The sound of burning, of Taichi’s scream of pain…

“Get out of here, all of you, get out….”

“Noooooo! Kurou-Sensei! Help me!”

..........


Hatake Kakashi frowned behind his mask. Glad once again for its concealing protection, he casually leaned against the counter and eyed the sweating villager behind it, trying to figure out what felt so strange. There was something…not right about this town. Something was going on. His nerves were chiming gently in the back of his head. There was obviously something worth looking into going on here…

But do I have the time to figure it out? Kakashi waited as the nervous man hesitantly slid the key to a room across the desk. He was sweating too much; he was too nervous. Kakashi could practically smell his fear. Picking up the key, Kakashi turned to walk soundlessly up the stairs.

I’m on a mission, he reminded himself sternly. Think only of the mission; don’t let other things get in the way. But the nagging feeling wouldn’t go away. Something off kilter…

..............

The man behind the counter watched as the leaf village ninja walked up the stairs. Only when he’d disappeared completely did he let his breath out in a relived sigh. Then, quickly, he left the counter and headed out onto the dusty street, his eyes darting back and forth. Too soon; was it a coincidence that had brought the ninja to the village? Or did the leaf village begin to suspect something, to send a man like Hatake Kakashi, the notorious copy-ninja…
…
He slid into the tavern and located his target through the dingy smoke of too many cigarettes. Wiping his brow nervously, he approached the man lounging carelessly in the booth, his fingers moving restlessly over that strange blue ball he carried with him everywhere. A very dangerous man, for all that he wasn’t much to look at.

He looked like a schoolboy; hardly older than a child. But there was a deadly purpose in his young face, and a cold, dark spirit that was somehow decades older than its body. But he was also brilliant, and willing to include the villagers in his schemes to get rich. Not that they had much choice; he’d made that clear on his first visit to the village. His “demonstration” had made it clear to the villagers what would happen if they resisted. First fear had kept them in line. Then the profits had started flowing, and the demon-boy spread them around generously. Now most of the villagers served him from greed.

The counter man gulped and stopped a respectful distance from the boy-man, again nervously wiping his sweating brow and waited for him to acknowledge his prescence.

The boy’s eyes flickered from the ball to the man, slicing the counter man with their ice coldness. After a moment, the boy blinked once and then sighed. “What is it?”

“S..sir, I came from the hotel…there’s a leaf village ninja here. Rented a room for the night. He’s…He’s Hatake Kakashi .”

The boy raised one eyebrow thoughtfully. “Hah. Kakashi the copy-ninja. Hmmm…I wonder…” he stroked the ball for a moment, his blue eyes thoughtful. “I wonder if they suspect anything.”

The counterman shivered in fear, nervously clutching his hands together. “Sir?”

The boy flashed once, contempt burning in his eyes, before closing them and leaning wearily back against the chair. “No matter. Tell me what he does, while he is here. If he gets too nosey, tell me immediately.”

The counter man bowed and backed out of the tavern gratefully, glad to have gotten out so lightly.

..................

Kakashi leaned against the wall. So, the little villager running off to report? Kakashi wished he dared follow, but he was weary from the road and it was too bright to find a good place to hide. He sighed, rubbing his aching arm ruefully. He’d so hoped to have a night off, to rest and recover, but it looked like he wasn’t going to get any real rest tonight.

He pushed off the wall and headed back to his room, proud that he only had to lean on the wall a little. That last fight had really taken it out of him. Maybe he was loosing his edge? Then again, one ninja versus four was a pretty stiff fight, even for him. He sighed again and pushed his door open.

There was someone here! Instinctively, Kakashi ducked, his eyes scanning the sunlit room. Where?

He located the intruder and launched himself at the shape, sliding a kunai into his hand. The intruder hadn’t moved, nor made any indication of an attack, but Kakashi hadn’t survived as long as he had by being sloppy or careless.

He slammed into the intruder, brining them both down to the floor. As he did so, he slid the kunai around the intruder’s throat and pinned him down, immobilizing his hands.

Then he hauled the intruder out into the middle of the floor. With his teeth, he pulled the intruder’s concealing scarf away to reveal…

…a child. A girl child, trembling with wide-eyed fear. Kakashi took a deep breath and reorganized his mind, and then eased off the girl a little.

“Why are you here?” he demanded.

“I..I…” the girl shuddered, and then burst out “They might still be alive! You have to save them!”

“Save them?” Kakashi rose, releasing the girl and sliding his kunai back into it’s sheathe. “Save who?”

“The other ninja, who came two days ago. They wore the same headband you do…I thought…aren’t you looking for them?”

“What?” Kakashi reached down and hauled the girl to her feet. “Slow down. I’m just passing through. What other ninja? What happened to them?”

The girl, still trembling, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and took a shaky breath. “They came through two days ago. Looking for something. They got too nosey, I think they found something. He said he’d take care of it…oh, I liked her..”

The girl was getting incoherent. Kakashi didn’t have time to soothe her. This sounded bad. But it was no good scaring the kid. Bottling his impatience, he sat the girl down on a chair and knelt in front of her, taking her shaking hands in his own.

