TONFA
The Original Naruto Fanfic Archive

Main Categories

Het Romance [1092]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around different sex couples.
Alternate Universe & Crossovers [651]
Where cast of the Naruto Universe are inserted into an alternate universe.
Essays & Tutorials [17]
An area to submit intelligent essays debating topics about the Naruto Universe and writing tutorial submissions.
 
General Fiction [1739]
Any Naruto fanfiction focused without romantic orientation, on a canon character in the current Naruto Universe.
OC-centric [865]
Any Naruto fanfic that has the major inclusion of a fan-made character.
Non-Naruto Fiction [291]
Self-evident
 
Shonen-ai/Yaoi Romance [1575]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around male same sex couples.
MadFic [194]
Any fic with no real plot and humor based. Doesn't require correct spelling, paragraphing or punctuation but it's a very good idea.
 
Shojo-ai/Yuri Romance [106]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around female same sex couples.
Fan Ninja Bingo Book [125]
An area to store fanfic information, such as bios, maps, political histories. No stories.
 
 

Site Info

Members: 11985
Series: 261
Stories: 5884
Chapters: 25418
Word count: 47689150
Authors: 2162
Reviews: 40828
Reviewers: 1750
Newest Member: Redxkenny
Challenges: 255
Challengers: 193
 


Into the Microwave by ninja melon, Katana, Ninja Ally

[Reviews - 48]   Printer Chapter or Story
Table of Contents

- Text Size +
Chapter notes: This is what happens when teenagers get bored. Please review our story.
“I’m hungry,” Alyssa stated.
“Burritos and applesauce,” Melody replied.
“Sounds good to me,” Tera cheerfully ran down Alyssa’s stairs, dragging the other two behind her. Melody grabbed a bean and cheese burrito, as did Tera, and Alyssa grabbed a rice and chicken burrito. They opened Alyssa’s old fashioned microwave, and placed the burritos in. Alyssa starts it, and fire flashes inside.
“They’re done!” Alyssa sings. She opens the microwave, and the burritos are in the middle of the forest.
“What the fuck?” Tera’s voice is completely flat in her surprise.
“Alright! This is a ninja mission! We must be prepared for everything, because anything can go wrong. Those are our comrades out there!” Melody screams, turning to Alyssa, “grab the applesauce!” While Alyssa ninja rolls to the applesauce, Melody ninja rolls into the microwave. Alyssa grabs the applesauce and ninja rolls through the microwave.
‘Tera puts a hand to her face, and sighs, before climbing into the microwave, saying, “Of course. The microwave becomes a portal to God knows where, and we just have to get easily replaceable burritos.”
Alyssa shoves her back out of the mystical microwave. “Presentation is everything, Tera!” Melody calls out from somewhere behind Alyssa.
“What the fuck!” Tera yells at Alyssa.
Alyssa glares. “Ninja roll. Now,” Tera does a half hearted ninja roll.
“That was pathetic! Our comrades are dying! You’re wasting time! They’re growing cold!” Melody screams.
“Fuck you!” Tera screams back.
Alyssa pulled Tera out of the way, and slammed the microwave’s door shut.
They go over to the fallen comrades, Melody running Baywatch style. “They’re cold!” She fell to her knees.
Alyssa fell next to her, tears pouring out her eyes, “NOOOOOOOOO!”
Tera shakes her head behind them. “Oh my God.”
Melody snaps back, red stained eyes. “You!”
“Me?”
“This is all your fault!”
“Uh-huh.”
Alyssa ignores the conversation, still sobbing, whispering “Why?” over and over.
“They probably weren’t cooked in the first place, you moron.” Tera turns back to the microwave. “Alyssa, you whore.”
“What?” Alyssa demands.
“It’s gone.”
“You’re virginity? That was gone a long time ago.” Alyssa shoots back.
“Um, no, I’m the one that believes in abstinence, remember?” Tera responds, not realizing that Jiraiya is crying in a tree behind her.
“I don’t know why, but I get the feeling that we’re being watched,” Melody looked around the little clearing. Jiraiya hastily fled the scene. “Oh well, they’re gone now,” Melody continued.
