watching gory anime. Plus making a few voodoo dolls with the girls. That was my plan. But noooo... Batman had to drag me down to Jiraiya's office to give him details on the kind of guy I liked. I hate Kankuro.
Jiraiya: Sooo?
Jess: So what? I don't wanna do this. Kankuro's making me.
Jiraiya: Okay then. But you have to, so just tell me already.
Jess: *sigh* Fine. I like guys who have a sence-of-humor.
Jiraiya: *writes that down on a notepad* Uh-huh, anything else?
Jess: No. Well... Piercings are a plus as are tattoos and accents. But other then that, no. I'm not picky.
Jiraiya:*grins evily* Not picky hmm... Great All the better.
Jess: Oh yeah I like perverts. For some odd reason, they make me happy.
Jiraiya: Even better.
On Valentines Day...
*Shikamaru, Kiba, Gaara, Itachi, Deidara, Kankuro, Sai, Shino, Kakashi, and Naruto*
Jiraiya: *walks into room* Let's see, *looks at sheet* Oh yes, Kiba please follow me.
Kiba: *get's up and follows Jiraiya into room.*
Jiraiya: Well It seems that nobody has requested you for their Valentine, so to compensate you get a pussy.
Kiba: *chokes on spit* What?
Jiraiya: As compliments of Jiraiya's Dating Service, take this pussy as our way of saying thanks and sorry for being a loser. *Throws a cat at Kiba's head*
Five seconds later....
Kiba: *runs out of the room, screaming like a girl*
Everyones else: *stares in confusion*
Jiraiya: Next is Deidara, come with me please.
Two minutes later...
Deidara: *comes out of the room, pouting*
Kakashi: What happened?
Deidara: He gave me a theme song, hn.
Naruto: What song?
Deidara: TNT by AcDc, hn.
Kakashi: Good song. *happy face*
Jiraiya: Naruto, you're next!
Naruto: Whoot! *runs into the office*
Two minutes later...
Naruto: *comes out with ramen in his hands and a smile on his face*
Kankuro: Oh God... He gave him ramen. *whispers to Gaara* How much you wanna bet that he's gonna fill a tub up with ramen and just swim in it?
Gaara: I'll put ten on it.
Jiraiya: Sai, you're next.
Sai: Okies. *goes into the office*
Two minutes later...
Sai: *walks out, looking depressed and confused*
Gaara: What did they give you?
Sai: *holds up a coloring book and some markers* He told me to get in touch with my inner child. He said that chicks dig that.
Kankuro: Well, that's a load of bullshit!
Itachi: Ya know Sai... You should just go bi-sexual. Then you can play with my little brother.
Sai: *runs away screaming for his life*
Itachi: *falls down laughing* Oh, my day is not complete unless I scare a ninja.
Kakashi: You're an asshole, you know that?
Itachi: *giggles* Uh-huh.
Jiraiya: Okay since this is taking too long... Shikamaru and Shino, get your asses in here.
Three minutes later...
Shino: *stomps out of the room, pouting*
Shikamaru: *follows Shino, with a pillow in his hands*
Jiraiya: *walks out with a bloody nose and a black eye*
Gaara: I'm curious...
Shino: Bug spray. *leaves*
Gaara: Oh. Jiraiya, you're an idiot.
Jiraiya: Yeah, well you're next.
Gaara: Fuck. *goes into the office*
Two minutes later...
Garra: *does the stayin alive walk out of the office* Oh yeah bitches.
Kankuro: What's up? Did he give you a bear for your collection?
Gaara: No. I actually go a date, cock-knocker.
Jiraiya: Oh so, you actually swing that way huh... *goes back into the office*
Kankuro: What the fuck? Gaara!
Gaara: *giggles and runs away*
Kankuro: Fuck this shit. I'm out. *leaves*
Jiraiya: *comes back out* Kankur- Oh he left. Ah well, his date'll just go to someone else then. Itachi, you have Kankuro's date now. Meet her at the resturant at seven tonight. Kakashi...
Kakashi: Yo.
Jiraiya: We couldn't find you anyone, so here. *throws him a bottle of lotion, a box of tissues and the new yuri addition of Makeout Paradise*
Kakasi: *looks at Itachi* Ummm... Wanna trade?
Itachi: You can some with. I mean, I know how to share.
Kakashi: Okay. *happy face*
Later that evening almost all of the girls that had gone through the dating service had been sent up with Jiraiya. Needless to say, we were all pissed. And proceeded to pound him into the ground. The old perv tried to summon a frog, but the guys who hadn't got dates showed up and helped kick his butt. I don't think he'll be trying that again anytime soon. Oh and just incase you were wondering who got to go out with Gaara, Itachi and Kakashi. It's simple. Oni got Gaara. Rachael on the other hand lucked out and got a double date, until Kendra stole Kakashi away from her. I on the other hand, still didn't want to participate in the Valentines crap. So I just sat around for the rest of the night and played Mortal Kombat. It was an okay day.
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Chapter notes: Umm... I know I said that I was gonna be gone until Monday. Well... I lied. I couldn't sleep last night and so, I had to write a few chapters. I'm not gonna post 'em all today cause I only have like, oh... Five more minutes before I have to leave again. But I thought I'd give ya this one. ^^
As usual, I don't own Naruto.
Chapter end notes: I was going to save this one for Valenties, but I figured... Fuck it. It's four day's away.