Itachi & Kisame sat on benches in the men's lockerroom. "Man I can't believe that Hidan, saying those things to you behind your back that you saw while watching the live telecast." Kisame said. "Yeah...it really hurt my feelings...or at least it would if I had any..." Itachi replied sullen. "Yeah, that is too bad you come from a cursed clan huh." Kisame said. "When is my match?" Itachi wondered. "Well the chairman Mr. McPein, said that you have to kiss his ass and obey ALL the rules!" Kisame said. "Well duh, I mean besides that." Itachi added. "Oh, he yours is the 'main event'!" Kisame corrected. "Gee isn't that great Itachi?" Kisame asked. "Yeah, I am so...excited." Itachi said, breathing his inhaler.
{Camera pans out to the sold out arena in...Hoboken New Jersey. Kiba Inuzuka and Shino Aburame are sitting at the commentary table by the crowd.}
Commentator Kiba: "Well Shino this sure is gonna be a crazy night!"
Commentator Shino: "It sure is..."
Kiba: "I can't hardly wait for the 'main event' Itachi Uchiha Vs Hidan, wow what a night Shino!"
Shino: "What a night indeed..."
Kiba: "I just got a memo from Mr. McPein, tonight's show is sponsered in part by "Trojan" brand condoms where our motto is: 'kids, who needs 'em...?"
Shino: "Exactly..."
Kiba: "I just want to catch everyone up on tonight's events, first off to start things out we will be having a hot-hot-HOT kunoichi's rumble: evening gown style!"
Shino: "I agree..."
Announcer TenTen: "The following contest is a Divas' Evening Gown match. The rules for the match are as follows, the winning diva MUST strip her opponent down to her bra and panties in order to win the contest!:
TenTen: "And without further ado, the challenger making her way to the ring...from Parts Unknown...'Tobi'!"
(Candice Michelle's "Let me show you what love is" plays as Tobi frollics out onto the ramp wearing a silk baby blue evening gown and white high heels. The crowd makes cat calls and appaluds "him".)
"Ooh let me show you what love is, let me show you how to move your body, let me show you how to make me crazy. Too much loving never hurt nobody...no, it never hurt nobody...(let me show you what love is, let me show you how to move your body!)"
Tobi makes his way to ring, lifts up his skirt to effeminitely crawl in under the ringropes.
"All eyes on me everytime I step in the room, boys be going crazy they don'y know what to do! I see ya stares at my thighs it's no surprise I got ya standing at attention so let it rise! See the curves, see the clothes, see the jewels and all, I stopped whatever you was doing cos' I made ya stall!"
Tobi stands up on the ring rop, prom queen waves to everyone and does a Terri Runnels pose. "Now I know what's on your mind cos' your drooling now! You wanna know how I'm the baddest let me show ya how!"
Tenten: "And the challnger, making her way to the ring from "Iwagakure"...Deidara!"
[Stacy Keiblers "Legs" music plays]
"She's got legs!!! She knows how to use them, she never begs! She knows how to choose them!"
Deidara walks down the ramp wearing a trashy PVC dress, and a busted up tiara. The crowd boos him and hisses.
Deidara: "Shutup! You know you want it, u just jealous, whatever!"
"She's got a ride, all of the time!"
Deidara bends under the middle ringrope and does a loooong stacy-keibler entrance one leg at a time and then gets in and does a girl "Y" pose and a giggle.
Tenten: "And the next challenger, making her way from "Sunagakure," Sasori!"
(Sharmell's "if you think" music plays)
"If you think that you're man enough to love me, if you think one man can have it all, If you think that you're strong enough to hold me...if you think one man is enough to last for long...you're wrong....so wrong..."
Sasori walks down the ramp wearing a glittering sexy silver silk evening gown with a sheer robe over it and his hair is frizzed out. He gets the most cat calls and howls out of the three of them. Sasori proceeds up to the ramp and men AND women throw their underwear to him.
"What you see is not what you get. You can look but don't ya touch me ya-ya. Cos I've gotta ball way above your head. Maybe you should buy a poster instead. Because its borderline with your fantasy..."
Sasori does the "Melina" splits into the ring and sashays to the center of the ring and waves and giggles, the crowd goes wild.
Kiba: "Wow..."
Shino: "Oh...my....god..."
Kiba: "I thought this was a "ladies" diva match SA!"
Shino: "Don't call me that! And...oh...my...god..."
