Iruka stared at Kakashi, not sure if he understood what the older man meant.
“What are you talking about?”
“Iruka, I’m letting you go. To pursue your own happiness. I don’t want to tie you down to a meaningless relationship anymore.”
“Kakashi, what do you mean by letting me go? Are you initiating a break up?” Iruka’s eyes narrowed.
“Yes.” At that point in time, Kakashi was thankful for the years of jounin training he had. He managed to hold back all his emotions and not let even a single pain or remorse seep through.
“Why?” That was all Iruka could manage as he bit back the tears in his eyes.
‘Because I want you to be happy. Because I don’t think I can handle the fact that you do not love me. Because I’m aware that this is not the life you want. Because I’ve failed in giving you the security and assurance that you need.’ There were so many reasons that Kakashi wanted to voice out. But in the end, he chose to swallow it.
Kakashi was well aware that Iruka will only feel guilt if he ever spoke of any of the reasons. He wanted him to be happy and he made the choice to take the blame upon himself.
“Because I haven’t been able to get what I wanted.” Iruka’s eyes widened. “Well, I thought I love you, but I guess I didn’t, Iruka. I’m sorry. I guess all along, what I wanted was your body and not your heart.” Kakashi spoke so quietly that Iruka wasn’t sure he heard it right.
“Don’t fuck with me, Kakashi. You are upset about what happened earlier right?”
“No, I’m not, Iruka. It has nothing to do with that girl or anything else. Anyway, I have no right to trespass your personal life. Whoever you are seeing outside is none of my concern, isn’t it?” Kakashi sounded so nonchalant that Iruka was taken aback.
“Kakashi……”
“Iruka, I’m not meddling with your affairs. So don’t probe into my life either. Not anymore.” Iruka stared at the man in front of him, at a loss for words. “Since you can’t give me what I want, Iruka, I just have to take my leave.”
“Bastard…..”
Kakashi forced a smile and patted himself mentally for such a wonderful lie. He watched as Iruka clenched his fist and fought the urge to reach over to soothe out the tension. He closed his eyes and made a choice. He turned to leave. He knew that if he stayed any longer, all barriers will break down and he wouldn’t be able to hold onto the lie. He did not want Iruka to see through any of his emotions.
‘If he believed in this lie, he will be able to get on. Doesn’t matter if he hates me for the rest of his life, as long as his spirit remained carefree and happy. I don’t mind being the trapped bird in the cage.’
Fighting back the tears, he mumbled out his last words. “Take care, Iruka-sensei.” With that, he formed a few seals and transported himself away.
Iruka stood there, clenching his fists, vaguely noting the honorifics which Kakashi had used. When he no longer could sense Kakashi’s chakra, he unclenched his fist and let himself collapse onto the floor. He drew his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around it, one hand reaching up to clasp the necklace which Kakashi had given to him. For a moment, he sat there in a daze, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Then, before he realized it, tears were flowing uncontrollably from his eyes. He did not even bother to wipe it off. He just allowed the tears to flow freely, marking the loss of a love he once had.
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Sakura and Naruto walked in silent companion towards their meeting place.
“Naruto, Sakura. It’s been a long time.” The two teens looked up at the older man walking towards them.
“Yamato-taichou!” Naruto broke into a smile.
“Yamato-taichou, what are you doing here?” Sakura smiled at their ex-captain.
“Well, actually I will be joining Team Kakashi on the mission this time, since Sai is not around.” Yamato laughed and scratched his head.
“That’s great. It’s been a long time since we went on one together. Come on; let’s go Yamato-taichou, Sakura-chan!”
“What’s the hurry, Naruto? It’s not time yet.” Sakura frowned and ran after her team mate.
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Chapter notes: Kakashi finally said it. He made his decision and he decided to just leave.