Summary: A collection of assorted poetry and verse I've written over the years.
Categories: Non-Naruto Fiction > Poems Characters: None
Genres: Angst, Dark, Fantasy, General, Horror, Humor, Parody, Poetry, Sci-Fi, Spiritual, Supernatural, Tragedy
Warnings: Dark, Death
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 45 Completed: No
Word count: 19603 Read: 102106
Published: 31/10/13 Updated: 21/07/19
1. At the Moon by shadesmaclean
2. Hallmark Holiday by shadesmaclean
3. Dark Reflection by shadesmaclean
4. Flawed Logic (a rant) by shadesmaclean
5. Ghost Towns by shadesmaclean
6. Dead End Drive by shadesmaclean
7. Battle Hymn of the Insomniac by shadesmaclean
8. Insomnia by shadesmaclean
9. Slippage by shadesmaclean
10. Lost Verse (Silent Hill) by shadesmaclean
11. Lost Verse (Raccoon City) by shadesmaclean
12. Lost Verse (The Nameless City) by shadesmaclean
13. Losing It by shadesmaclean
14. What's My Name Again? by shadesmaclean
15. Gotta Go by shadesmaclean
16. Follow the Leader by shadesmaclean
17. Been There, Done That by shadesmaclean
18. Clockwork by shadesmaclean
19. Pass It On by shadesmaclean
20. No Way Out (The Empty Set) by shadesmaclean
21. Wrong Track by shadesmaclean
22. Twilight by shadesmaclean
23. Without a Trace by shadesmaclean
24. FF (Fast Forward) by shadesmaclean
25. I'll Be Staggerin' Drunk for Christmas by shadesmaclean
26. Last Time to Church by shadesmaclean
27. Unfinished Business by shadesmaclean
28. And That is the Truth by shadesmaclean
29. Free-Market (S)creed by shadesmaclean
30. What Holiday? by shadesmaclean
31. These Are the Days by shadesmaclean
32. The Quest by shadesmaclean
33. Epic by shadesmaclean
34. The Story of Jesus by shadesmaclean
35. Just Once... by shadesmaclean
36. Unfortunate Son by shadesmaclean
37. Get Real by shadesmaclean
38. Give 'em Hell! by shadesmaclean
39. Tradewinds by shadesmaclean
40. I Want My Country Back by shadesmaclean
41. That Monkey Is Not Your Friend by shadesmaclean
42. P.O.W. (Prisoners of War) by shadesmaclean
43. What You Are In the Dark by shadesmaclean
44. Forever War by shadesmaclean
45. One Trademark to Rule Them All by shadesmaclean
At the Moon by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
howling at the dark side of the moon
Laugh at yourself.
The great cosmic joke’s on you.
Here today, gone tomorrow;
An unseen clock is ticking.
A time-bomb waiting to go off
On the next thing to go wrong.
No brakes, any second you could snap.
Or just hysterically laugh.
Howling at the dark side of the moon.
Out-of-control anxiety, fear,
The origin of religion,
Muttering strange prayers at the dark.
Broken-record rituals
Keep the nightmare at bay—
Of shadows, specters, shapeless, nameless fears,
Red glowing eyes staring out at you
Through the gloomy mist at the back of your mind.
An unseen presence
Past the beam of your flashlight.
Silent voices laugh in the corner,
But you can hear them.
Even if no one else can.
Thoughts that flap on leathery wings,
Horror that simply is, as if for its own sake.
Consciousness teetering on the razor’s edge of reason,
On the jagged, ragged edge of Reality,
Threatening to fall away
Into the depths of a nightmare without end…
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End Notes:
-June 13, 2001
This one was a poem that pieced itself together one night while I was working at a certain fast food establishment, about what it would be like to be alone with my mind back then. Aside from a few chapters in the Book of Hondo, I haven’t written much poetry, I’m seldom in the spirit.
Hallmark Holiday by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Something I freestyled one afternoon, years ago, dreading the traditional Last Minute Christmas Shopping Expedition I was going on later that night.
* Blue Light Special on Aisle 3... *
It’s the holiday season, and people are getting violent
Pushing, shoving & cursing to the tune of “Silent
Night”, it’s a hell of fight for what they sell
I’m in Jingle Bell Hell & I can tell
’Cause the trees were up before the snow even fell
Ah hell, well it makes me wanna fly south like a bird
’Cause by the millionth time you’ve heard
“Deck the Halls” you wanna hurt someone
Comin’ outta Housewears with a shotgun
And blow away every speaker when I’m done
I have not yet begun to Christmas shop today
I can see it’s gonna be another Hallmark Holiday
I walk into the store & see the lights
And look at all the pretty sights
It’s a fight not to lose your cool
In the shopping cart jams & mob rule
The fools & their money are soon parted
By cheap gimmicks, outsmarted & Wal-Marted
Before winter’s even started, the wall
Has been plastered with ads & that’s not all
They Decked the Halls with advertising
’Tis the season for merchandising
It’s not surprising people are fighting
With prices dropping & tempers rising
X-mas comes but once a year
But watch out, dude, once it gets here
When it draws near, there’ll be hell to pay
Time again for another Hallmark Holiday
The promotion is shameless
Those behind it hardly blameless
Just an elaborate deception
Designed to alter your perception
Make gifts out of products & fads
With a long line of holiday ads
Halloween stuff in September
And Thanksgiving stuff in October
Christmas stuff before November
Or Easter in March, remember?
Mindless commercialism on display
Just another Hallmark Holiday
End Notes:
-circa December 2002
This is one I freestyled one afternoon, dreading the traditional Last Minute Christmas Shopping Expedition I was going on later that night.
Dark Reflection by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
One day, I was digging through some of my old notes, I stumbled across this untitled poem:
Sometimes I look in the mirror
and say to myself:
“Whatever happened to you?
You used to be such a nice guy.”
Then, about a decade of memories slam into me
like a movie flashback montage,
and my reflection answers,
“Oh yeah. That’s why.”
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End Notes:
-circa 2004
Admittedly, written during what was probably one of the darkest chapters of my life, a time I prefer not to dwell on, but every once in a while, you just have one of those days, you know?
Flawed Logic (a rant) by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Years ago, a friend of mine tried to start a band while I was in college, and I took some time out from writing fiction (in the couple year gap between the older Tradewinds manuscripts and The Book of Hondo) to write song lyrics. A lot of what I wrote was pretty lame, though it did yield a few that had a chance of becoming songs if the actual band itself had ever managed to fully form. This was a fragment of something I wrote, what was supposed to be a multi-part piece, though, looking at it years later, this was the only verse I think is actually worth anything.
No global warming, no nuclear winter
not with a bang, but a whimper
Hear the whisper, prosperity reverses
Plutopia, dreams rolled away in hearses
It's all the mind-numbing routines
just the extremes with no in-betweens
the lies that flash across the screens
It's the children chained to machines
while the world ignores their screams
and watches ads to buy their jeans
The end that always justifies the means
it's the chronic early loss of innocence
Decisions that don't make any sense
It's the TV news that always lies
who edit reality right before our eyes
tucked away in a digital disguise
It's all the things that we're denied
They promised us the world, but they lied
It's their endless corporate greed
their backs turned on those in need
The brain-dead masses who can't read
the everyday madness we all feed
The Code of Silence, children can be so cruel
who play by it to fit in, to be cool
The unwritten laws, the playground rules
and those who stand by & watch like fools
'til the Ignored shoot up their schools
The riots & looters, catacombs of computers
loopholes for murderers & polluters
Bandwagon recruiters & the American Jesus
We've met the enemy & he's us
To watch the Grid go crashing down
as lights blink out without a sound
They traded the future for the past
but it'll be lots of fun while it lasts
Common sense always stands trial
quick-fixes might work for awhile
just backups of all the lies on file
Plugged-in, turned-on world in denial
The fools who feed their minds junk-food
with over 100 million screwed
The sacred cows we all appease
while they do just as they please
That you can't trust what you've seen
on the all-knowing TV screen
MTV & Fox, peacocks & eyes
hijacks the facts, no big surprise
No one will realize 'til it's gone
Sit & watch the world Move On
In the Almighty Dollar we trust
while all we value turns to rust
I’ll show you culture in a handful of dust...
End Notes:
-circa 1999
As you can see, "Flawed Logic" mostly just turned out to be a long, angry paranoid rant written by a college-age insomniac, but I can't help thinking this verse, at least, might have made some decent song material.
Ghost Towns by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
I didn't try my hand at songwriting until I was in college. Sadly, I have all the musical talent of a stump (Okay, I lied, the stump has more musical talent than me :( ), but when a friend of mine tried to start a band, I experimented with writing lyrics. Sadly, nothing ever came of it, as he was never able to get a solid crew together, but I still believe the experience helped me become a better writer. (For what it's worth, years later, he did get something off the ground. If you're ever in Washington state, keep an ear out for the Walking Talls. :) ) This is something I wrote back then:
There's a town in the middle
of the Great American Nowhere
Boom gone bust so it's still little
Nothing will ever happen there
And it's still the place to go
for those who don't like to change
Where it's all same-old, same-old
and that's how everything's remained
in this chain of towns & quaint hicks
A place that time forgot, ignored
where things will never get fixed
One-by-one they've closed the doors
so the dust sits & collects
Those who remain sit & grow old
hide cobwebs, spiders & insects
from summer's heat & winter's cold
The people here have no story to tell
They all died long ago & this is Hell
Just a bathroom & gas station
on the way to someplace else
Just another wide space in
the road out of the Rust Belt
It's the place they warned you about
If you have any sense, you'll get the hell out
Don't stay in this place for too long
You may check in, but you don't check out
They made a deal with the devil
for 10 years of prosperity
Then the time came to settle
and it fell apart so quickly
A boarded-up fortress of rats
Business Bureau's a den of thieves
Buried dark secrets of the past
a "boomtown" front no one believes
Now everyone just drives right by
'cause there's nothing there to see
What goes up comes down some time
now it's a desert town so eerie
travelers want right back out
almost as soon as they arrive
Those who stayed will creep you out
Don't stop for anything — just drive
This place is dying & it knows it
and it intends to take them all with it
Going... Going... Gone
Sold to the highest bidder
A small town gone all wrong
no time taken to consider
It's the place they warned you about
If you have any sense, you'll get the hell out
Don't stay in this place for too long
You may check in, but you don't check out
To some, it's only a mirage
just off to the side of the road
They've never needed the garage
nor seen the welcome that it showed
They don't know what it's like
year after year in this place
This isolated trailer court paradise
moving at a turtle's pace
Creepy like a place from some
old black-n-white movie show
to which no one would even come
It was more real than they could know
It's here on the Endless Highway
one of those destination points
away from which you'll wanna stay
if their fate you wish to avoid
Take matters no further than just arriving
'cause if you're smart you'll keep on driving
There are just too many ghosts
for such a tiny town
Too many dirty secrets
buried on too little ground
It's the place they warned you about
If you have any sense, you'll get the hell out
Don't stay in this place for too long
You may check in, but you don't check out
End Notes:
-circa 1999, revised 2004
"Ghost Towns" is my impression of over nine years in Havre, MT, a real life ghost town. When I moved there, it was still a town, but in a matter of years it had already started to crumble into a hollow shell, a shadow of its former self. Like seeing through an illusion from some dark tale, now it's showing its true face as it moved on. I've known lots of people who are going nowhere, and I didn't intend to join them. The only thing that kept this place from joining the rest of the "Hi-Line" region (the chain of ghost towns along Highway 2, of which it is the capital) is what little remains of its economic base. Montana is a state full of ghost towns, the products of 150 years worth of booms and busts. (Remember that when they get to the "history" of corporations, they suck places dry and then move on.) That place honestly gave me the creeps, and I would never want to live there again.
Dead End Drive by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
This was something else I wrote, around the same period I wrote "Ghost Towns"
S-O-S— this is not a test
This isn't a joke, either
A hoax or some sick game
I promise this is neither
Just get me out of here
is all I ask of the receiver
I don't want to live here
until I'm an old geezer
I just want to see this town
in my rearview mirror
A place of false fronts & buried secrets
Here it's "out of sight, out of mind"
It's all the things these people hide
the things no one will ever find
The Bone Yard where all things end up
the last stop, this is the end of the line
That's why I've gotta get out
This life will kill me before my time
Dead end
Wrong way on a one-way street
Can't admit defeat to anyone I meet
Dead end
I got detoured on a one-way track
Looks like there's no going back
This is Hell County behind the façade
a dead-end life, a dead-end job
Just keep driving when you arrive
Dead End Drive
From afar they try to bring me down
from CEO's to senators
And circling me like vultures
are predators & creditors
My only motivation
desperation, debts & threats
No reward, no incentive
just a life of regrets
I can't breathe but I can't leave
because I just don't know how
Going nowhere, must get outta there
and leave Dead End Drive right now
Dead end
Wrong way on a one-way street
Can't admit defeat to anyone I meet
Dead end
I got detoured on a one-way track
Looks like there's no going back
This is Hell County behind the façade
a dead-end life, a dead-end job
Just keep driving when you arrive
Dead End Drive
This is life in a Company Town
You just rent a Pullman house to dwell
only shop Pullman's store, and at the bell
go sit through a Pullman church, as well
Trade in for a Pullman soul to sell
and only have a Pullman tale to tell
So choose your path & choose it well
or else you'll die like me
and go to Pullman Hell...
End Notes:
-circa 1999, revised 2003
"Ghost Towns" was not the only song I wrote about the darker side of living in eastern Montana, as back then, I kinda had an axe to grind on the subject, but this was the only other one that was ever any good. Back in 2003, my friend moved out of state to go back to school, but for a couple years, I held on to the silly notion that he might come back and try to start a band, so for a while, I continued tinkering with song lyrics before putting it all away for years to focus more fully on Tradewinds. The key to this one, when I came back to it later, was recognizing that it started with the present, but had I unconsciously dug back into all I'd learned of the state's history, from the Copper Kings to the Railroad Barons, and the horror stories of living in a Company Town. Montana is a state full of ghost towns, the products of 150 years worth of booms and busts. (Remember that when they get to the "history" of corporations, they suck places dry and then move on.) And, sadly, the whole thing comes full circle, seeing how far our current Plutocracy is going these days to reverse over a century of human progress, and drag the past into the future...
