Haku had never known what sorrow was. He had never had to cry, he had never had to hide his feelings. His father and his mother, his loving parents had always supported him in everything that he had ever wanted to do. So it was with great anticipation of praise that he showed his mother what he could make the water do. He had moved water with his hands, he could hold it in a bubble and he could move it freely. He was able to make the water dance around him. It was exciting. And because he had never known anything but the praise of his parents, he naturally wanted to share it with them.
“Mommy, look what I can do!” Haku exclaimed in his quiet voice. He smiled at the beautiful woman he called mother and demonstrated for her, the trick he’d learned.
“Haku!” she gasped. And then she did something he’d never thought she would do. Her hand left a stinging across his cheek. Shock ran through his body and he couldn’t stop the tears in his eyes. “Don’t you ever do that again! Don’t you ever do it, do you understand?”
“What’d I do wrong mommy?” Haku asked, crying as he looked at his mother in wide-eyed fear.
“Don’t ever play with the water again. It’s bad,” she murmured softly, hugging her son to her. “You didn’t know but now that you do, do not ever do it again.”
“I won’t mommy, I promise,” Haku sniffled softly. “Why is it bad?”
“Because it’s evil,” his mother answered softly, running her hands through Haku’s hair. “You can’t ever do that again, okay?”
“Mommy I won’t do it again. Don’t be sad mommy, please don’t be sad mommy.”
He had no idea that behind them, where neither could see him, the man they didn’t want to see his secret had seen precisely that.
-.-.-.-
“You monstrous, lying bitch!” his father’s deep voice echoed through their home. “You lying whore!”
“Daddy?” Haku whimpered from his seat in at the kitchen table.
“You spawned a monster, you whore!”
“Daddy what’s wrong?” Haku cried softly.
“Haku! Haku run!” his mother shouted in fear.
There was nothing Haku could do. He was frozen in fear as his father moved through the house, waving the bat in his hand, glaring manically at his family. Behind the man, the only man that Haku had ever known and loved, were men he’d never met before, carrying matching bats and glares. Haku could do nothing as he watched two dragged his mother from the table.
“You lied to me,” his father growled. “I loved you and I believed your lies and I took you in! I made you my wife and you lied to me! Eight years of my life, and you lied to me! You were always a monster and you made me believe you weren’t.”
“Stop! I didn’t know. I didn’t know it would go to him; I didn’t want him to have it. I love you!” she cried helplessly, falling to the floor as the heavy wood struck her, over and over.
Haku was frozen in his seat, cowering in fear and hoping to the gods that his father wouldn’t come to him. He watched, frozen in fear and shock as his mother stopped moving, as his mother was beaten to death before his eyes.
“Daddy?” Haku whimpered, clenching the table tightly in his small hands. There was something wrong with his father’s eyes.
“You’re a monster Haku. You should have never been born. That bitch lied to me, told me she was normal. And now I have to start over again,”
“I’m sorry daddy,” Haku whispered, shivering in fear as his father advanced on him. All thoughts were pushed aside as his father raised his arm and brought the wood crashing into the side of his body. Wordlessly, he cried out in pain and fell to the floor, upsetting his chair as he went.
“You are a monster,” his father muttered angrily. “You should have never been born. You will die with that in your head, abomination.”
As his father’s powerful arm pinned him to the floor and wall, his free hand raising the weapon once more, bringing it down to destroy Haku’s head. Instinct took over and Haku closed his deep eyes, praying for somebody to help him. He flinched as wood cracked and splintered around him and the sounds of something disgusting and wet being pierced. He was splashed with the something warm, something that coated him thickly.
There were no more noises, there was nothing left. He opened his eyes slowly and felt the bile rising in his throat. His father stood brokenly before him, impaled on an icicle that had broken through the roof of the home. And everywhere there once had been a man, there was a bloody icicle, skewering the man to the floor of the house.
“Daddy?” Haku whimpered in disgust and fear. “I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here,” he repeated softly. “This is why I’m not supposed to use the water. Mommy said it’s bad and I made a mess. Mommy’s gonna be so… mommy won’t care anymore,” he cried softly.
Stumbling from the broken home, he kept his head bowed as he fought to stay upright, fought not to fall to the snow. He was useless now, and it hurt. His heart hurt and his hip was sore, he hurt and he wanted to disappear.
