Sakura: Naruto, sit down!
Naruto: I can't because SOME ONE shoved a NEEDLE IN MY BUTT!
Rachael: *looks around innocently*
Sasuke: *smirks* Presents now?
Oni: Ooh... Someone sounds happy now.
Sasuke: Of course. Naruto just got stuck in the ass with a pin. This is the greatest birthday ever!
Jess: *takes another shot of helium* Well, hold your horses kiddo. We got you a pinata.
Sasuke: *smiles* Is it in the shape of Itachi's head?
Itachi: *gasp* You're such a mean little brother.
Oni: Actually it is.
Itachi: ...
Sasuke: Sweet! I wanna whack it! Come on, let's go! *jumps around*
Jess: *takes another shot of helium* Kisame, what did you put in the cake?
Kisame: Sugar, I hope.
Kendra: *comes out from no where* You put some of Kankuro's crack in there, huh?
Kankuro: For the last time, I do not smoke crack!
Kendra: Uh-huh. Suuure.
Sasuke: I WANT MY PINATA!
After the pinata of Itachi is utterly distroyed...
Itachi: *crying in the corner*
Sasuke: *giggling evily as he eats more cake*
Everyone Else: *is scared- no, terrified of Sasuke*
Sasuke: *has icing all over his face* Can I open my presents now?
Jess: *clinging to Sai* If you put the bat down.
Sasuke: Oh. Okay! *throws the bat over his shoulder*
Jess & Sai: *take a shot of helium*
Five minutes later...
Sasuke: *sitting in the middle of the room, wiggling in place* Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Oni: Who's going first? *hiding her present behind her back*
Sakura: I will! *hands Sasuke a pink-wrapped present*
Sasuke: It had better not be a picture of you, like last year... *tears off the wrapping paper* What the fuck is this?
Naruto: It's a speedo!
Sasuke: Oh... *puts it on his head* NEXT!
Ino: Here, it's a lot better than Billboard Brows!
Sasuke: *snatches the present away and rips it open* You got me underwear too! How boring!
Ino: Not just any underwear Sasuke-kun. *winks*
Sasuke: *reads the package* Edible underwear? INO, I LOVE YOU! *glomps Ino*
Ino: *dies*
Sakura: *dies*
Sasuke: Is that all I ever had to do to get rid of them?
Rachael: Yeah. Here, it's from your brother and me.
Sasuke: *giggles happily* I hope it's more underwear. I like underwear... *opens the big present and glares at Itachi*
Itachi: *smiles*
Rachael: Put it on Sasuke!
Sasuke: Hell no! *pushes the box away* Nuh-uh. No way in hell!
Rachael: Oh yes you will...
Ten minutes later...
Sasuke: *wearing a diaper, blue bonnet with a binky in his mouth*
Gaara: *snickers*
Oni: I think it's time for my present. *smiles*
Sasuke: *spits the binky out of his mouth* Yes!
Oni: *hands him the present*
Sasuke: *rips the wrapping paper off* Yaoi For Dummies... Oni, what's a yaoi?
Oni: *shocked*
Jess: *takes another shot of helium* Little Sasuke-kun, are you ready for your last present?
Sasuke: Yup! *nods* Gimme!
Jess: *hands him the present*
Sasuke: *opens it quickly* ... What is it?
Sai: *on helium* Open it and find out.
Sasuke: Okay... *opens the book and starts to read a random page out-loud* Feeling his hot breath on his ear made the blonde shudder with anticipation. Biting his bottom lip as the raven haired boy's lips touched his skin, gently nibbling at him. Sasuke, I-
Jess: *giggles evily*
Sasuke: *throws the book at Jess' head* I HATE YOU! YOU SAID IT WAS FLUFFY SMUTT!
Jess: *dodges the book* It was, but then you pissed me off. Now it's hard-core buddy. Hah!
Sasuke: I'm going to kill you!
Oni: RUN!
Jess: *waves and takes off out the front door*
I don't know what happened after that, cause I tripped on the porch steps and knocked myself out. I woke up in the hospital three days later and you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE SASUKE-KUN!!!