Day 1.


"......please, open your eyes!"

Im trying here, hello!!!
What the hell were they thinking? That Im just lying here, not trying to fight for my life? Well, fine, think like that, see if I care, maybe I wont wake up then.

They´ll probably blame themselves then.
And then I´ll feel bad.
Oh great.

Alright, Im opening my eyes now....


"......hey, look, shes coming back."


Coming back, excuse me? I was never away. I was right here. I was always here. You just stood there and did nothing. Yes you, with the pink hair.
Waaaaiiiit........, I can see?

"Welcome back!"

I narrowed my eyes. Welcome back, really? Is she trying to play the role of the caring nurse? Who´s the unconventionally brilliant and aloof doctor then? And who was actually trying to save me?
By the time I had opened my eyes as widely as I could, all of them, 5 if I wasn´t mistaken, had gathered around me. They were looking at me like I was a miracle. Well, not ME but the fact that I was awake.


I started studying the supposed "doctors". The pink haired one, Sakura (it said so on her nameplate), was smiling like a total weirdo. If I hadn´t been so damn sleepy, I´d probably ask what was wrong with her. She had her hair in a high updo and she was wearing a white Doctor's lab coat. Damn, alright, maybe she was a doctor not a nurse. She even had those gargantuan black framed glasses which looked totally horrid on her. I had never seen her up to this point and I already hated her. She looked like a really annoying person. I´ll stop making fun of her now. I almost feel sorry for her now. God.
Anyway, next to her was a blonde guy, grinning at me. I felt weird at that point. I almost knew beforehand that I´d be great friends with him. He looked so bubbly for a boy and seemed like a really nice guy. I couldn´t see his nameplate though. He was also wearing a lab coat but he looked more of a doctor than her . Though I probably wouldn´t take him too seriously either.
There was a weird looking doctor in front of my bed. He was actually wearing a mask and one of his eyes was covered like his nose and mouth. So he must be the misanthropic genius, who solves the problems by himself. I knew that because he was standing a little bit further than everyone else. He looked like the one I could trust the most but he also looked like the one I´d want to talk to the less. He was looking at me a bit mockingly. That proved my point about him thinking a little too much of himself.
Opposite the blonde dude was a tall boy with black hair and deep black eyes. He looked really mysterious and was also the only one, except for the weird masked doctor of course, who wasnt smiling at me. He stayed totally calm and just looked at me. I felt like blushing. He sorta looked....unhappy. But whats it to me, right?
And next to him was an overexposured nurse as in her pinafore or whatever was way too short for her. Ew, I hate it when girls do that. There are places you can go dressed like that but a hospital, come on....Did she actually finish High School? I dont think so. She looked just like a 14 year old teen.
Blegh.


That was it. Thats what I thought of them. I couldnt be too wrong about them, right? They looked kinda obvious.

But I was wrong. Well, not that much, but I was wrong about some of the things. Of course I didnt understand that right away. It took me time to get them and it took them time to get me and my disease. Yes, disease. Of course I didnt know that right away either.




"Are you fully awake now?" pinky asked.

I squinted my eyes at her. I could see her totally flawless face now. I pouted.

"I think so," I managed to say. I hadn´t heard myself speak for a while now. Is that how I really sound like?

"Oh good, you gave us a tough time there you know. We thought you didnt even think about coming back," Sakura said again.

Ah, yes, rub it in. Like I really wanted to come back. What did I have here that was so precious to me anyways? Oh, I know the answer. NOTHING. Thanks a lot nursey, thanks.

I looked at the blonde. He smiled sweetly at me and said:
"You´ll be alright now. We´re here!"

And then I remembered. How I got myself hurt in the first place. No, I didnt fall off something and no, I didn´t get run over by a car.
It was because of Kagetora, my best friend.
He always got himself in trouble. And I was always the one who had to save him.
Weird, huh?
The girl saves the boy.
Im pretty impressive, I know.
But one day....I didnt make it in time.
He was lying on the ground when I found him. I tried to help him, I tried calling the police, I tried everything but no one came, no one thought it was serious enough.
I tried getting him into his car which was just nearby but he was too heavy.
Suddenly he opened his eyes and said:
"You look so beautiful right now!"
I got all teary-eyed and said:
"Stupid, what the hell happened?"
But I couldnt say anything after that. The only thing I could feel was a hard solid thing hitting me repeatedly and then I heard a laughter. It was a high-pitched laughter. The attacker had been a woman.
I woke up in a car, Kagetora next to me. I couldnt feel his pulse. Lots of emotions ran through me and none of them were positive emotions.

And then I heard it.
That one fatal sound that would save me from an explosion.
The tic of a clock.
The picture of a car blowing up ran through my mind.
And then I ran out of the car.
At that point, I was very thankful for my good hearing.
I had never moved faster in my life.
I didnt look back, because if I had seen Kagetora, I´d have tried going back.

I had to do this.
I had to survive.
I had to avenge him.

