"The next time I come, I'll be at the field. Wait for me there!!"

And you never came...


. . .


I never fit in. I thought I never would. And I trusted that thought for a long time.

I lived by Konoha, in the Land of Fire, where ninja and justice ruled.
I wasn't living in the town nor in center of it. I was living at a land-side full of fields and deserted space. Not much people were living here. They were or poor or expatriated from the town.
I lived a lonely life with my mother and a dog in a small village house, where word "CLEAN" didn't exist. In this case, we were poor.

I was educated at the nearest school that existed in my deserted land: land school.
It's was a simple room where a bunch of kids from field came to learn some basics of life (write, read, etc.). It was basically a safe route for poor families to get their kids educated so they can go to work in town.


I hated land school. Not just because it was the proof I was poor, but also, because I hated the fact I didn't fit in anywhere, and that I was hated there too.

Other kids from land school used to treat me with no respect, no fairness, no concern, no feeling of guilt. I would be bullied or avoided. Why?

I was weird, and I accepted it myself.


I had some sort of a, let's say, natural power.
The power was about some anti-gravity-mental ability I didn't understand: I could move, kick, damage objects or people without even touching.
If I did or didn't activate the power, it was just hard to control. For example, if I didn't know the power activated, I could carelessly kill somebody by just a bit faster movement of my hand.
My range of reaching objects/people was a few meters when I just discovered my weird ability. Now it passed over 10 meters.

It scared me, and it scared other, too.
It was just too much for me to even use it, it was a drama if I just tried to control it!!



Everybody, but everybody hated me:
my classmates, my mother, even my dog, my neighbours, my teacher, my everything...
The life when everybody is scared or you and are afraid that you'll use your unwanted ability against them, even though you're not a bad person (not mentioning trying to get along with you), made no sense to me.


. . .


I decided to kill myself, on a twilight of a young night, in the quiet fields where nobody is to interrupt me or to stop me.
I though secretly, would anybody actually come to stop me?

I didn't question myself all night, I just wanted to finish the last line in this world. I prayed:

"If there's anything else in this world I should take care about, then God, please, please, stop me..." I was murmuring in the wave of tears.
I tried to pull over the knife I brought with myself a little bit closer to my guts, but I couldn't touch it. My hand didn't let me...

"I wonder.. Does it hurt... Will it hurt... Will it go by fast..? Or will I have to suffer.!? I don't know anymore..!" I finally understood:

I wasn't ready to sacrifice myself for the sake of others.

That much of a coward I was.


I bursted in tears in the middle of no where, asking and screaming myself why is this happening???

"When did I became such a coward!? What am I afraid of if I die!?? Why can't I just DISAPPEAR???"

"WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? UWAAAAAAH"

I grabbed the knife finally pointing at me.
I was angry, I was mad, I didn't care anymore, I just wanted for this shit to be over already.


. . .


"DON'T!!!!!"

In a moment of two, I was thinking if I was already dead, I couldn't possibly move.
I just kept asking on myself: Who's this person behind me?


"Don't... Don't hurt yourself... It's... dangerous..." the person behind me said. It's was a man.

I turned behind to see his face. Pure innocent face.
A boy. A boy much older than me. Black haired boy with a gentle face in a green robe.
He was panting. I wondered myself if he dashed all over here.

Was he watching?

Since when..? I would notice him, the field was so small!!

Did he see?

Did he hear?


"Who..?" I tried to ask, but my voice broke apart. A moment or two and I'll burst into tears again.

"Pshhhh, don't cry don't cry!!!" The boy said nervously, still getting a hold of me, not loosening his grip.

"It's okay... You don't have to care of me... Go home..."

"I don't want to. I will feel guilty if I leave you alone. You might bring up something again."

"Just... LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

"Aren't you worried about your parents? What will your friends think??"

"THAT'S THE ACTUAL PROBLEM!"

"Huh-"

"I... I ... during all this time... I had no one. Not A SINGLE person, who would actually care for me, or for who would actually I care."