-.-.-.-
It was cold. There was nothing for him to do but knock on people’s doors, hoping to all the gods there were that somebody would help him. He was alone and he hurt and every time he moved, pain shot through his body, flashing behind his eyes were bright lights that blinded him. He hurt and he just wanted somebody to help him.
But every door he appeared before resulted in the same words, “That’s that monster child. That’s the child of a murderer. He’s a curse to all who go near him. He isn’t normal.” He just wanted somebody to hold onto him, somebody to tell him that he wasn’t hated, that he was loved and cared for and that he wasn’t going to be abandoned again. But there wasn’t anyone. Nobody cared about him, after all. And that was okay, he didn’t need anyone to care about him anymore.
He was scared and nobody cared about him. He was alone in the world. He was cold and scared and he wanted nothing more than to find his mother and curl up around her.
He was alone.
-.-.-.-
He was huddled by the garbage, sore, tired, exhausted and dirty, through and through. An orphan, abandoned and all alone, nobody cared about him. Unless they needed some sort of amusement. And it was then that Haku could expect attention.
Today had been one of those days. Men from the village he lived in exile within, had craved attention. The kind of attention only whores could provide. He hurt; they were never gentle with him, refusing to believe him to be more than free entertainment. He was such poor entertainment that he was never rewarded.
Hunger gnawed at his small form and he forced himself not to cry as he waited for the pain to dissipate or the garbage man to come. He had to act fast though, because otherwise the rabid dogs would try and attack him. If he wasn’t fast enough, he would go hungry today. And if he wasn’t hidden well enough, he would be kicked, and then it wouldn’t matter if he was hungry or not, he wouldn’t care anymore.
Silent relief filled him as he watched the garbage man walk with his full cart to the dumpster. The dogs weren’t around yet and so far, he hadn’t been seen. He shifted closer to the side of the wooden dumping bin, thinking himself invisible. He imagined a pile of snow on the side of the dumpster and was relieved when snow shifted, hiding him. With wide, fearful eyes, Haku watched the man empty his cart before turning and leaving, never noticing the starving boy on the side.
He smiled a beautiful smile before jumping up to assault the garbage. Not only did it have the food he would eat to guarantee this evening’s survival, he would be able to find a little warmth for a few moments. He was leafing through the garbage bags, searching for something that would fill him for the night. He would never be filled though, never.
He had finally found something hidden in the depths of the garbage, some bread and some kind of noodles, slick in their age. He silently rejoiced, pulling the bread and a handful of the slimy, slick noodles free. He put the noodles to his mouth, ignoring the slime that caused the noodles to slide in his fingers. Slurping noisily, he inhaled the noodles, their slimy texture sliding down his throat. He resisted the urge to vomit, desperate to keep the food he rarely got to eat in his stomach. He brought the bread to his lips and froze when he heard the familiar growling behind him. Turning fearfully, he met the gazes of the dogs, four of them, come to find their own dinner. He sighed, glad that he’d gotten to eat the noodles and enjoy the warmth for a few moments tonight. With large eyes, he fled the dumpster, hoping to get away this evening. He wasn’t always so lucky; he would often be caught, thrown to the ground and bitten.
One of the dogs attacked his ankle, warning him for daring to put his hands on their property. He whimpered softly, ignoring the pain as he ran, ignoring the fear and the jeers of people he passed on the street. He wasn’t afraid, not of them, not anymore. He was powerful, when he wanted to be, but like the last time he’d used his power for anything other than hiding, he would hurt something or somebody. The last time he’d really used his power, he’d killed his father.
He ran, not stopping until he found the nearly abandoned bridge that he hid on more often then not. He crouched low on the wooden planks, avoiding the snow drifts. He was afraid, he didn’t want to be here anymore and he wanted to run from his life, but there was nowhere left to run to. He sniffled, the tears coming to his eyes as he bowed his head. He had bread clenched in his fist, holding it close to his chest. He wouldn’t lose his bread, he wouldn’t lose his bread.
Tears poured freely from his eyes, sliding heatedly down his thin cheeks. He whimpered softly, wrapping his arms around himself, closing himself off from the cold as best as he could. He shoved the bread into his shirt, hiding it from everyone who saw him, he didn’t want to lose his bread, and he couldn’t afford to lose his bread. He wrapped his arms around his knees, trying to will the tears to stop before they froze to his cheeks. He didn’t want to pull ice from his cheeks again. It hurt.