"Hell" County was more than just a nickname, it was a play on the county's real name. In downtown Havre, just a bit back from Main Street, in front of the train station, is a bronze statue of one James J Hill, railroad magnate, whom the entire county was named after. In some town I can't remember the name of, there's a small bronze plaque dedicated to the one dead Chinaman for every mile of his railroad. :( And while, unlike the rest of the song, "Pullman" (the final verse based on a famous quote from the Pullman Strike) is not a Montana reference, per se, but it was the epitome of the kind of company towns that dominated Gilded Age West. A place where corporate executives voted themselves into public office by having foremen watch over the shoulder of every ballot cast, as well as funneling most of their workers' incomes right back into the owner's pockets at Company Stores, at their worst, calling upon Pinkerton mercenaries, and even the National Guard, to gun down workers. :|
Battle Hymn of the Insomniac by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
exactly what it sounds like ;)
Mine eyes are very tired from long days without sound sleep
Both of these bleary orbs are ringed with circles running deep
For me night after night, there is no use counting sheep
The clock keeps marching on
Such a sorry sight for sore eyes
A sorry, sorry sight for sore eyes
A sorry, sorry sight for sore eyes
The clock keeps marching on
Can't keep both eyes open as I burn the midnight oil
The candle licking at both ends as I toil
Pen in hand, as endless thoughts within me boil
My mind just races on
Such a sorry sight for sore eyes
A sorry, sorry sight for sore eyes
A sorry, sorry sight for sore eyes
My mind just races on
Mine eyes, they fly wide open as my heart begins to race
I look over to see the clock is laughing in my face
At my jangled nerves, for I still feel out of place
The moon keeps passing on
Such a sorry sight for sore eyes
A sorry, sorry sight for sore eyes
A sorry, sorry sight for sore eyes
The moon keeps passing on
My mind is filled with worry at the coming of the dawn
Of yet another day that I must go and work upon
Sunrise telling me that any chance of sleep is gone
That clock keeps marching on
Such a sorry sight for sore eyes
A sorry, sorry sight for sore eyes
A sorry, sorry sight for sore eyes
That clock keeps marching on
End Notes:
-06/1-3/14
Worked the Crack Of Dawn shift a couple days in a row, but I'm not sure where I picked up this old hymn from (even on a Sunday morning), or why it got stuck in my head, these words just crept into my head as I lamented my usual inability to adjust from Nighthawk to Early Bird, and by the second morning, I had these loose verses to toy with. :D
Of course, I'm by no means the first to have fun with this little ditty, but when unwelcome guests insist on residing in your head when it already aches, there's more than one way to push back. :)
Insomnia by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Life gets strange without sleep...
I've had no dreams in 7 nights
now they happen when I'm awake
I wish I could just get some sleep
Don't know how much more I can take
Get up & go to the bathroom
mirror, to see what I can see
My mind must be playing tricks again
'cause my reflection just winked at me
Find myself outside, staring at the stars
and thinking about the Twilight Zone
If there are other worlds than these
then why do I always feel so alone?
No rest for the weary
on a night so dreary
So once again I walk
straying from thought to thought
Wandering the streets
almost but not quite lost
It's my own walkabout
each time a different route
The world around me not quite dead
while I'm lost inside my head
As I walk down the dark street at 3 AM
I swear that everything's watching me
Statues at the bank give me more than dirty looks
I hear dark voices here call out to me
Then I'm striding thru the cemetery
wishing for a shotgun in my hand
Now how the hell did I end up here?
To tell the truth, I don't understand
Each time I look, the bushes change places
makes me so relieved to be out of there
But as I gaze at the old building ahead
the gate opens, I feel a chill in the air...
No rest for the weary
on a night so dreary
So once again I walk
straying from thought to thought
Wandering the streets
almost but not quite lost
It's my own walkabout
each time a different route
The world around me not quite dead
while I'm lost inside my head
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
Do I really want to know?
I stand at my own front door again
and don't know how I got back home
I don't remember what just happened
or why I went walking out there all alone
I vow never to go out like that again
but I doubt I could keep my word
I'm afraid the walls have overheard
As long as they're around, I'll never be cured
but maybe now I'll get some sleep...
No rest for the weary
on a night so dreary
So once again I walk
straying from thought to thought
Wandering the streets
almost but not quite lost
It's my own walkabout
each time a different route
The world around me not quite dead
while I'm lost inside my head
End Notes:
-circa 1998, revised 2003
I didn't try my hand at songwriting until I was in college. Sadly, I have all the musical talent of a stump (Okay, I lied, the stump has more musical talent than me :( (Sad) ), but when a friend of mine tried to start a band, I experimented with writing lyrics. Sadly, nothing ever came of it, as he was never able to get a solid crew together, but I still believe the experience helped me become a better writer. (For what it's worth, years later, he did get something off the ground. If you're ever in Washington state, keep an ear out for the Walking Talls. :) (Smile) )
Though "Insomnia" was an attempt to capture how my life felt after nearly a year of living under frequent lack of sleep, the episode described in this song is loosely based on something that happened to me the night after Independence Day that year. After stocking up on fireworks that would not be lit for another year, I celebrated America’s independence by serving Big Macs and Quarter Pounders to the losers who couldn’t find a barbecue to go to, while my friends had a blast our family's. I came home from work and tried to sleep, but my feet just wouldn’t have it…
So I find myself in the down town, and saw many things.
Past the Mason building and the old post office (where I used to imagine sinister interdimensional goings-on...) I passed the bank on 3rd Avenue, and saw the statues from afar. There are three men and giant wheel, sculpted by some local guy. Two of the men are shaking hands. In my mind’s eye, I see a man walk past the statues, which promptly come to life and grab him. I know the following morning, the police will find him strangled on the corner, and his name will be added to a long, unsolved list of people who have been killed on that corner over the years. I keep the width of the street between me and the statues, and continue on my way…
I eventually skirt the football field, which lies in a natural amphitheater of stepped terraces where cars actually park and people can watch the game with binoculars and listen to the announcer on the radio. I climb the hill on the south side and pass the water treatment plant. I’m now up in Highland Park, and realize that I’m about to walk past the cemetery. I walk the entire length of the graveyard on a dirt road, staying on the other side of it and watching the graves with the paranoid eyes of a true insomniac. I will walk through the alley behind the middle school the same way, trying to watch everything at once…
On the way, I stop at Optimist Park, where I used to play with my cousin while his big sister was playing softball, but I’m too spooked by this point to go anywhere near the playground equipment. (Funny. This was the same place I would contemplate reading IT by the street lights three years later?)…
By sunrise, I’m up in the hills west of town, near the fairgrounds, where I look over a sea of spent fireworks littering the streets. I walk back into town, and go past The Castle on my way. (When we first moved there, we lived in a trailer just down the street from The Castle, a big old mansion with a tower, which was being renovated by some guy who had a bunch of vicious dogs on the premises.) I stand for a long time, just staring up the stone steps, and for my final weird vision before daylight turned the town back to normal, I see myself going up the steps and walking into the house, never to be seen again… :|
Even though part of me knew it was nonsense, that final vision seemed to me to say that if I kept snooping around eerie places, I would eventually find a real one. It was on this thought that I finally went home and fell asleep.
Slippage by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
What happens when reality itself starts forgetting how to keep it real...
On the street corner, two statues shake hands over the body of a drifter
whose throat was crushed by a hand about that size.
The fourth one this month, and the police still have no suspects.
The old abandoned apartment seems to get a little younger every day,
colors fading in, graffiti fading out.
Sepia-toned windows frame the ghosts of lives never lived.
No one comes in or out.
All over town, folks are packing up and leaving.
Not even bothering to sell,
and the houses are going downhill fast.
The church stands empty, aging by the day,
after the preacher lost his battle with something,
while his numb flock wander aimlessly.
Fewer and fewer kids are going to school these days,
as if they no longer wish to learn things Man was never meant to know.
Even the teachers look as if they don't know
what they're doing there anymore.
The playground looks old and forlorn,
the few kids who go there appear lost and dazed,
but still seem reluctant to go home,
even at sunset.
To see some linger under the flickering streetlights
was a most unsettling sight.
Especially the half-seen company they keep.
There's no denying, this town is dying,
but no one knows just what it's dying from...
Contact with the outside world is diminishing,
as if it all only exists on TV and in books.
Travelers drive right through, stopping for nothing if they don't have to.
The children gaping, wide-eyed, while their parents stare straight ahead.
At the corner store, the shelf stock dwindles,
random objects stand out on mostly bare shelves,
all the while, strange noises coming from the back room.
The staff seem constantly spooked and preoccupied.
The elevator got stuck on the pre-floor,
a strange, nowhere level, of halls and rooms that don't connect,
and took a lot of button-coaxing to get off of.
After that, stuck with the stairs.
When reality starts forgetting how to keep it real,
doors and halls and alleyways no longer lead to where they used to,
dark places that don't want to let you out.
Time out here seems to be going soft:
lingering sunsets and longer nights,
even as summer advances by day.
Falling into twilight...
Some nights, the moon seems to shimmer, as if underwater.
Other nights, it looms over everything,
and seems to be crawling with tiny black shapes.
Even the stars don't look familiar anymore.
The streets are no longer safe at night.
Streetlights flicker in and out too conviently,
sometimes illuminating glimpses in the corner of the eye.
Stalked by shadow-shapes, with nothing to cast them.
There's no denying, this town is dying,
but no one knows just what it's dying from.
What we see and hear, something draws near,
can't tell what we fear, or from whence it comes...
In the Town of Missing People,
no one looks too closely at the things that wash up on the lakeshore:
masses of claws and tentacles and beaks that don't belong to any native species,
as well as hands and feet, and other things the eye refuses to dwell on.
The telephone lines themselves seem to have strange noises in them.
Through the receiver, indistinct, incoherent,
half-heard snatches of long-forgotten conversations.
Laughing? Crying? Mumbling? Coughing?
The radio has gotten steadily worse,
the signal fading into a steady wash of static,
with strange and horrific noises rising out of the tide,
to eldritch rhythms pounding in the deep.
It can be dangerous to listen to after dark,
especially when it starts talking to you
about things you never wanted to talk about.
That is, when what it's talking about actually makes any sense.
And the TV isn't any better, possibly even worse.
Strange shapes shift in and out of the static snow,
and sometimes seem to reach out through the screen.
Things have gone too far, this town is doomed.
Nothing left but to risk the Unknown,
walking off into the reality unraveling all around...
There's no denying, this town is dying,
but no one knows just what it's dying from.
No one knows what we're dealing with but the sinking feeling
that our fate it's sealing, and the worst is yet to come...
End Notes:
-circa May-June 2014
...Or what happens when you start getting a lot of shifts that keep you late at night, then have you turn right back around in the morning, leaving you frequently jet-lagged. :D Probably a result of re-reading older pieces like "Insomnia" I'm not surprised it started with a vision of the bank statues I wrote about before, and quickly, insidiously escalated into creepy scenarios of a small town being consumed by something eldritch and alien. :|
I had a lot of different inspirations for this stuff, and I would certainly not deny Lovecraft as one of my major ones, along with Stephen King and Neil Gaiman. There was other stuff, too, Silent Hill being a fairly obvious one, especially Homecoming, oddly enough. Not so much the game, as the promotional materials, Deputy Wheeler's journal about events in Shepard's Glen leading up the events of the game, as well as just the original trilogy in general. From King's Dark Tower series, which is where I got the term "slippage" in the first place, just the idea of the fabric of reality coming unraveled in places and becoming Just Not Right, as well as the Peter Straub novel "Floating Dragon" ( "Shadowland" also comes highly recommended), to say nothing of the creepier side of Tom Waits. Every one of those sleepless mornings would bring its own chilling visions of this poor town's descent into an eldritch abyss...
Lost Verse (Silent Hill) by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
the first of the Lost Verses...
Come give your spine a chill down in Silent Hill
small town of dark secrets & a violent will
Living a nightmare, trapped inside there
armed with just a radio & flashlight there
Downright scared, at the end of your wits
everytime static spits, signal's on the fritz
Thru the mist, unhallowed shapes twist, fear-inspirin'
before the total blackout & the air-raid siren
Tryin' to solve the mystery of this town's history
before the dark forces here do this to me
too, it'll swallow your soul, swallow it whole
once it's too late and this town takes its toll
No vacation, salvation or damnation?
In this otherworld town, both are waitin'
for you, along with your past, five steps ahead
Unless you catch up & face it, you're as good as dead
Pyramid Head or red lights of death, will depend
on if you keep running or stand up to defend
hard truths from fears no one comprehends
In darkness it waits, until the silence ends...
200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words
End Notes:
-10/13/12
2012 was a rollercoaster year, and not exactly the fun kind. In addition to long weeks at a stretch "On Call" (basically job hunting... :| ), I spent parts of it directing traffic at Universal Studios. For what it's worth, the job itself wasn't so bad, just everything else, from the unreliable hours to the absurd commute from the Valley (which, ironically, would no longer be an issue now that I live in Hollywood, but would have made little difference in the long run, due to the hours' inherent instability outside of summer, but whatever...), and it ended up costing us our old apartment. It was also the year I started branching out into Nerdcore. Though I've been a lifelong fan of Weird Al, and had been following Lars and a couple others for a while by that point, this was the same year I got into Front-a-Lot, MC Hawking, Beefy, Dual Core, Jesse Dangerously, and Schaefer the Darklord, among others. So I was working Halloween Horror Nights, and frequently had "Bruce Campbell" stuck in my head, what with all the zombies walking around, and the whole Lower Lot getting converting into Silent Hill that year and all, coupled with my job at the garage mostly consisting of counting cars with a ticker. Not exactly a mentally taxing task (which is why it basically pays Minimum Wage... :( ), but since I had this song stuck in my head, my mind started cranking out alternate verses, starting with this one, which I recently stumbled across while sorting out my old notes from that year. :)
Lost Verse (Raccoon City) by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Another Lost Verse
City of the Dead, aim for the head
Line up your shots & make 'em eat lead
Makes you see red at all that Umbrella's done
Turned all the residents evil one by one
So grab your gear and lock & load
form some kind of plan & hit the road
Scrounge a Magnum, boomstick or grenades
take your pick, ammo's scarce as hope fades
Beat feet to meet what's left of the street
or back alleys & rooftops if you can't take the heat
'Cause too many zombies roam the streets like they own
the place & give chase to all survivors alone
to face it, the strong & cunning, lasting this long
But other biohazards still lurk, work gone wrong
by mad scientists up to all kinds of No Good
messing with nature in ways no one should
Still these creatures attack, won't cut you any slack
your kill count so high that you lost track
When you bust a cap, don't forget to double-tap
even though you know you've walked into a trap
Oh snap, as if all these monsters weren't enough
now they're gonna blow the whole city up
The countdown is set, so call off all bets
Rest In Peace, Raccoon City, we will never forget...
End Notes:
-10/18/12
2012 was a rollercoaster year, and not exactly the fun kind. In addition to long weeks at a stretch "On Call" (basically job hunting... :| (Blank Stare) ), I spent parts of it directing traffic at Universal Studios. For what it's worth, the job itself wasn't so bad, just everything else, from the unreliable hours to the absurd commute from the Valley (which, ironically, would no longer be an issue now that I live in Hollywood, but would have made little difference in the long run, due to the hours' inherent instability outside of summer, but whatever... :( ), and it ended up costing us our old apartment. It was also the year I started branching out into Nerdcore. Though I've been a lifelong fan of Weird Al, and had been following Lars and a couple others for a while by that point, this was the same year I got into Front-a-Lot, MC Hawking, Beefy, Dual Core, Jesse Dangerously, and Schaefer the Darklord, among others. So I was working Halloween Horror Nights, and frequently had "Bruce Campbell" stuck in my head, what with all the zombies walking around, and the whole Lower Lot getting converting into Silent Hill that year and all, coupled with my job at the garage mostly consisting of counting cars with a ticker. And they recruited an army of zombies for the "Walking Dead" themed Terror Tram that year, shambling around the rest of the lot between shifts, and zombies always put me in mind of Resident Evil. Not exactly a mentally taxing task (which is why it basically pays Minimum Wage... :( ), but since I had this song stuck in my head, my mind started cranking out alternate verses, including this one, which I recently stumbled across while sorting out my old notes from that year. :D
Lost Verse (The Nameless City) by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
One Night Only!
