Reviews For Onari
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 06/02/09 - 08:17 pm · For: For You
Awwww...... so sad!!!
I can't wait until Idai gets back!!
He's my favorite!!
What's going to happen to Eiyu when Onari and Takeru get more involved.... I guess I'll have to wait and read!!
lol
Nice, nice, nice....
What happened to chapter 55?
It got left out!!!! Oh no!! hehe
I love this story! It makes my heart smile!! Daiya and Yanagi are the cutest couple!!
Keep writing, update soon!!
It's amazing!!
Author's Response: Chapter 55 is Yanagi's Smile. It is there. I checked. So they're in order <3
Name: Crimson Lily (Signed) · Date: 05/02/09 - 10:13 pm · For: For You
omg its so awesome!!! i luv how sasori is all about getting stronger, but i do wish that you'd continue the story a bit more from Onari's point of view, and the romance between her and Sasuke's son (dont know his name, sorry!).
that would be amazing!!!
Author's Response: Oh, it's going to get better. I have some chapters already written that are for future scenes. Once Onari gets on a team, things will start to pick up and there will be more involvement from her and Takeru - Sasuke's son. I've been trying to outline some issues with other characters so that their issues could be addressed and in turn, make some of them support each other so they could grow in physical ability, mental, and social. <3
Name: snakebite3 (Signed) · Date: 01/12/08 - 05:11 am · For: Never underestimate your opponent!
I KNEW IT!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!
HES IN 10v3!!!!
Name: snakebite3 (Signed) · Date: 01/12/08 - 05:11 am · For: Never underestimate your opponent!
I KNEW IT!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!
HES IN 10v3!!!!
Name: snakebite3 (Signed) · Date: 27/11/08 - 09:28 pm · For: The Teams are decided
its Akimichi
typos! watch em!
Name: snakebite3 (Signed) · Date: 21/11/08 - 11:01 pm · For: It takes a whole village to raise a child
IS THIS GONNA B LIIK 100 CHPTS!?!?!?!!?!?!?
f#@%&*g awsome tho ^.^
Author's Response: LOL You silly goose. You made me giggle. *gives a cookie* Yeah, probably. The best stories are often long and keep you interested, ne?
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 29/07/08 - 05:15 pm · For: The Moon Festival
great chapter. mushy, but great.
Name: mini minnie (Signed) · Date: 24/07/08 - 02:11 am · For: Something’s fishy! Sasuke’s anger takes on a new meaning!
I absolutely love your story plot. You kept a lot of the key points from the original Naruto series, the problem with some fanfics for me is that they go way to far from what the original sets. I love all of the pairings especially Ino and Choji. All of the characters that you yourself created are all well rounded and have personalities of their own. You have even given each charicter that little piece that makes them exactly who they are, what makes them unique. Weather it be their past, or just a person they have always been around. I thoroughly enjoyed all that you have placed in this story and I can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: I love you O_O Let's go fishing together XD No, seriously, thanks for the review! I look forward to those the most!
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 16/07/08 - 09:07 pm · For: OtoMori Village part 2
wow you write massive long chapters. good job, especially with updating so often.
Name: Gikaru (Signed) · Date: 24/06/08 - 07:04 am · For: Something’s fishy! Sasuke’s anger takes on a new meaning!
that's really cool. Why would he have so much resentment towards kakashi if he gave his life in the line of duty, and he was also one of the most famous ninjas to have come from konoha. Also I'm not sure but does ryu have the sharingan, I think I read a line when him and taleru were in the trees where it had a line with ryus red eyes, or it may have been for takeru. Takeru does have the sharingan though, right?
Author's Response: I cannot tell you why Ryu resents Kakashi, it's in the upcoming chapters past 1-10. (Ryu has no father, that's a hint. And a big part of his attitude) Sasuke actually informs the reader through his thoughts what is going on with Ryu. Ryu has red eyes because his mother is Kurenai. Ryu will not gain the Sharingan because he is not a Uchiha. Kakashi has the Sharingan because he took a Uchiha's eye - it is not through inheritance. And yes, Takeru, is Sasuke's son, so he will have Sharingan.
Name: Gikaru (Signed) · Date: 23/06/08 - 09:39 pm · For: Something’s fishy! Sasuke’s anger takes on a new meaning!
also, I have one last question, sorry if I'm being abnoxious but where did the idea of making ryu kakashi's son come in, it was an interseting twist!
Author's Response: Ryu was actually designed by a friend of mine named Des who I met online. He wanted Ryu to be the combination of Kurenai and Kakashi's son - just to see what he would look like. I gave Ryu his wonderful, interesting personality. I put myself in each of the characters. Ryu plays a big role in the story. He learns to be himself, how to overcome his issues and feelings about being Kakashi's son, an dalso how he is important to the others around him. I'm glad that you like him. I think he's a neat guy. He's one of my favorite six.
Name: Gikaru (Signed) · Date: 23/06/08 - 08:02 pm · For: Something’s fishy! Sasuke’s anger takes on a new meaning!
Ohhhhhh haha I was just a little confused, if Ido
don't fully understand something while I'm reading I get anxious and keep thinking about it as I read lmao! But yeah your story is great, I can't wait to get even farther into the story!
Name: Gikaru (Signed) · Date: 23/06/08 - 12:13 pm · For: Something’s fishy! Sasuke’s anger takes on a new meaning!
As I read the first chapter, I was a little confused on when the story was taking place. The nature of their mission is strange, Naruto is seemingly Hokage but on a mission for Tsunade, I'm a liiiitle bit confused. Also, how old is everyone at this point? If you could answer any of those questions itd be great, thanks. Other than that, great story so far!
