When Cat and Weasel had finally tracked down Kakuzu in the village of Tanzaku, they punched one another to make sure they weren’t seeing things.
Kakuzu of the Akatsuki, one of the most feared men on the planet, had just walked into a DVD store and walked out with something that made the devil twitch.
Star Trek: The Complete Series
They wasted no time pulling a potato sack over his head, binding him with ropes, and burning his purchase.
After hitting him in the head with a pipe of course.
Kakuzu
Naruto sat in a steel plated room with a single, wide window right behind him, and nodded to the two ANBU as they brought in Kakuzu, bound and potato’d sacked.
Tying him to a chair, facing Naruto, they pulled off they sack, and the bound man instantly began talking.
“I don’t care what you do to me! I won’t betray the Akatsuki! Kill me, burn me, castrate me…wait, I take that back…bake me in a pie! I won’t betray them!” Kakuzu shouted, tugging against his bonds.
“Now Kakuzu, I simply want to perform an experiment.” Naruto said, taking off his glasses. His eyesight was falling.
Kakuzu then stopped resisting, and stared up at the smiling blonde. The Akatsuki member instantly paled. While they may have been hunting him, Naruto was said to be the next Professor…but in a literal, more sadistic sense.
Hell, the kid was KNOWN for being sadistic in his experiments!
“Now, see that table out there?” Naruto said, pointing the normal wooden table just ten feet away from the outside of the steel plated room. “I’m going to leave something very special there, and I’m going to leave a video camera to record how you react. No guards, no traps, just a camera. Cat, Weasel, you’re dismissed. Kakuzu…” Naruto said, standing and taking his leave.
When Naruto stepped outside the room, he bent over and picked up the brief case that was waiting on the ground, and took it over to the table, and then checked to see if the door was bolted shut and if the Akatsuki agent was looking at him.
Kakuzu was sweating bullets as the Rokudaime Hokage looked at him and smirked. The blonde then opened the briefcase to reveal…
Wads, and wads of cash.
Pulling out a sharpie, Naruto wrote on the window so that Kakuzu could read it.
That right there is 50 million. All you have to do is break out and take it. Inside is the key to get out of this building. I’ve ordered all ninja not to attack you unless you attack first. Bye bye now.
Slipping the sharpie into his pocket, Naruto left the room.
“…You are a bastard that was spawned from the deepest pits of hell, Uzumaki Naruto.” Kakuzu stated as his threads cut through the rope. “Now, did they really think this could hold me?”
All his threads were disintegrated upon contact with the wall, door, and window.
“…BASTARD!!!” Kakuzu shouted as he began banging his fists on the wall. “My money…my precious money! I’LL KILL YOU UZUMAKI FOR KEEPING ME AWAY FROM MY BABIES! ALL 50 MILLION OF THEM!”
When Naruto came back in, he found Kakuzu unconscious, sprawled on the ground, with a crack in the glass.
“Hm…” Naruto grabbed the tape and began playing it.
There, he saw Kakuzu head butting the glass repeatedly, shouting something about killing Naruto. “Ah…it seems my theory was proven correct…Cat, Weasel!”
The two ANBU appeared behind the Hokage. “You’re new mission is to track down Tobi of the Akatsuki…”
“How do we plan to capture him, Hokage-sama?” Cat asked.
“Oh…I don’t know. Use your imagination.”
“Yes sir.” Cat and Weasel then poofed away.
“Shino.” Naruto called.
A man in a white coat and black glasses walked in. “Naruto?”
“If you would please wake Kakuzu-kun.” Naruto said, turning around to watch Shino have his bugs turn into a giant hand and slap the thread while standing in the door way.
Grumbling, Kakuzu mumbled, “Five more minutes Hi-kun…”
Silence.
“Slap harder if you would, my friend.”
“Pleasure.”
“OKAY! OKAY! I’m up…THE HELL?!” Kakuzu shouted, pointing comically at the bugs, which then changed into a middle finger. “Well fuck you too!” Double birdies were Kakuzu’s answer.
“Shino.” Naruto tossed him a remote with a big red button on it. “Would you like to do the honors?”
“Pleasure.” Shino pressed the big red button.
It was reported Kakuzu then had three simultaneous heart attacks due to the sheer amount of money falling from the roof.
“It seems I was right.” Naruto said, walking away.
Shino quickly pocketed as much money as he could.
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Chapter notes: Don't own Naruto
Chapter goes out to my best friend Dolt, without whom, I’d most likely never be where I am. I owe him my sanity, and he forever has me as his friend. Kakuzu is his fav character.
Chapter end notes: Next chap is Tobi.
Yes, I'm sadistic.