I felt the heatwave and heard the sound of explosion.
I still kept on running.
I couldnt stop.
I had to run.
I ran for quite awhile, thinking that maybe someone is after me.
I dont remember collapsing, but here I am.
The must have found me.
But did anyone find Kagetora?
Or that bitch who had killed him?
Probably not.
This definitely wasnt her first time blowing someone up and Kagetora....there would be nothing left of him.

I started crying.
More like I shed a few tears but still...
I cover my face with my palms and just weeped.

"Im sorry!" I said in between weeps, "I just, could I be alone for just a second?"

The probably looked at each other and whispered something like "Lets leave her!" or "She should have some alone-time!" cause the next thing I knew, they were all walking out of the room, even the nurse.

After a few minutes I regained control over my emotions and stopped crying.
I looked out of the window. The sun was shining, everything was looking so good and shimmery. Seemed like a perfect day to go out with your friends and have a great time.
But I dont have any left.
I hate self-pity but I had no other choice at this point.

The all die around me.
First my friend Lu, who died in a car accident. Then Tara, who died during giving birth. And now Kagetora.
Why?
Cause of me.
I was to blame here.
Im the bad luck charm.
Thats when I made that decision – I shall never call anyone a friend again!

Day 2.


I smelled coffee.
I hated coffee.
It was so overrated.
Im still young, I have energy, why gulp down that stuff?
I opened my eyes slowly, but still not slowly enough – the light coming from the window was so bright that it practically burned my eyes - and looked at the clock.
I had slept for 16 hours. A new record.
Yes, yes, your previous record was 9 hours – nicely done!
I felt much better. I should keep telling myself that every morning. It might help.
I couldnt help but to look out of the window. What a beautiful day...
I looked to my left. I was alone.

Well, well, well, I have my own ward.

I must be really sick then.
Didnt the lady in the TV say that hospitals were packed?
My own ward.
Cool.

I tried to crack my knuckles.
...
Nothing.
Wha-?
Im a master at this!!
Wha- what happened!?
I glared at my hands.

„Work with me now!“

Cracking my knuckles made me feel relaxed, what now?
I already felt anxious and it´s only 10 AM.
I got off the bed, thanking the fact that they didnt have anything attached to me.
Which is weird, if I have my own ward and am probably quite sick, shouldn´t they monitor me?
I walked to the little mirror across the room. My body felt quite numb so I didnt quite walk, more like hobbled my way there. It felt like I had forgotten how to walk.
Looking at my reflection on the mirror, I felt the ends of my lips curving up into a smile. My lashes still had some mascara on them. The rest was on my cheeks.
"Looking great," I mumbled.
I fixed my hair a bit and washed my face.
I guess since Im in a hospital, I dont need to look perfect, eh?
I mean, it´s not like guys will be hitting on me during my time here...

I looked at my outfit. Very hospitalish. I quickly checked if the back was cut open or something but no. It was like a dress. Good. I cant have me walking around this hospital half naked.
I took some babysteps to the door, afraid I might fall, because I already felt a bit queasy. The door was wide open so anyone could come in and out at anytime.
I peeked out of the room.
All those people coughing. Damn, I should just stay in my own little ward.
But the people...they looked so...interesting.
I squinted my eyes a bit – means I started to investigate everyone.
A familiar face appeared in my sight.
That tall guy with the dark hair and the mysterious look in his eyes was walking right this way.
Damn.
Back to bed, back to bed...
I tried to rush it.
But Im slow.
Like a friggin´ snail.
Move, legs, YOU!

"You shouldnt be out of bed!"

Damn.

I turned to face him.

"Um...sorry, I just.....felt a little numb. I would have started poking my legs but getting up seemed like a better way to handle things," I said. I hopped onto my bed and covered my lower body with the blanket on the bed.

"Doctor Hatake doesnt want you to move much as we are still trying to figure out what´s wrong with you. We dont want anything to happen to you," he told me.
So that weird looking doc actually was the boss.

"Oh, OK, sorry."

He smiled.
"No need to apologize."

"Sor-....I mean, you said you are still trying to figure out what´s wrong with me. "

„That is indeed what I said.“

„Why do you think there is something wrong with me?“

„Well, we have discovered some...interesting things about your system. But rest assure, we´ll tell you everything - when we find something, of course.“

"Alright then, so I have to stay here?"

„For the time being, yes.“

I sighed.
Well this sucks.
From what I´ve heard, hospital food stinks.
And I want a burger!

He took my chart and wrote something on it.
I looked at him. He was too dedicated to notice me gawking at him, thank God.
I stared at his jawline – what an amazing jawline.
Whoa, there, stop gawking at him, missy!

„Umm...can I ask you something?“

"Ask away."

"Well...your names, I didnt quite catch them. I only saw one nameplate, Sakura Haruno, right?"
Smooth, why dont you ask for his number while you´re at it...

"Yeah, that´s her. Naruto Uzumaki is the name of the blonde kid. Kakashi Hatake is the chief of diagnostic medicine, the guy with the mask-“

„-and weird hair.“ I added.

