Ok i like the theme but slow down. You dont have to rush your plot line. Use adjectives. Describe scenes. Describe characters points of view. Slow down. It almost looks like your story was rushed. You want to have a nice natural feel to it. You have a huge plot laid out. Take your time getting to it. People will love it if you slow down. But, it was still good. Not a very original plot line, but still good. Sorry if this is a sort of negative reveiw. I do not intend to be mean. On another note, please read my story one little girl. I want reviews and reads despretly so constructive criticism is appreciated. Bye!