“Pathetic,” a deep voice growled, startling Haku out of his silent pondering. Haku raised his eyes, glancing in confusion and fear at the man in front of him. His face was covered in bandages, except for his eyes. “Look at you… A foundling, an orphan. Thrown away, unloved and uncared for, soon you’ll die here by the side of the road, with nothing to show that you lived or died and no one to care what your dreams were.”
“I… can see myself in your eyes,” Haku murmured softly, his voice cracking in its disuse. “We have the same expression!” He could see the loneliness in Zabuza’s dark eyes. The rejection and the fear that things would end horribly; he was familiar with the emotions playing on Zabuza’s half of a face.
“Come here kid,” Zabuza ordered, holding a hand out. Haku stood, taking the man’s hand. He gasped as he was pulled close, held against his thin, muscled side.
The man’s side was warm and as he held Haku close to him, Haku felt as though something within the world shifted, offering him hope and a promise. He moved closer to the warmth of the man and smiled, turning his face up to the older man hidden behind bandages. He was probably some evil man, but he had promised warmth and food and shelter and Haku was willing to do whatever it took to get those things, especially on a regular basis.
Haku didn’t know what this man believed he was doing. He didn’t know why he’d agreed to follow the man, he just knew that he had been given a chance, and he wasn’t stupid enough to waste it. He followed the man who had introduced himself as Momochi Zabuza to a small apartment.
“I don’t have a lot of room, but you can have a blanket and use the couch,” Zabuza muttered softly as they moved through the snowy village. Zabuza’s heavy hand was warm on Haku’s thin shoulder.
At the promise of a bed for the night, Haku’s thin knees buckled under his weight and he would have fallen, had Zabuza not been there. With lightening quick reflexes, the man lifted the boy into his arms and carried him back to the apartment he owned. Haku snuggled closer to the warmth of the man, exhaustion flooding his body. He didn’t care if this man would use him for entertainment, he didn’t care if this man decided to hurt him, all that mattered to him was the fact that he wouldn’t be sleeping in the street tonight. His eyes closed as he fell into sleep, feeling safe within the powerful arms of this strange man.
“What’s your name kid?” Zabuza asked, his deep voice softly caressing Haku’s ears.
“Sh-Shiori H-Haku,” he answered faintly.
“Haku, ne? Close your eyes. I’ll show you the apartment tomorrow,” Zabuza muttered.
“Thank you,” Haku whispered, shivering. He closed his eyes and let himself fall into the dark of sleep. In Zabuza’s arms he felt safer then he’d felt in a long time.
“Keh,” Zabuza snorted softly to himself. “You’re getting soft in your old age.”
-.-.-.-
When Haku woke up, he was scared. He couldn’t remember where he was or what had happened. He was in a building, on a soft couch. He was warm. Shaking in fear, afraid that he would be punished for having not left the home of whomever he had to entertain the night before, he rose from the couch. He was still dressed, so he probably hadn’t done anything too excessive. And his body wasn’t sore. In fact, he felt much better then he had in a long time.
“You finally awake, kid?”
“Where am I?” Haku asked softly, his mind remembering only the bridge last night.
“You’re at my apartment. You came home with me last night. You’re mine now,” Zabuza answered softly.
“I’m yours?” Haku asked softly, he couldn’t believe that. How did a person belong to somebody else? He bowed his head and shook it slowly. “What are you talking about?”
“You pledged yourself to me last night, boy. You will work with me and train with me and eventually, you will be shinobi.”
“Me; a shinobi?”
“Yes. I do not repeat myself boy. You seemed intelligent last night. Don’t prove me wrong today,” Zabuza growled softly.
“I’m sorry!” Haku quickly apologized, bowing respectfully to the older man.
“Are you hungry kid?” Zabuza asked softly, gesturing at his large table.
“Yes sir,” Haku answered honestly. “What do I have to do for something to eat?”
“What? Not a damn thing. I have to get your strength back up, else you’ll die in training,” Zabuza stated matter-of-factly.
“I’m sorry, but what was your name again?” Haku asked softly, standing still before the couch he’d slept on.
“Momochi Zabuza. Don’t ask again. I won’t tell you what it is again, got it boy?”
“Yes sir,” Haku answered, bowing respectfully.
“Are you going to come and eat or are you just going to smell it?”
“I-I’m sorry?” Haku asked softly.
“You live with me, you eat with me.”
“Th-thank you,” Haku whispered, fear pooling in his gut at the thought of what this meal would cost him. He moved to the table and sat in the only available chair across from Zabuza.
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Chapter notes: Haku angst and child neglect