MC Lovecraft, waxing arcane on why we're all insignificant specks crawling on a pale blue dot, spinning through a cold, indifferent universe! Good night! Sleep tight! Don't let the Nightgaunts bite! :D
On the horizon, it looms, in your darkest dreams
Shadows out of Time where reality's not what it seems
Amidst the screams that echo from Leng's cold plane
to the Empty Quarter's desert ruins without name
Remote, forgotten places to the Bermuda Triangle
and accounts of lost souls and wreckage found mangled
From Dunwich and Arkham, to the City of Angles
Gibbering, abnormal things found tangled
in Innsmouth fish nets or the Mountains of Madness
onward, to the dark side of Dreamland quests
On Lake Hali, heralding the fall of the queen
behold dim Carcosa, where we lay our scene
Where the King in Yellow reigns, we traveled
to places where reality comes unraveled
wholecloth, bringing new colors out of space
antediluvian relics, directions out of place
In Non-Euclidean Space, alien geometry
home to eldritch Things That Should Not Be
Dreaming deathless dreams to Unspeakable Cults
inhuman crossbreeding with horrific results
Hard to ignore the gore, from tomes of eldritch lore
You'll never sleep again if you read any more
from the Book of Eibon or the Necronomicon
a phonebook for calling on things from Beyond
human comprehension, whispers from another dimension
that science may one day unlock with thoughtless invention
not intention, a sight to behold, of horrors untold
Unleashing chaos and madness as events unfold
A bad moon rising this Unhallowed Eve Night
things will go all wrong when the stars come right
For that is not dead which can eternal lie
and with strange aeons, even death may die...
End Notes:
-10/18/12
2012 was a rollercoaster year, and not exactly the fun kind. In addition to long weeks at a stretch "On Call" (basically job hunting... :| ), I spent parts of it directing traffic at Universal Studios. For what it's worth, the job itself wasn't so bad, just everything else, from the unreliable hours to the absurd commute from the Valley (which, ironically, would no longer be an issue now that I live in Hollywood, but would have made little difference in the long run, due to the hours' inherent instability outside of summer, but whatever... :( ), and it ended up costing us our old apartment (see "Photos" folder for pics :) ). It was also the year I started branching out into Nerdcore. Though I've been a lifelong fan of Weird Al, and had been following Lars and a couple others for a while by that point, this was the same year I got into Front-a-Lot, MC Hawking, Beefy, Dual Core, Jesse Dangerously, and Schaffer the Darklord, among others. So I was working Halloween Horror Nights, and frequently had "Bruce Campbell" stuck in my head, what with all the zombies walking around, and the whole Lower Lot getting converting into Silent Hill that year and all, coupled with my job at the garage mostly consisting of counting cars with a ticker. When it comes to horror, my mind often turns to the cosmic variety, especially Lovecraftian, so it's not surprising I found myself rhyming about the Cthulhu Mythos while I was standing around. Not exactly a mentally taxing task (which is why it basically pays Minimum Wage... :( ), but since I had this song stuck in my head, my mind started cranking out alternate verses, including this one, which I recently stumbled across while sorting out my old notes from that year. :D
Losing It by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Exactly What It Says On the Tin :)
Fighting against the stress
trying to get it off my chest
The voices say everything's OK
Why won't they just let me be?
I'm running out of sanity
Pretending everything's OK
And so no one can see
the walls are closing in on me
Please tell me everything's OK
This isn't how it's supposed to be
walking around in slow free-fall
But there's nothing wrong with me
I'm just losing it, that's all
Now I'm losing my touch
still stand to lose much
and everyone deceives me
Paranoid, losing my mind
but really, I'm just fine
You've gotta believe me
But it's torn my mind apart
now I'm afraid of the dark
Please don't leave me
This isn't how it's supposed to be
walking around in slow free-fall
But there's nothing wrong with me
I'm just losing it, that's all
Going nuts & bolts, total basketcase
when my thoughts race into hyperspace
and there's no road map
At first I can just ignore it
so no one will know before it
when I finally snap
One of "them" or one of "us"
it doesn't matter who you trust
(They'll all betray you)
They'll talk about your mental health
and how you really "need some help"
(They'll try to tame you)
This isn't how it's supposed to be
walking around in slow free-fall
But there's nothing wrong with me
I'm just losing it, that's all
End Notes:
-circa 1999, revised 2003
Much like "Insomnia" this was another attempt to capture how my life felt after over a year of living under frequent lack of sleep, while trying to cope with the stress of being both a full-time student, and a full-time worker. Both of which left you only part-time living. :|
What's My Name Again? by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
a Blink 182 parody
I was in my room, and I was stoned
on all my meds in a rest home
Telling my grandkids about the good old days
but then I lost my memory
And that's about the time it slipped away from me
No one remembers when they're 83
and are living such a boring life
What the hell's senility?
Orderlies say I don't know my name
What's my name again?
What's my name again?
Woke up in a hospital bed
with a pounding pain in my head
"Dude, they must've hit you really hard this time"
said the nurse looking down at me
And that's about the time it slipped away from me
Don't remember the head injury
and am still asking the number of that bus
What the hell ran into me?
The nurse says I don't know my name
What's my name again?
What's my name again?
And that's about the time it slipped away from me
Is this how old age is supposed to be?
Just living quietly in a rest home
What kind of life is this for me?
My kids say I don't know my name
What's my name again?
What's my name again?
And that's about the time I lost my memory
Nothing here looks familiar to me
Living with a bunch of friendly strangers
How the hell did this happen to me?
Everyone else seems to know my name
What's my name again?
What's my name again?
End Notes:
-circa 2000
I didn't try my hand at songwriting until I was in college. Sadly, I have all the musical talent of a stump (Okay, I lied, the stump has more musical talent than me :( ), but when a friend of mine tried to start a band, I experimented with writing lyrics. Sadly, nothing ever came of it, as he was never able to get a solid crew together, but I still believe the experience helped me become a better writer. (For what it's worth, years later, he did get something off the ground. If you're ever in Washington state, keep an ear out for the Walking Talls. :) )
Weird Al Yankovic was one of my childhood heroes, so it doesn't come as any surprise to me that I would try my hand at writing a parody song or two, and while I don't mind Blink 182, this song was playing constantly, everywhere I went that summer, so it became my first victim. :D Suffice to say, the experience of writing it imparted an even greater respect for Weird Al, an appreciation for his true talents and comedic genius, as I learned that writing a good parody is not as easy as it looks. It also served to show me, as well, that my own morbid sense of humor could boomerang on me in unexpected ways, as the subject matter of the song turned out, in retrospect, to be a lot more serious than it was meant to be. :|
Gotta Go by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Agnostic Front parody
From the classroom to the bathroom
Gotta, gotta, gotta go
I can't hold it any longer
Gotta, gotta, gotta go
In the pot or in my shorts
Gotta, gotta, gotta go
If I don't go soon, I will explode
Gotta, gotta, gotta go
Held it thru World History
GOTTA-GOTTA-GOTTA GO!
But this lecture is boring me
GOTTA-GOTTA-GOTTA GO!
Wanna sprint out frantically
GOTTA-GOTTA-GOTTA GO!
Why won't they just let me pee?
GOTTA-GOTTA-GOTTA GO!
Must be something that I ate
They say hold it but I can't wait
I can't hold it till it's too late
I've gotta use the can
I've gotta use the can
Now I've gotta be direct
GOTTA-GOTTA-GOTTA GO!
Nature is calling me collect
GOTTA-GOTTA-GOTTA GO!
I simply can't put it on hold
GOTTA-GOTTA-GOTTA GO!
And so if I may be so bold
GOTTA-GOTTA-GOTTA GO!
Must be something that I ate
They say hold it but I can't wait
I can't hold it till it's too late
I've gotta use the can
I've gotta use the can
I've gotta, gotta go
Gotta get out of here
I've gotta, gotta go
Gotta get out of here
200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words
End Notes:
-circa 1999
This is one of only a couple parodies I ever finished writing, and this one taught me something important. If there's a reason most people will cock their heads at this one, as opposed to the Blink 182 spoof, it has less to do with the scatological subject matter, and likely more to do with the question of who the hell Agnostic Front are. :P I think part of the problem was that I'm just not really into most pop stuff, yet doing parodies of more obscure material just doesn't work. :( This particular piece owes its existence to two events: one, was an old friend (and aspiring bandmate from those days), rushing off to the bathroom chanting "Gotta-Gotta-Gotta Go!" and all of us having a good laugh. The other was being late for a Lit (rather than History) class, and not having time to stop at the restroom on the way. He was the kind of professor who didn't believe in bodily functions, no matter how urgent, on class time, so I found those words becoming a mantra as I tried to sit through class with my legs crossed. The rest of the words just kinda came to me over the course of one of the longest 50 minutes of my life. :D
Follow the Leader by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
The chase is on...
Join the high-speed pursuit— the chase is on
Just try to keep up or we'll be long-gone
Forget the radar gun, speed's all you need
Pedal to the metal— gimme jamming speed
Follow the trail wherever it goes
and where it ends, no one knows
Riding like an out-of-control speeder
Follow the path wherever it leads
burnin' rubber at break-neck speeds
when you're playing Follow the Leader
Come on! I'll give you a run for your money
Watch where you're goin' or things might get ugly
Eat your words (and my dust!) & swallow your pride
because you're in for a hell of a ride
Around the corners, around the bends
'cause no one knows just where it ends
There's no today or tomorrow either
On unending paths to who-knows-where
but we'll all find out when we get there
So cut to the left & I'll take the leader
On an endless highway it's an endless race
with people like us to keep the pace
It's perpetual motion out in the fast lane
Roll out with us in our infinite game
Real men don't use brakes
and no matter what it takes
I'll stay ahead of you
I'm faster than you'll ever be
You'll never get ahead of me
no matter what you do
If you can see thru the blurred tunnel-vision
then you'll avoid a crash course collision
And we just can't find the end of the line
but somehow we're still making damn good time
And this race is far from won
this journey's only just begun
at least according to the meter
We have all the speed we need
in order to move up & take the lead
if ya really wanna be the leader
Follow the trail wherever it goes
and where it ends, no one knows
Riding like an out-of-control speeder
Follow the path wherever it leads
cruisin' along at break-neck speeds
when you're playing Follow the Leader
End Notes:
-circa 1999, revised 03/18/03
This was an odd piece, one I originally wrote as a reflection on my time in Anchorage, Alaska, especially the summer of '96, when I spent a lot of time exploring the city's endless network of bike trails. Someday, I'd like to go back, but first, I would need a bike again. :P
FUN TRIVIA: "Real men don't use brakes!" is an actual Captain Falcon quote from the original (NES) F-Zero. :D
Been There, Done That by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
students of life never stop learning...
Life is a game, easy to learn, hard to master
As you get older, the wheel just spins faster
Fortune & disaster, ups & downs, nothing new
good times & bad, of both I've had a few
But we all do, so if you snooze, you lose
and you'll find yourself singin' the blues
You can just cruise thru life, or you can choose
your moves, I'm still around, I'm a survivor
Hot-wired my way thru life like MacGuyver
Scheming conniver, I'm still goin' strong
just makin' shit up as I go along
So when it all goes wrong, I'll pull thru
and dodge misfortune's slings & arrows, too
I'll make do, learn to smile, go the 2nd mile
grin & bear it when my future's on trial
and my past's on file, still standing tall
Thru all this world's near-misses & close calls
banana peels, dead ends, walls, fine print & pitfalls
blizzards & squalls, for I've weathered them all
Gone the distance, I'm in this for the long haul
Been there, done that
And it's give & take, make or break
go find your own mistakes to make
(Sometimes I just wanna crack)
Sacrifices to be made & prices to be paid
hoping life's trials are an even trade
(For the strength to bounce back)
So much immensity, all the intensity
just to hang on to my identity
(Parting fiction from fact)
Racing clocks, 1001 shocks
another time around the block
(Even if you get knocked flat)
So get a clue, buy a vowel
but don't throw in the towel
(Just know where it's at)
In the best of times or the worst of times
know it's by no means the first of times
(Been there, done that)
There was a time I was broke as a joke
Empty pockets, I ain't blowin' no smoke
Written off with a single pen-stroke
by the Powers That Be, pity's all I invoked
When it rains, it pours, I was soaked
I was so broke I squeaked when I walked
just asked for work when I talked
Because I was locked out, left high & dry
passed by no matter how hard I tried
And that was why I just couldn't win
but then I finally found a back door in
At last found my chance to beat the System
handful of things left to lose & I risked 'em
So I switched 'em & was dealt a new hand
start a new game, I'm a man with a plan
to set out & go as far as I can
Then the troubles began & I was backstabbed
two-faced bastards sold me out, I was trapped
And damn, here I am, so just let me recap:
in a nutshell, been thru hell trusting you
Back to Square One, but I learned a thing or two
Back to the drawing board again, nothing new
Been there, done that
And it's give & take, make or break
go find your own mistakes to make
(Sometimes I just wanna crack)
Sacrifices to be made & prices to be paid
hoping life's trials are an even trade
(For the strength to bounce back)
So much immensity, all the intensity
just to hang on to my identity
(Parting fiction from fact)
Racing clocks, 1001 shocks
another time around the block
(Even if you get knocked flat)
So get a clue, buy a vowel
but don't throw in the towel
(Just know where it's at)
In the best of times or the worst of times
know it's by no means the first of times
(Been there, done that)
Been here, been there, little of everywhere
back & forth from well-off to Welfare
and anywhere in between, they go to extremes
while I just try to live within my means
So what the hell, you never can tell
they say the best revenge is living well
And you know you can't take it with you, man
so just enjoy this life while you can
If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen
then just get out & quitcherbitchin'
about your position & lack of vision
too busy brooding to see what you're missin'
Instead of just wishin', find something to do
This world never runs out of ways to try you
Always pays to find real friends who stand by you
won't deny you when, right from the get-go
it all goes wrong, are you just gonna let go?
Say it's over just 'cause someone else said so?
You know how it goes, first your money, then your clothes
Easy come, easy go, it just goes to show
that experience is the best teacher
It's still life's most unchanging feature
Let time teach the lessons & never forget
or else all you'll get is a life of regret
Been there, done that
And it's give & take, make or break
go find your own mistakes to make
(Sometimes I just wanna crack)
Sacrifices to be made & prices to be paid
hoping life's trials are an even trade
(For the strength to bounce back)
So much immensity, all the intensity
just to hang on to my identity
(Parting fiction from fact)
Racing clocks, 1001 shocks
another time around the block
(Even if you get knocked flat)
So get a clue, buy a vowel
but don't throw in the towel
(Just know where it's at)
In the best of times or the worst of times
know it's by no means the first of times
(Been there, done that)
End Notes:
-circa 2000, revised 07/07/04 & 05/05/05
...And here I thought I'd been through a lot back when re-wrote this. :P
Clockwork by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
This one goes out to everyone who labored on "Labor" Day, the most ironically named holiday on the calendar.
