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Why 7 Minutes In Akatsuki Heaven Would Never Work by SincereGlomp

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Chapter notes: And the Akatuski is not OOC.

Summary:
I've noticed that there are a lot of '7 minutes in heaven' and 'spin the bottle' fanfics going around. I also noticed, most of them are 'Akatsuki style'. This always seems to bug me, as I don't think there is a single member of Akatsuki that would go for this. So, in summary, I wrote what I see would really happen. Enjoy my oneshot mockery of the traditional '7 minutes in heaven' fic.
^-^
You were new to Akatsuki, and Konan wanted to play 7 minutes in heaven, for whatever reason. Anyways, it doesn’t really matter why your playing it, you just were.

Konan got on the table in the living room. “Everyone! We’re going to play 7 minutes in heaven now! Oh ya!”

Your eyes perked up, but you hid the smile on your face with a groan. You had to pretend to hate it, because in every fanfic about however many minutes in the closet, the OC always pretends to hate it.

“F*ck that sh*t! I’m not f*ck*ng kissing some random brod ya b*tch!” Hidan growled, pushing past Konan out of the room. “I’ll be up in my dumb *ss room sacrificing sh*t to Jashin you m*ther f*ckin wh*re.”

Sasori shrugged his shoulders. “I thought this was a serious meeting, Konan.” He shrugged, walking out of the room.

“HEY! WHERE YOU GOING!!” she yelled.

“To oil some of my puppets.” He said calmly.

“Gh.” Konan grit her teeth.

“Deidara! Your going first!” she shouted, thrusting a bag with names in it at him. Deidara smirked, grabbing an open piece that read his name. “Cheater! That’s not how it works!”

“It is now un.” He smirked, clapping his hands together in a motion that resembled another blond alchemist. He pulled his hands apart, grinning at the horrified look on the faces of Akatsuki members. He wiped the string or saliva that now connected his hands, and walked from the room, glowing at the successful prank.

Konan threw a chair against the wall. “Deidara you b*tch! Get back here! Your doing it wrong!! It’s SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN NOT SPIN THE BOTTLE!!”

Deidara poked his head inside the room again. “Wanna watch me make out with myself for seven minutes?” he grinned. He took Konana’s slightly green face as a no. “I guess not,” he smirked, walking away.

Konana was about to thrust the bag at Itachi, but quickly found herself in hell for 72 hours. “N-Never m-mind Itachi. You can g-go n-now!” she said shakily, falling to the floor. Itachi stepped over her body and left the room.

Konana next approached Zetzu. “We can do the exact same thing as Deidara,” his voices chorused. “Do you approve of incest?” Konan paled, allowing him to leave.

“B-bye Z-Zetzu!” she chimed nervously.

Konan approached Kisame and Kakuzu. Kakuzu’s threads wove into Kisame’s hair. Kisame yelped. “Konan! If you stick me in the closet with this creep, I’ll flood the whole damb hideout!!” he stormed out of the room, and Kakuzu let his threads wonder up Konan’s arm.

“Ew! Get out you freaky creep!” She shrieked. He stalked out, grinning widely under his mask.

Konan sighed. Pein hadn’t bothered to come, so all that was left was a blissfully clueless Tobi and you.

“Get in the closet.” She demanded. The two of you did as you were told, and Konana locked the door. She could hear Tobi nattering inside about nothing in particular.

“Scr*w this sh*t.” she muttered angrily, storming out of the room.

You were left banging on the door hoping someone would let you out while Tobi talked about his favorite fruit cakes.

You sighed. Falling asleep while Tobi poked you to tell you all of his adventures with his Sempi.
Chapter end notes: R&R Please ^-^
*Glomps Readers * Byes now!
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