Author's Response: The story ONARI is set 15 years into the future when Naruto is Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village. I could have sworn I put that in the desc. or in the author's notes. I know I messed up having him leave the village, but at this point the story is already on chapter 42..and if I took Naruto out of it, I would have to go back and change about 10 chapters that are really impacted. Everyone is in their early 30s - all of the main characters such as Sasuke, Kiba, Neji, Naruto, etc.
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 11/06/08 - 03:19 am · For: Chakra Control
"pulled her boy upwards" - body
"You’re seating an awfully lot." sweating an awful lot
"It was a definant scare" definite
“Well since we’re finished with out training," our
" It’s to keep them safe and from harm.” safe from harm
"Normally, when he awake Onari was" awoke
"Had he arouse too quickly?" aroused? eh, go with 'gotten up too quickly'
"in his chest that caused his body to The clench held" whoop! looks like a bit is missing there
"I’ve never deal with anything like this before"
dealt
"He exasperated." he felt exasperated
"he took him in. they’re similar." caps
"emit just enough to without hurting him" remove the 'to'
"a safe sequence to as not hurt the boy?” so as to not, also 'sequence' might not be the right word. maybe 'method'?
"That kind of force can’t be on him," used
good story, keep going.
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 15/04/08 - 12:55 pm · For: New Year’s Rush! Will we make it?
Hay great so far. im not finished reading and im not going to stop untill i have read it all. Amazing so far keep it up. love AikoMatsuo X
Name: greylord (Signed) · Date: 15/04/08 - 07:36 am · For: The fight is on! The Hidden Leaf Village vs. Anamaraki!
pretty good
Name: the obvious (Anonymous) · Date: 13/04/08 - 04:59 am · For: Sleepover
you have a wierd obsession with petting people's heads. i swear you'll turn them all bald.
Author's Response: lmao. That do that a lot in the anime series that I've watched over the years. The petting is to be a mild form of 'acceptance'. you're cute, i swear.
Name: joey morgan (Anonymous) · Date: 12/04/08 - 07:17 pm · For: Sleepover
OHHHHHH!!!! That is cute. So Idai is learning to be social huh.
uuuummmm, I'm sorry but i have to ask, Do Idai and Daiya love each other , I mean not love as a best friend, love as in love, love? Can you PLZ write more chapters, while i was reading it on ch.24 i noticed you added another chapter, fast writer huh? So can you mail me back, my e-mail is:
joeymorgan_502@yahoo.com
Thank you. Your new friend, joey.
Name: kurisuchin45556 (Signed) · Date: 11/04/08 - 09:01 pm · For: Target Practice
Hmmm, that can't be good. I hope Daiya is allright, he's my favorite character so far. I have a question for you... Why is so much of the story about Takeru and the genin he works with if the story is titled 'Onari'?
Author's Response: Onari is the little girl that Sasuke kind of 'adopts'. The story is centered around her because until she comes in the picture, the other characters involved do not interact. Every character has a purpose and a place. Some of the chapters are about two characters who are becoming closer together, or overcoming an obstacle. Such as, Takeru befriends Ryu Yuhi. It is important to have a chapter with just Takeru and Ryu to emphasize the importance of their relationship. (I'm going somewhere with that. It's in later chapters. I don't want to foretell anything. I'm a plotter and a planner. I often work on 2 chapters at one time - one is centered at the beginning and one chapter is centered in another volume so I can lead up to it.) Onari actually helps open up some of the other characters emotionally, mentally, and um helps with their determination and goals. Without Onari, Daiya wouldn't regard anyone else's feelings and take them into consideration. With her, he learns to open himself up a little and even get closer to Takeru and Ryu. rn Since Onari and Daiya come from the same country, it helps Daiya with security issues. That's what helps him to open up. I basically use Onari as a little bit of a comical character. She does have her moments. She's also very determined, which in turn, helps Takeru Uchiha realize his own goals and strive to go for them. I'm really glad you like Daiya. He's actually the 4th character I drew for the series. I love him to death. He's so emotionless, serious, defiant - just like me. Idai was actually drawn straight after Daiya. I knew from the get go that I wanted Idai's bouncy nature to help Daiya overcome his own issues. I'm really glad you like my story! I'm planning on continuing with it as long as I can. Thanks so much for the input! I really, really appreciate it!
Name: kurisuchin45556 (Signed) · Date: 11/04/08 - 08:34 pm · For: Open your ears!
It's so nice that Idai is trying to be friends with Daiya. Those two remind me so much of myself. With people trying to get close but being unwilling to try. And then once they do try it's confusing because it's a new thing.
Author's Response: Yeah I know. I was a kid once that grew up with social interaction problems. I try to relate some of the characters to situations that I've had, or felt done in by. Idai is a sweet kid. He's misunderstood because the other kids are cautious of him since he comes from the Sound Village. It's sad, but hopefully, it will get better for him.
Name: kurisuchin45556 (Signed) · Date: 11/04/08 - 08:15 pm · For: Behind the Mirror
As much as I'm enjoying the story I've just noticed something. You spelled the last name of Neji wrong, it's Hyuuga not Hyuga. There are two u's. I'm not trying to put you down, I just wanted you to know. Keep up the excellent work. Oh, one more thing, try making some of the longer paragraphs into smaller ones, it's hard to keep your place after a while.
Name: kurisuchin45556 (Signed) · Date: 11/04/08 - 02:56 pm · For: Nice to see you again! I think..
Man, I love this story. It's so original that it keeps me wanting more with every chapter. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Oh my God. I've been waiting for a review.I was wondering how popular I was getting on TONFA. I posted this story on Fanfiction.net and it's had like 1600 hits, but only 15 reviews o.o Thanks so much for the feedback! you have no idea what it means! All I do is sleep, dream, and think NARUTO xD