He smiled again, not looking away from the chart.

„-and weird hair. And Im Sasuke Uchiha.“

"What about the nurse?“
Obvious jealousy is obvious.

"Oh, well, there will be a lot of different nurses coming to check on you, I dont think you can possibly remember all their names. If anything happens - but nothing will - we will be paged so dont worry."

He put the chart back and looked at me.

"You OK?"

I looked away.

"I´m pretty good."

„And for some reason I dont believe you.“

„Well, you asked, I answered.“

„You lied.“
Mature much?

„I didnt lie. I...do feel...pretty good.“

„Look, we´re trying to help you. You can trust us. If you tell us the truth, we can help you.“

„So there IS something wrong with me!?“

„Nothing is wrong.“

I glared at him.
Trust him?
He´s lying himself, how the fuck can I trust him?

„I told you how I felt. Pretty good doesnt mean perfect, it means I´ve been better but this isnt really the worst either. I told you the truth. Now tell me what´s wrong with me!“

He stepped a bit closer.
He let out a deep sigh and glared back at me.

„Did you take anything before you collapsed?“

"Take anything?"

"Yes, like....drugs?"

I looked at him angrily.

"Whoa, whoa, I dont do drugs."

"We found diacetylmorphine in your veins."

"What, heroin? I dont do drugs!!!"

„Well, Im not a elite class doctor or anything but I pretty sure heroin doesnt just pop out of nowhere – well, in your case, pop into a vein out of nowhere.“

„Way to stay professional – Im telling you, I have never- ahh.. for God´s sake, do I look like a junky to you?“

„Your veins show me that you are one.“

This guy is really getting on my nerves. Doctors are supposed to be sociable and friendly. He´s just...accusing me. This is so unfair..

And then..
Then it hit me.
Kagetora.
He used to hang out with dealers.
Did he have something to do with this?

"Doctor Hatake has never seen a system like yours. We need to know everything. What did you do before you collapsed? Who were you with?“

"How long have I been here?"

"You were brought here 2 days ago."

"Great, Ive been drugged and...."

"We need to know everything."

Trust.
You dont have to make friends.
Just trust him a bit, the sooner they find a cure for whatever you have, the sooner you´ll be out of here.

And so I told him the story.
I didnt leave out any details as every little thing might help too.
He just looked at me sympathetically.
When I was done, he got up, nodded, thanked me and left.
And what was I left to do?
Sit around for the whole day.
Heh, trust.
Thanks doc, thanks a lot.

Day 3



"Look, we won´t be able to save her if you are in the way..."

"But....I need to be with her, she´s the reason for my existence."

"Well, in that case, we will have 2 dead bodies, now move!"

"Hold on, Yuki-chan, hold on!"

I tried to open my eyes. What was going on?
And that voice....seemed so familiar.

"Kage....tora?"

"I´m right here, Miyu, I´m right here."

I smiled.

"I know you are."

"I´m sorry, I can´t believe you came to save me again, I told you not to!"

"Forgive me, I just couldn´t resist...."

I could see pretty clearly now. I was in an ambulance car, surrounded by paramedics, all sorts of wires attached to me.

"I told you, I´ll be fine, It´s my problem!" I heard him say.

"You are wrong. One of those days..." I said as the doors of the car closed in front of my eyes.





"It´s a flatline, get the defibrillator paddles!"

Im not flatlining, Im alive, see?
See?

Weird.
I saw nothing around me. It´s like you are looking with your eyes closed. And you can´t open them.
But I could hear perfectly.
I recognised some voices, to be more specific – Naruto and Sakura – but I guessed some nurses were there too. Sakura´s voice is just too whiny and Naruto´s voice is pretty obnoxious.

"Wake up, WAKE UP!!"

She seriously gets waaaay~ into her work.
Naruto was also screaming for me to wake up.
Everyone was panicking. I heard something fall, I heard someone yelling at that person who probably dropped the damn thing on the floor, I heard everything. Yet I could not open my eyes.
It was like I was totally conscious...yet not in control.
I felt a shock wave run through my body.
Shit, you guys, Im alright, just open my eyes.

„Look at the damn pulse, hit her again!“

Wait wait wait!!

The paddles were pushed against my chest again. Damn, this stuff really hurts.
Maybe it´s just a bad dream.
People dont die like this, right?
Fuck!
Breathe in, breathe out.

And then I couldnt hear either.





I opened my eyes.
Yes, Im not dead!!
And I can see!! AND HEAR!
Fuck yeah~
Everything was foggy though.

My whole body ached. My chest hurt the most. Damn paddles...

"The EKG didn´t show us anything we didn´t know.." a female voice said, obviously Sakura. But she didnt sound as whiny as she usually does.

"How about doing an angiography?" someone said, it sounded like Naruto.

"Angiography? You are not in medical school anymore," doctor Hatake said.

