One month had passed. One fucking month of NO FUCKING SEX! Kiba whimpered as he searched for the elusive pants. He’d been searching for the past two weeks now after Shino had proven unmovable and was getting frustrated to the point of violence. It didn’t help when his metabolism decided to go berserk and make him eat almost twice as much as before. Even Choji had noticed….Which said something in and of itself.
He rubbed him tummy absently and stood up. Growling, he stalked over to the dresser in the corner and pulled out the first drawer. There, sitting and mocking his efforts, were Shino’s pants. Now Kiba just wanted to cry with the pent up frustration. DAMN IT!
A tentative knock on the door pulled him forward. When Hinata looked at him with concerned eyes, he pulled her inside and locked the door. What happened next was a surprise to both parties.
“Hinata, somethin’s wrong with me!” Kiba wailed before hugging his clan sister to his chest and crying for all he was worth. Hinata eventually got them to the nest of covers and sat Kiba down, his face over her slightly protruding abdomen, and soothed his wild hair with gentle fingers.
“Sh, shhh. Hush, Kiba, it’s alright. I’ll make you feel better as soon as I can, okay? Let me see your beautiful eyes, hm?” Hinata let her face relax into a smile knowing mothers have to make their children feel better. “Mother will make things better” as a saying was more of a truth than not. Kiba followed that mother voice and looked at his best friend. Gentle fingers wiped tears from his eyes and a warmth settled into his chest. Even if he felt alone in this new place without Akamaru, Hinata would help him.
As he gulped air in between the choking sobs, Kiba rubbed his face over Hinata’s child. It seemed as if the sun’s warmth radiated from this spot. “‘Nata? I feel different. Something really bad is happening to me. I get sick in the morning, eat more food everyday, but I avoid all kinds of food, most especially ramen and fish. I like ramen and fish. What’s making me sick?”
Hinata followed his questioning easily enough. And oddly enough, it sounded a bit like pregnancy. “Kiba-kun, let me look at you with my Byakugan ((I have no idea how to spell this)), okay? You’ll have to lay flat on the bed so I get a clear view. Can you let me go?” She smiled when the hesitant nod on her belly made her feel warm and motherly. Having to help Kiba grow up was a job a mother usually had, but with his clan, well, growing up was an option of choice.
Kiba lay with his hands rubbing his belly in slow circles, something Hinata had never seen him do. Activating her blood line, she started a slow sweep from his head to his feet. It couldn’t be! She started over again and stopped where his hands were caressing. Making a quick check with her own body only opened up more questions she really didn’t want to ask. “I’ll be right back, Kiba. Just lay there and get comfortable, okay?” with his nod, she was out the door and running for the greenhouse.
“Neji-oniichan! I need your help!” Her voice was thin and panicky and Neji jumped from his hiding spot fairly quickly.
“What’s wrong? Is it the baby? Should I get Sakura or Naruto?”
Hinata caught her breath and looked at her cousin. “No, but Kiba needs to have something verified. Who has been, um, preoccupied with since he’s been here?”
Neji’s jaw dropped. “Hinata! What kind of question is that?”
“A reasonable one. Now, tell me or I will ask someone else.” The determined steel in her voice made Neji really uncomfortable.
“I would bet on Shino. He’s in the library avoiding said dog-nin. Why did you need to know that?”
“Just follow me and look in. I’ll get Shino while you are trying to figure out what happened.” Hinata left her cousin at the door with a soft kiss on Kiba’s forehead and a glare for her cousin. Really, the man could be so dense for a genius. “Shino-kun, are you here? I need your help, Shino-kun. It’s Kiba, something is wrong.”
It was if the man had appeared out of nowhere from the stacks of books. He was almost buzzing with tension and a few of his bugs escaped his control for a moment to break free of his skin. “What is wrong?”
Hinata, unlike most, was used to the sensation of void then energy when it came to Shino as the bugs fluctuated their feeding and didn’t even flinch when he made his presence known a lot quicker than she thought he would. “There is something that is making him physically ill, he is distraught and even unable to eat several things. His room is even different than before. Almost as if he were nesting….”
Shino blinked from behind his glasses when what she said sunk in. “But that is impossible.”
