Chapter Four: Chuunin. Again.
"Gai wants to challenge you."
"Gah!" Iruka said, nearly bashing his head on the cabinet as he jumped at the unexpected voice. He twisted, looking through the kitchen window to Anko's bathroom window. Her hair was already clean and brushed, teeth gleaming, make-up on. She was ready for her day.
He, on the other hand, had only gotten rid of the children an hour before and was still in his pajamas. It was his day off.
"Tell me you talked him out of it," he said, turning back to contemplate the interior of his cupboard. Cans of soup and a single mouse-chewed package of instant ramen stared back at him.
"Yeah. I reminded him you were a lowly Chuunin and it was beneath him to beat you to a pulp."
"Great," Iruka muttered.
"I also told him I'd do it."
Iruka flinched. He remembered what Anko had done to their Jounin Sensei. He'd helped, after all. "Ah, look, about that," he began.
"Don’t start. You owe me big for not beating you to a pulp, though."
Iruka nodded morosely. "You could think it a compliment that Kakashi--"
"Don't," Anko said, and there was a real warning in her voice this time. "I told you to avoid him, not send him to me."
Iruka winced. "Yeah. Well, you wouldn't help me with my jutsu!"
"How's that coming? And get me some cereal," Anko said.
Iruka pulled down a bowl and put Anko's favorite in it, then added milk, got a spoon and handed it through the window. She perched in her sill and ate. "The justu's coming along," Iruka said after a moment. "Some ridiculous rabid-squirrel summoning. Kotetsu's idea. It should keep the students entertained, and improve their summoning abilities."
"I didn't think they taught summoning at the academy," Anko said around a full mouth.
"They don't. So those skills can only improve, right?" Iruka said, smiling weakly.
Anko snorted. Milk misted across her knees.
"You are the very picture of womanly virtue," Iruka said blandly.
Anko stuck her tongue out at him. "Kakathi thtill chathing u'?" she asked around food.
"I think I got rid of him last night," Iruka said, and yawned so widely he felt his jaw pop. He rubbed a hand through his hair and padded around his kitchen, pulling his pajama pants up. They slipped back down around his hips again, almost indecent--except his baggy shirt hid them.
"Well, good for you," Anko said, setting the bowl down on Iruka's windowsill. "You've got a hole in your pants."
"Yeah," he mumbled, staring into the refrigerator. "Do you have any bagels?"
Anko grunted and disappeared. A few minutes later she sat in the window again, leaning across to hand him a bagel with cream cheese.
"Thanks," he said, taking it and straddling a chair. "How'd the date go?"
Anko's smile nearly split her face. "Gai is soooo romantic."
Iruka snorted. "He ought to be, the way he talks . . ."
"Candle lit dinners, walking under the stars . . ." she sighed wistfully. "And the sex was great."
Iruka tried not to roll his eyes.
"You think most of him is big, you should see his--"
"*Anko,*" Iruka said quickly.
She just laughed. "You'd feel it clear up your spine, baby."
Iruka winced. "Thank you for that lovely image," he muttered. "Didn't you have a mission? I was supposed to water your plants?"
"Postponed," Anko chirped. "Next week. Water my plants?"
Iruka rolled his eyes. "Yeah, of course."
Anko grinned. "And Gai's hands--? To *die* for. Man knows how to use those big fingers--"
"*ANKO.*"
**
"So, as much fun as tutoring was, I was thinking a different date next time."
Iruka nearly misjudged his leap, which would have sent him plummeting to the forest floor, sixty feet below. Instead, he managed to catch a branch and swing to safety, huffing like a steam engine and plastering himself against the trunk.
Kakashi landed lightly in front of him. "You all right, Sensei?"
"Fine," Iruka gasped. "You--killed--I could've--"
"Nice jogging route," Kakashi said, settling back on his hips and glancing around. "I particularly liked the jaunt through the Forest of Death."
Iruka braced both hands on his knees and gave up talking, focusing instead on breathing.