"If she has a stronger case of tachycardia, we should give her antiarrhythmics. At least we´ll have something," Sakura said.

I finally tried to say something:
"Hey, I dont get anything you´re saying, please, in simple English?"

They rushed over.

"Are you OK? How´s your body? You feel anything strange?" Naruto asked me.

"Whats with the questions? Im the sick one, Id like to ask some too!"

"Do you have a headache maybe?" he asked again.

"Look, dude, Im fine."

He backed off a little.
So did Sakura and Sasuke. Doctor Hatake was a little bit further behind, like always.

"I guess my joints hurt a little, but..."

He dived in again.
"Arthralgia!!"

"OK, I have no idea what that is so could you just let me sleep?"

"She´s feeling tired!!! It has to be malaria!! It fits the symptoms!!"

"Now you´re just guessing too much," Sasuke said.

"Her BP is normal, she isn´t sweating or vomiting, she doesn´t have chills or anemia, so just shut up," Sakura said in a low voice.

"Hey, he´s just trying to help," Sasuke said, looking at her.

"Sorry Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said in a sickening "lovey-dovey" voice.

"Isn´t malaria a disease that comes from mosquitoes?" I asked.

"Mosquitoes are not the only thing that carries it. Have you been to India, Pakistan or Sri Lanka lately?" doctor Hatake asked.

"I dont travel."

"Do a blood smear just in case." and with that he just walked off.

"I cant have malaria, it doesnt make sense!"

"You probably don´t, he just wants to check, besides, with the smear, we can also look for other parasites ," Naruto assured me.

"The main thing is, you are OK!" Sakura said, smiling.

I narrowed my eyes at her, again.
Yeah, the main thing...

"Sakura-san and I will get the lab ready, how about you get the sample?" Naruto said to Sasuke.

"Alright."

"But..." Sakura started but then gave up, "fine!"

The two of them walked off.

"Now that they are gone, will you tell me what´s going on?" I asked.

He looked at me funny. Then smiled and walked towards me. No, it wasnt a smile. Neither was the one he gave me yesterday. It was a smirk. And a smirk is not the same as a smile.
If he were to smile at me, Id actually like him a lot more.
But a smirk was condemning, he was judging me.
He stopped at the bed.

„Have you seen House MD?“

House? What has this to do with anything?

„Yeah, one of my favourite series.“

„Well, Kakashi is kinda like House. But less sociable. Well, and less of an asshole. And for sure less of a genius. Cause let´s face it, no one can be that great. This isnt just another case for him, though. This is a true puzzle. You have had so many different symptoms...It´s really hard to give an oppinion at this point.“

Great.

"Alright, at least what do you think I have?"

He looked at my hand while taking the blood sample.

"The symptoms...I dont think they say anything. I think they are a decoy of the real problem, of the real disease. But that´s just my opinion."

I nodded and looked out of the window.
So I was a case to remember.
I never was the type who needed everyones attention.
But for some reason I felt...good.
That they will remember me.
Even if I live, they will remember this case.
Im not a very optimistic person you see...

Im so selfish.
Yet so friggin´ selfless.

Dont worry, I dont get myself either.

Day 4



"Hey, that´s SO not fair!!"

I gazed at the lazy looking patient in front of me and pouted. There where 3 black chess pieces and 6 white chess pieces on the board, white being mine, and I still lost. He smiled at me and said:
"Even though I won, you were still a pretty good opponent."


I smiled.
"Really?"

"Yes, no one has ever played a game with me for over 30 minutes. They always lose too early."

"Well, that sure made my day."

He smiled again and stood up.

"I should go. It´s almost 4 and I dont want to miss bingo."

I laughed at him, not in a bad way though, and started to collect the pieces of the game.
Shikamaru loved bingo because it was unpredictable. There was no way he could predict his win or his loss. It was all luck, no smarts needed.
Even though he loved using his brain.
He´s very smart, you see.

Men are a mystery.

Chess was pretty fun. I used to like playing by myself, since almost no one ever knew how to play it but me, and also cause I didnt have many friends left. But when I saw Shikamaru from ward no. 6 playing it, I just had to suggest playing against him. And Im glad I did. He seemed like an interesting person. Sure he was a little lazy, and by a little I mean all he did was sleep and watch clouds, but he was fun to talk to. And since he´s really smart, I like talking about philosophy with him. He doesnt look like it but he has an opinion about a lot of things.


"Same time tomorrow?" I asked, hoping he wasnt tired of me already.

He nodded and left.
A man of few words.
Well, at least I have something to do tomorrow.

Shikamaru had a really rare disease (well, dont we all here). I dont remember what it was called exactly, but it had something to do with his lungs. I think it was something like his lungs are destroying themselves. Or something. He said he had about 5 months left but I said it never hurt to be a little more optimistic about these kind of stuff. The doctors hadnt said anything about how much time he had left, he just predicted. I really hope he´s not that smart to predict his own death. He´s such a nice guy...

