Paperwork Ninja, a Day in the Life
Part five: Situation Normal...
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-Around 3 pm, the Hokage's office-
"Iruka discovered the problem in time to stop the Wednesday update, so only two reports spontaneously combusted. Fortunately the fire didn't spread to the rest of the files."
"I always felt that was a rather extreme measure."
"We didn't decide to make it that way." Kotetsu said defensively.
"No, I know that. The Second Hokage was rather paranoid about his file system." the third Hokage sighed.
Kotetsu drimaced. "He was the organizer, more than the First, wasn't he?"
A sage nod. "Yes. He said that the only thing that can kill a ninja is ignorance."
"The academy motto."
"Yes. According to the story I was told, Nidaime-sama once lost his eyesbrows to a fire-using Mist jounin. He later found a mission report mentioning that said enemy was a master of fire. He decided that was unacceptable, and commissioned the master file system."
"So we have a file system that makes bogus reports explode thanks to a pair of missing eyebrows?"
"If you beleive the stories."
"And is it true that if it isn't updated regularly it gets cranky and will hypnotize bystanders into filing reports?"
"I'm not sure." the Hokage's crinkly face pulled into a lazy smirk, "It's never been neglected for very long."
Kotetsu filed away that information. If ever they needed a vacation or a good laugh, hypnotized jounin-zombies filing reports would be well worth watching. Then he remembered himself, finishing his final report before leaving for the day. "Genma and Izumo are informing the affected ninja of the problem and the need to redo some reports. Owashi is still downstairs making the list of which missions were given on the wrong forms. He'll stay until he finishes. At the rate he's going, Iruka should be come and gone by the time he finishes."
"Hmm?"
"He tends to dive right in and improvise alot. Which works on missions, but not so well in the office. So sometimes he doesn't see the easy answer."
"Is that how it is?" the Hokage tamped down the tobacco in his pipe. "Isn't there a way to cross index the reports according to when the mission was assigned rather than just by when it was completed?"
"Indeed. And Owashi came to ask me how to do that about thirty minutes ago." Kotetsu smiled. "He found about half of them by other means, then realized what he should have done in the first place."
"Heh. I see what you mean."
"He'll learn."
"Indeed. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment."
Kotetsu bowed, "Hokage-sama."
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-Around 5:30 pm-
The dread tower. our intrepid hero approached the imposing edifice, steeling himself for the assault that would take him to the very top, where he would confront the ruler of the village face to face. He would be victorious over the gathered masses that stood in his way, would prevail over the temptations and obstacles in his path, until he reached his goal and could claim his just reward. And sweet it would be...
"Iruka-sensei! Good afternoon!" a cheerful call interupted our hero's revery.
"Good afternoon, Lee-kun. Neji-kun, Tenten-chan, Gai-sensei." Iruka nodded to this year's graduate genin team and their sensei.
"Iruka-sensei!" Gai flashed a brilliant smile and a quick thumbs up, "You will be greatly pleased to hear that your actions earlier this day prevented a great tragedy and many hours of work! Your fellows are even now implementing the changes you suggested and working with great enthusiasm to ensure the problem does not mar the smooth running of the mission room again!"
"I'm glad to hear that, Gai-sensei."
'A great tragedy?' Neji used the scouting hand-signs to form the thought, his brows lifting over his white eyes.
'Nothing to worry about. I'll tell you on tomorrow.' Iruka signed back without thinking much of it. Using the hand-signs was considered rude if the other people present didn't understand it, but the academy teacher knew that would not apply to this team. Even Lee should be able to interpret his signals.
"Iruka-sensei, that is a wonderful idea! Since we have no further missions to complete this week, we will practice our silent communication while we train!" Gai enthused, then continued in exagerated signs, 'Come my students, we shall train diligently our minds and bodies.'
'Yes, Gai-sensei!' Lee signed back with equal exageration, nearly hitting Neji with the final arm wave of emphasis. The Hyuuga genius leveled his white glare at his oblivious teammate, then turned away in disgust.
'My ears thank you, Iruka-sensei.' Tenten ended her message by tapping her ears and smiling mournfully at her green-clad sensei and teammate, who were walking towards their normal training field, signing 'loudly' enough to be understood from across the village.
'Pure genius.' Neji signed behind his team's backs. 'I owe you a favor?'
'Yes. Now go.' Iruka sent him on his way, feeling much better. He and Neji often used the more complex scout signs to communicate. After Iruka had mentioned that the Hyuuga branch family had originally developed the expanded vocabulary to communicate amoungst themselves through walls, clothing and anything else in the way, Neji had become keenly interested in learning the more complex signs. Those lessons had developed into Iruka's first Genius-into-human project, which hadn't been quite as successful as he might have wished, but overall pleased him.
Iruka continued towards his appointment with the Hokage in his tower in a much better mood. He considered bypassing the mission room by going up the side of the building, but it seemed silly. Sure, a lot of paperwork was going to need fixing, but it shouldn't be that hard. A few ink transfer jutsu lessons and the jounin would have their reports re-done onto the proper forms in no time, they could be filed without causing small explosions, and everything would be fine again. There'd be bitching about having to do the ink transfers themselves, but the jutsu never worked well when you tried it with something you didn't write yourself... the words tended to scramble themselves.
He didn't expect sudden silence when he arrived in the mission room.
He didn't expect half a dozen jounin and chuunin to turn and stare... no glare at him with the same hatred as students in detention.
He didn't expect to find no allies present, as Izumo and Genma had apparently gone off somewhere.