And coming up with an excuse. He'd be damned if he was dating Kakashi, even if the Jounin was crazy enough to have withstood seven sugar-high children.
Maybe Ibiki was right. Maybe a firm 'no' would do the trick. "No," he gasped.
"I didn't like the jaunt thought he Forest of Death?"
He managed a glare up through the hair falling around his face. "Not--dating--you," he said between pants.
"Oh. Onto the sex then?" Kakashi asked brightly.
Oh, crap. Here came the unwanted groping, Iruka was certain of it. His eyes narrowed and he managed to pull a kunai from an ankle holster in under a second. It was a ninja thing.
Kakashi--noooo. Iruka blinked, and looked again. It really was hard to tell with the mask, but it looked like Kakashi was *pouting.*
"Sensei, I'm not sure if I'm more hurt that you seem to think you need to protect yourself from me . . . or if you seem to think you *could.*"
Iruka felt himself starting to turn red. He couldn't, of course. Not without some very creative moves and a great deal more chakra than he had.
But damn it, he could maim with the best of them.
"All right, so no sex right now. That leads us right back to dating. So . . . the new Icha Icha movie is out?"
Iruka holstered the kunai. He was breathing steadier, he noted with some relief. His shoe had also come untied. He balanced on one leg, knotting his laces with short, sharp movements before putting his foot down. "I'm not dating you, Kakashi-san."
"Kakashi, please." The Copy Ninja smiled.
"I am not dating you," Iruka said again.
Kakashi heaved a sigh. For just an instant muscles pressed against his uniform, and then they were gone again, hidden by baggy clothing. Kotetsu's words floated through Iruka's head, and he had to admit Kakashi was attractive.
He was also an arrogant prick who annoyed people just for fun.
And asked Itachi to have sex.
Really.
"So I should go back to appearing in your bathroom? That worked just fine last time."
The bastard seemed utterly pleased with himself.
"No!" Iruka snapped. He dragged his hands though his hair, yanking it out of his face. "I don't want to date you!"
"How do you know unless you try? You haven't even tried," Kakashi said, edging closer.
Iruka started to edge away, and realized there was still a tree trunk behind him. "So help me, if you mess with me I'll report you to ANBU."
Kakashi's single visible eye widened almost comically. Then it narrowed. He settled back on his hips again, arms folded across his chest. "So we're back to the bathroom senario."
"Don't break into my bathroom!" Iruka yelled.
Kakashi shrugged, looking infuriatingly smug. "You leave me no choice, Sensei."
Images of never showering in peace again assaulted his mind. "All right--all right!" Iruka finally snapped. "One date. One. And I get to pick the venue."
Kakashi beamed--there was no other word for it. "Of course, Sensei! What should our date be, then? More tutoring?"
Iruka glared, then looked away, thinking furiously. "Sunday," he said at last. "Sunday I have a . . . thing. You can come. Bring your uniform." He glared again, just because Kakashi was looking so pleased. "Now get out of my way so I can finish jogging!" He didn't wait for Kakashi to move, though he noted the Copy Ninja did. He just leapt, putting as much distance between them as he could manage.
Behind him, he heard, "Yup, nice jogging spot. Good view."
He glanced sharply over his shoulder. Kakashi smiled at him. He hadn't had to look over. Kakashi had been--
No. Nooooo. Iruka tried to put it out of his mind and put still more distance between them.
**
"Sooo . . . what is this?" Kakashi asked, hands in his pockets as he strolled along beside Iruka.
Iruka surveyed the two rows of ninja, inwardly smirking at Kakashi's tone of near-uncertainty. Good. Let the man worry. "These are the new Chuunin," he said, gesturing vaguely. "Passed during the last three tests." It took a surprising amount of time and training to get them up to snuff, even after they'd passed the tests. Every six months more were added to their ranks, and as they got better they were sent out to lead their own squad. The advanced Chuunin rotated teaching the newbies--it was tedious and boring as hell.