“Tell me, from the beginning.”

The girl took a last deep breath and then launched into her tale. “Two days ago, a ninja and three younger ninjas came to town. They said they were heading home, back to the leaf village. But the older ninja learned something…something about him…and they left in a hurry. The grownups were upset, but he said he could handle them. He left and came back this morning, covered in b…blood and looking h..h..happy, and the grownups were all relieved and scared too, cause he’s so scary…”

The girl looked ready to dissolve into tears. Kakashi shook her shoulders gently. “Who’s this he you keep talking about?”

“He’s…he said to call him Talnata. He’s a very bad man. He…he k.k..killed some villagers when he first got here, and now the grownups all work for him. He’s scary…”

Kakashi patted her shoulder absently, his mind racing. Heading for home…if they’d learned something disturbing about this Talnata, would they have been running directly for the leaf village? ”What did the older ninja look like?” he asked quietly.

The girl, distracted for a moment from her fear, screwed up her face thoughtfully. “Uhm. He dressed like you…he had dark brown hair and he was really tall…he had a nice smile…uhm. Oh, yeah, he wore this funny green and purple rag on his arm.”

Kakashi blinked, feeling stunned. Kurou, it had to be. The “rag” was a so-called good luck charm he’d gotten from a girl the night before he’d aced his Chuunin Exam. He refused to remove it from his arm after that. What in the world would have shaken Kurou up enough that he would have gone fleeing back to the leaf village? And who…or what?…could have taken him and three genin out?

“I have to go look for them. You need to leave. If anyone finds out you were here…” Kakashi hesitated, torn painfully between the urge to find Kurou and his students and the knowledge that the girl had put herself into terrible danger warning him. But the girl shook her had and dashed the last tears from her eyes.

“I’ll be ok. No one ever notices me, creeping around like a little mouse.” The girl patted his knee solemnly. “The owner’s my father, and I work here, so I have lots of reasons to be slipping around the hotel. Don’t worry; go save them.”

Kakashi impulsively hugged the little girl, then stood and patted her head. “I’m going. Thank you.”

He turned and vaulted lightly out of the window, heading towards the dark forest. This may be a little difficult, he thought wryly. I hope it doesn’t take very long.

.............

It wasn’t so difficult after all. The battle site was clearly visible when you got near it. The trees and ground were scarred with the energy that had been expended during the fight.

Kurou’s body was lying where it had evidently fallen, crumpled in a heap over the dead body of one of his students. Another student lay crumpled pitifully at the foot of a huge tree. The scar in the tree told Kakashi that the boy had hit it very hard-probably enough to crush his ribcage and lungs.

It took Kakashi a moment to find the third student. She lay, half-in and half-out of a massive hole in the ground. Staring mournfully down at her, Kakashi shook his head.

“Dammit.” he said, and started to turn away.
But the body in the hole moved; a feeble twitch. Kakashi sprang to her side, carefully turning her body face up.

She’d been struck with a slashing weapon that had hit her face and swept down, catching on her collarbone and veering in a jagged line down her chest and stomach. The would bled freely and looked ugly; Kakashi immediately tore his sleeves off and began bandaging her, trying to do it as gently as possible. The girl blinked, staring at him mindlessly. She’s in shock, he realized.

I have to get her someplace safe. Not that village-where? After a moment, he realized that the closest safe place was probably the leaf village.

A sound from the forest made him freeze, his eyes flickering over the dappled shadows of the trees. Had he been followed? Impossible.

He snarled and picked the girl up. She didn’t weigh anything; he glanced down at her and frowned deeply at her pallor. She’d lost too much blood. He didn’t know if she’d make it alive. No help for it.

Spinning on his heel, he raced towards the village.

Takashi! No!

Taichi!

PAIN!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Youko gasped and jerked awake, her eyes wide with fear. Taichi! Takashi! Kurou-Sensei!

Her eyes darted wildly around the room. Where was she? Where were her teammates?

She struggled to throw the light blanket from her, but her arms were unresponsive. What happened? Why wouldn’t her arms work? Where was she??

The door flew open and a woman in white darted in. “Youko! It’s ok! You’re safe!”

Youko panted, staring wild-eyed at the woman…the doctor, she realized suddenly…and then sagged back into the bed. The hospital bed. She recognized it now, as the nightmare smoke cleared from her mind. The hospital at the village hidden in the leaves.

She felt the illusion of strength fueled by terror slide away, leaving behind terrible, sapping pain. A whimper escaped her, despite her best efforts, and the doctor quickly raised a glass to her lips.

“Drink this, it will help the pain.”

Youko obediently drank it all, gagging a little on the bitter taste. Once she’d swallowed the last, she felt the darkness of exhaustion slipping over her. With one final, massive effort, she cleared her throat and managed to gasp out, “what happened to the others?”

The doctor didn’t answer, but her sorrow-filled face followed Youko into the darkness of sleep.

........

“It’s time we introduced ourselves, I think. I’ll go first. I’m Beganan Kurou, and I’ll be your sensei. I like..hmm…rainstorms and a good book. Ok, it’s your turn.”