Every morning I get up even though I'm fed up
with the alarm clock's heads-up & the set-up
that'll never let up 'cause I'm in debt up
to here, I'm in a state that's so damn sorry
Wake up, brought back from the dead too early
in too much of hurry to have any time to worry
It all becomes a flurry & soon it's just too blurry
At work I scurry 'cause it's all about fear
I walk in the door & the first thing I hear
is the sound of someone yelling in my ear
Every year, always thinking about screwing it
Mine's the job no one notices until I STOP doing it
You gotta look busy even when you're not
Can't relax or you're gonna get caught
Just spend all day workin' for The Man
not even spare minute to use the can
All day, just trying to fake it to make it
but I can't take it, my feelings, I can't shake it
I hate to break it to you but, fuck you! I'm thru!
I'm tired of this crew & being told what to do
It's true, now I know what it's all about
If this is the first day of the rest
of my life then I WANT OUT!!
A prison of measured time
whether you do a nickel or a dime
Most in line will do a dollar
wearing a striped leash & blue collar
Why they tolerate it's a mystery to me
I hate it, just repeating history to me
Living in misery without a second thought
just doin' what they know, what they were taught
It's their lot in life to wear those shirts
But though it hurts to be a jerk
I'll shrug my load & shirk
I don't wanna be a slave to Clockwork
Overdue for a break & you got a splitting headache
when you've finally had as much as you can take
Always waking up at 4 AM in a cold sweat
to flashbacks of a shift you haven't even worked yet
Echoes of the boss ridin' your ass every 5 minutes
to check up on a task that's never finished
Held against your will, time stands still
you worry yourself ill to pay the bills
The Game will kill you before your time
when every day is an uphill climb
past slimeballs a dime-a-dozen
to a glass ceiling they say doesn't
exist & wasn't sexist according to them
Double standard only rewarding to them
Reporting to them dressed to demean
working with the bitches & drama queens
What Mama means by "use what ya got"
without a thought for rights you coulda fought
It's your lot in life to wear short skirts
but though it hurts to be a jerk
I'll shrug my load & shirk
I don't want to be a slave to Clockwork
A prison of measured time
whether you do a nickel or a dime
Most in line will do a dollar
wearing a striped leash & blue collar
Why they tolerate it's a mystery to me
I hate it, just repeating history to me
Living in misery without a second thought
just doin' what they know, what they were taught
It's their lot in life to wear those shirts
But though it hurts to be a jerk
I'll shrug my load & shirk
I don't wanna be a slave to Clockwork
These people kill you before you die
Slaving for years & just getting by
Honest pay for honest work
Honest pay for what we're worth
When we clock out, we walk out
the ones they can't function without
'cause wage labor is slave labor
as your earnings turn to vapor
Just to pay the rent, with nowhere to vent
once your "get up & go" got up & went
Just go on living in quiet desperation
perpetual deprivation, eternal frustration
of degradation, humiliation, fearing retaliation
if we try to end this abusive relation-
ship, serving 20-to-Life without vacation
trying to balance a one-sided equation
Want some fries with your Low Expectations?
Back to the grind, over the years you find
The whole experience wears on your mind
The tale I tell is one you know well
of a life spent in an air-conditioned hell
Where your brain melts at room temperature
for all eternity, you can expect that your
every day is scheduled down to the last minute
It's an endless race— no one can win it
I'm thru playing games, sick & tired of this shit
Too late, you can't fire my ass— I quit!
In between shifts, I've got a life to live
but at the end of the day, I got nothin' left to give
Try to smile thru the taste of my own bile
rank & file, bitchin' in every aisle
If you listened to yourselves for a while
you'll know what happened to Service With a Smile
Crampin' my style, ground by every gear in the System
Every year I could list 'em, all the things, I wouldn't miss 'em
and someday I'm gonna show those jerks
I'm all for throwin' a wrench in the works
Such a jerk at work, I could go berserk
but no one notices my nervous ticks & quirks
Don't wanna waste my life providing others' perks
but though it hurts to be a jerk
I'll shrug my load & shirk
I don't want to be a slave to Clockwork
A prison of measured time
every step getting nickled & dimed
Getting paid pennies on the dollar
wearing a striped leash & blue collar
Why they tolerate it's a mystery to me
I hate it, just repeating history to me
Living in misery without a second thought
just doin' what they know, what they were taught
It's your lot in life to wear those shirts
but though it hurts to be a jerk
I'll shrug my load & shirk...
Bustin' ass 'til it hurts just to break even
every minute, every day, just thinkin' about leaving
Keep on believing while they keep on deceiving
lying to yourself about the "rewards" you're receiving
'til you go off the deep end, it's a mystery to me
I hate it, just repeating history to me
Living in misery without a second thought
for so many rights you coulda fought
It's their lot in life to wear short skirts
but though it hurts to be a jerk
I'll shrug my load & shirk
I don't wanna be a slave to Clockwork
End Notes:
-circa 2002, revised 08/23/05
I didn't try my hand at songwriting until I was in college. Sadly, I have all the musical talent of a stump (Okay, I lied, the stump has more musical talent than me :( ), but when a friend of mine tried to start a band, I experimented with writing lyrics. Sadly, nothing ever came of it, as he was never able to get a solid crew together, but I still believe the experience helped me become a better writer. (For what it's worth, years later, he did get something off the ground. If you're ever in Washington state, keep an ear out for the Walking Talls. :) )
The first verse of this one started out as something I freestyled on my way to work a couple years before the rest of the song got built onto it, the rest was just a consequence of spending too many years in Service Sector Hell. :(
Pass It On by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
The Revolution is still on...
Here we are again, the next turn of the wheel
so how does it feel at the raw end of this deal?
The 7th Generation at the 11th Hour
Is there anyone left to fight the Power?
A hand to lend, something left to defend?
The Voice From the Back speaks up again
to question the answers, corrupting the youth
in the face of endless lies, I spit truth
Want proof? Look around you, it surrounds you
even after years of denial, it's found you
It was bound to, 'cause things are not what they seem
People gotta wake up from the American Dream
I could just scream, 'cause it's become a nightmare
There's no one left with the will to fight there
just let themselves go quietly into the night there
Any who might care, just try it, defy it
They say it's a riot, but I don't buy it
Won't be quiet, I'm down for the Unity
no diplomatic immunity, for you to see
opportunity is what's best for the community
In perpetuity, because united or divided
the fate of this world will be decided
by those of us who're still fighting it
Pass the flame to the next candle, lighting it
the light can only increase, won't be diminished
It's an endless task that's never finished
So many times, the outlines have been drawn
not over yet, the Revolution is still on
The place is here, the time is now, for revolution
to make a stand, no matter how, for resolution
Be part of the solution, not the problem
put our heads together & solve 'em
Spread the fire of learning & keep it burning
the freedom for which we're all yearning
Tables are turning, a reason to stand strong
Something's wrong, we knew it all along
it's a battle plan buried in a song
So take a chance before it's gone
Take some fire & pass it on
Alarms, a call to arms, a war declared
on the air, bombarding us with Subliminal Warfare
If you care, ask when speaking your mind became a crime?
Who says the Voice of Reason don't know how to rhyme?
I align myself with actions, not with factions
to combat Weapons of Mass Distraction
Search & destroy, trackin' down decoys
all the propganda, gimmicks & ploys
So where's the fire? The burning desire
to free ourselves from this Evil Empire?
To form an Alliance born of defiance
Reach out & break the Code of Silence
enforced by violence, calling all who represent
Droppin' science & history, past-to-present
All the players & the haters, critical commentators
to put aside their differences for later
Not mere spectators, be our own liberators
Investigators & reporters, witnesses the world over
to testify just like the wistleblowers
All the scholars & the ballers, the blue- & white-collars
the boycotters & militant pacifists to holler
With anarchists who resist with raised fists & shout
won't Cease & Desist without the unemployed, the burnouts
or anyone else who has the guts to turn out
Put the word out, we all have something at stake
'til everyone awakes, what will it take?
For the hour grows late, how long will we wait
to change our course from a preventable fate?
Don't hesitate, join hands & take a stand
rise up & join forces while we still can
The place is here, the time is now, for revolution
to make a stand, no matter how, for resolution
Be part of the solution, not the problem
put our heads together & solve 'em
Spread the fire of learning & keep it burning
the freedom for which we're all yearning
Tables are turning, a reason to stand strong
Something's wrong, we knew it all along
it's a battle plan buried in a song
So take a chance before it's gone
Take some fire & pass it on
Tell me...
Do you wanna have a choice? Wanna have a voice?
Wanna just be drowned out by all the white noise?
Do you wanna be maimed? Wanna be tamed?
For everything to just go on being the same?
Do you wanna be laid low for the status quo?
Without the answers, do you really wanna know?
Wanna be sedated? Wanna be medicated?
Just so that your life won't get "complicated"?
Wanna be sent to battle whenever sabers rattle?
Do you wanna just be herded like cattle?
Branded like sheep, fattened up on junk food?
To be bar-coded? Do you wanna be subdued?
Wanna be screwed over in the name of Order?
Just Business As Usual each fiscal quarter?
Do you wanna just complain? Wanna be restrained?
Just live in quiet desperation & pain?
Wanna buy the very chains that would bind you?
Just run 'til there's no place left they can't find you?
Do you wanna be betrayed? Wanna be afraid?
When you finally learn the price you've paid?
Wanna be too late? Wanna be the last? All by yourself?
All that's left when there is nobody else?
Or do you wanna be free? Want a brighter destiny?
Just to be? To take back your liberty?
If that New Day never came, we still fight just the same
This endless struggle for freedom is still game
From those who came before, take up the flame
Each line they draw, we'll cross it, make an investment deposit
to take the chance for tomorrow before we've lost it
because the best way to predict the future is to cause it
The place is here, the time is now, for revolution
to make a stand, no matter how, for resolution
Be part of the solution, not the problem
put our heads together & solve 'em
Spread the fire of learning & keep it burning
the freedom for which we're all yearning
Tables are turning, a reason to stand strong
Something's wrong, we knew it all along
it's a battle plan buried in a song
So take a chance before it's gone
Take some fire & pass it on
End Notes:
-circa 2003, revised 07/05/05
One September night, I fell asleep in the United States of America... I've spent more than a decade trying to figure out where the hell I woke up. :(
After all these years, on this grim anniversary, I can think of no more meaningful way to honor the dead than to bring back all of the freedoms they enjoyed in life for future generations.
No Way Out (The Empty Set) by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Monotonous Phenomenon
Abandon all hope, ye who can't cope
We're all trapped in a prison of our own design
Locked in a game we don't want to play
faced with a problem so hard to define
Real life's not what it seems, just bad dreams
I hear the screams inside of their minds
The Sleepers are shaken but can't awaken
the key's been taken, the one thing we can't find
We just play along, but we know something's wrong
we're trapped in a prison without walls
We just walk around, no answers to be found
just lines of locked doors in the halls
In a trance the world sleeps, dreaming empty dreams
a broken record, a repeat-looping tape
From the nightmare no one wakes, no matter what it takes
I've gotta wake up & make my escape
The mirrors that surround us & confound us
There's no escape— they're all around us
and I want out
Invisible walls that keep us boxed in
Trapped in this reality, we're locked in
There's no way out
Nowhere to run to (No way out!)
No shelter to turn to (No way out!)
Looking for the back door
but it's not there anymore
There's no way out
No way out!
No way out!
Breathing dead air, there's nothing out there
Never anything new, we've seen it all before
Living nowhere, existential nightmare
There are no mysteries left to explore anymore
Mindless repetition disease, but no one else sees
like they're all under some kind of spell
Whole world on your shoulders, it's like pushing a boulder
up a long hill for all eternity in Hell
Just stare at the screen, graveyard of creativity
living death of variety, of every category
Each time things must happen in the same order
There are no new ages, just the same old story
over & over & over & over & over
Lost in this place, paths criss-crossed in this place
Don't know how I even got into this place
but I want out
It's everywhere, no matter where I gaze
the whole world folds up into the maze
There's no way out
Nowhere to run to (No way out!)
No shelter to turn to (No way out!)
Looking for the back door
but it's not there anymore
There's no way out
No way out!
No way out!
I want to wake up from my life
this just can't be all there is
What's already been, all over again
all the possibilities I miss
Just dead silence, even violence
would be better than this
This is for everything everyone's afraid to say
I just can't let things be the same old way
Could we handle the truth of our history?
That we are surrounded by great mysteries
is known to all but the most ignorant
It has to be said, it's just too important
Miserable people, pretending euphoria
in a hollow, bankrupt theme-park plutopia
It's all gone to hell, man, get out while you can
If you stay, you will suffer like I am
Unnatural selection, warped evolution
It's the Empty Set— there's no solution
Can't get used to just dragging on & on
This life is a monotonous phenomenon
Where I ask myself every now & then:
"Are we in this episode again?"
Infinite possibilities die everyday
endless forks blocked for the same old way
It's always March, it's always Thursday
and you have no choice but to stay
Run around in Reality Squared
but you'll never go anywhere...
There's no way out!
No way out!
No way out!
No way out!
End Notes:
-circa 2000 - 03/21/03
This whole piece is a very personal expression of my own experience with Monotony.
Wrong Track by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
catching the Mystery Train
Standing on this empty platform
in echoing silence, I wait
All alone, waiting on the unknown
wondering why I still hesitate
Blank ticket, my mind fumbles
but can't remember how I got there
Staring out into dark tunnels
leading from nowhere to nowhere
No surprise, the light at the end
of the tunnel turns out to be a train
Still don't know where it's taking me
but I guess I can't complain
And you're on your way, destination unknown
someplace you can only go all on your own
All aboard the Mystery Train
but is it bound for something more
you hope to find where you've never been before?
All the passenger cars are empty
and the destinations don't connect
But this train runs thru every one
It makes the hair stand on my neck
Like in some disturbing dream
I know I'm not quite alone
I feel unseen eyes & half-seen
glimpses from the corners of my own
I can tell something's all wrong
although I'm not sure just how
All I know is that I don't belong
so I want off this ride right now
And you're on your way, destination unknown
someplace you can only go all on your own
All aboard the Mystery Train
but is it bound for something more
you hope to find where you've never been before?
Next stop: Nowhere
Get out of there
You're on the wrong track
End of the line
You're out of time
Now there's no going back
I jumped off at the next stop
for I just wasn't ready yet
to step out into the unknown
and face the dangers to be met
As I trudge back up the stairs
I don't remember walking down
my own footsteps & the echoes
down the tunnel such an eerie sound
But there will be a next time
I know but can't quite explain
Swear next time I'll be ready
when I board the Mystery Train
When you're on your way, destination unknown
someplace you can only go all on your own
All aboard the Mystery Train
but is it bound for something more
you hope to find where you've never been before?
And looking out into the darkness you descend
ever wonder if there's a light at the end?
Aboard the Mystery Train
trying to prove something you can't bring back
or did you just end up on the wrong track?