I put the board with the pieces under my bed and went to look out of the window. It actually started to look a little like spring.
Everything around me was so weird.
The fact that I had almost died 2 days ago, the fact that they (I mean the doctors) let me walk around without any medicine droppers around my neck or something, the fact that I havent seen any of the doctors for 2 days now, the fact that some guy from ward no. 7 was flirting with me all day yesterday, and, oh, I could go on forever.
All this stuff going on these last few days...
I feel like something´s up.
Like they are not telling me something and I´ve suddenly been sprayed with some kind of „popularity paint“. Im serious. All these people gathering around me is just weird. Maybe that´s God´s way of telling me to do all kinds of stuff since I´ll die soon anyways. Not that I believe in him. I dont believe in destiny either.
So what´s out there for me?

„Um...so-sorry, are you...no, n-no, it cant be...“

I turned around, only to meet Sadako. Well, Im exaggerating a bit. Her hair wasnt really that messy but it was incredibly dark and long. And the white dress scared me too. I bowed a little to see if the girl actually had a face or not.
What?!
This is scary!

„Ah~! Im sorry!“ I heard her say.

I walked a few steps closer to her, still bent down a bit.
I saw a mouth. Well, that´s a start.

„Why are you sorry? You didnt do anything,“ I tried to laugh it off.

I could see her rosy cheeks now. Well, they were bright red actually. Could she really be embarrassed?

„Im Miyuki. Did you want to tell me something?“

„Umm...“
Her head started to rise.
Wow, she was really pretty.
But...her eyes...they were...white?

„I was wondering if you..kn-knew...did you re-really know Kagetora?“

I glared at her.
This was the last thing I had expected.
Ka-Kagetora?

Even though that sure was a surprising question..
I could not stop staring at her eyes.

„You must be wondering about my eyes...I have Multifocal Choroiditis, a really ba-bad case of it in fact. I can still see you a bit,“ she spoke.

Multifo-wha~?

„White spots. Very large white spo-spots. They are usually supposed to be quite small. But I guess I wa-wasnt that lucky.“

It´s like she´s reading my mind!

„Since I can´t see very well, I can kinda sense people´s emotions. Im so-sorry if it freaks you out. My name is Hyuga Hinata.“

Ok, this is really freaky.

„Ho-how did you know Kagetora?“
I tried not to sound like 1000 different emotions were running through me. But I guess that pretty much failed.

„Well, I...I used to da-date him. Im su-sure he didnt talk about me cause we both promised to keep it a secret. Bu-but he spoke about you a lot. I heard Shikamaru talk to Ki-Kiba about a girl named Miyuki. The way he described you... I immediately thought it´d be yo-you. And I was right.“

„Kagetora had a girlfriend?“
What a stupid question, she just told you!

„Well, before he lo-locked me in here. I did so much for him. Yet he still made me come here. But now it´s too la-late anyways.“

„Wait, he MADE you come here?“

„You o-only saw, and still see, him as a good guy who made a few wrong turns, but still was a good guy inside. He wa-wasnt. Isnt.“

What the hell is she talking about?
Isnt?

„You are he-here because of him, yes? It was the same with me. I said he locked me in here, it would be nearer to the truth to say that I actually locked myself here. Like yo-you did. One phone call from him and you go out to save him. You find him on the ground, looking all hu-hurt. And then you see him die. And the next thi-thing you know, there is something wrong with you. All because you trusted him.“

My eyes were filled with tears by now.
No, I cant believe it. I...I trusted him.

„So, what you are saying is that I have to blame myself?“
I said that with full confidence. I cant look weak.
What if she isnt who I think she is?

„The ma-main thing is that he´s alive. Fo-for sure. And you cant blame yourself. Im the only one who can blame myself. I had only known him for a year or so. You knew him your who-whole li-life. He was cunning, charming, assertive. How co-could I not fall for him? But a friend. Being a friend is much harder. I admire you. You helped him no matter wha-what.“ she stammered. She didnt look confident anymore.

I was confused.
No.
Astonished.
I was unsettle. Disturbed.
I could not think anymore.
Nothing made sense anymore.

„Hinata? Could you please go? Not to be rude but...Im having a hard time believing you,“ I told her, turning around to face the window.

„And I was hoping you´d be smart...“
With that she left.

I placed my hands on the sill and eyed them carefully.

„You witty little son of a...“

If things really are like Hinata just told me...
Why did he do it?
What could he possibly get out of it?

But...I saw him with my own two eyes as he ...
No, no I didnt.
I didnt see him blow up.
I didnt see the explosion.
In fact, I have heard neither read anything about it.

This is too confusing.
Too overbearing.
Too..

I cant think.

What if...?

No!
I knew him!
I knew him for sure.

He wouldnt do this to me...
Whatever I have...I cant possible blame him.
What if Hinata was wrong?

I looked outside.
It truly was starting to look like spring.
The snow was practically gone.
I remember how I used to lend my rubber boots to him during spring.
And there was this time when I only had pink ones left (cause he had ruined them all) and I made him wear them.
That was 7th grade.