Today was Iruka's day. He smiled at Kakashi, not bothering to hide the vicious delight he felt at the Copy Ninja having to spend a day doing this. "Chuunin training."
"Oh," Kakashi said, his voice filled with forced cheer. "So . . . what are we teaching them?"
"Meditation techniques for dealing with emotional trauma," Iruka said near-gleefully. It involved a great deal of sitting silently while telling people to shut up and stop shifting.
They all knew how to meditate, after all. Now they had to learn how to do it for long periods of time--long enough to let their minds release anxiety over whatever they might have encountered.
Iruka smiled. "If you want to cancel our date--" he began, practically joyful at the thought.
"No no! No. I can help," Kakashi said. One gloved hand lifted, ruffling up the back of his hair even worse than a moment before.
"All right, everyone settle down!" Iruka bellowed over the group. He had the pleasure of seeing Kakashi jump and stare at him--Iruka prided himself on his set of lungs. "We're practicing meditation today. You have twenty minutes to ask questions and get yourself settled, and then three and half hours to meditate. Questions?"
A single hand lifted at the back of the room. It was shorter than everyone else's, and a pony-tailed head leaned around someone's shoulders to peer up toward Iruka.
"Shikamaru?" Iruka asked.
"Yeah. Doesn't this seem just a little bit like overkill?"
"No," Iruka said. "And if I catch you sleeping I'm going to shave your eyebrows." The class tittered and glanced around at Shikamaru, doubtlessly checking to see if he believed Iruka. He'd had Iruka as a teacher, though, and with a grimace settled back. He knew Iruka didn't make idle threats. "Anyone else?"
Silence hung over them.
"Good," Iruka said. "You have five minutes to get comfortable."
"I thought we had twenty!" someone whined from the back.
"Now you have two." Iruka glared. The man subsided.
It was the perfect date, Iruka thought later. They couldn't talk because everything was supposed to be quiet. He would have had to do this anyway. And every time Kakashi looked like he might pull out his book and start reading, Iruka glared at him.
Four hours of boredom, thirty minutes of leading the group in stretches to keep them from cramping, and then bolting down food, and another four hours of boredom. Yes, this was perfect. He was certain that Kakashi would get the hint and LEAVE HIM ALONE.
Iruka whistled as he watched the new Chuunin file out of the room, rubbing sore butts and muttering to each other. "Remember these exercises," he sang cheerfully. "Next week you have Ibiki, and you'll need them."
More grumbling met his words. Faintly, he heard Shikamaru sigh, "This is too much effort for too little benefit . . . I knew I should have been a banker . . ."
"Sensei." The voice was quiet, almost a purr as the last new Chuunin walked out the door. Iruka's skin prickled, the hairs on the nape of his neck lifting. "How about dinner?" the voice continued.
He swallowed and turned, taking a step back at Kakashi's proximity. "That's really annoying, you know," he snapped irritably. "That sneaking up on people thing."
An eyebrow lifted, Kakashi inclined his head, and the Copy Ninja took a step back.
Iruka blinked.
"Dinner?" Kakashi asked again.
"I can't do dinner," Iruka said quickly. "I'm meeting some friends."
"They could join us," the Copy Ninja suggested, hands in his pockets. He smiled, eye arcing.
"No--it's private."
"The jutsu?" Kakashi said dryly.
It took Iruka a moment to remember, and then he felt himself flush. "Yes. The jutsu. The secret, private jutsu."
"The rabid rabbit summoning jutsu?"
"Rabid squirrels," Iruka said stiffly.
"I could help," Kakashi said, though somehow he seemed like he knew the answer--and was finally starting to accept it.
"I don't think so. But thanks," Iruka said as an afterthought. He grabbed his coat and shrugged into it. Winter had arrived with a vengeance, and the air was cold. It nipped at his nose and ears, and he glanced at Kakashi's mask thoughtfully. Maybe the mask wasn't such a bad idea.