“And Tsunade’s vial of potion couldn’t have done this?” Hinata knew that it was possible, but after the first month of not taking it, the concoction would have left the system of the one imbibing it. But then again, when had any of her boys made life easy?
Shino stiffened. Without a word he was gone and Hinata took the more conventional route through the house instead of teleporting to Kiba, even with how much she wanted to. When she got there, Kiba was huddled in Shino’s lap and dozing lightly. Neji was sitting in a stunned stupor in a chair near the bed, Shino’s glare at his affected friend deadly. Oh, Neji had done something bad.
“What has nii-chan done?” she whispered as she crawled onto the bed and looked Kiba over.
“He got even more hysterical than Kiba and should be gutted from crotch to sternum.” The venom in that voice directed at one Hyuuga Neji, Hyuuga genius, and all around “I make no mistakes” guy was funny.
Hinata stifled the giggle threatening to escape and brushed her fingers in the thick, pelt-like hair of Kiba’s. She sighed when he opened one bleary eye. “How are you, Kiba-niichan? Feeling better?”
A small smile lifted his lips and he hugged Hinata. “Don’t ever leave me with your cousin again, do you hear me?”
“Of course, Kiba-niichan. I’m sorry for his behavior.” She returned his hug and then pushed him back down. “Now, since I’m sure no one told you, Sakura being too embarrassed to get around to it, you have imbibed a fertility potion of Tsunade-Hokage. I know you and everyone else drank from the container, and long hair and suddenly better body functions being the side effects aside, that mixture was powerful enough to enable even infertile women to bare children. That means it can and will create a womb if the original is unable to function properly. If nothing is conceived within a month, the womb deactivates and is reabsorbed. There is nothing really wrong with you, Kiba, you’re just pregnant. A month pregnant, to be exact."
Kiba stared at her for the longest time. "Huh?"
Hinata smiled then giggled. Shino glared but she couldn't help it. To think that Kiba would be pregnant was beyond rational mentality functions. If she was having such a hard time with it, how was Kiba taking it, he being the one pregnant? "I-I'm s-s-sorry...." she gasped and giggled. "Th-this is to-too much!"
Kiba's mouth twitched. "I don't know if I'm going crazy or if I've been had. I vote for crazy because even Naruto couldn't pull this off." He started laughing, big and jerking. As the laughing cooled down he started to cry, his sobs heart-wrenching. Shino held his lover and friend close, Hinata adding to the warmth with her embrace. She murmured into her den-brother's hair telling him it was alright, they could do this. Shino rocked them slowly, his fears conveyed with the startling buzz of his insects. ((If anyone knows what they are called for certain [I forgot] PLEASE tell me!))
Kiba fell asleep with tear tracks on his face. When Hinata lifted her own, the wet trails made her cheeks shine. With the palm of her hand, she wiped them away and sniffed. "Shino-kun?"
The whisper was hoarse and thick making Shino struggle to hear her even this close. "Hn?"
"I never want to see Kiba like this again. It hurts."
He nodded then pulled his sister-like team mate in for a hug. Hinata was too shocked to really give it back, but the embrace was appreciated. She chuckled. "Shino! I didn't know you had it in you. What would Kiba-niichan say?" She smiled slightly and ruffled his hair.
Shino tried to reorganize his hair and glared at Hinata. She grinned and tilted her head. "Go away, Hinata-chan. I have to attend to Kiba."
~~
Kiba was NOT pleased when he woke up. How in fuck did a MAN become PREGNANT to begin with?! Naruto would have to wait in line while he fucking well killed Tsunade where she stood! He stood there his hands on his hips trembling with suppressed rage and tried not to howl. Shino was finally sleeping after his long vigil, now would not be the best time to wake him after he had fallen asleep.
Grabbing pants from the floor, his stride had him out of the door and down in the training room moments later. Growling, he looked around for someone to pound into the ground without worrying about damage. Well, if it wasn’t Neji in the corner…
“Spar with me.”
Neji’s brow went up. “I might be a total prick, but I do have a mind. No thank you.”
“Come on, prissy boy, or get Naruto in here now! I need to vent!”
The other brow joined in counterpart. “Yes you do, but if you spar, you might hurt your child. Needless to say, Hinata would be devastated. Go jog around Suna or send a message to Tsunade. Personally, I’d send the message before running with a little extra something attached…With Naruto’s help, of course.”