End Notes:
-circa 1999 - 12/04/02
Much like with "Ghost Towns" there were a couple lines that found their way into the Book of Hondo, but this piece didn't really come into its own until a couple years later, when I lived in Oregon. For me, at least, there were only two seasons: Rainy Season, and Allergy Season. Before I discovered Claritin had gone over-the-counter, '02 was the worst year for allergies in my life, as regular meds just weren't cutting it, and I eventually wound up with a massive sinus infection that summer. Much as I loved the Willamette Valley, the Valley just didn't love me back. :(
At the time, I was working as a factory temp drone in Springfield, doing 12-hour days, sometimes 6 days a week, and my room was upstairs, meaning that I slept in a sauna when I actually got to. My sinus infection eventually got so bad, I had to sleep propped up, because I would randomly stop breathing, and wake up coughing and sputtering. As you can imagine, that made falling back asleep a difficult proposition. :|
One of those times, I must've stayed flatlined longer than usual, as all I can remember is nothingness. A darkness darker than black. A silence so complete, my ears didn't even ring. A stillness so perfect, it was terrifying. The Void.
Time being rather subjective in states like that, I have no idea how long that lasted, though I doubt it could've been more than a minute or so, or I wouldn't be here writing this. Still, it haunted me for a long time, and the more I thought about it, the more I concluded that it was simply an interesting example of how subjective near-death experiences actually are. In the end, I guess it just means that, in my heart of hearts, I just don't expect much of an afterlife...
It was only later, after the Holiday Temp Season fizzled out, and I had all the time in the world for several months of unemployment, that I revisited "Wrong Track" and realized that, rather than some kid getting cold feet about running away (which never really fit my own life story anyway), it made a perfect framework for recounting the day that death scared me back to life.
Twilight by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Flashlight: "Submitted for your approval: the story of Darek Chambers, age 19. A young man who, tired of driving in circles, took off on the ultimate road trip in search of a little adventure. Little does he know that he is about to get more than he bargained for. For at the last turnoff, he made a wrong turn, driving off the map and onto the endless highway of the Twilight Zone..."
Asleep at the wheel, nothing looks quite real
beyond the road, and it starts to feel
as if you're driving right off the map
Drifting across lines to wake up with a snap
A foreboding shroud, the fog wrapped around
the hum of the engine the only sound
And around each bend, anything might lurk
in the nothingness beyond this murk
My eyes so weary, in & out dreams so eerie
driving the night thru fog so dreary
I must've made wrong turn out there
lost in the middle of nowhere
For thru the foggy late night air
was a small town so dusty & bare
Faded sign for this place with no name
not on the map, but here all the same
Should I go back the way I came?
I pondered on that midnight highway
as if I'd turned off on some forgotten byway
The road swallowed by the mists behind
a strange unease in the back of my mind
as I wondered what I would find...
Riding down the highway on such a dreary, foggy night
past the beams things aren't what they seem
Like there was nothing beyond my headlights
it can make you think that it's all a dream
On the road tonight, something doesn't feel right
an eerie site where nothing on my map should be
And it can only happen in twilight
where we see what we wanna see
In this chain of one-horse towns
it was just another link
so small, you'd miss it if you blink
You have lots of time to think
looking at unfamiliar stars
when you haven't seen any cars
Just blank storefronts & bars
eyelids so heavy I was hopin'
that someplace might still be open
The still-life scene I was scopin'
lining an eerie, empty street
No place to crash, even tho I'm beat
after hours, nowhere to stop & eat
Then my tire blew out right there
stuck in a ghost town without a spare
Just the garage was still open where
the mechanic didn't really care
he just got on it right away
Strange, but hey, what can I say?
the place was open this time of day
Though I wanted to be on my way
I went to find someplace to stay
Riding down the highway on such a dreary, foggy night
Trouble, and in my way, that faded road sign
looming out in the fog beyond my headlights
naming a town on my map I couldn't find
In this town tonight, something doesn't feel right
I tried the radio, but all I got was snow
And so I stepped out into the twilight
on a walk for somewhere to go
Outside, tried a payphone, no dialtone
Looked around this ghost town so quaint
Old buildings, dirt roads, peeling paint
and in my tired head, a voice so faint
whispering to me to turn back instead
For this place inspires a certain dread
it made me wonder if I was dead
or if it was all in my head
Then this girl came up to me & said
"You won't believe me, I fear
but the hour is drawing near
when the fog & this town disappear."
At first I couldn't believe my ears
but it sure explained the atmosphere
Somehow, knew I would be trapped here
Now I could see it all too well
haunted ground, you can just tell
any traveler's idea of hell
Time was running out, this was not a game
I had to go back the way I came
or else I'd be doomed to remain
in this place without a name
Even a walk couldn't dispel my sense that foggy night
that nothing in this town is what it seemed
Down the park, after dark, under this streetlight
a warning that this is not all just a dream
In this place tonight, something doesn't feel right
strange sounds out in the gloom
Half-seen shapes out in the twilight
and the feeling of impending doom
Back thru this living ghost town
we ran, hoping I wasn't too late
to avoid this surreal fate
almost out of time to make our escape
But the mechanic did all he could
trying to keep me here for good
left the tire to dig under the hood
Knock on wood, this place is a mirage
gotta get the hell outta Dodge
So I hotwired a pickup by the garage
I don't want to know, I thought
what would happen if we got caught
Could be any second but we were not
The fog was fading more & more
so I had to get back on course
to make it back where I was before
Check the rearview for chase in store
to see the fog was fading away
and behind me was nothing but
endless miles of moonlit highway...
Adrift on this lost highway on such a dreary, foggy night
beyond my headlights' beams, things aren't what they seem
Turned to find an empty seat on the passenger side
I wanted to say we made it, or it was just a dream
But the road tonight still doesn't feel right
trying to find my way back to where I came
Driving onward into the twilight
where reality's just not the same
Endless miles to keep track
Try to find your way back
from a place of sight & sound
Where reality comes unwound
It's where perception starts to bend
Where light & shadow blend
echoing past the vanishing point
of corridors that never end
What's just outside your flashlight's beams
It's the world of nightmares & dreams
And here it's mind over matter
Unlearn or else your mind will shatter
Another dimension, beyond reality
and nothing is ever what it seems to be
Where fact & fiction stand side-by-side
the borderlands, where worlds collide
So step out into the great unknown
to battle the Power on your own
in the Twilight Zone...
End Notes:
Flashlight: "Darek Chambers, age: 19. He headed out on the highway, looking for adventure, and whatever came his way. Now he follows an unknown road, reading unfamiliar signs and trying to find a path to where he was before. Unfortunately, all roads lead to the Twilight Zone..."
-circa 1999 - 03/08/04
This is my own take on the whole Town That Wasn't There tale.
Without a Trace by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
thinking of old times...
Dear Stranger,
It must seem odd to hear from me again
So tell me, friend, how have you been?
A lot's happened since last our paths crossed
too much to make up for all the time we've lost
I don't really know why I waited so long
or where the hell all the time has gone
But at last I've finally caught up with you
and I hope you still want to be friends too
These days, all of my old friends
are nowhere to be found
And sometimes I just wish the tape
of my life could be rewound
Where I've gone, where you've been
all your memories, gone with the wind
A flicker, around the corner half a face
A part of my life, gone without a trace
Tell me, old friend
Where have you been? Why can't we go back?
After all these years, it's so hard to keep track
Why do old friends always have to go away?
Over the years none of them get to stay
If things were the way they were back in the day
when we had all the time in the world to play
In this life, memories are all we really own
Just faded pictures when you're all alone
These days, all of my old friends
are nowhere to be found
And sometimes I just wish the tape
of my life could be rewound
Where I've gone, where you've been
all your memories, gone with the wind
A flicker, around the corner half a face
A part of my life, gone without a trace
I just can't stand it anymore
Gotta get moving, out the door
To me, it's worth fighting for
I know if I don't go & find
all the friends I left behind
I swear I will lose my mind
Because all of my old friends
are nowhere to be found
And sometimes I just wish the tape
of my life could be rewound
Perhaps some time we'll meet again
I'll always remember until then
Just a flicker, around the corner half a face
And a part of my life that's gone without a trace
End Notes:
-circa 1998 - 05/13/06
Even nowadays, I wonder, why can't the friends you grew up with also be the friends you grow old with? :(
FF (Fast Forward) by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
A memory of the future, a dream I want to live...
Digging my heels in the Sands of Time
Every step I take is an uphill climb
Sandblasted by memories, leaves me blind
from visions of everything I left behind
As time takes its toll on another lost soul
I say to myself, I'm just too young to feel so old
All I lost, but the memory still lingers
as the Sands of Time slip thru my fingers
I wanna pause the world & live between the seconds
My life doesn't even feel like my own, instead it...
Seems I'm always ahead of myself
and can't catch up with myself
Leaving myself behind every day
falling farther every step of the way
Watch the world zoom by on all sides
stand still too long & it all collides
I'm lookin' for a way to cheat the wheel
searching for moments of time I can steal
Racing against a clock I can never see
I wanna break the clock & set myself free
The present's still so far ahead of me
let alone the future, just don't give up on me
Treading water against the flow of time
upstream, against leaving it all behind
The world passed me by at the Speed of Life
learned the Winds of Change cut like a knife
So many roads not taken, until I can't decide
Somebody stop the world, I want off this ride
Gone so fast I've run into myself before
I wanna slow down, can't do this anymore
I wanna pause the world & live between the seconds
My life doesn't even feel like my own, instead it...
Seems I'm always ahead of myself
and can't catch up with myself
Leaving myself behind every day
falling farther every step of the way
Watch the world zoom by on all sides
stand still too long & it all collides
I'm lookin' for a way to cheat the wheel
searching for moments of time I can steal
Racing against a clock I can never see
I wanna break the clock & set myself free
The present's still so far ahead of me
let alone the future, just don't give up on me
Time was a face on the water when I was young
and everything used to always take so long
Back then, the clock's hands never seemed to move
but somewhere along the way, time slipped a groove
It's an uphill climb, making up for lost time
the method to my madness, the reason to my rhyme
Before haste made waste of all my days
all swept away by the Winds of Change
I still remember the future, the light as it fades
used to be so bright, I had to wear shades...
As time went by, I embraced the distance
watched the future recede out of my vision
Looking for more shortcuts before I die
can't stay up forever, but I can sure as hell try
Just I'm tired but wired & uninspired
Try to catch up before my time is expired
So sick & tired of being sick & tired
living in fast-forward, burning out my fire
A memory of the future, a dream I want to live
so I just keep on giving all that I can give
Seems I'm always ahead of myself
and can't catch up with myself
Leaving myself behind every day
falling farther every step of the way
Watch the world zoom by on all sides
stand still too long & it all collides
I'm lookin' for a way to cheat the wheel
searching for moments of time I can steal
Racing against a clock I can never see
I wanna break the clock & set myself free
The present's still so far ahead of me
let alone the future, just don't give up on me
End Notes:
-circa 2003 - 04/20/06
The trouble with the horizon is that it's always ahead of you... :(
I'll Be Staggerin' Drunk for Christmas by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
A country-fried ode to Holiday stress...
I'll be staggerin' drunk for Christmas
on the couch watching TV
Don't wanna be sober when I try
to put up that tree
I'll be staggerin' drunk for Christmas
so don't wait up for me
I'm off to the pub to pound a few
but I'll be home by 3
I'll be staggerin' drunk for Christmas
and so before I go
I'll have an egg-nog for the road
and hope it doesn't snow
I'll be staggerin' drunk for Christmas
even though I don't know why
If I'm not careful comin' home
I'll get a D U I
I'll be staggerin' drunk for Christmas
I'll be reelin' on my feet
I'll be a one-man Conga line
Don't tell me to take a seat
I'll be staggerin' drunk for Christmas
nose red as a reindeer's
Drink right thru the holidays
Won't be sober 'til New Year's
I'll be staggerin' drunk for Christmas
so just you wait & see
Lose my balance comin' in the door
That's how drunk I'll be
I'll be staggerin' drunk for Christmas
I don't know about you
But I'll be staggerin' drunk for Christmas
if it's the last thing that I doooo-woooo
(hic!)
200 words 200 words 200 words
End Notes:
-circa 2001 - 12/13/02
...and one of the most ironic things I've ever written, given that I don't even drink. (But after so many holiday seasons in the Service Sector, I have little trouble understanding why so many do... :| )
Seriously, though, folks, please drink and/or drive sensibly, and have a safe & happy holiday, everyone! :)
Last Time to Church by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
on change, and walking away...
The last time I went to church,
I understood, beyond all contradiction,
that I did not belong here.
I looked around and saw this was a place for
people who required permission
to do what they they think is right,
or an excuse to do what they know is wrong.
Here, at the intersection of tradition and conformity,
all intentions are twisted awry where they meet.
I could see I was growing into someone
who had my own reasons for living,
hopelessly alien to this place
where the Bronze Age still lingered,
groping for relevance in the Space Age.
Becoming more apparent all the time
that its dogmas hold no answers, then or now.
The past holds much to learn from,
but it is no place to live.
No more than its Language of Debt
offers any future for the living.
I walked away, one foot in front of the other,
seeking my own path...
200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words
End Notes:
-01/07/15
The last time I set foot in a church was sometime in the mid 90's, when I was still in high school. By that point, I had come to the realization that I didn't really believe any of the things I claimed to believe, and I simply couldn't play along anymore. Though admitting this to myself proved quite painless, the hardest part was breaking it to my mother, who was very devout, as the main reason I took so long to walk away was because I was more afraid of hurting her than I was was of offending any imaginary beings. In the end, she came to accept it, though I suspect, in her heart, she'll always secretly wish for my return, but at least she respects honesty, and wouldn't want me to just pretend.
Unfinished Business by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
on the treadmill of life...
My life is all unfinished business
days numbered down to the last minute
Always on my way, but never quite there
seems like I never get anywhere
Used to have so much time on my hands
now I'm buried under all these demands
Somehow, my work is never done
in a minute, but never in the long run
Always, I'm down to the last minute
My whole life is unfinished business
Goals & projects piled so high
so backed up, I'm not allowed to die
Running farther & farther behind
trying not to go out of my mind
So many invitations I've declined
too many promises & missed deadlines
Even though it's an uphill climb
I'm still making up for lost time
Yet no matter how far I've gone
always a new horizon to go beyond
My life is all unfinished business
days numbered down to the last minute
Always on my way, but never quite there
seems like I never get anywhere
Used to have so much time on my hands
now I'm buried under all these demands
Somehow, my work is never done
in a minute, but never in the long run
Always, I'm down to the last minute
My whole life is unfinished business
When you're young, time slows & lingers
but then it slips right thru your fingers
No matter how long I linger on it
I just can't quite put my finger on it
I just look at my calendar & groan
even my days off aren't really my own
I know a holding pattern when I see one
happen to be one, my whole life is a rerun
Because no matter how far I get
there's someplace I haven't got to yet
My life is all unfinished business
days numbered down to the last minute
Always on my way, but never quite there
seems like I never get anywhere
Used to have so much time on my hands
now I'm buried under all these demands
Somehow, my work is never done
in a minute, but never in the long run
Always, I'm down to the last minute
My whole life is unfinished business
Forever jumpin' thru the hoops
it's not that I don't care
Always the last to know anything
after all, I just live there
The time you waste can't be replaced
so tired of running the human race
when I just want to live at my own pace
Sometimes it's like I'm being chased
out of every place as it's erased
Fading memories, without a trace
24 hours a day are just not enough
to live my life, never catching up
No matter how far or fast I run
somehow my day is never done
My life is all unfinished business
days numbered down to the last minute
Always on my way, but never quite there
seems like I never get anywhere
Used to have so much time on my hands
now I'm buried under all these demands
When your life's reduced to a grid
trying to figure out just what you did
Looking back on all the things I miss
I wonder if I can go on like this
Always, I'm down to the last minute
My whole life is unfinished business
End Notes:
-circa 1998 - 09/15/05
This one underwent a massive overhaul from the original, especially compared to a lot of the others I reworked back then, and even after all these years, I still see it as a great improvement, much more clearly conveying my feeling of my own life leaving me behind, which has only increased as the years march on.