"I- I'm sorry I-"

"DO YOU KNOW THE DILEMMA OF BEING LONELY EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY AT FAULT? WHEN YOU ACTUALLY DON'T MEAN HARM, AND YOU STILL GET ACCUSED FOR IT, BUT THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY GETS HURT IN THE END IS YOU? DO YOU!??"

After all that screaming I finally realized what I just did.

I could feel the boy's stiff shoulders that I hold onto while screaming into his terrified face

I could feel my heart rip once again in my life as I slowly let go of his arms and push myself backwards, as far as possible from him.

I've never felt so embarrassed in my life.

I am such a horrible person...

Just when I though I'd burst in tears once again this wonderful night, I heard him say:

"I'm sorry..."

As I raised my head wondering why is he apologizing, he continued:

"I didn't know it was so hard for you up until now, it must have been horrible.And yes, I would probably be unable to sympathize with you, and I probably will never fell that way in my life, but I still want you to know that you aren't alone on this world, and you'll never be.
There will be bad guys involved, but good people too, I want you to know that.
I also want you to live trough that, so I want you to promise not to try this ever again, okay?" he said pointing at the knife I've brought with me.

I nodded and somehow said "...okay..." without sobbing.

He brushed trough my short hair and smiled.

"Why don't we stay together forever? That way you'll never be alone."

"...We..?"

"Yes, we. From now on, WE will be together. I'll make your first friend, okay?"


My first friend.

Pure-hearted friend who will cherish my friendship, and who will not run away from me.

"U... UWAAAAAH!!! THANK YOOOUUUU...!! ~" I said and finally bursted in tears.

"There... There... No need to cry anymore..." The boy laughed, holding me so that I wouldn't fall over from so much of crying. I needed a shoulder to cry.


. . .


"Say, what's your name? I'm Akio!!"

"Akio..? That's a very nice name..!" I said

"Can I know your name, then?" he said smiling.

"M... Matsu!!" said to leave at least a bit of impact on my ugly name. "Hayashi Matsu!!!"

"-chan, that's a really suitable name for such a cute little girl!" He said.

C... Cute? He finds me cute?? I blushed at that one. Shoot, he saw it.

"Hahahahahaha!!"


. . .


At first, I though it was miserable, but it was real.

I l i k e d Akio.

Everyone (me) knew that, except Akio. He still thought of me as a little girl/little sister (what's the difference?).

I really cherished our friendship, it got me back on my legs and showed me that life isn't that bad if everyone avoids your for a stupid cold reasons, as long as there is still someone to support you.

Akio showed me there will be always someone to take care of me.
In this case, it was him, but he believed there will be hordes of other people who will do such thing.
I didn't trust him in that.


What was really special about him that he was a future ninja.
He was going five times a week to the town and spent full 6 hours there, training ninja skills and learning techniques and jutsu.
Because of that we have been seeing each other only on weekends, on a place where we first met: the field.

I already knew everything about ninja history and who ninja really were. I though that Akio is going to be the best one.

When I told him that, he just chuckled and brushed trough my hair, trying to hide his sad face.

The problem was, Akio was never suitable to be a real ninja, even though he was secretly going to Ninja academy.

Reason for that was his "part-time job".

Akio was stealing. A lot.

He had to though so he could feed his big family.

Akio was poor as well, but was still doing his best and always smiled.

Akio also taught me some basics in secret, because if villagers would know that he's secretly training ninjutsu, he would be kicked out of the street.

I really really wanted to be a ninja too. To be strong and confident like him. So I followed Akio in everything he was doing, like a puppy.
I wanted us to have interests, same things we like, to be the same category in population...


Akio was also handsome, and he also found me cute (because I was still little), and my love was really strong.

I had some more self confidence than before, so I held my hope up to reaching level when he will have same feeling back for me.

. . .