Neji sauntered out of the room, Kiba watching him curiously. Who knew Neji wasn’t the coldest ice prick…Well, Naruto didn’t count. He had like a sixth sense or somethin…And speak of the devil!
“How can I help ya, dog-breath? The puppies already bouncing around or something?”
Kiba sighed. “Naruto, please, no puppy jokes. I can’t handle that right now. What if it was YOU pregnant?”
Naruto gulped then shook his head. “Kyuubi just might do that to me, sadistic bastard that it is. I can just see it now, Hinata preggers with me not far behind and having kiddies less than six months apart. And trying to explain why my kids are only sixth months apart…Without another woman involved…That would be a bitch!” Naruto snickered then smiled at Kiba. “I must say, I would have the short end of the shit stick.”
Kiba snorted as Naruto said that. “Kyuubi would really do that?” He snickered at the image of Naruto with a beach ball belly.
“Yeah, Kyuu would. IF I pissed the stupid fox off, that is. So, yeah, it definitely could happen.” He chuckled at the very idea. “Kami, could you see me wandering around like a beached whale with breasts? That is creepy.” He started laughing outright at the thought.
Kiba was holding his stomach and trying to remain standing when his imagination took off. Naruto was great. He hadn’t laughed like that since before he found out that in nine months he would be giving live birth. When he calmed down enough to breath without wheezing, he choked out, “At least I’m somewhat used to the idea of men being pregnant. I mean, my clan found out how so that all my horny male cousins with a thing for shirts could continue the line. But seriously, I just thought of Hiashi.”
Naruto had gaped at him at the revelation until Hiashi Hyuuga came up. He doubled over and had to hold himself up on Kiba’s arm. “You…you are s-so de—Damn, you are…demented!”
Kiba smirked a little. “Of course.”
When both could actually breathe worth a damn, Kiba finally informed Naruto about his “plan” with the air quotation marks and all. Naruto snickered. “Tsunade-baachan is going to be pissed! What do you what to do water balloons, paint balloons, or a less traditional but just as funny Jack in the Box thing?” Naruto was practically bouncing in place in his excitement.
“Well…”
>_<
Tsunade sat at her desk riffling through papers and trying to get the information to actually stick to her brain…It wasn’t working. The sudden knock on the door helped her out of the stupor she seemed to have finally gotten to and she motioned Shizune to allow whoever it was in. The head of Inuzuka, Hyuuga, and Aburame flowed into the room, none of them alike and yet every single one exactly alike.
The Inuzuka matriarch stepped forward first. “I wish to allow Akamaru to visit Kiba in Suna. It’s playing havoc with him not being able to see his best friend.” Tsunade just nodded. What did you do when the most feral clan “asked” to let one of the…she guessed familiars would work, to go to his master?
The Aburame stood forward, his face devoid of motion except for his lips as they moved, covered by the wide lapels of the upturned collar. “I am with the Inuzuka on this one, Hokage-sama. I have received a disturbing message from my son not two days ago, yet had nothing to make my fears stable. I think that has changed with the word of the Hyuuga Heiress far from the comfortable reach of Konohagure. This is one reason why I followed Hyuuga-sama and Inuzuka-sama here.”
When Hiashi stepped forward, Tsunade stifled a groan. DAMN IT TO HELL!
“I wish to speak with my daughter about my behavior. I was quite...rude about her departure,” the man bowed his head slightly and the other two acknowledged the confession with looks of complete disbelief and curiosity.
Her fingers came up to rub her temples tiredly.
When a hawk flew in the window and settled on the desk, Tsunade swallowed a scream that would surely piss off the people in front of her…What the hell… “What in nine hells is that bird doing on my DESK?!”
With a screech of reprimand, the hawk loosed the note its talons had pierced and flew off just as quickly as it came.
Taking a letter opener to the envelope with the others watching most curiously, she regretted her actions about 2.5 seconds later.