“This is ridiculous!” Tera shrieked. “This is like, the mother of all clichés! We’re here in our freaking pajamas, in the middle of a forest and in ten seconds, it’s going to start raining!” True to her word, rain started pouring down. So Tera looked up at the sky and screamed obscenities, while Alyssa and Melody scrambled to cover their beloved burritos, Melody screaming, “Cover them! Cover them!”
“You know, I didn’t even want burritos in the first place!” Tera finished.
Alyssa gasped dramatically, “Take that back!” while covering the burritos ‘ears.’
Melody whirled to face Tera, “Now you have to put these in the microwave!”
Tera raised an eyebrow, “What microwave? It’s gone, Clever One.”
“Are you serious?” Alyssa waved her hands in the spot that the microwave had been. She turned to Tera, “It’s gone.”
They wandered around until they came across a huge gate. “Um, this sign says Konoha. So, we’re in the Naruto world. WTF.” Tera gaped.
“Wait a minute, Sasuke’s a rich bitch. He’s gotta have a microwave!” Alyssa shrieked. They walked past the sleeping chunin guards. “Lazy bastards.” Alyssa muttered.
“If we’re in the Naruto world, I’m changing my name to Kimiko. Damn straight I am a ruling child! I’m a noble, dammit!”
“If you get to be Kimiko, I get to be Kaminari. I’m as loud as thunder, bitches.” Alyssa exclaimed. Tera/Kimiko and Alyssa/Kaminari looked back at Melody, then at each other. “Yeah, she’s Ayane,” they said together. “This is ironic, because I know from personal experiences that she can’t keep a melody.”
Melody/Ayane ran to catch up, then stopped. “Oh my God! That’s Ichiruka’s Ramen Shop! We’re in the Naruto world!” she screeched.
“Didn’t I just say that?” Kimiko mumbled darkly.
Kaminari smiled, “Yep, and now we’re off to see the emo, the wonderful emo of Konoha! Because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful microwave he has!”
A few minutes later, the trio was at the Uchiha Manor. Kimiko raised her hand to knock, but Ayane kicked down the door. The other’s looked at her. “What? I’m a ninja, and we’re in Konoha.”
“Hey look, a shoe mat!” Kaminari pointed down. The girls sat down to remove their slippers. Explosions sounded above them. “Wow, fireworks. He knows to entertain his guests.”
“He must be nicer than he lets on,” Kimiko decided.
Sasuke ran into the room, “What the hell do you want!” he shouted.
Ayane looked up at him. “We want your microwave.”
“Wow, Ayane. Not blunt at all. Real subtle. Worthy of being called a ninja.”
“My… microwave?” Sasuke looked as dumbfounded as an Uchiha could get.
“Hai! Your microwave. Now, where is it?”
“In the kitchen,” Sasuke replied, speaking slowly as if they were children.
“And where would the kitchen be?” Kimiko spoke slowly back, before returning to her usual snobby tone. “Honestly, what with the fireworks and everything, I thought you were nice. Oh, well. Life goes on. Now tell us where the damn kitchen is, so that we can go home already!”
The girls wander aimlessly around until they find a door with the nameplate ‘Sasuke’ on it. “Looks promising,” Ayane cheered, “Gotta be the kitchen. The nameplates must be there to throw us off.” The other two look at her questionably. “Remember, I’m a ninja. Espionage is my specialty. As a great ninja once said, you must look underneath the underneath!” They opened the door, and it’s… Sasuke’s bedroom.
“Underneath the underneath?” Kaminari asked, before lifting up Sasuke’s mattress.
“No! Stop!” Sasuke shouted, “Don’t do-“
“Let’s see, porn, porn, porn, what the hell?” Kaminari stared at a picture with a blank face. “A picture….of Itachi naked. Okay, moving on. Porn, oh look more porn. A pink, flowery, fuzzy diary. Intriguing.” Kaminari slipped the picture of Itachi into the diary, then the diary was slipped into her shirt and no one noticed. Ninja moment.
“I found the kitchen! It’s very pretty!” Kimiko’s voice sounded from a distant room. The other two found her, and Ayane shoved the burritos in to the machine.
“Why are there so many god damn buttons on this thing!?” Ayane screamed in frustration.
“I found the manual!” Kaminari called from a scene of destruction, flour poured over her somehow.
“Hey look, I’m pretty,” Kimiko smiled at the mirror.
Ayane looked at her hands in horror. “My pinkies… they’re shorter than all the other fingers.” A couple seconds later, she screamed, “Oh my God! We’re two dimensional!”