Ive known you since 3rd grade.
You freakin´ kissed me!
Just to prove your friends that girls didnt have cooties.
I hit you.
You were mad.
After school you apologized.
We became friends.

Oh, how I hate you right now...

Day hkjdsie, I lost count, OK?


Well, whoopedoo, another fucking day at this dump.
Wasn´t optimistic enough? Well, fuck you.
I´ve tried to get out of here 3 times already. 3 fucking times!
Now I´m locked in my own little ward – windows barred, door closed shut.
Human rights, fuck those!

They say Ive gone a bit crazy and can´t think straight.
So I have to stay here for my own good.
Why dont you just put me to a mental hospital.
At least Id get to speak with someone.
Still no contact from the so called doctors.

I didnt fucking do anything..
I guess I kinda over-reacted after Hinata told me about Kagetora but come on...
I asked them nicely.
And I only hit the guy AFTER they had denied my request.
You cant blame me.


Fucking 3 times, still no luck.
Tonight will be the 4th time...

„You´ll see, Im coming for you.“

Yeah, Im coming for you. Damn you, you lied to me. You fucking lied to me. And pretended to die. I´ll look you up. I´ll find you.

I heard the door creak.
Somebody is actually entering my palace, my fortress? Who dares...

„Tell me you are not trying for another escape.“
Of course it was him.
Fucking bass dares to enter.

„Fuck you.“

„Im trying...no, we are trying to help you. There is something wrong with you and that guy is most likely the cause of it. Dont go running to him if you arent well.“

I turned to face him.
I said nothing for a while, just looked at him.
His hair was really messy, face worn out, eyes dark and mysterious. He wasnt wearing his lab coat but his everyday clothes. Probably to make me more relaxed. Lab coats always freak people out, right?

No emotion from him. Nothing.
He was looking at me the same way I was staring at him.
The sun was slightly sneaking in through the window, glamorously shining onto him.
His face, his chest, his legs – all shined from the sunlight.

He looked amazing. And I fucking hated it.

His gaze became softer, I felt his eyes rest on mine.
Neither of us could deny the attraction we must have felt.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
His eyes...fuck they are so hypnotizing...

„Im crazy...so I dont know what I´ll do next...right?“

He looked dumbfounded.
Bet he didnt expect that.

I squinted my eyes towards the sun that was slightly becoming more noticeable. I raised my left hand to cover the rays but I kept on looking.

„You arent crazy. You are upset. And very ill. There is something going on inside you. And I will not let you go out there when we havent figured out what exactly it is. I wont let you. I will not.“

My hand fell to my side as I looked at him again.

„I have tried to get out of here 3 times, I hit a cop and a male nurse, I didnt take that fucking medicine you gave me, yes, damn right, I spit it out when you weren´t watching...and you tell me Im just upset? Im beyond upset. Do you know how much I really trusted him? How much I cared for him? And to find out he lived a parallel life. He had a girlfriend. AND he´s alive even though I had almost blown up WITH him. Im not upset.“
I tried to steady my breathing. Getting so worked up over this damn thing..
„Besides, you dont know anything. This is my life. I want to look for him. And you arent my dad so you cant really stop me, right? So back off...“

„I am your doctor. And a friend.“

„I dont have friends! Dont you dare call me your friend!“

He stepped closer. I eyed him closely.
„Dont you dare!“
He took another step, and another, and another, as I was starting to walk backwards.
He´s closing in on me!
„Get away from me!“
I didnt want him near me...yet I desired for him so much.

He lifted his left hand, placing it on my right shoulder. He did the same with the other hand.
„You...have...no idea...get...away...“

I couldnt control my breathing. My heart was racing.
He was only a few centimeters away from me.
I closed my eyes and opened them quickly. The explosion came to mind out of the blue.
I couldnt think before, what now?

„Calm down... Im here. You arent crazy. And we will get through this. You´ll see...“
I looked into his eyes.
Fuck, I want to kiss him so badly.
Dont look at him!

„Can I kiss you?“ I froze as I heard him say.

„I dont want your pity-love.“

He smirked and bit down on his lower lip a bit.
„You want me too, baby!“

I dont know if you have ever experienced it when you realize you are actually dreaming and have the urge to wake up immediately .
Well, this was it. Like Sasuke would ever say baby, please.
I pinched myself, trying to wake up. Cause I heard it works.

„What are you doing?“

„Let go of me, this isnt real.“

I struggled my way out and ran towards the door, still pinching myself.
Having reached the door, Sasuke appeared in front of me, yes, out of thin air.
„So you dont want me all over you?“

Fuck, fuck, fuck!
„Get AWAY!“






„GET AWAY!“

My upper body shot up from my bed. Never in my life had I wanted to wake up so desperately.
I hate dreaming, HATE IT!
I always see such stupid stuff.
Being crazy was stupid enough.
And Sasuke calling me ´baby´, what the hell, man?