“DAMN YOU, TSUNADE-HOKAGE! WHAT DID YOU GIVE US?! NOT ONLY DID YOU SEND HINATA-CHAN ACROSS A DESERT IN HER CONDITION WITH ONLY TWO PEOPLE TO GUARD HER, BUT YOU GAVE US THE WRONG VILE! I HAD TO PRY THE WHOLE DAMNED STORY FROM SAKURA-CHAN! WHEN I RETURN, I’M GOING TO THROTTLE YOU!” Kiba’s wild hair was somewhat tamed in the long cascade that fell almost to his feet now. Almost two months without their parents’ supervision and they were already making her life more miserable than ever. Of course the figure that had jumped from the summoning was a clone, but Naruto had to have been in on it for it to be this realistic and vocal. “AND DID YOU KNOW THAT A MAN CAN GET PREGNANT FROM THAT?! DID YOU?! I AM NOW MORE THAN ONE MONTH ALONG, YOU OLD HAG! ONE FUCKING MONTH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO A GUY? YOU’RE LUCKY THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE SUFFERING FROM THIS DAMNABLE POSITION, TSUNADE-SAMA! LUCKY THAT IT’S NOT SHINO OR SHIKAMARU BECAUSE THEY WERE IN FOR THE OPTION OF ACTUALLY SKINNING YOU ALIVE! AND I’M CONSIDERING IT!”
There was a short pause while the clone morphed into a furious Naruto. His hair was even longer than Kiba’s, trailing the floor by at least two inches. Tsunade rubbed her temples harder. “I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, TSUNADE-BAACHAN! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO HINATA OUT IN THAT DESERT?! THE BABY IS FINE, NO THANKS TO YOU, RIGHT NOW. IF YOU EVEN REQUEST HER OR KIBA HOME, YOU WILL SEND ENOUGH ANBU TO FILL YOUR STUPID HOKAGE ROOM, DO YOU HEAR ME?! THE AKASTUKI ARE STILL OUT THERE AND WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET TO ME, YOU HAG! OR DID THAT SLIP YOUR MIND?! KYUU AGREES FULLY AND IS REALLY PISSED WITH YOU. AND NO, KYUU HAS NO DESIRE TO MAKE ANOTHER APPEARANCE, HE’S JUST READY TO BUST YOUR ASS FOR DOING SOMETHING SO JUVENILEY STUPID! GET IT TOGETHER, BAACHAN, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE HOKAGE, ACT LIKE IT ALREADY!”
With a “Poof” and a rising cloud of smoke, the justu was dispelled and the letter lay as if had never threatened the Hokage. Silence was almost too thick to breathe in until the Inuzuka’s clan leader started laughing. Hiashi and Aburame ((WTF is Shino’s dad named anyway?)) stared at the woman as if she had gone mad.
The quiet shuffle said that the ANBU were leaving the room they had so previously invaded to protect their Hokage. A few snickered with old remembered fights and threats between Tsunade and Naruto but quickly hid their actions. Shizune stepped out with them and Tsunade could hear her laughing like a hyena in the echoing halls.
Hiashi and Aburame waited for the Inuzuka Matriarch to calm down before really getting into business…In a minute after they found out “What the hell was going on!”
“I can’t believe Kiba went and got himself pregnant! I mean, come on, he might sleep around, but he’s almost nobody’s uke! Hana is just gonna die…!” the woman snickered before leaving and trying to compose herself…It didn’t work.
“I must say, the demon child is right about the Akatsuki. They’ll go through his friends and people close to him to get that fox.” Aburame pondered for a moment, “But what does Hinata have to do with this?”
Hiashi tensed but didn’t say anything when Tsunade said, “She carries Naruto’s child. Hinata is probably a week or two further than Kiba right now.”
He bowed his head and left a piece of parchment on the desk before turning and walking out. He had quite a bit to think on. Hiashi just growled silently without even moving. “Was that strictly necessary?”
Tsunade looked at the man, her eyes flat and angry. “You will leave for the time being. I am sending an envoy to Suna in two weeks. Tell the others if they want to come, we leave at dawn.”
When the door snapped shut Tsunade bellowed loudly and threw her chair through the window. “Damn it all to HECK!”
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Chapter notes: I am so damn brain dead! I have lost all functions...
Why?
COLLEGE! Finals are coming up and I've already failed three classes by default. Abso-fucking-lutely fantastic. ANYWAY! I hope everyone likes this chapter. I thought it was funny, but eh, my opinion doesn't count. Still Read and Review (R&R [would you believe it took me 7 stories to figure out what the Rs meant?])