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Little Orange Riding Hood by xREWIND

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Story notes: Don't Own. Don't sue. xRewind of fanfiction.net!
Chapter notes: I was high when I wrote this. Not drugs, just sugar.
Little Orange Riding Hood

Once upon a time, there was a dear little boy of the name, Uzumaki Naruto. Of course the boy was not so little; in fact he was a grown man, well almost. Let’s spare the details, shall we?

The lad clad in an orange hood hummed a little song as he walked down the dirt path in his blue sandals. The hood was as bright as the sun itself for it seemed as it glowed in the moonlight.

Kakashi had asked him (ordered is what Naruto deemed it to be) earlier to deliver some sort of food to Sakura, a classmate of his who has been ill for quite a while.

“Since I am busy at the moment,” cue a screaming and terrifying Iruka who seemed to be yelling something along the lines of ‘stop reading that unholy book’, “as you can see, do me a favor and bring some food to Sakura.” Kakashi giggled gleefully as he flipped another page, Naruto assumed he laughed from the ringing, ‘Oh-ho-ho.’

“What sort of food?” Naruto inquired, not wanting to screw up his first possible date with Sakura—even if she is a bit off her game. Who cares? A date’s a date.

“Oh you know; the same old—I’ve got to go,” he slammed the door on Naruto’s face.

Naruto paced up and down the street pensively—not. He went in Ichiraku’s headfirst and ordered a bowl of ramen—to go. Nothing but the best for his dearest Sakura. The ramen man raised a brow, “To go? Why you always have time for ramen even when you’re injured.”

“But this time’s different! It’s for Sakura-chan,” you could almost see the hearts floating from his bright blue eyes.

In almost no time the ramen man handed over the goods and Naruto bade him a good night.

He trotted happily with a basket in hand, he set down on the dirt path once more.

He often wondered why Sakura lived in the woods, such an odd place for such a beautiful maiden to live. He sighed wistfully only to be surprised by a big, bad wolf—I mean, Sasuke.

“Sasuke?” Naruto asked quizzically, “what the hell are you doing here?”

“Good evening to you too,” said Sasuke, unabashed and asked, “Where are you going?”

“Why do you care?” He did not want Sasuke showing at Sakura’s house, whisking her away under the beautiful sunset, er—moonlight. He always stole the show! It was just unfair, Naruto concluded mentally.

“The same reason you do,” Sasuke replied with a coy attitude.

“Gaara’s house,” he lied.

“Ah, I see,” said Sasuke as he walked off the fork in the dirt path, “have fun—watch out for people.”

“Of course I know that.”

-----

“Dobe thinks he can lie to me and get away with it. I wasn’t born yesterday,” Sasuke pouted to himself. He only pouted because no one was watching him; normal Sasuke would have just sucked it up and let it go.

He cackled as all evil villains cackled and revealed their plans out loud, to no one in particular. “I’ll show him,” he said vaguely for that he is not a dumb villain and ran straight towards Sakura’s house.

He saw the dim lighting and concluded it was Sakura’s house and rapped his knuckles on the door.

She opened the door and gasped in genuine surprise; Score one for Sakura baby—hah! Take that Ino-pig. “Sasuke-kun!” She cried out and glomped him—dragging him in.

-----

“Sakura-chan,” Naruto said in a sing-song voice as he knocked on the wooden door.

“Who’s there?” an overly feminine voice asked.

“It’s Naruto.”

“Come in,” a feminine voice sang, Naruto hesitated and wondered why the voice was so high pitched and opened the door anyway—ignoring his gut feeling.

Naruto hung up his orange cloak.

“Why Sakura-chan…” his left eye twitched a bit, “You look… manly?”

Indeed this ‘Sakura’ looked manly, a face that just looked like Sasuke’s, with a neon pink wig, wearing a nightdress. A blanket was draped over him to hid his breasts, or lack of.

“I’m on a diet. What’s that supposed to mean?” Sasuke shot him a look of irk. I have the face of a god and the body to match it! Hmph.

“Your eyes aren’t an emerald hue,” Naruto said as he got closer—dangerously close after he set down the food.

“The better to see you with,” Sasuke replied huskily, forgetting that he was disguised as Sakura for a moment.

“Your ears look bigger,” Naruto commented as he sat on the corner of the bed and forgot all about his ‘ideal date.’ That could wait.

“The better to hear you with,” Sasuke said.

“What rough looking lips you have,” Naruto said.

“The better to…” Sasuke blew a bit of hot air to Naruto’s left ear.

“Haauh…” Naruto moaned blissfully as well as instinctively. He melted for a second and rose back up, feeling the smirk, “what a big mouth you have…”

Smirk? Sakura doesn’t smirk…

‘Sakura’ smashed his rough lips upon Naruto’s and pulled him in, “the better to suck things with,” he had said in between kisses.

Naruto’s callous hands went for the hair and grabbed a fistful and pulled off the wig.

He opened his blue eyes instantly and shouted, “I knew it! You couldn’t be Sakura!”

“Of course… Dobe,” Sasuke shoved Naruto deeper onto the bed and prodded his tongue, determined to touch the back of Naruto’s throat, smirking into the kiss. His hands held Naruto’s hands from struggling.

-----

Meanwhile, Sakura banged her wide forehead onto the wooden door.

“Someone get me out of here!” she screamed but was muffled by the rope.

After a few minutes, she stayed silent as she heard moans coming from her room and she surmised—her bed.

She gasped into the rope in jealousy.

-----

“Oh damn. The ramen’s soaked,” Naruto pouted as he held the ramen bowl. Sasuke held onto Naruto possessively, just like Naruto and his bowl.

Lee the lumberjack busted into the house with an axe.

Sasuke and Naruto ignored him as he cut Sakura free from her jail, sadly and did some stuff that is completely irrelevant to this story!

But hey, at least now you know why it’s Little Orange Riding Hood.

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