He ignored the glares, moving swiftly into the room to the desk he shared with Raidou and Hayate, opening his locked drawer and searching for the evacuation maps he'd planned to show the Hokage tonight. He found them under a folder he didn't remember. A quick glance proved the mystery packet to be Jounin nomination papers. Iruka growled under his breath before shoving the offending papers into the communal drawer. Raidou would put them away, just like he had the last three times such things had appeared where they should not be. He was too tired to deal with it right now. He slammed his drawer shut and stood, suddenly sensing someone behind him. He sensed something being pulled over his head and spun around, intent on slamming his assailant against the wall.
Too slow; Kakashi fixed the cloth in place and dodged without apparent effort. "There. Now no one will recognize you."
"What the hell?" Iruka pulled the mask down from his face, caught for a moment between anger and nervousness. Kakashi had never stood this close to him before, never seemed to notice him despite the crush Iruka had been harboring for years. "Kakashi?"
"You don't like it?" Kakashi's single visible eye mocked him as he reset the mask back over Iruka's mouth and nose, displacing Iruka's forehead protector to cover one eye at the same time, "You can pretend to be me for a little while, I don't mind."
"Why would I want to do that?" Iruka uncovered his eye by pulling the headband completely off.
"Because it must be hard to fail at the only thing you're good for." another voice cut in, but Kakashi wasn't surprised. Apparently it was a joke.
"Asuma?"
"Hmmm, did you say something, Kakashi?" the bearded jounin asked, flicking the ash from his cigarette casually.
"Hmmm. Maybe my copy did." the copy nin replied.
Iruka felt the blood draining from his face as he listened to the whispers of the other ninja in the room. He cursed his teacher's ears that picked up every word; "...his fault this happened." "Those who can't teach." "Or do paperwork." "Slow and stupid. How did he make Chuunin?" "Hokage's pet." He frowned, pulling the mask from his face and shoving it at Kakashi, who had pulled out his damned orange book. A slender, gloved hand accepted the mask absently, then turned a page. The blue eye never met his, the expression showed no signs of disapproval at the mutterings, nor of sympathy with Iruka at all.
"If you want to talk to the one responsible, I suggest you find Owashi." Iruka said, keeping his voice calm and even despite his inner turmoil.
"Shouldn't you practice what you preach, Sensei, and not tattle on your little friends?" Kakashi leaned on the title of 'Sensei', giving it a higher, childish pitch. Iruka's nervousness fled, replaced with a quiet and dangerous wrath that would simmer for weeks before it was released to find its target.
"He's been working the desk so long he's forgotten how to take care of his teammates." a voice from the whispering crowd spoke up.
"Poor teammates."
*@#%*(^ JOUNIN! They will regret this. Iruka yanked open the top drawer of the desk and pulled out a VA-1, the greatest ally of beleauguered paperwork ninja. Weaving his fingers over the paper, he moved the ink from the inkwell to the paper without destroying an innocent brush.
He didn't notice the stares the floating ink was receiving, or when Kakashi's Sharingan eye peaked out from under its protective cover to copy the simple jutsu. He did notice when the Hokage and Izumo came in, because silence descended like a cloud.
"Iruka-sensei, you're a little late." Sarutobi looked at the suddenly diligent jounin [Except Kakashi, who continued to read his Icha Icha as if nothing had happened] and the VA-1 curiously.
"Sorry." Iruka smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, "The 'Any questions' at the end of the day ran over nearly an hour. But the questions were good ones, so it was worth it."
"Approved." the Hokage thrust his chin towards the half-filled form.
"Thank you, Hokage-sama." for the first time since he'd arrived, Iruka's smile reached his eyes. If it turned vicious for a split second, none of the gathered ninja noticed. [The fools!]
"I see everything here is under control. Izumo will take your reports when you're done."
A general assent rumbled through the room, and Iruka allowed himself to be led off.
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-Around 7 Pm, in Iruka's sewage-free apartment.
"So, Izumo says that after you left, everyone demanded to learn that ink transfer jutsu and the room cleared out pretty rapidly once he'd given them a quick class."
"I can't believe they didn't think to ask. It's not like they've never seen it, right? We use it to make copies all the time. Jounin are overpaid idiots. No common sense at all"
"I could easily take offense to that, you know."
"Sorry."
A comfortable silence fell as Genma split the chicken chow mein onto two plates. It had appeared on Iruka's doorstep 'mysteriously' around seven. The senbon sucker had to admit that the Uchiha heir's stealth techniques were more advanced than most his age; Genma hadn't sensed the boy until he'd been right outside the door despite Iruka's warning that he would be coming.
Sasuke was one of Iruka's project children, along with Neji, the Hyuuga Genius from the year before and the newest Aburame Chuunin from a few years ago. Not because the little geniuses needed extra help with lessons, but because they needed help being human. Apparently Sasuke had melted enough to cook for his teacher on the Day of Exhaustion. Genma decided that he was probably a keeper, once he got over the teenage angst.
"Genma?"
The freeloader pushed the last button on the microwave before he turned, "Iruka?"
"Kakashi said I could pretend to be him for a while. And Saru-sama approved my VA-1."
Genma laughed, "Kakashi has not got an effing clue, does he?"
"Probably not."
"About time he learned, then."
"I'll be the Carbon-Copy Ninja." Iruka giggled, flopping languidly on the dining room couch, "I'll wear a perfect mask and no one will recognise me."
"Have I mentioned lately that I love your evil side?"
"Yesterday, while we were setting the new traps."
"Did I tell you what Raidou said yet?"
"No..."
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Chapter notes: The characters went on strike, but I got them to come back for a little while. NOw taking suggestions for the toment of Kakashi. ^_^