And That is the Truth by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
2015 Tribute Version
The journey is the destination, and that is the truth.
Actions speak louder than words, and that is the truth.
Freedom is the right of all sentient beings, and that is the truth.
Pursuing your dreams is difficult, but fulfilling, and that is the truth.
Those who have abandoned their own dreams have no purpose in life
but to try to crush other peoples', and that is the truth.
To obtain something, one must give something of equal value...
and that is the law of Equivalent Exchange.
You can't help who you love, and that is the truth.
To be with those you love can be painful at times,
but to be away from them is even more painful, and that is the truth.
Even the deepest scars can be healed, with enough time and love, and that is the truth.
Friendship may not always be easy, but it is worth fighting for, and that is the truth.
A person's true strength emerges protecting that is precious to them, dattebayo.
War... war never changes, and that is the truth.
This world is corrupt, and that is the truth.
Sometimes this world leaves you in despair, and that is the truth.
To be dead is to have neither a past nor a future, and that is the truth.
Warriors should be known by their enemies, and that is the truth.
For the sword that protects, defeat is not an option, and that is the truth, that it is.
No one can save everyone, but one can always strive to protect
what is in front of them, and that is the truth.
A true student of life can turn any ordeal into training, and that is the truth.
There are no shortcuts; to reach a new level takes hard work and guts, and that is the truth.
True strength comes from a need, not a desire, and that is the truth.
Knowing is half the battle, and that is the truth.
Your past is always waiting three steps ahead of you, and that is the truth.
You can make all the excuses you want,
but at at some point you decided how to live your life, and that is the truth.
To bring out that which is best in you,
is to overcome that which is most base, and that is the truth.
The one thing you choose yourself, that is the truth of your universe.
Everything this one learned about life,
was learned from watching too much anime, and that is the truth.
End Notes:
-circa 2004, revised February, 2015
The last year or so, I've been involved in an extensive project, sorting and archiving all of my old notes, and sometimes I stumble across things like this, which I had genuinely forgotten I'd even written. Many year ago, the Green Mile (a forum I'm a long-time member of) got the idea to do a tribute to a poem from Stephen King's Dark Tower series, which is why this refrain of "and that is the truth" might sound a little familiar to some folks. I decided to theme mine "Everything I Know About Life, I Learned From Anime" and just went with it from there. Not all of these are anime references, per se, but it was where the original inspiration for this tribute came from.
Free-Market (S)creed by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
TABLE OF (DIS)CONTENTS:
0 - Pre(r)amble
I - Articles of Conglomeration
II - Incarceration Proclamation
III - G7 Summit Address
IV - We Have a Scheme
V - America the Pitiful
PRE(R)AMBLE:
We the (Chair)People of the Conglomerate States,
in Order to form a more perfect System,
establish Control, insure domestic Conformity,
provide for Infrastructural Security,
promote Corporate Welfare,
and secure the Benefits of Lobbying to ourselves and our Successors,
do ordain and enforce Multinational Trade Agreements.
I
We hold these Talking Points to be non-negotiable,
that all Labor is born dirt cheap,
imposed by the Market with variable values,
with self-entitlement to others' Livelihoods,
the Taking of Liberties, and the Pursuit of Profit.
That to secure these Powers, Funds shall be raised,
deriving their Authority from the Highest Bidder,
with all Matters of importance decided for them,
that the silence of the Governed shall be the System's Consent.
II
From henceforth, wage-slavery and involuntary servitude,
for which no crime one need be convicted,
shall be expanded to include all the States,
assigned a Poverty wage, and be extended to Everyone.
The Government shall have Power to enforce
all Labor contracts by Fast-Track legislation.
Excessive Bail may be required,
draconian Fines imposed,
and Cruel and Unusual Punishments at a Judge's discretion.
Prisons shall be constructed and filled as needed.
III
Four score and seven Fiscal Seasons ago our Founders brought forth
on this planet a new System, conceived in slavery,
and dedicated to the proposition that all Tender be created Legal.
Now we are engaged in great Social Protest,
testing whether that System,
or any System so conceived, can remain secured.
The world will not record, nor criticize what we say here,
but stay Bought and Paid-For behind closed doors,
for Life is a disposable commodity.
That this System, under Debt, shall have a new birth of Bondage—
buried under a mountain of waste and death—
That this System imposed by the Privileged,
of the Privileged, and for the Privileged,
shall not be reformed for the Common Good of the rest,
one System, under surveillance invisible,
with austerity and injustice for all.
IV
We Have a Scheme:
That all Worker Drones will sit down,
watch and listen to what they are told,
to be the (un)living Embodiment of our (s)creed.
We Have a Scheme:
That someday in our cities, the Ruling Class
and the Servant Class shall never see each other
face-to-face, except when called upon.
We Have a Scheme:
That the blighted and impoverished ghettoes
shall be Gentrified and Developed,
the Huddled Masses cast out for an oasis of Affluence.
We Have a Scheme:
That your children be conditioned to a System
where they are judged solely by the content of their wallets,
and the Brands they choose to spend it on.
We Have a Scheme:
That all the Little People shall squabble amongst themselves,
divided by Skin Color, Culture Clash and Theatrical Politics,
so that the System itself shall remain ever Unassailable.
We Have a Scheme.
V
O pitiful for smoggy skies,
for waves of Roundup grain,
for burning mountains fracking deeds
above the drought-parched plain!
Plutopia! Plutopia! What price we paid for thee,
to drown the screw'd in servitude,
from sea to dying sea...
End Notes:
-06/29 - 07/03/15
The tired thoughts of a tired mind. Whistle while you work, right? :(
What Holiday? by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
A question I keep asking myself, year after year...
Thanksgiving?
I ate a piece of pie and rushed off to check out
people who didn't have enough things to be thankful for yet.
Christmas Eve?
I scanned and bagged everyone else's Christmas presents,
while my family and friends open theirs in another time zone.
New Years?
I'll ring in the new year on a cash register,
and be back to coddle your hangovers in the morning.
Valentines Day?
I catered everyone else's date,
wondering when love became so expensive.
Presidents Day?
I will exchange Dead Presidents
for the luxuries and necessities of the living.
St Patrick's Day?
I made sure to wear green,
so as not to be pinched by random customers.
Easter Sunday?
I will listen to parents and children who are as confused
about the Spring Equinox as all the religions that appropriated it.
Cinco de Mayo?
I will watch Mexicans celebrate the independence of a country
many of them live in virtual exile from as refugees.
Independence Day?
I will hand out hamburgers to everyone who couldn't find a BBQ to attend,
while missing out on the one I was invited to.
Labor Day?
Surprise, surprise, I will spend this Bankers Holiday...
Laboring, what else?
Halloween?
I'll spend that final week listening to people bicker about costumes,
with noplace to go, even if I bothered to get one of my own.
But at least on Veteran's Day
I can be proud to serve
those who already have.
So at the end of each year, we find ourselves asking...
What holiday?
End Notes:
-12/14/15
My holidays are as lame as they are epic. :|
I've spent Hearthswarming in Thedas, gone deathclaw hunting in a nuclear winter wonderland, dragon hunting in scenic Skyrim, and even spent one very bipolar holiday in the Shivering Isles. :P Yet this year, it looked like I wasn't going to find any new destinations, as I won't be able to get my hands on Fallout 4 for a long time yet to come. :( But after getting this off my chest, I think I can finally take a creepy woodland holiday in the Sixth Dimension. I'll be sure to tell everyone all about it, after I'm finished writing Tradewinds 20. ;)
These Are the Days by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
The place is here, the time is now...
These are the days...
It's not that life's so short
it's that you're dead for so long
The time you think you can afford
you'll find out that you're dead wrong
The world remains in motion
even when you're standing still
So be careful of the notion
that you've got time to kill
These are the days
The future still looms, the past always lingers
Don't let the present slip thru your fingers
or get tangled in delays
But always be living in the moment
No regrets, another chance you won't get
to come back these ways
Some seeds you sow take years to grow
and some outcomes you may never know
These are the days
These are the days...
And it's so easy to lose track
both in leisure and in haste
But you'll never get it back
so don't let it go to waste
Don't just wait your life away
Time passes faster than it seems
Don't wait until you're old & grey
to start living your dreams
These are the days
The future still looms, the past always lingers
Don't let the present slip thru your fingers
or get tangled in delays
But always be living in the moment
No regrets, another chance you won't get
to come back these ways
Some seeds you sow take years to grow
and some outcomes you may never know
These are the days
These are the days, my friend
Someday they're gonna end
So take your chance, living for today
Go walk the path you choose
Fight, even if you lose
Now is the time, this is the place
These are the days
These are the days
The future still looms, the past always lingers
Don't let the present slip thru your fingers
or get tangled in delays
But always be living in the moment
No regrets, another chance you won't get
to come back these ways
Some seeds you sow take years to grow
and some outcomes you may never know
These are the days
End Notes:
-circa 2006
Funny, I meant to put this up days ago (ironic, too, given the subject matter... :P ) as it just seemed a very appropriate note to begin a new year on. Originally inspired by a line of bathroom graffiti, that reminded me of an old folk song. Props to anyone who got the Easter Egg I left in the bridge. ;)
The Quest by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Don't know what I'm looking for, but I'll know when I find it...
On the path seldom taken, I'm making my way
and so I never know where I'll be from day to day
Went out & explored because I'm always bored
Too long in the same place, couldn't take it anymore
A mystical journey down the road beyond my door
Even though I don’t know what I'm looking for
I'll know when I find it
(chorus)
I shrugged my load & hit the road
I'm on a quest & everyone's invited
to tag along on their own search
Just let your mind's eye guide it
I'm looking behind every closed door
Can't explain, just be open-minded
Don't know what I'm looking for
but I'll know when I find it
Talked to the guru & he told me what to do
to get out of my life & try something new
Thought it thru, now I've made my decision
I have a new vision, I'm a man on a mission
to go out & do something different today
Thoughts linking, try thinking in a whole new way
to see the world as I never have before
and pay attention to things I used to ignore
Tired of strife, from life I want something more
Even though I don't know what I'm looking for
I'll know when I find it
(chorus)
I shrugged my load & hit the road
I'm on a quest & everyone's invited
to tag along on their own search
Just let your mind's eye guide it
I'm looking behind every closed door
Can't explain, just be open-minded
Don't know what I'm looking for
but I'll know when I find it
I set out on a quest to bring out the best in me
for the rest to see, when I fulfil my destiny
Testing me, some tell me I won't have enough time
but still I keep searching for a reason to my rhyme
and some will say I don't have enough money
I just ignore their looks, no matter how funny
The wrong friends, the wrong way, I'll never get there
Still I'll do it my own way, what do I care?
The greatest treasures in life are well-hidden
the greatest pleasures in life freely given
To test whether your light burns from within
know yourself, a measure to guide how you're livin'
(chorus)
I shrugged my load & hit the road
I'm on a quest & everyone's invited
to tag along on their own search
Just let your mind's eye guide it
I'm looking behind every closed door
Can't explain, just be open-minded
Don't know what I'm looking for
but I'll know when I find it
End Notes:
-circa 1999 - 03/31/04
Perhaps I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I've always tried to see life as an adventure, and often had to contend with the disappointment of a system that doesn't want to cooperate. But for what it's worth, I still walk my own path, and take every chance I can get off the rails, to see what there is to see. Still don't know what I'm looking for, but somehow I still know I'll be able to tell when I find it. :P
Author's Notes:
'Til All are One, may the Force be with you...
Take the skeleton key, from out of the past
down the rabbit hole & thru the looking glass
Over the rainbow & thru the woods, a hidden door
to boldly go where no one's gone before
Up the downstair, down the hall & around the bend
past the Dreamlands, where the sidewalk ends
Where the ocean meets the sky, set your sights
upon the second star to the right
and straight on 'til the morning light
Places that are bigger on the inside
There & Back Again to the Future
The warp zone, to Choose Your Own Adventure
To explore whatever fate has in store
seeking swords & armor great heroes wore
artifacts from ancient lore & more
to make friendships worth fighting for
Along the way to save the day
in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...
What time is it?
Adventure Time!
As worlds collide
when the stars align
Other worlds than these
and One Ring to rule them all
Train hard to level up
and answer the call
In the Twilight Zone, don't panic
just insert coins to continue
'Til all are One
may the Force by with you
Transform & roll out on the Path of the Beam
Walk the endless Spiral Path to live your dream
in the circle of life, to find a better way
Stop by the shop that wasn't there yesterday
and the Bazaar of the Bizarre for new gear
on your way beyond the Final Frontier
Put to the test in a journey to the west
to take from the rich & give back to the rest
if there's any justice left in this world at all
where they control the horizontal & the vertical
To fight for the User in Shadow War struggles
when the world's been pulled over the eyes of muggles
Find your Will of Fire to light the darkest hour
For with great Courage, Wisdom & Power
always come great responsibility
to fight the good fight, with the sign of the Z
Just don't forget where your towel is
in the Bat Cave, where your cape & cowl is
for this conflict that rages throughout the ages
Because war... war never changes
What time is it?
Adventure Time!
As worlds collide
when the stars align
Other worlds than these
and One Ring to rule them all
Train hard to level up
and answer the call
In the Twilight Zone, don't panic
just insert coins to continue
'Til all are One
may the Force by with you
Here Comes a New Challenger!...
It's One Riot, One Ranger
for the Mysterious Stranger
who laughs in the face of danger
No matter how troublesome
who's all out of bubblegum
So power up & come get some!
Foundations will be shaken
when the Sleeper awakens
So once again, the day is saved
by those who gave & stood brave
What time is it?
Adventure Time!
As worlds collide
when the stars align
Other worlds than these
and One Ring to rule them all
Train hard to level up
and answer the call
And once again, the day is saved
For all that everyone's been thru
Remember, you're never alone
Somewhere, someone's fighting for you
In the Twilight Zone, don't panic
just insert coins to continue
'Til all are One
may the Force by with you...