TeTen points to Choji who is asleep in his chair and drooling while clasping a bag of Dorito's. TenTen signals to Rock Lee who spin kicks the upside of Choji's head, causing him to "ring" the bell, starting the match.
Tobi, Deidara, and Sasori all stand in different points of the ring staring each other down.
Sasori: "Well well, if it isn't the dress-stealing whore and the idiot."
(Tobi & Deidara both stare at each other wondering which one was which?)
Deidara: "Your days of being queen of the locker room are over Sasori!"
Tobi: "Yeah!"
Sasori & Deidara: "Shut up!"
Tobi: "...."
Sasori: "Oh yeah, well whose gonna stop me you!?"
Deidara: "Thatz right bitch!"
(Deidara chases after Sasori knocking him down and tears at his evening gown.)
Sasori: "Get off you vulgar slut!!!"
(Sasori does a "big boot" to Deidara's face)
Deidara: "Ack! My mascara!"
Sasori: "That's what you get ho!"
Kiba: "Interesting...."
Shino: "My...my....."
Tobi hides from all of the violence and stays near the furthest turnbuckle.
Sasori: "C'mere ya little skank, I ain't through with ya yet!"
(Dediara screams as Sasori chases him with a steel chair.)
Deidara: "AHHHHH! OMFG that's against the rules!"
(Deidara = more screaming)
Sasori: "Stop...running so much!"
(The Referee Rock Lee jumps in and snags the chair away from Sasori)
Lee: "Not in 'MY' ring you don't!"
(Lee jumps back out of the ring, and leaves the chair by the steel steps)
Deidara: "Hahahahaha!"
(Deidara laughs while pointing at Sasori)
Sasori: "Why you little!!!"
(sasori resumes chasing, Deidara resumes screaming)
TenTen: "Hey Lee, did you check out the latest Divas magazine yet?"
Lee: "Why no I have not. Would it perhaps contain the heavenly image of my dearest Sakura?!"
TenTen (sickened expression): "Read it and find out!"
(Lee tears the magazine from TenTen's hands and begins reading it carefully, slowly, page at a time.)
Tobi examines the area and checks under the ring apron, pulls out a baseball bat.
Sasori has Deidara on the top ropes but is distracted by fan girls showing their boobs.
Tobi runs up and slams Sasori in the braincase with the baseball bat, sending him flying down and knocked unconsicious.
Tobi: "Quickly Deidara-Senpi, strip off his evening gown so you can win!"
Deidara quickly gets to his feet and exits the ring, he stands over Sasori, lugs him into the ring and rips the dress in half, revealing only a leopard print thong underneath.
Tobi: "Ewwww!!!"
Deidara: "HAH! I did it, I did iT!"
(Deidara prances around the ring in his skimpy trashy PVC dress)
Deidara: "Na-nah-nah-NAH! I won, I beat YOU, I won...Wait a minute...the bell hasn't rung, and there's three of-"
Tobi slams a steel chair into Deidara's braincase before he can finish the sentence.
Tobi: "There's three of us...now who's the idiot?"
(Tobi bends down and strips Deidara's dress.)
TenTen throws a rock at Choji's head and he rings the bell)
Lee glances up to only see Tobi standing in the ring.
Lee: "Yup he's the winner..." (Resumes reading)
TenTen: "And the winner of the Diva Evening Gown Match 3-way is...Tobi!!!"
Tobi dances around excitedly and waves to everyone. Confetti and balloons fall from a hatch in the ceiling and he dances in them. Candice Michelle's "What Love is" music begins playing again as Tobi gets up on the top turnbuckle and slowly rips open his gown like Candice Michelle. The crowd goes wild and begin throwing roses into the ring.
Tobi bends down and picks one up, he places it under his mask (in his teeth)
Tobi: "Thank you, I thank you all. Daddy loves you too!"
Kiba: "...WOW what a match!"
Shino: "....."
Kiba: "That was just....wow...."
To be continued XD!!!
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Table of Contents
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Story notes: It's gonna be crazy...
Chapter notes: Itachi Uchiha, Kisame Hoshigaki, Deidara, Sasori, Zetsu, Tobi, Hidan, Kakuzu, Konan, Pein, Kiba, Shino, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Ino, Choji, Naruto, Sasuke, Gaara, Kakashi, Anko, Genma, TenTen, Rock Lee, Asuma, Hanabi, and whole shitload of others.
Chapter end notes: If this little experience has offended anyone...I can completely relate ;P