Reviews For Story of a Girl
Name: Wolfenhawk (Signed) · Date: 29/05/07 - 05:15 pm · For: Sad Child Hood Memories
This is the 50th review. My plan has worked. Though it to longer than I thought to do my plan.
Name: Wolfenhawk (Signed) · Date: 29/05/07 - 05:13 pm · For: Sad Child Hood Memories
Make a sequel!
Name: Wolfenhawk (Signed) · Date: 29/05/07 - 05:13 pm · For: Sad Child Hood Memories
Make a sequel!
Name: Wolfenhawk (Signed) · Date: 29/05/07 - 05:13 pm · For: Sad Child Hood Memories
Make a sequel!
Name: Wolfenhawk (Signed) · Date: 29/05/07 - 05:12 pm · For: Sad Child Hood Memories
Make a sequel!
Name: Wolfenhawk (Signed) · Date: 29/05/07 - 05:12 pm · For: Sad Child Hood Memories
Make a sequel!
Name: Wolfenhawk (Signed) · Date: 29/05/07 - 05:12 pm · For: Sad Child Hood Memories
Make a sequel!
Name: Wolfenhawk (Signed) · Date: 29/05/07 - 05:11 pm · For: Sad Child Hood Memories
I got an idea! I'll just post reviews til there's fifty.
Name: Wolfenhawk (Signed) · Date: 28/05/07 - 03:15 pm · For: The End
I wish more people would review for a sequel. This is a great story.
Name: Diablo (Anonymous) · Date: 04/03/07 - 03:17 pm · For: Sensei?
Okay, let's try some basic paragraphing and punctuation. Every time a new person speaks, put it on a new line so it looks like this;
“Hai Hokage-sama*, comma*” Sparky said bowing in respect. He nudges Ayama to do the same.
“Oh no need for that. Tell me are you two ninja?” The Hokage asked.
“Hai, sir. My sister trained under a Sannin Tsunade*comma*” Sparky stated.
Also be consistant in your tense. Keep to past tense or once again there is no flow to the writing. Be consistant with your punctuation, note the positions of the commas. Anko is in character but the 'scenes' are still too short. Flesh them out. The goal of the writer is to put a movie in the readers head, and the less description you give us, the more bland the movie is. Close your eyes and move through the scene. Where you direct your 'eyes' is what you should describe. Use your senses. What do you see? What do you hear, smell, taste? Write them down to bulk up your chapters.
Author's Response: It's my choice of writing style I prefer to write like this so please keep these comments to yourself
Name: Diablo (Anonymous) · Date: 04/03/07 - 02:53 pm · For: Training Under Densetsu no Kamo
Good, you admit you're lazy. If you love your story, have pride in your work. Take the time to make your story a worth while read. A chapter a worthwhile read. Anything less than 1500 words isn't a chapter, it's a scene, so you may as well run scenes together into a single post. If writing is so 'troublesome' why do it? Not only that you don't even care enough about your work to spellcheck or reread. If you don't, why should I? Take the time, it's worth it, believe me. Treat each chapter like an episode. If I watched this chapter on television it would be two minutes, a brief training sequence followed by a Rocky-like montage. You need something to make your chapter exciting, a problem that needs to be solve and I didn't see it. I saw a quick fix.
Author's Response: I really would like you to stop posting comments like these .... there insulting me and my style of writing... If I choose to have a short chapter I may... in some Novels I've read over the years some of the chapters don't even last a full page and no it was not in small print either...
Name: Diablo (Anonymous) · Date: 04/03/07 - 02:44 pm · For: Meeting Father
Better, there's more length but it could be lengthier, there's so much room for elaboration, for pace but you missed it. The sudden changes in timeline and PoV changes have us bouncing around like a ping pong ball. Have at list eight long paragraphs before you change to at least limit the disconcerting feelings. Fill out a scene, give depth to it to make it worth reading rather then just a brief paragraph, or in one case, a single line. Build up atmosphere in a scene, layer the details, the room they're in, their expressions and body language (not their clothes, don't spend time describing clothes because it they don't matter to the big picture). I also dislike the fact she's related to a canon character who probably couldn't be bothered to have children, OOC.
Author's Response: okay I'd like it if you could keep these ideas to yourself because in my personal opinion they hurt...
Name: Diablo (Anonymous) · Date: 04/03/07 - 02:32 pm · For: Sad Child Hood Memories
*sigh* Why the gratuitous use of Japanese? You're English so if there is an English equivalent, use it because it's annoying to have to look down to the bottom of your 'chapter' just to find out. It ruins the stories flow.
Author's Response: Isn't this a place of own choice of writing.... if not then I might as well go back to the site I used to post on... so please... keep these kind of comments to yourself
Name: Michiyo_Shimizu (Signed) · Date: 03/03/07 - 01:13 pm · For: The End
WOO I fianlly Read it!! anyway woah... long chap! lol I`m so Jealous! XD jk jk anyways nice ending. 10!
Name: neko youkai (Signed) · Date: 02/03/07 - 06:20 pm · For: The End
awesome story! can't believe it's the end!! don't tell me it's the end!!!! NUUU it can't be the end!!!! WAHHHHHHHH!!! *joins emo world*
Author's Response: ummmmmmm if I get 50 reviews doesn't matter if their from the same person....then there will be another