That dream sure summed up my thoughts...
Not that I´d hit a cop...or a male nurse.
Pshh, a male nurse..
And what was that thing with Sasuke...?

I looked at the clock, 7:30, well, almost time for medication anyways..
I let my feet dangle over the edge of the bed and watched them as I tried to get cracking noises out of them. Yes, I dont only crack my knuckles, but also my neck, toes, spine etc.
It´s awesome, I know.

I stared at the room.
Plain white, only one window near my bed, a litter bin, a cupboard and some medical stuff on the other side of the bed. The „ward“ wasnt that big but it was definitely too big for me, one person.
I looked at the door, it wasnt locked.
I looked at the window, it didnt have bars.
Stupid dream.
I got off my bed and walked in circles for a while. 5 laps one way, 5 the other.
Now that my feet were working fine, I walked towards the door, opened it and stepped outside.
Almost everyone was up already.

„Mornin´, Yuki-chan!“

„Ah, good morning, Kiba-san,“ I answered, waving at a familiar face.
Kiba from ward no 6, Shikamaru´s roommate.
I met him yesterday while playing with Shikamaru again.

Kiba has something called ´vasomotor rhinitis´ and it has something to do with his nose always running. Which, you know, isnt that bad, right?
Well, he has a pretty bad case of it. None like doctors had ever seen before.
They couldnt figure out the cure. So they just suck out all that wants to come out.
If you´d only see what he has to wear around his nose...

„How are ya?“

I walked towards him, still smiling. I sat down next to him.
„Im pretty good, had a bad dream though.“

„Sucks, I have em all the time, get on my nerves actually. But once I saw a hot girl falling for me so that kinda balanced it all...“
I laughed slightly and nodded, „Ah yes, wish Id have normal dreams.“

Kiba took a sip of air and hold his breath for a while.
He released the air and looked at me.
„How does air smell like? I have forgotten.“

I took a deep breath and let it out right away.
„Like cough medicine, you´re not missing anything.“

Kiba laughed, exposing his teeth that kinda looked like fangs.
„Thanks, still miss it tho.“

I looked around. Looked like me, Shikmaru, Kiba and Hinata were the only young ones.

Hinata...
I remembered my talk with her a few days ago.
I hadnt met up with her ever since, thank God.
My dream came to mind. To think that I would have actually gone crazy..
Trying to break out of this place 3 times.
And come on...
Hitting a male nurse.
Pshh, a male nurse.
I let out a slight chuckle.

„What cha laughing about?“
I looked back at Kiba.

„Haha, it´s kinda silly.“

„What´s silly?“
I saw Shikamaru walk towards us.
I waved, he just nodded.

„How´s it going?“

„It´s a hospital, Shikamaru. The medication makes us feel just dandy,“ Kiba snarled friendly, yes, friendly, but it was still a snarl.

I got up and said, „I think I´ll take a walk. Find me when The Simpsons starts, ok?“

„Sure thing.“

I nodded and waved, leaving those two by themselves.
I need a walk.
I need to get away from this place.
Yes, I need to get out.
Unfortunately, I can only go out from 2-3 PM.

I´ll just walk around for a while then, gather my thoughts..
Ah~ so many people..
Looks like everybody´s out already.
I noticed something pink in the distance, bet it´s Sakura.
Fortunately, she isnt walking towards me.

Unfortunately, he is...

So Im thinking of ways to deal with this.


Do I drop dead? Yeah, drop dead, right.
Faint? Wouldn´t that make a perfect scenery for two lovers.
Fake a seizure? Totally romantic, yet so over-done.
Maybe I should just turn around and walk the other way?
Gah~! Don´t look him in the eye!!!

What am I doing?
It was just a stupid dream, relax.
It´s not like you HAVE to talk to him.
You could just say hi and walk past him.
You don´t even have to say hi , though that would be weird and he´d start to suspect something.
Just look at him, say hi and get the heck out of there.

I´m so hopeless...

„How are you?“

Damn!!

I looked up to meet Sasuke´s eyes glaring at me like I was a wonder.
Seriously, I had never seen such peculiar set of eyes.

„I-I..yeah, um, Im good.“

What the hell is wrong with you?!?
It´s not like you-....
Now wait a minute..
It can´t be..
really..
me?

I like him, dont I?
I actually like him.
Took you long enough.

ABORT MISSION!!! You aren´t ready to talk to him yet!!

„Sakura-san will do a check up on you around 3PM, so don´t get too lost.“

„Yeah, I wont, I´ll just go...this way now,“ after saying that, I marched in an unknown direction.
Seriously, I had no idea where I was going. I just kept on walking.
I probably left Sasuke pretty confused. I hope he´s not on to something. Everyone with a little sense would notice.

Come oooon~
He isn´t even your type.
Like you have one.

Of course the dream came to mind now.
He was so close to me.
I almost dream-kissed him.
That kinda means hot sex in real life, right?
Or was it the other way around..