I really was looking forward to the day when I'll tell him my feelings, but the day came too fast. It was just an anniversary back from the day we met.


"Say, Matsu, do you have anyone, you know, special to yourself except me..?" Asked Akio carefully.

"No." I said "I like Akio-onii-chan the best!!"



To be continued...

"I like Akio-nii-san the best!!"

I said it quickly, but passionatly.
I couldn't let this chance to confess go, after so much work and hard-spent time with Akio. I wasted too much of my time.
I just couldn't let another chance go.

I was looking straight into Akio's eyes, trying to figure out what is he thinking. I wanted to be sure of what he says, so that I don't feel disappointed. I kept my hopes up.

After staring a while, Akio finally talked:

"M- Me..?"

I nodded at him, still looking at his eyes.
His eyes always gave me hopes and strength.
I wanted to stay strong til the end of conversation.

"For... real?"

I nodded again, a bit afraid now.
What if he rejects me?

What if he's going to laugh at me?? I though to myself suspiciously eyeing his grin.

Akio gave me a warm smile, and finally said:

"That's GREAT!!" he said, and hugged me.


I was confused that day like never before, because the hugs, the talks, the smiles, the eyeing, the everything changed...


. . .

"I like Matsu-chan the best too! I want to protect her with my whole life!!"

Those were the Akio's words of last two years. Even if he was older than me for 3 - 4 years, we loved each other. But in different ways.

Akio misunderstood me.
Akio didn't think of me as a woman, but a beloved sister.
Akio didn't hug nor kiss me as a woman, but a beloved sister.
Akio and me didn't have feelings on the same level.
Even though we loved each other.

Or I though so...


I was really depressed that morning. I got two bad grades at that disgusting land school. My dog ran away again, and I got scolded for both.

I already had enough problems with my mom, so I felt tired and unwanted again.

I didn't even look forward to seeing Akio that day. Within all the problems I had in my life, this problem with Akio was one of the worst.

Even so, I decided to meet him that day, because I couldn't let him down, though he came over only for weekends (secretly), so it would be a waste of his time.
I couldn't let him down for that...

I waited for him, I really waited, even though waiting wasn't one of my best sides. I started to lose my nerves slowly.

This is going to be the worst day of my life... I though, even though it couldn't be worse than this situation. Or..?


"Ma- MATSU-CHAN!!"

"Akio..?" I turned around, it didn't sound like Akio at all. I mean, I didn't see him in a week but, such a voice change in....

"A- AKIO!"

Oh my God. Is that Akio..?

That figure with a same smile and body, but in so much bandages, bruisers and scars...?

I have never seen Akio like this before...

His neck... His neck had a huge scar...


"Sorry I'm late!! I... I just finished my chunnin exam... I... I ran over... As soon as they let me go...! Sorry for waiting..."
he was trying to explain more detailed by using hands, because he was panting so much that he couldn't talk.

I didn't really care. All I could see was that huge scar...

"Matsu..? Eh..? Is something wrong?" Akio said, finally noticing that I wasn't listening

"Aren't you happy for me..?"

"... For what?" I said, my voice broke apart somewhere in the middle of sentence

"Um, well, for me passing..?" he smiled.

Passing? PASSING? Is passing all about it?
Gettin' beaten up?
For what?
To prove you're higher level ninja?
For that?


"NO! I'm definitively not happy!"

"Eh...? Why-?

"What's the point of passing if you get hurt like that... and that..??"

I was pointing up to scar and bruises.

"It doesn't make sense to me! DEFINITELY NOT!"

"Matsu... That's the way of ninja..."

"I don't take THAT for excuse!"

"Sigh. Why do you always worry about so much trivial things..?"

"It's not trivial to me! It's about you, SO IT DEFINITIVELY IS NOT TRIVIAL!!"

I was getting angry more and more.

How doesn't he understand...

"Matsu..."

... that I...

".... LOVE YOU!"


I felt a rough touch on my back as Akio hugged me tightly, so much more different from the last time.

