As the door to her room opened again, Sakura braced herself for one more lecture, though she suspected her former sensei would most likely and unlike her mother, refrain from using tears and screams and general hysteria in order to make his point.
In fact he refrained from using anything at all, except for a very long and very silent, one eyed stare.
"How did you know, where to find the antidote's forumla?", Sakura finally brought herself to say. It was not so much a question, much less a disguised display of gratitude for having her life saved, as it was an accusation. She had been certain that there were no records of the poison she had used.
"A hunch", Kakashi shrugged, arms crossed infront of his chest, his eye still fixed on Sakura.
She waited for him to say something else, anything, but he just kept staring at her, until once more Sakura was the one to break the silence.
"Remember when I told you", she began, her voice slow and still a little unsteady "that I would have gladly given my life, if only I could have saved Naruto and Sasuke?"
She fumbled with her sheets, half waiting for a reply which she already knew would not come.
"You said to me then, that I was being selfish. That, had I died in their place, they too would have had to live with it", she paused.
"You said, there always was someone left to be the last one standing, and that it was selfish to wish for that burden to be carried by someone else", to her own surprise, Sakura remained very calm, eventhough Kakashi's continuing lack of reaction made her grow more and more impatient.
"Tell me, how is saving me when – I want to die – less selfish?"
The silence that followed her question was even more tense than the one that had filled the room before. It grew more and more unbearable, untill finally Kakashi unfolded his arms, leaned back against the windowsill and sight.
"It's not."
Sakura had been sure that she would get an elaborate explanation as to why there was nothing selfish about keeping your friends from killing themselves, had been prepared for it, but now she found herself baffled by Kakashi's words.
"You're right", he said „Maybe I am selfish. But I can not let you die."
He finally stopped staring at her, turned to look outside the window instead.
„Sakura, I -", he began, but got interupted. At this moment precisely the door to her room burst open, revealing a group of two, namely Kiba and Tenten, the latter carrying a flowerbouquet big enough for her to almost completely hide behind it.
When Sakura turned her gaze back to the window, Kakashi was gone.
Three weeks after her failed suicide attempt Sakura finally was allowed to leave hospital.
She had not seen Kakashi since the day she woke up. She had been told though, that he expected her to report back to him as soon as she was feeling better.
She was not. Not feeling better, that is. She went to see him anyway, but found his office vacant.
Unsure what to do, unwilling to just wait for him to return, she left again. On a spure of the moment she turned left, instead of turning right to get outside, climbed up stairs and ladders until she finally reached the Academy's rooftop.
Here she stood, close to the edge, and gazed down upon Konohagakure. Her home.
It was no longer the village she had grown up in. It's architecture and infrastructure had greately changed when it had been rebuilt. More importantly, most of the people that had made up the village for Sakura were gone now.
She took another step towards the edge.
It's still home, though, it suddenly came to her.
Everyone had lost someone during the war, everyone was feeling the same way as she did, but still, the village remained. Because everyone was fighting their own sadness, everyone was fighting to keep it a place to call home. For those still alive as well as those, that had passed away.
She was startled out of her thoughts when two arms took hold of her, pulled her back and away from the roof's edge.
"I told you, I can't let you die."
"I wasn't going to jump", she whispered, still being held tight, her legs dangling in the air. She could feel Kakashi's heart beat against her back.
"Trust me"
As soon as she was standing on her own feet again, she smiled, the first real smile that had found it's way into her eyes in over a year. Then she took Kakashi's hand.
"I think, I'm alright now", she said, while weaving her fingers between his.
"Everythings going to be fine."
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Chapter notes:Titel respectfully borrowed from: no one in particular, but I've been told that Bad Religion do have a song bearing that name.