End Notes:
-12/29/15 - 03/14/16
This has got to be the straight-up nerdiest thing I've ever written. The chorus originally popped into my head while waiting in the theater lobby to see The Force Awakens, and the rest of it just kept piecing itself together at random over the last couple months, just weaving together all of the stuff that's inspired me over the years.
The Story of Jesus by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
...but not the one you're thinking of. ;)
Jesús was born in the countryside of Guerrero, Mexico,
to MarÃa and José, a carpenter of simple means.
When José's ailing business could no longer afford to pay protection money,
local cartel thugs killed them, and burned down their home to make an example out of them.
After witnessing the murder of his parents, Jesús fled north,
with rumors of the cartel wanting him silenced hounding him every step of the way.
Jesús gambled his meager pocket-money, and his life,
on a treacherous desert crossing, for even without the corrupt guards on his own side of the border,
who wouldn't hesitate to sell him out for cartel bribes, he would still be unwelcome beyond.
Once across, he found he spoke no English, instead scraping out a living
doing work the gringos turned their noses up at,
and did it for dirt-floor, boiled-potato wages.
Jesús was walking down the street one day, when he was stopped by police without explanation,
arrested on dubious misdemeanor charges, held without bail,
and deported back to Guerrero in the back of a truck.
Three days after his return, Jesús was killed in a drive-by shooting,
by the very gang he sought to escape from in the Land of Opportunity.
Jesús died for Free Trade.
Jesús died for our War On Drugs.
Jesús died for dirt-cheap labor.
Jesús died for racial profiling.
Jesús died for immigration politics.
Jesús died for our sins, and he's not coming back.
End Notes:
-03/24-7/16
This one kinda came out of nowhere, one evening at work, when my eyes lit upon the usual Easter-time magazine faire, the title "The Story of Jesus" and I simply decided to tell a more contemporary, and dare I say, much more relevant tale, than stale, rehashed mythology.
(BTW, Tradewinds 20 is currently ~44% complete...)
Just Once... by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
I'd like to see...
Remember how, in those old Publishers Clearing House commercials,
the Prize Patrol would always pass through some upper-class neighborhood,
and walk up to a well-manicured lawn,
past a car that cost six figures,
to the front door of a mansion,
just to give some elderly gentry another million dollars?
Just once, I'd like to watch their TV crew
walk through some trailer park,
up an old dirt road driveway,
past a car held together with duct tape and bailing twine
to give a million dollars to a single mother
who subscribed just for reading materials for two kids.
200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words
End Notes:
-09/22/03
Just a little something I stumbled across, sorting my old notes from yesteryear. Found it still resonates with me, even after all these years...
...Oh, and Tradewinds 20 is now ~56% complete.
Unfortunate Son by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Trying to imagine Memorial Day from six feet under...
That's me: Red-Shirt Cadet C
transferred from Company B
killed in Season 3 by an IED
fighting an enemy I couldn't see
And shipped home in secrecy
in a flag-draped box
not even shown on Fox
for fear of dropping stocks
and shocks back home, for show
Because the oil must flow
while at home, the winds blow
Band of bros, Gung-Ho, GI Joe
all fired-up and ready to go
Just didn't know what I got myself into
though, no words for what we've been thru
for those who've only ever seen
Gulf War II on a TV screen
Debating what our sacrifices mean
like war is all just entertainment
Operation Enduring Military Operations
Detour of Duty, flip-flopping explanations
every week for invading other nations
for Military-Industrial & oil corporations
Led by the Fortunate Son Administration
cowardly old men who didn't have to fight
sending other people's kids to fight
someone else's kids other cowardly old men hide behind
Fighting blind, our only armor hand-crafted
by other grunts who were Poverty Drafted
and laughed at by the war profiteers
clinking glasses of wine, saying "Cheers!"
Raising a toast to Four More Years
of media fears & Hollywood recruitment
substitutes for economic improvement
But no matter who you knew went, make no mistake:
We put ourselves in harm's way for others' sake
End Notes:
-circa May 2006
Just a little something I dug up out of my notes, just barely in time for Memorial Day. Something I wrote while thinking about old friends and classmates of mine who served in one branch or another of the military, trying not to imagine what it would be like to die out there, what would be going through my mind. I count myself fortunate, that everyone I know made it back in one piece. These are dark days for those who serve; a perpetual war machine, with neither endgame, nor exit strategy, and a thousand conspiracy theories about what they're actually even accomplishing out there. Know that we stand behind you, and we're doing everything in power (what little We The People have left) to do something about the Management, that the freedom you defend might still be waiting for you back home.
Dedicated to every soldier who ever laid down their lives on behalf of others, and to all mothers, the loser of every war ever fought.
Get Real by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
A different take on words most of us have all heard before...
All the world's a stage, but this play is poorly cast
travesty of a tragedy, each more scripted than the last
Everywhere I go, I see nothing but the masks
that everybody always wears, no questions asked
Just going thru the motions, all standing in line
The show must go on, act like everything's just fine
Are we all that afraid to show our real faces?
Talking to each other in empty, hollow phrases
Phony social graces won't let us communicate
To our own feelings we can no longer relate
Just look-alike, sound-alike clones on parade
Tell me, aren't you tired of this charade?
The world always feels so unreal
no way to say just how I feel
No words for it— what's the deal?
Read between the lines of flat projection
and take back your 3rd dimension
Don't be told what to dream— Get real
You live just like a puppet, just obey the script
Your identity's been stolen, your soul's been ripped
and burned & sold back to you remixed
Bought it with a smile, you've all been tricked
Reduced to a living parody of yourself
so worried about the talk of everyone else
Trying to be different by all acting alike
thinking another mask will fix your life
But you're just living out a stereotype
believing all the lies, believing all the hype
Your perception's been hijacked, desensitized
Maybe one day you'll wake up & realize
that life has no meaning but what you give it
Your reality is all in the way you live it
If you're sick of this shit, then get with it
Get real, and break thru beyond their limits
The world always feels so unreal
no way to say just how I feel
No words for it— what's the deal?
Read between the lines of flat projection
and take back your 3rd dimension
Don't be told what to dream— Get real
Just living an illusion
lost in the confusion
No matter what you do
don't let them see the real you
Even though it's all up to you
never do what you want to
Come on, why can't you see
that's just no way to be?
I already know how it feels not to feel
I don't want to anymore— so let's get real
The world always feels so unreal
no way to say just how I feel
No words for it— what's the deal?
Read between the lines of flat projection
and take back your 3rd dimension
Don't be told what to dream— Get real
End Notes:
-1999 - revised 09/20/03
For what it's worth, I've always had mixed feelings about this one. While I agree wholeheartedly with what my younger self was trying to say, I'll also admit it ends up sounding somewhat preachy, no matter what I do with it. :|
Give 'em Hell! by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
take a stand
If you've seen this all before
Give 'em hell!
If you already know the score
Give 'em hell!
If you've been shaken to the core
Pick yourself up off the floor
get back up & stand once more
where others fell
Some things you just can't ignore
Kick down the door & give 'em what-for
if you can't watch this anymore
Give 'em hell!
Stand true, no matter the cost
Give 'em hell!
Ain't about who won or lost
Give 'em hell!
It's about if you stand up or not
Find yourself put on the spot
even if you don't feel so hot
kick & scream & yell
Some battles just have to be fought
Ready or not, show 'em what ya got
Go on & give it your best shot
Give 'em hell!
If they won't let you have your say
Give 'em hell!
But they still want you to pay
Give 'em hell!
Let 'em know you're here to stay
Hell to pay, come what may
If that's how they wanna play
you may as well
Just let 'em know it's not OK
Don't just let them have their way
not with you, not today
Give 'em hell!
If they won't let you have your share
Give 'em hell!
Or they say you don't belong there
Give 'em hell!
Say you're not going anywhere
Just 'cause life ain't fair
never give in to despair
Break the spell
When it seems more than you can bear
speak up if you care, resist if you dare
with your fist in the air
Give 'em hell!
If you live your life with pride
Give 'em hell!
Walk down a path that you decide
Give 'em hell!
Your fighting spirit never died
Standing tall, nothing to hide
Give it all, don't just say you tried
Never can tell
Won't let 'em take you for a ride
after all that you've survived
Keep on fighting 'til you're satisfied
Give 'em hell!
Still fighting on your own side
Tyranny defied, you won't be denied
at the turning of the tide
Give 'em hell!
Give 'em hell!
Give 'em hell!
Give 'em hell!
End Notes:
-Summer 2012, revised April 2017
Something that popped into my head that summer, and just kept growing. 2017 (for, uh, some reason ;) ) seems to be shaping up to be a banner year for protest songs. Perhaps even a *Bruce* Banner year for them, before it's done. =P
Tradewinds by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
a theme song? =P
All aboard, destination unknown
Set sail, wherever we may roam
To ride the tide, forever we run
west of the moon & east of the sun
Come hell or high water, we won't falter
just hold together, to keep going farther
On an endless voyage from realm to realm
to take the wheel, live life at the helm
won't ever let life pass us by
That place where the ocean meets the sky
where just about anything seems possible
We'll prove that no sea is uncrossable
Setting sun, when the day is done
for time & tide wait for no one
Living a life of exploration
the journey is the destination
More out there than you can see
as ready as we'll ever be
And the sky is the limit
that's how live we live it
So look to the horizon
life is more than just survivin'
Wherever the winds may take me
know that is where I'll be
All ashore, who's going ashore
while we embark to go explore
Break out of the doldrums, a life of boredom
and live out your dreams, set out toward them
In the company of friends, the journey never ends
to see just how far this horizon extends
Compass spinning, for some waters are haunted
just keep calm & carry on undaunted
And even if you get blown off-course
and shipwrecked, to weather life's storms
Something you learn over the years
fools plan, a wise captain steers
Setting sun, when the day is done
for time & tide wait for no one
Living a life of exploration
the journey is the destination
More out there than you can see
as ready as we'll ever be
And the sky is the limit
that's how live we live it
So look to the horizon
life is more than just survivin'
Wherever the winds may take me
know that is where I'll be
Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning
Red sky at night, sailor's delight
And "X" marks the spot, so give it all you've got
True love or treasure, new friends or adventure
It's all there to find, just leave the past behind
The possibilities that lie where the ocean meets the sky...
Setting sun, when the day is done
for time & tide wait for no one
Living a life of exploration
the journey is the destination
More out there than you can see
as ready as we'll ever be
And the sky is the limit
that's how live we live it
So look to the horizon
life is more than just survivin'
Wherever the winds may take me
know that is where I'll be
End Notes:
-1998, rewritten 01/28/07, revised 09/25/16
What can I say? The boundless optimism of youth is a funny thing. Back in the 90's, when I was writing the original version of Tradewinds (the series), I had grand visions of the story getting adapted to film or animation, and even got distracted for a time from actually writing the story to make up a theme song. =P Like a lot of things in my life back then, it amounted to a train of carriages lined up in front of an area reserved for horses I hadn't even rounded up yet. For what it's worth, my optimism was far greater than my skills, and the original version of this sounded like some kid whining about being stuck in a one-horse town (which, to be fair, I kinda was...), juxtaposed with a bunch of pretentious prattling about places I'd never been, and things I'd never done. After spending years rewriting the series from scratch, having gotten all the way to Tradewinds 11, I came back across this, and realized that I had a much better sense of what my story was actually about. Funny, how that works. Now that I'm on the verge of a whole new phase of the series, it seemed like a good time to break this back out. :)
I Want My Country Back by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
One September night, I fell asleep in the United States of America, and I've spent many years trying to figure out where the hell I woke up... :(
I fell fast asleep one September night
in the United States, but since the dawn's early light
I've spent so many long years, choked-up
trying to figure out where the hell I woke up
Whether the world really changed, no one can agree
after the day that we all forgot how to be free
A most Unpatriotic Act to exploit people's fear
railroaded to get Manufactured War back in gear
For all the world to see, our National Insecurity
became a show of international immaturity
The Poverty Draft hijacked the Few & the Proud
while turning the flag into a burial shroud
And the rocket's red glare, drones cutting thru the air
dashed hopes day & night that their towns would be spared
Silence answered their prayers as the uranium dust settles
sowing dragon's teeth for the next generation's battles
"Mission Accomplished" said the Chickenhawk Administration
A pre-emptive strike, the next chapter of Low Expectations
No rule of law, just Shock & Awe
Total Information Awareness for all
Perilous, anything but hilarious
scheming nefarious, no Age of Aquarius
This is the New American Century
Pax Americana, more Manifest Destiny
Enron, Halliburton & no-bid contracts
Blackwater slam-dunk, cash "bricks" in Iraq
Too many scandals to keep track
but I just want my country back
(chorus)
I want my country back
Return to the Land of the Free
Get the Great Experiment back on track
and restore justice & liberty
It's time we faced the facts
our Republic's been hijacked
All our freedoms under attack
that's reason enough to act
I want my country back
Is this still the Home of the Brave?
As all of our foundations crack
is there anything left to save?
Don't let Red, White & Blue fade to black
I want my country back
No change of horse, gotta Stay the Course
and keep going the wrong way, of course
with yet another display of force
To stay divorced from facts, armchair soldiers
keep crossing borders & "turning corners"
around the same block of funeral mourners
Just following orders, each week, a new excuse for why
our kids will stay in harm's way 'til the oil runs dry
Just mindless flag-waving while they stole our savings
enslaving others people's children to feed our cravings
Rantings & ravings, we gave an inch, they took a mile
Gathering "intelligence" files, with Cheshire Cat smiles
to prosecute others for crimes they should stand trial
and so United We Sit, one nation in denial
All the while, Faith-Based Voting & scads of loose chads
let all the voting public know they've been had
A tale of betrayal, of failsafes that failed
Too Big to Fail, but not too big to Bail
For want of a nail, took us all hostage for a trillion bucks
So if all our lives are really worth that much
perhaps it's time we all started living like it
and claim your slice, no matter how small the pie gets
Amoral amortization of our lives for labor
years slaving away for worthless scraps of paper
Yes We Can, sabotage infrastructure beyond belief
from the power grid & rural lines to disaster relief
We remain Occupied, both at home & abroad
Housing bubbles, banking & college loan fraud
Poverty & pollution's all they give back
More oil to drill & water tables to frack
Our prosperity keeps getting looted & sacked
but I just want my country back
(chorus)
I want my country back
to return to the Land of the Free
The Great Experiment back on track
and restore justice & liberty
It's time we faced the facts
our Republic's been hijacked
All our freedoms under attack
that's reason enough to act
I want my country back
Is this still the Home of the Brave?
As all of our foundations crack
is there anything left to save?
Don't let Red, White & Blue fade to black
I want my country back
Stop pretending there'll be a happy ending
until there's nothing left worth defending
The future's being decided here & now
Become the example, showing the world how
With liberty & justice for all
opportunity & prosperity, not Great Walls
Put the lamp back by the Golden Door
and see human progress restored
Make a stand for the this land
against those who had a hand
Together band we can demand
this corruption will not stand...