My bare arms were in touch with his hurt hands wrapped in bandages, secured with burnt seals,

me touching his chest skin with my cheeks, made my head burn,

he touched me with so much care and love,

that I honestly believed his confession.


Wha- what did just..?

"I know, same for me..." he muttered under his breath, hugging me more tightly.

He placed his hands on my cheeks gently, and smiled like an angel would, making sure I'm looking right at him.

"For Matsu, I wish for her only to smile, and take care of herself when I will not be able to, not to take care of me..."

"... Okay?"

I nodded and I felt his fingers underneath my eyes, gently wiping off my tears.

"That's my purpose after all isn't it? Remember our promise Matsu..?

"... Yeah"

"Good."


... To be together forever...


That was our first kiss:
That was the best day of my life:

a start and end of our mutual love.

To be continued...

"Life was sweet, but then, it ran out..."

"Life is short, so that means, you have to live on..."


. . .

My best memories of life, the happiest moments I could just image, the wonderful time spent with one who I loved and with one who loved me!

It was true:
I was happy..!


Akio was everything I needed, because without him, I wouldn't be able to live on.
I couldn't image the darkness that I lived in for 9 years.

Akio saved me.
Akio was there.
Akio was here.

Akio was right here. Right next to me. I could hear him talk about something, about some Hokage and missions, shurikens and new kunais...

I couldn't listen.
The only thing I could concentrate now on was his face.

I became sad for a moment, two, then the pain would stop.
It would happen often recently, from how much time I spent with him.

Haha, the thing is I couldn't spend too much time with him anyway, because oh well, because of his job as a ninja.
You see, Akio aimed for the No1 place in the Konoha village, and it was to become Hokage. He gave all of himself and all of the free time he had, to reach that level.

I was sad, because it was pointless.
Another thing to get sad over.

Akio visited me twice a month, and he didn't improve much from the chunnin stage. By that speed, he will be too old but at too much low level to become even Hokage's assistant.

Then I might not see him in months... I though to myself every now and then, as I selfishly took his failure as a good thing to me. I would really miss us.

Was here ever a real us..?


The only reason for looking at that handsome face of his, was because I don't remember when was the last time when I first kissed him. He never kissed me after that.
I missed it. I forgot the warmth of his lips and the gentle touch of our mouths. I didn't remember our moments anymore.

All it was was talking.
Even that didn't totally fill out our needs to see each other, because even that one day when he comes to field had to end up early.


"Matsu..."

"Maaatsuuu ~"

"Eh?"

"Are you even listening to me?"
he giggled.

"Yeah, yeah, that new brand should show up this October..."
I tried to follow up.

"Yup. I told you it would be nice if we would go to the town for my birthday."

"Ehh?? Aren't you busy..?"

"I just told you that I have mission canceled day"

"Oh"


He looked at me gently, but his smile wasn't there. He slowly placed his hand on my cheek and pulled it up to his face.


"Why are you spacing out so much?"

"No, no, I just..."

"It's because you're thinking about something else."

"Ah..."
he discovered me.

"Tell me what is it."

"No... It's something trivial again, don't worry..."

"It's about me, huh?"


He gave me the look of concern again, slowly spelling this words:


"Do not concern about me, I already told you that"
he smiled, finally.

"We're going to have fun next month!!"

"So, it's like a, like a..."

"...a date!"


That was the time when we both blushed,
that was the begin of the end...

To be continued...

"The evil is on the way..."

. . .

Dang, I knew this would happen. Why? Because it happens every single year when me and Akio go to village town for his birthday.

And what happens? I get lost. And I hate it when I get separated from Akio. I'm always thinking what's he thinking about and how worried must he be for me.
Plus, it's the middle of October, and of course it would be crowded out there for sure.