“And I’m pretty!” Kimiko yelled back, before whirling to face Sasuke. “Shut the hell up. You’re just jealous that you’re not as pretty as me!”
“And we can read kanji!” Kaminari cheered.
“This is so ninja!” Ayane shrieked.
Sasuke looked at Ayane warily, “Are you shinobi? From what village? Where are your headbands?”
“We’re from the Village of Your Mom,” Ayane responded.
Kimiko joined the banter easily, “And our headbands are in Uranus?”
“Just like your head,” Ayane finished triumphantly.
“Wait… Where did Kaminari go?” Kimiko demanded, looking around the room.
“Does it matter?” Sasuke snapped, “Bedsides, I have to meet my team.”
Ayane gasped, “That means Kakashi! Yes, let’s go meet your team!”
Sasuke’s eyes narrowed, “How do you know Kakashi?”
Ayane smiled, “He’s my bitch.”
Sasuke’s face went WTF, before he shook his head, and left his house, Kimiko and Ayane trailing along after him.
He stopped at a bridge, and leaned against the railing. “Where are Sakura and Naruto?” Kimiko asked.
“How do you know them?” Sasuke glared at her.
“I’m just ninja that way. Hey, look! There’s Kaminari. And she has your microwave. Crazy whore.”
“I heard that!” Kaminari shouted, “Anyways, come help me find some reception for this thing!”
“Great, the last fan girl,” Sasuke muttered.
“I’m not a fan girl, I’d like to slap you,” Kimiko pointed out mildly. “But now you’ve pissed off Kaminari, not exactly an easy thing to do, mind you. So, watching her kick your ass will be good enough revenge for me.”
Kaminari shoved the microwave into Ayane’s arms, and tackled Sasuke, knocking them both over the bridge.
“Water fight,” Ayane cheered, and attempted to jump off the bridge, too.
There was a poof!, and a voice called out, “Yo! Sorry I’m late, I got… lost… on. Hey, Sasuke’s finally becoming a man, eh, in the water even. I always thought he was gay, guess I was wrong. Though Sasuke-chan, on land you’re still technically a virgin?”
“What is it you are implying?” Kaminari had a dark cloud above her head as she glared at Kakashi in a mid punch.
Kakashi didn’t answer, instead staring questionly at Ayane, who had stars in her eyes, her expression that of such if God had spoken to her, and given her a purpose, a reason to live. “Why are you carrying a microwave?”
Ayane pushed the microwave into Kimiko’s arms, accidently brushing her hand with her fingers, in her mad dash to bow down before Kakashi.
A cat ran past them, commonly known as Tora, and Naruto, who popped in out of nowhere, screamed, “It’s Tora, get her!”
Ayane whirled away from Kakashi and chased after the cat. “Wait! Burrito, come back!”
“Oh, shit,” Kimiko dropped the microwave, and raced after Ayane, Kakashi and Naruto hot on her heels.
When they caught up to Ayane, Tora was trapped in a corner of an alley, and Ayane was crawling towards her, saying, “come here, burrito, I won’t hurt you. Yes, burrito, we can be best friends. I only want one bite. You’ll understand, won’t you? Just let it happen.”
Kimiko frowned, and asked Ayane what she was doing. “Shut up! You’ll scare the burrito away!” was the reply.
Ayane pounced, and got a hold of Tora, before she started to gnaw on the cat’s tail. The cat yowled, fur bristling as she tried to get away.
“You do realize that we’re gonna have to take that cat,” Kakashi called.
Ayane turned, and saw two monkey’s with pitchforks, trying to take her burrito away. A third monkey was in the background, saying, “This isn’t going to end well.”
“You do realize that we’re going to have take that burrito,” Ayane heard the biggest monkey say.
Ayane clutched the ‘burrito’ tight to her chest. “It wants to be eaten,” She whined.
The monkey in the background (otherwise known as Kimiko) called out, “She’s a bit high in the sky, if you know what I mean. Sorry about this, I’m a hallucinogen.” The monkey paused, and looked confused. “Wait, what? I’m a hallucinogen? Awesome!”
The biggest monkey (Kakashi) looked disbelieving at her, and rubbed the back of his head. “Ah, whatever helps you sleep at night.”
“No, seriously, watch. Hey, Ayane, Kakashi is a giant burrito.” The monkey in the background pointed at the biggest monkey.