Sheesh, just focus on things that matter!!

Like Kagetora.
Is he really alive?
Can I trust Hinata?
She may be lying. She maybe be a spy for that chick who supposedly blew up Kagetora.
Maybe she found out I was alive and in case I remembered something, she sent a spy to kill me.
I have to keep an eye on Hinata.

Ah, what am I saying.
I sound like a spy myself.

I must be delusional.
I probably am.
Thinking about hooking up with Sasuke. A guy I don´t even know.
Ugh, what the hell?

Khm, while you are trying to figure out whether to listen to yourself or yourself, how about you notice that door right in front of you.

Of course I didn´t notice it before it hit me right in the face. Yes, literally.

„Ouch, damn door, mind you!“ I yelped. Friggin door doesnt know his way around..

„Haha, are you ok?“

I rubbed my head for a short second and looked up.
Is he wearing make up?

„Oh, err, yeah, Im ok.“
Notice how Im not even slightly embarrassed. That´s just the way I roll.
No, actually, Im pretty clumsy so it really isnt a surprise that I fall over every little thing.
I was offered a hand and, as I was afraid to fall again as Id try to get up, I took the hand.

„Thanks, I must have been pretty distracted.“

„Love?“

I pulled a serious face and glared at him.
„Like I´d think of love in a place like this...“

„I think it´s pretty ok in here. I like the playroom.“

I raised an eyebrow, „How old are you?“

He laughed it off, „I was joking.“

Right.
The weird lines on his face...what are they?
„You like Kabuki?“

„Haha, you are such a doe-eyed little kid. It´s a sign of a true warrior. It means Im always ready to battle. What´s your name by the way?“

Okay, something´s not right here.

„Im...Im Miyuki.“

„Kankuro, at your service.“

I bowed a bit to show respect, so what if he´s a bit...weird, politeness is always good.
He bowed back, smiling a bit.

„Kankuro-san, it´s time to get your meds. Come on now,“ a nurse said, walking closer.

„I just took them!“ Kankuro yelled.

„Now now, Kankuro-san, we dont want to make Gaara angry, now do we?“

Kankuro looked apologetic. He pouted and his puppy eyes flashed towards the nurse.

I just stepped back a little, this was too weird for me.
He was truly confident just know, what the hell happened?

„I dont wannnnaaaa~! Gaara will take them himself!“ Kankuro said, crossing his hands on his chest and turning his back to the nurse.
„Kankuro! Go to your room, NOW!“

Ah shit.

Kankuro looked at the nurse, nodded and wandered off to find his room.
I just stood there.
If Im correct, this is just a hospital, not a MENTAL hospital.

„Sorry, Miyuki-san, Kankuro has CJD, Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease. The doctors are trying to figure out a cure and dont want to send him to a mental hospital yet. And his brother is very keen on him, wants to keep him in here. Kankuro´s personality might change every time you see him, so I wouldnt recommend on befriending him. His memory is getting worse and worse. Poor little guy. Ah, why am I here blabbering about this, I should go and take care of him. Be well, Miyuki-san.“
And just like that, she took off.

OK, Miyuki, just walk away...
Just go to your own little ward..

I started walking back.
What if I have something like Kankuro?
What if I have something that cant be treated...
What if...I´ll die before finding out the truth..

„Ha-had a nice walk?“

Of course, that´s exactly what I need...

Hinata...with her creepy eyes..

„What makes you think I wasn´t doing anything else?“

„What else is there to do in he-here...“

True, she got me there.

„I´ve been thinking...I want to know everything. If there really was something between you two, you must know more than I do.“

„So you want to find him, huh?“

„Yes.“
And I want to keep my enemies close, I dont want to take any chances.

„You know, you wont get out of here anytime soon. I heard the doctors ta-talking, they still dont know what you have.“

I stared at my feet. Obviously I know that.
Otherwise either Naruto or Sakura would have run to me and screamed their brains out.
They are way too into my case.

I looked up, stared right into her eyes and felt my confidence build up.
Why should I be afraid, scared of her?
„True, Im not a ninja so I cant really sneak out of here. But I have guts and I will break out. Now, I know you´d like to get back at him too, am I right?“

She blinked a few times, turned her head away and said, „I hate him. I loathe him. I want him to suffer.“

Oookay...

„But I dont want him to suffer cause of me. I lo-love him.“

Now I get why they say theres a thin line between hate and love.
This is getting too confusing.
But I cant give up now.

„Hinata, Miyuki, hey! What cha talkin´ bout?“

Yeah, go ahead and yell so the whole hospital can hear about Hinata and I plotting to escape.
Gah, what is wrong with me?
Im such a nerve-wreck today.
Damn that dream...

„Hey, yeah, I have to go. Sakura-senpai is going to have an excavation at my room and if Im not there, who knows..“

„Hahaha, right, go ahead, I´ll catch up with Hinata.“

I bid them good-bye and as I was leaving, Hinata whispered to me, „Look me up.“

I will, dont worry.