It was a Hokage's festival out there every year. The celebration of first Hokage's announcement lasts for three days, right when Akio was born, on October.
(from October 9th to October 11th, Akio was born on this day, 10th October hehe~)


But it's really hard for me to stay out there. People like me get lost easily because I'm really short and blend in with other people because of the same characteristics like them: dark hair, dark eyes, light tan and shortness.

If only Akio would be here for me all the way, because he's super tall, I wouldn't get lost like this.

And here I am, waiting at the main square for him to show up and find me, so we can get out of here.
This isn't a date I wished for...

...I hate this...

It's so dark... It's so late...
Makes me think about the dark ages I lived trough...

Akio, come and save me...



Suddenly, men and women around me became quiet, and the sudden moving stopped. Only the children would ask quietly things like:
"Hey, mom/dad, what's happening?"
Everyone were or looking at the sky or grabbing their children for hands then suddenly starting to go home, murmuring terrified. I had no idea what was to happen next.

I heard a woman next to me whispering something:

"Dear... I think is time." she said that to her husband.

"So we were right. It is time..." the husband said


The mother turned to her son who could be a year or two younger than me:

"Iruka, we need to go. Watch over the house..." she said, leaning down on knes so that her face can be against her son's.

"Mom, what's happening..?" the boy asked.

"It will be okay. Just promise me something..." she said

"Mom..!"

"Iruka, don' be selfish!!" said the father trying to act thought, but actually was pretty shaky and all.


The mother turned around her head to face her husband's telling him with her eyes to keep quiet.

"Pssh, me and your father will look over you from sky, so be a good boy, Iruka, please"

After she said that, she disappeared, together with her husband. I was still staring at the kid who was looking at the place where his parents were a second ago.
A chaos begun, and the hell started.


People began to run, scream, gettin a hold of their children and peartners. The stands were destroyed withing 20 minutes. In this chaos, I was a weak link. Not only I couldn't find my way out, but beg the God for Akio to appear.
In the meantime, somebody got a chance to push me in the side of somewhere, which made me fall a couple of times and feel the other people's feet crosing over me.

When I though I was finished, I heard someone calling:


"MATSU!!" a voice was calling be from above.

"Akio!?" I turned around hoping I'll see him.

"Akio???" I called for him again, but didn't see him in the mess.

"Matsu! Over here!" a voice came from up.


I regret ever watching him up to sky. All I saw was Akio, Akio who was in his ninja chuunin robe, prepared to fight.
He picked me up and jumped onto the nearest tree he could find, then turned my face against his. I connected the ropes before I had a chance to blink:

A war has started, and Akio will take a part of it.


"Matsu... I..." he said, then stopped, then tried again, but now I stopped him:

"No... Don't go..." I said when my tears started to flow.

"Matsu, I have to, for the sake of this village..."

"Please don't do this! Please don't!!" I begged him still watching him in the face who was in tears also.

"Don't hurt yourself, you might never come back..." I begged still not noticing I've been pulling his shoulders.

"I have to Matsu, I have to..."

"NO..! IT's A SECURE DIRECTION FOR DEATH!!! YOU CAN'T- "

"Matsu.."

"No Akio..." No, I though, this can't be happening.

"MATSU LISTEN!!" he yelled.

I the all these years we spent together, he never yelled at me. He never hurt me. He never hit me. Never called me names. He would never do that.
But now he did. All of it.


"Now listen..."

"I will promise you, I will come back for you. I don't know when, and for how many years, but I will be there for you.
Wait for me at our place, because, when I do come back, wait for me at the field, I'll come sometime!!"

"Understood..? Please be safe for me, Matsu, don't do anything stupid. I'm doing ALL of THIS, for YOUR sake." he said, and gave me a goodbye kiss.


When backing off from my place, he gave me a warm yet sad smile, which I will never forget.
Then a ninja appeared:


"AKIO!! WTF ARE U DOIN'??? WE ARE AT THE WAR, GO HELP THE HOKAGE!!!" he yelled at me, when I saw that he was holding that boy; Iruka.

"Meet me at the field," he turned to me again "Goodbye Matsu."