"I have a mission tomorrow," Kakashi said, wandering out into the chill without even a sweater. "Miss me?"
"Not likely," Iruka muttered. Cold air tickled his neck, and after a moment patting his pockets he realized he'd left his scarf at home.
Kakashi sighed. "Well, thoughts of you will keep me warm." He smiled brightly.
Iruka gave him a dark look. "Hopefully not too warm. And if they do, I don't want to know."
Kakashi chuckled, and Iruka cursed himself. He didn't want the man liking him! Laughter led to like, and like led to stalking! And appearances in bathrooms!
"You're something different, Sensei."
"I'm not something different! I'm not anything different! I'm totally and completely normal!" Iruka nearly shouted, frustration boiling over.
Kakashi just laughed, the bastard. "Of course you are. I'll see you when I get back. Enjoy your rabid rabbits."
"Squirrels!" He was talking to nothing. Kakashi had vanished. Iruka groaned and rubbed his forehead, then shifted his shoulders in his coat and started down the street toward the pub where he was meeting Anko.
**
"Maybe you should try dating him," Anko suggested over greasy pub food.
Iruka stared at her, aghast.
"I mean, he is cute. And you haven't really dated anyone since Hayate died--that was almost two years ago, Iruka." Anko popped a fry into her mouth and chewed, licking off her fingers.
"Are you insane?" Iruka asked incredulously.
"Some would say so," Anko answered cheerfully.
"I'm not dating Hatake Kakashi!"
"But why not?" Anko asked in a tone of complete reason. "He's got a great ass."
"Because he IS an ass!"
Anko snorted. "Please. He's been a complete gentleman with you."
Iruka pushed his beer aside so he could lean across the scarred wooden table, as if proximity might make Anko understand. "He broke into my house and accosted me in my bathroom."
"But he didn't touch you. Didn't even look, from what you said. I mean, hey, if I'd gone to all that trouble I'd at least have taken a peek behind the curtain and he didn't even do that."
Iruka just stared at her, mind too befuddled with alcohol to help him find the words needed to make Anko understand. Hatake Kakashi was dangerous, and not in that fun way. He was a prick, an arrogant asshole who didn't listen to anyone else. He was not dating material, despite his great ass.
"I'm just saying, you've put him through hell the last few days and he's made an effort to try and stick with it without unwanted groping. Maybe you should give him a chance."
"Give who a chance?" Kotetsu asked, sliding into the booth beside Iruka. Iruka moved over to give the other man room.
"Hatake Kakashi," Anko said, moving so that Izumo could slide in next to her.
"See, *I* told him that days ago but he wouldn't listen," Kotetsu said.
"I'm still not listening," Iruka snapped. "I'm not interested."
"He's been so nice," Kotetsu said.
"He doesn't listen when I say no!"
"But he hasn't done anything really bad, either. I mean, he could have just locked you up in the Hatake residence and kept you until you change your mind," Izumo said, eyes glassy from too much beer.
"And this is a selling point? 'Oh, well, he hasn’t raped you so you should date him'?" Iruka asked, unable to believe what he was hearing. "He broke into my apartment!"
"He didn't even try to peek at your jangly bits," Anko said.
"I don't like him!"
"So just screw him and tell him it won't work," Kotetsu suggested. "That's what I'd do!" He sobered for a moment, blinking comically. "I mean, if he were a she. But she's not. He's not. I mean--"
Iruka spoke over the drunken rambling. "He's a jerk."
"He's been really nice to you over the last few days," Anko said. "No jerk-y behavior."
"I can't believe you people! No! The answer is no! Now let's talk about something else!" Iruka yelled.
Anko sighed. "Fine, but I think you're making a mistake."
Iruka just glared her into silence. He was not making a mistake--whether or not Kakashi had been polite and kind and put up with all the shit Iruka had thrown at him without even complaining.
Kakashi was an ass.
Iruka rubbed his forehead and stared morosely into his drink.
*********************
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