Ayane turns around to look at the biggest monkey, and gasped. She saw the monkey reaching for the top of his head, and grab a zipper. He pulled the zipper down, and shrugged out of the monkey costume. What had previously been a monkey, was now a giant burrito, who was taking the top of his pitchfork off. He started to move erotically, and tilted the stick over himself. The stick, which contained salsa, drained over him enticingly.
Ayane drooled, and looked at the small burrito (Tora), and threw it at the medium monkey (Naruto), who started to scream (Tora was clawing Naruto’s face). Ayane leapt at the giant burrito, and bit a chunk out of the side. The burrito threw her back, and Ayane screamed, “Tease!” at him, along with some other well chosen words (prostitute being one of them).
“Well, it’s nice to know you want my body, but this is a little to similar to Orochimaru for me.”
“I don’t want your body, I want to eat you.”
“Well, that’s interesting, but I think that you’re a little to young for me.” The burrito replied.
“You’re never to young to eat a burrito,” Ayane looked confused.
“Oh, so you’re one of those types. Food, eh? Well, this is all good and fun, but I’m not a burrito.”
“Ayane, you’re the burrito,” the monkey in the back called out.
Ayane looked at the giant burrito, which slowly faded into Kakashi, and then looked down at her hands. They were burritos. “Oh my God! I’m a cannibal!”
The monkey in the back burst into laughter, before fading into Kimiko. “This isn’t funny! My entire life is ruined! I’m a monster! An atrocity!” Ayane screamed, waving her burrito arms.
“We should probably go check on Sasuke. It wouldn’t do if you had a dead teammate, now would it? Besides, imagine how the Council would react. Can you see the headlines?” Kimiko’s voice was apathetic. “The last loyal Uchiha, slain by a peasant. That would help with his macho, macho image.”
“Oh, yeah, I have to place bets!” Ayane shouted. She paused, looking at her hands. “Hey, I’m not a burrito!”
“You are on the inside.” Kimiko responded.
The group returned to the bridge, getting an eyeful of Sasuke being drowned. Kimiko picked up the microwave, sauntering over to the railing of the bridge. “How’s he doing?” She called down.
“Soon to be dead,” Kaminari called back up. “He’s a little blue.”
“Wait! Don’t kill him yet!” Ayane shouted. “I haven’t made my bet yet!”
Kimiko leaned over, saying, “I vote for Kaminari.” And then she ‘accidently’ dropped the microwave. Clunk.
“Hey!” Kaminari yelled up at her. “I was supposed to kill him!” As the two girls fought, Sasuke’s form slowly slipped down into the dark abyss.
“Shouldn’t someone help him?” Ayane asked.
“Maa, Maa. He’ll be okay.” Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. Ayane looked at him with hearts in her eyes.
“Yeah, what you said,” Ayane trilled.
Kimiko jumped over the bridge’s railing, aiming for the bank. She missed by a foot, and she stumbled, before falling face first onto the ground. Kaminari started to laugh, but was cut off when Kimiko interrupted, “Hey, Kaminari?”
“Yeah?”
“The microwave wasn’t plugged in, was it?”
“…No.”
“Then there shouldn’t be electricity in the river, should there?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Do you think Sasuke is mad enough to Chidori our asses?”
Kaminari looked at the river, finally noticing Sasuke swimming towards them, Chidori in hand. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Should we run?”
“That would be a good idea. But the question is: Can we run fast enough?”
“Now would be a good time to find out,” Kimiko decided, turning on her heel, and ran. Kaminari ran with her, after stumbling out of the river.
Sasuke slowly broke the surface of the water, and ran after them, Chidori still cackling.
“Shouldn’t he be running out of chakra by now?” Kaminari questioned breezily.
“Evidently not.” Kimiko responded just as nonchalantly, as if they weren’t three feet from a horribly gruesome death. Ayane was still staring at an obviously uncomfortable Kakashi.
The girls ran in circles until they bumped into a group of people.
“This day is absolutely fantastic,” Kimiko stated dispassionately.
“I want pocky,” Kaminari stared at one of the figures.
You must login (register) to review.