I gasped before I could even move, but I fell off the tree. In the second I gasped, I realized Akio put a paralyze jutsu on me.
Everything went black...


Sayonara, Akio...


. . .


When I opened my eyes, I saw a man.
A man much more older than Akio.
A man with spiky yellow hair and piercing blue eyes.
I think that man saved me.
But I'm sure it was a dream.
Because everything I saw in the backgroung,
was the Deamon Fox.



To be continued...

"They came for me..."
. . .
Akio, you lied.
Akio, bastard.
You never came.
I waited,
I waited for you.
Day and night,
at rain and snow,
In bright and dark times,
always.
Just like now.


And you never came...


. . .


The wind was getting colder, the sky was getting grayer and sadder day by day.
It was coming: that season of the year
... the season you disappeared at:

the Fall.

It was about the year ago that you disappeared, and that whole year I was waiting, hoping to meet you again, just like you ordered me to.

I waited,
I waited for you.
Day and night,
at rain and snow,
In bright and dark times,
always.
Just like now.

You never came. The villagers settled that you were dead already, and my mother kept telling me to give up on him already so we can leave the village peacefully.

Yes, we had to leave that small "village" because things started to happen after that incident a year ago:
people started to disappear, and the weirdos were locked in prisons, usually sold or captured.

We had to evacuate because I was one of the weirdos, remember?

I almost forgot, since I was always with Akio, I totally forgot about being the one who could mostly destroy one whole town.

Right, after Akio disappeared, I started to be old me again:
sad, depressive and mad Matsu.

Matsu who was in no mood to do anything;
Matsu who was angry and sad in the same time;
Matsu who almost killed a few children in the village;
Matsu who was destroying the furniture when she was in bad mood;
Matsu who hated everything;
Matsu who was going crazy waiting for a miracle to happen again.

With time, I became hopeless and expression less, almost like a zombie.

I was like that for a whole year, until we finally managed to pick out things and evacuate from the village.

Of course, I knew my mother wasn't dragging me behind for nothing, out of pure love and kindness, but because of simple reason.

You see, just as my mother started to be out of cash, she easily sold me to a nearby placed ship where we landed next to so she could avoid the Shinobi inspection.

I didn't really mind being in the real prison or whatnot, because I was in my own prison already, and I could get out.


To be continued...

"Here we go again..."


. . .


"Just say, ma'am, is this child your's?" a man with broad shoulders and shaved head was walking our direction.

"Oh.. um... why yes. Why do y- " my mother replied.

"Do you know you're on shinobi territory..? People like her aren't allowed to be touching this ground with it's dirty feet of their!!" he yelled at her.

"I'm sorry... we didn't know." she said, standing up and pulling me for hand to do the same.
"We will leave immediately." then she slapped my back giving me a signal to bow, and showed me with her finger to go in the opposite direction.
I was treated like a total dog.

"Hoho, I don't think I can let you two go..." he said, and we turned back at him.

"Why..?" mother asked.

"Why..? Oh, usually, we capture those little freaks and others along with them, just in case." he smiled.
"And I haven't been with a woman a long time ago you see..." he glanced at me and my mother.

My mother glanced at him, while her fists were shaking, then the man laughed:

"Aahhahahahh easy, ma'am, easy, I'm not that kind of a man, I guess. And even if you do attack me, I'm a ninja pirate, I don't think you stand a chance." he continued laughing

"But since you're both ladies" he glanced at me "I'll give you two a credit:

firstly, pay me to forget about you and be given 1 minute to run away
or
sell me this girl over here only, so you ma'am can be free handed, eh?"

This guy obviously didn't know my mom at all: he though that she's rather pay him that give her child to a dirty man like him. He though that. It was the opposite.

"Then, it's a deal. How much do you offer me for her?" she asked coldly, as it doesn't even bother her a little.