Make America Late Againâ„¢, falling behind the times
of the 21st Century's ever-shifting paradigms
The American Dreamâ„¢ reduced to an infomercial
living a montage that's nothing but a dress rehearsal
Climate on the brink of hotter, don't drink the water
just liquid bread & circuses, brought to you by these sponsors
Lobbyists buying legislation & vexatious litigation
Industry Capture, secret laws & Shadow Regulation
Capitulation, every henhouse "guarded" by a Fox
Left in the cold, so bury your heart at Standing Rock
While Wall $treet moochers sold out our futures
with police armed & armored like stormtroopers
Catch-22 surveillance laws that make no sense
Since when was jaywalking a capital offense?
Hands up! Don't shoot! Can't breathe! Stay Woke!
When only Blue Lives Matter, police stops are no joke
Week after week, their dirty secrets sprung a leak
just a squeak, when you're afraid to speak
Freedom's pulse grows weak, no time for waiting
on Chief Executive Orders, just stunts for ratings
For the world's most plutocratic populist
Tell us, can no one put a stop to this?
Can we become our own heroes & save the day
to make truth & justice the American Way
Career politicians & hacks, cronies & quacks
They won't be stopped by "evidence" or facts
No matter how deep the deck is stacked
we're going to take our country back
(everybody)
We want our country back
to return to the Land of the Free
The Great Experiment back on track
to restore justice & liberty
It's time they faced the facts
The Republic they've hijacked
We have reason enough to act
We just need a plan of attack
We want our country back
This is still the Home of the Brave
Even if the foundations crack
There's still something left to save
Sold out our future in this present past
We want our future back
Human progress going nowhere fast
We want our country back
And we'll keep on fighting
No matter how deep the deck is stacked
Too many wrongs still need righting
We're taking this country back
Won't let Red, White & Blue fade to black
We want our country back
End Notes:
-2003 - Spring, 2017
That Monkey Is Not Your Friend by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
Thank you for smoking. :/
The monkey was never cool, and neither were you,
just imitating a spokesmascot for a social mirage.
You listened to his song and dance,
and now he dances on your back all day,
your life shortening to the time between fixes.
Of course, these days,
that monkey no longer pretends to be your friend.
You're old enough to know better,
but still act like you're too young to care.
Even as the monkey's dance ages you beyond your years.
Will you let that monkey ride you into an oxygen mask?
The monkey won't be the one struggling to stay alive
from one breath to the next.
The monkey will still be there,
having lost any hint of innocence.
The monkey will still be there, laughing.
Banging cymbals no one else can hear
to celebrate as you draw your last, ragged breath.
To seal the deal as you're buried in an ashtray.
200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words 200 words
End Notes:
-12/07/2016, revised 08/08/2017
Brought to you by Big Tobacco, buying the rest of your life from you, one pack at a time. :(
Dedicated to my grandmother. I spent my childhood watching her die a slow lingering death from emphysema, from the same pack-a-day smoking that turned my grandfather's voice to gravel. Even my earliest memories of her, she was already frail and sickly, and by the time I was in the fourth grade, it had already reduced her to a decrepit monkey skeleton in an oxygen mask. She was a kind, yet sad, woman, already understanding that she wouldn't live to see any of her grandchildren graduate, or get married, or embark on any of life's other paths.
Sadly, a quarter century later, Hollywood still stinks like an ashtray at certain times of the day, and I force myself not to look at faces inhaling death and cancer, as every one of them starts look like my grandmother if I gaze long enough.
P.O.W. (Prisoners of War) by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
If you don't speak up for others, who'll speak up for you?
Freedom was something we held a state funeral
for, September 12th, yet we hesitate to recall
Liberty got kidnapped in an unmarked van
never to be seen or heard from again
Justice blindfolded by paranoid agencies
who never slept 50 years thru World War III
A rude awakening after a decade of calm
to find the Spooks waiting in the wings all along
to start World War IV, fought wihout respect
by those who claim to Serve and Protect
A war being waged against Freedom itself
a fight for the future that needs some help
All it can get, if we don't want to regret
To repeat history, all must do is forget
Where no one else knows what to expect
such a Chilling Effect, always wondering who's next
The target list of a shadow war
that the rest of us are supposed to ignore
Names & faces that you never knew
They fought for your freedom, too
Prisoners of War
Some are people whose only crime
was being in the wrong place at the wrong time
Unpersoned, "disappeared" Soviet-style
"Rendered" to undisclosed locations while
politicians call for more
They were scapegoated & railroaded
right thru the System
to keep the news sugar-coated
against our better wisdom
we now ignore
All along, they've been keeping score
Got dragged and ushered out the back door
and nobody knows where they are anymore
or what they're even chained-up for
Prisoners of War
The truth is on life-support most of the time
from those who want the facts to be redefined
Truth is not libel, but a flimsy shield, one finds
when Free Speech is outpriced by legal gripes
SLAPPed it with the First Amendment fight of its life
No justice, just silence, when money decides
Big Lies with matching budgets and screentime
to sweep facts under the rug with bold headlines
when governments wage war on their own citizens
When it's a crime just to be a witness to them
cameras met with guns & belligerence
Made an entire industry of imprisonment
Investigators who got too close the real story
taken before they could reveal how much more we
don't know, witness to things that should be seen
stories that go untold on your TV screen
The target list of a shadow war
that the rest of us are supposed to ignore
Names & faces that you never knew
They fought for your freedom, too
Prisoners of War
No oath sworn, wore no uniform
Risked it all to keep you informed
Still speaking truth to power
Signal boost 'til the eleventh hour
Know what's in store
Still digging for the truth for
us in every investigation
Fling a light into the future
for the next generation
fighting World War IV
All along, they've been keeping score
Got dragged and ushered out the back door
and nobody knows where they are anymore
or what they're even chained-up for
Prisoners of War
Prisoners of a war never declared, it's frightening
held captive in a war some didn't even know they were fighting
No terms or conditions, just assume the position
taken for a ride called Extraordinary Rendition
Reverse Underground Railroad of unmarked vans & planes
all those whose disappearance remains unexplained
Just an Executive Decision, no supervision
one-way trip to the world's most populated prisons
In no position to criticize others as long we enforce
the very methods of all the places we say we deplore
Those who've been "rendered" to distant shores
shoved in unmarked vans & ushered out the back door
Who don't even know what they're chained up for
Their families no longer know where they are anymore
knowing the next disappearance could be yours
But no one one want to be next in line, of course
Insidious, how slowly tyranny can sneak up
When they come for you, who'll be left to speak up?
The target list of a shadow war
That the rest of us are supposed to ignore
Names & faces that you never knew
They fought for your freedom, too
Prisoners of War
No oath sworn, wore no uniform
Risked it all to keep you informed
Still speaking truth to power
Signal boost 'til the eleventh hour
Know what's in store
Still digging for the truth for
us in every investigation
Fling a light into the future
For the next generation
fighting World War IV
Not soldiers, but all the same they fought
Defending freedom at home as they do abroad
So that soldiers can come back home to find
The same country and liberties they left behind
Who'll you speak for?
It's easy to just duck and cover
When trouble comes barging thru
But if you don't speak up for others
who'll be left to speak up for you
when they kick down your door?
All along, they've been keeping score
Got dragged and ushered out the back door
and nobody knows where they are anymore
or what they're even chained-up for
Prisoners of War
End Notes:
-2003 – Sept 11, 2017
This one is dedicated to anyone who's ever been threatened, jailed, beaten, tortured or murdered in the name of truth and justice. You don't have to wear a uniform to fight for freedom.
What You Are In the Dark by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
always an interesting question...
When the lights go out, when there's no one else about
can you go face-to-face with your own self-doubt?
Even if no one else finds out what you are in the dark?
When nobody's looking, when no one else will know
at that fork in the road, which way did you go?
What would the record show in your heart of hearts?
Did you take it? Did you leave it?
And would anyone else believe it
if they could perceive it, what you are in the dark?
Tell us what you are, what you are
Tell us what you are in the dark
What would you choose if you had nothing to lose?
Would others walk a mile in your shoes thru the dark?
Even if you don't get caught, did you give it any thought?
Did you stay true, or let yourself be sold or bought
for a little or a lot, behind closed doors in the dark?
How well do you sleep with the secrets that you keep?
Did you just dip your toes, or are you in too deep?
What you sow, you reap, did the truth leave a mark?
Sleep the sleep of the just? Are you someone folks can trust?
Is your word as good as gold, or turns to rust
while the truth lies gathering dust in the dark?
Tell us what you are, what you are
Tell us what you are in the dark
In the Hour of the Wolf, when the wind starts to howl
do the dogs bark and growl at what you are in the dark?
Will you seize the day? Or look the other way?
Would you act, no matter what others will say
keep holding shadows at bay in the dark?
Will you stand or will you run? Keep working until it's done?
Can you finish what you've begun?
Even if you're the only one doing your part?
Will you do wrong? Will you do right?
When there was no one else in sight
still fighting the good fight, alone in the dark?
Tell us what you are, what you are
Tell us what you are in the dark
The long dark tea-time of the soul is no stroll thru the park
Does it take a toll being what you are in the dark?
In the dark, in the dark
Show us what you are in the dark
Would you look the same at midnight as you do in daylight?
Are you proud of what some might find in the dark?
End Notes:
-06/18-25/18
A little something I found myself thinking about lately, especially in regards to a lot of the things going on on the internet, and it quickly occurred to me that most of the same principles of self-awareness, personal integrity, and sense of identity apply equally to all situations where people perceive themselves to be alone or anonymous.
Forever War by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
If you didn't have to be a soldier, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Tell me, what did you really want to be
when you grew up? Just who did you see
yourself become if it were up to you?
If you didn't have to be soldier, what would you do?
What did your home need? What did it lack?
What did they miss out on, what did you pack
when you shipped out, no turning back?
Just years & years of turning corners
No glory, just trying not to be another
punch-clock thug, just following orders
Waiting for the day that never comes
Even if you leave, the warbeat still drums
Forever War
Invade the 3rd World, troubleshooting
1st World Problems, instead of rebooting
Forever more
Just pretending there'll be a happy ending
Until there's nothing left worth defending
Thank heaven for those who came back alive
Blame hell for those who didn't survive
But here on Earth we just ignore
the toll, for we still have Reserves
on both sides, a fate no one deserves
Quoth the Chickenhawk: "Nevermore"
But without victory, there is only doubt
so with endless enemies, there's no way out
Just another round in the Forever War
All these years later, the warzone still grows
stacking a body count nobody knows
fighting waves of manufactured foes
After all, that's just how it goes
when Enemy Combatants all look the same
as all the civilians, having no shame
Hide and Seek in plain sight, shifting blame
to refugees fleeing this frag-tag game
sent back into the rubble from whence they came
with no exit strategy, no endgame
Business As Usual, respawn shooting ranges
Technology might, but war never changes
Forever War
Invade the 3rd World, troubleshooting
1st World Problems, instead of rebooting
Forever more
Just pretending there'll be a happy ending
Until there's nothing left worth defending
Thank heaven for those who came back alive
Blame hell for those who didn't survive
But here on Earth we just ignore
the toll, for we still have Reserves
on both sides, a fate no one deserves
Quoth the Chickenhawk: "Nevermore"
But without victory, there is only doubt
so with endless enemies, there's no way out
Just another round in the Forever War
Turning corners turned into a revolving door
That's all that this will be remembered for
Sustainable peace is never in store
when fighting a rich man's endless war
Generations shipping out to distant shores
mass-producing foes for the next generation's poor
to fight while profiteers keep Stock Market score
for next Fiscal Quarter in the Forever War
Forever War
Invade the 3rd World, troubleshooting
1st World Problems, instead of rebooting
Forever more
Just pretending there'll be a happy ending
Until there's nothing left worth defending
Thank heaven for those who came back alive
Blame hell for those who didn't survive
But here on earth we just ignore
the toll, for we still have Reserves
on both sides, a fate no one deserves
Quoth the Chickenhawk: "Nevermore"
But without victory, there is only doubt
so with endless enemies, there's no way out
Just another round in the Forever War
Forever war, forever more
Quoth the vultures: "Nevermore"
All it will be remembered for
No turning back, opening that door
Years from now, we might implore:
Where have all the young ones gone?
They're still fighting the Forever War
End Notes:
-09/11 - 11/11/2018
Someday, I'd like to actually post a retrospective on the War On Terror(ists), but much like Vietnam, I suspect this is the sort of "war" no one wins, but just gets tired of. There was never any defined "enemy" to defeat, so all we'll ever be doing is shadow-boxing the consequences of our foreign policy. :(
One Trademark to Rule Them All by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
on Comic-Con trademark bullying
Sixteen (TM)s for all the 'Cons that pre-existed,
Seventy-Three (TM)s for the 'Cons that for decades coexisted,
Uncounted, the 'Cons arm-twisted, who Ceased & Desisted,
One lawsuit for the 'Con that dared to resist it,
In Salt Lake where facts are denied to the juries that decide.
One (TM) to rule them all, one lawsuit to mine them,
One (TM) to break them all, and in leonine contract bind them
In San Diego where rentseeking lawyers reside.
Sixteen (TM)s for all the 'Cons that pre-existed,
Seventy-Three (TM)s for the 'Cons that for decades coexisted,
Uncounted, the 'Cons arm-twisted, who Ceased & Desisted,
One lawsuit for the 'Con that dared to resist it,
In Salt Lake where facts are denied to the juries that decide.
One (TM) to rule them all, one lawsuit to mine them,
One (TM) to break them all, and in leonine contract bind them
In San Diego where rentseeking lawyers reside.
Sixteen (TM)s for all the 'Cons that pre-existed,
Seventy-Three (TM)s for the 'Cons that for decades coexisted,
Uncounted, the 'Cons arm-twisted, who Ceased & Desisted,
One lawsuit for the 'Con that dared to resist it,
In Salt Lake where facts are denied to the juries that decide.
One (TM) to rule them all, one lawsuit to mine them,
One (TM) to break them all, and in leonine contract bind them
In San Diego where rentseeking lawyers reside.
End Notes:
So, to ring in their first half-century, San Diego Comic-Con decided to make a name for themselves as trademark bullies, suing Salt Lake City Comic-Con (now "FanX" due to a judge literally ruling that a comic convention can't call itself a comic convention) for daring to call themselves one. A jury that was literally instructed to ignore both trademark law (both "descriptive term" and "genericide"), as well as the demonstrable fact that Comic-Cons have been calling themselves Comic-Cons for decades, even before San Diego even had one, all to impose a trademark that the US Patent Office should by all rights never have granted in the first place. (If you search "trademark" or "comic con" on Techdirt, Mike Masnick and Timothy Geigner do a thorough job covering both SDCC's underhanded tactics, as well as Judge Battaglia's unconstitutional behavior and outright bias against SLCC.)
If you had a fun time there, I hope this wasn't too much of a cold shower, but if you care about Fandom, you owe it to yourself to know who you're dealing with. What do they mean to fandom? And, just as important, what does fandom (namely you) mean to them? (Besides your wallet.) Personally, pending a public apology to the dozens of Comic-Cons that have peacefully coexisted for many years, and some form of restitution, they've earned themselves a lifetime boycott from me. And, if I should ever find myself in Utah, I'd probably give this "Fan X" a visit but I will take every opportunity to call it by its true name.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.