The man was stunned for a minute, then calmed himself a little and said:

"Wel, erm, I can offer you about a 50,000 yen for her, and other services of course..." he tried to see if my mother was for real. That man really was crawing money.

"Why of course" she said "just take her away from my sigh." and pushed me into his arms.
I was originally really shocked, that my mom would really do that, but didn't care that much because I was, well, in the other world, practically spiritless for anything.


I was handed in by 50,000 yen and captured by that man who took my on the ship and sent me to a nearby prison for 150,000 yen.

The Blood Prison.


. . .


At that ship, for sure, they made me prepared for the Blood Prison.

This prison originally created for criminals, but... well... they made sure to fit me in there, because if they had to send me to a real prison which was made for people like me then the expenses would be too big.

Especially at this critical times when the villages are destroyed, when the people start missing, families run away, a lot of people die, main people don't know what to do, and finally, they capture people like me to cover expenses.

A magical circle where there is no no escape, no hope. Just darkness.

I was like that too. Everything in me was rooting, and so was my body.

Eventually my body started to feel numb out of no-where from time to time. I couldn't and I didn't want to eat. I didn't feel like escaping from ship either. I was actually terribly sick.

Men who were taking and giving me food everyday in my little locker-room started to notice that I'm like that. Like they like.

It didn't take a week when they started to come over. To my little-locker room.

Oh, how I hated that room.


That room gave me the most terrible experiences. I don't think I will overcome them. Ever.


To be continued...

"... help me..."


. . .


"Oh my dear Matsu, I wasn't that bad, wasn't I..?" a 40-years old sailor said in singing voice.

"YOU WERE!!!!" a tiny 14-years old girl angrily though, but the words didn't come out. They couldn't.

She was in too much pain.

A dark room suddenly became lit with the light of the Sun that started to rise, slowly illuminating trough the small window in the room, revealing a skinny pale body lying in a quite amount of red liquid.

That tiny 14-years old child, cracking in the pain.

The tall yet quite old man chuckled with pleasure, and knocked just last time that small kid in the ribs.

The body gave a jump-scaring crick and started to shake, even in more pain.

The man looked even happier, then looked down at the small body yet again to notice how ugly it actually was:

a pale, small body with loose even paler skin that was revealing girl's ribs, shoulder and hand bones.

It was so ugly. Why did he even..?

The man sighted. Whatever, he though. A man's pleasure was a man's pleasure.
He took a small piece of cloth that was so called girl's blanked, and threw it at her.


"Cover your disgusting body, you little slut!! Who do you think I am!?" he yelled at her.

"A very, very terrible creature..!" she though once again, and gained strength to sit down on the messy floor, leaning herself on cracked bed.

"You better be standing up soon, bitch. We are arriving soon." he sad coldly, took his shirt up from the floor and slammed already broken door, making sure to lock her up twice.

A cold and uncomfortable peace ruled the room for a couple of moments.

"...you......."

A girl started to tremble, her fists were shaking furiously, her tooth were creeping and her eyes started to loose humans sight.





"WHY YOU!!!??"





The doors exploded,
the wooden dying floor started snap off from the ship ground,
the walls were already cracking making people on the top of the ship panic.

Everything, but everything within 5 meters of that girl, was being destroyed.

The ship started to sink, you could hear the screams from the top, people cursing from everywhere, men running trough the corridors trying to escape.

This is what she wanted: for this people to suffer. That's why she made the blood spurt everywhere, while people were still running.

Let them feel the pain.


"GYAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!"


My pain.


"THIS FUCKING HUUURTS!!!" the 40-years old sailor screamed at he was thrown by something.


The pain of being cursed at.


"MY RIBS!! YOOUU..!!!!!!" she yelled again, as he saw who did this to him.

A small, pale and weak girl, with short dark hair and now burning, mad eyes.


The pain of being hurt.


"YOU BI- !!! LET GO! LEEET GOO!!"

A small, pale and weak girl, with short dark hair and now burning, mad eyes, did this


The pain of being raped.

.... and made a man that made her suffer that much, die.



. . .



"After that incident, just how dirty my hand were..?"

I though to myself a billionth time, yet I was never given an answer.


. . .


She always saw this incident, this ugly side of herself in her dreams. No, nightmares.
Were those really nightmares? No. It always felt real, and her memories weren't leaving her yet.

She knew she would do it one day. To kill the whole lot of people.

She did. She did kill them for sure.

At first she didn't belive it, she didn't want to accept it, it was too cruel.

And now, there is no meaning of escaping from it.

She always knew she was a monster, and she will alawys be, and nothing would change it.

Nothing. No-one.


No-one...............



"Yo Matsu, my man, it's time to hit on some!" a man stopped by Matsu's ceil, playfully shaking the holds to get Matsu's attention.

"Ryuuga..." she raised her head and looked at her friend.

"Don't be a pessimist! Get OUT!" he shouted as the guard opened up her ceil.


She stood up, sarcasticlly smiled at the guard and left the ceil, raising her head some more to look at Ryuuga.


"Man, if you wouldn't be so depressed sometimes, you'd look way stronger! You're a man after all!" he patted Matsu's shoulder which made her almost fall, but she was used to this already.

"Hah, yeah, a man" she chuckled quietly.

She took her place in line, right next to Ryuuga and let the guards take her out.
She was really happy her place was right next to him. If it wasn't for that, she wouldn't meet such a wonderful friend.


Ryuuga, who was a man and a half, was a total opposite of her. He was a giant!

Ryuuga, who was masculine, strong and really tall, had an actually playfull and cheerfull personality.
Even if he always seemed scary, he was actually quite dumb but protective. A very nice person.
But still stupid. A bit.

Evidence? Here:


Right after they captured Matsu after that incident, she was taken in legally as a criminal, but mistaken as male.
The reason was that Matsu was still young yet undeveloped due to weight-loss and harsh treatment she took onto her body during last two years before she was captured.
Taking at the side she was weak and quite petite for a boy, she didn't develop any female attributes, had short hair and a sore voice (which was also a aftereffect of weight-loss, health problems and mental abuse).

When she just came, she was totally lost, couldn't really answer anything that the guards were asking here, so they spared her on detail checks so they wouldn't lose time (it was a really rush at that time, since a lot of criminals and "those" people were captured), and so they didn't check her sex, of course.

All the men in the Prison weren't as dump: after a few recovery weeks they soon noticed the changes on her body, but kept quiet so they can use it for themselves when they needed to.

Oh, how much did they need?

It was enough for them to pull her aside when they were having a break and rape her behind a wall of something.

But that didn't ever happen.

Matsu was very lucky that day when she came and carelessly took a place beside that scary man, Ryuuga. She didn't really care what will happen or will she be abused or killed again.
Ryuuga noticed that she was acting totally normal beside him, wasn't flinching at his voice or shaking while he was moving.

She was totally relaxed. Though he didn't ever thing it was "she", but "him".

Ryuuga finally found a person that was able to normally stand beside him and be his very first friend. In return he protected Matsu and never let her go out of his sight, he took care of her as a big brother of his little sibling.

This led for them being two best friends.

Matsu was very happy about it. It was her first friend her.


No, Akio wasn't her first friend. After all, she fell in love with him at first sight, no?

. . .


"Say, Ryuuga..." I started with slightly irritated voice-tone.

"...Humh!?" Ryuuga suddenly turned his head against mine with the most questioning face expression in the world, finally concentrating on what I was saying.

"... when will you stop staring at that new kid already? You're not turning gay or anything, right?" I said while giggling.

"Are YOU turning gay!? You're acting so jelly today!" he said and turned his head back at the new guy.

Big words to say to a girl, I thought, but kept quiet.

"I was joking, Ryuuga. You know that already." I said back calmly again.

"Yeah, I know right?"

"Yeah" I said as I joined staring at that interesting blondie.


To be continued