Youko glanced shyly sideways at the two boys she’d been teamed with. The taller of the two gave Kurou-sensei a grin and crossed his arms over his chest. “My name’s Takashi. I like knives.” He grinned wider, and Kurou smiled wryly back at him.

“Ok. That’s probably a useful talent. Next?”

“I’m Taichi.” The short boy glared at them, daring them to make fun of his name. “I like fighting and the idea of being a full fledged Shinobi some day.”

Kurou laughed and shrugged. “Ok. And last but not least…”

“I’m Youko. Uhm..I like…” she hesitated, then sighed. “I like music, and reading.” She gave Kurou a shy smile, and he smiled back encouragingly.

“Well, that’s enough for today. You three should go get something to eat, and get to know each other better. We’ll start training tomorrow.”

........

“Stay down!”

Kurou gestured fiercely for them to remain concealed, and Youko pressed herself tighter against the ground. Somewhere, hidden in the rocks around them, were a group of bandits that had been preying on the local villages. They’d been tracking them for two days, and they’d finally found them, but the bandits had faded back into the hills.

“Alright.” Kurou slid down to where the three genin were hiding. “I think I know where they all are. I’m going to go out and try to draw their attention to me. When I give you the signal, you three go into action.”

Taichi gave Kurou a keen look. “The , Tai-You-Tak, Kurou-sensei?”

Kurou grinned and ruffled his hair. “Yup. Try and get as many of them as possible. I’ll clean it up from there.”

They all nodded. Over the last nine months of working together, they’d perfected a triple-attack move that combined all three of their best jutsus into one very effective area attack. Taichi had named it, and it had stuck.

Kurou gave them all one last grin and then sprang from hiding, landing precisely in the center of the dusty road. “Hey! You morons! The villages have had enough of your crap. Come out and take your medicine like good little children!”

There was laughter from the rocks, and then the bandits came out of hiding. There were more than Youko had anticipated. She glanced at Taichi, who was watching Kurou-sensei tensely, waiting for the signal. Can we get them all, she wondered fretfully. Or enough, she reminded herself. We just have to get enough.

The bandits were mocking Kurou, hurling insults that made Youko’s ears burn. Kurou was responding in kind, albeit in a considerably more refined way.

Finally, he goaded them into action. As the bandits sprang, he dropped to the ground and shouted “Now!”

The three of them jumped up, their hands flying.
Taichi first. His hands flashed signs, and he grimaced as he released his jutsu. The water jutsu pulled every bit of water from the surrounding air and flung it at the bandits, a hard wave that slammed into their surprised faces. Many of them were bowled backward by the force of the wave.

Youko was already finishing her jutsu. She flashed the final signal and released her chakra. The water called by Taichi instantly froze into waves of sparkling ice, trapping the now confused and frightened bandits in frozen, dangerously sharp cages.

Hard on her jutsu, Takashi finished his last sign and slammed his hands together, his face tight and intense. There was a moment of silence, and then the sparkling cages of ice suddenly exploded into a massive cloud of deadly, flying daggers of ice. Linyuki and Taichi finished the deadly combination, their fingers flying almost in unision. Then they slapped their hands together, combining their efforts.

Their chakras combined to form a solid, transparent dome over the mass of flying ice and screaming bandits, effectively trapping the hapless bandits in a hell of death. Not incidentally, the shield also kept the flying ice trapped inside, ensuring that neither they nor any other teammates or innocents were struck by the deadly missiles.

Takashi sagged against a rock, gasping. It required a great deal of chakra to explode the ice that way; Kurou-sensei assured him that he would eventually be able summon more chakra so he wouldn’t be completely wiped out after using it. For now, however, Taichi and Youko moved to flank him, keeping their hands joined but slipping kunai knives into their free hands, ready to defend their teammate while he caught his breath.

However, there proved to be nothing to defend him against. The few bandits who had not been caught in the Tai-You-Tak had not survived Kurou’s follow-up. At Kurou’s nod, Taichi and Youko let the shield fade and slipped their knives back into their sheathes.

“Well. Once again, that proved very effective.” Youko kept her eyes from the tangled, bloody mess that had once been the bandits as they moved to join Kurou on the road. “Good job, you three. Combining three relatively weak jutsus into such a powerful technique shows me how well you’ve learned to work with your teammates. I’m very proud of you.”

Taichi beamed, and Takashi managed a shaky smile. Youko smiled, but she was, as she had been before, troubled. This was only the second time they’d used the Tai-You-Tak in battle. Both times the killing had been necessary, but still…

“Come on. We need to get back and report. Maybe we’ll get a day off..”

Taichi laughed and helped Takashi stand up. “Kurou-sensei, you always say that!’

Youko followed them, still trying to work out her tangled feelings.

..........

“Will she be alright?”

The doctor sighed and rubbed her arms, looking down at the girl in the bed. She looked so young, so fragile, lying against the white sheets. “I think so, Lord Hokage. We stopped the bleeding and I don’t think the wound will become infected. It’s mostly shock, I think, and loss of blood that’s kept her under so long.”

The Hokage sighed and folded his arms behind him, clasping his hands together. “Good, good.”

Kakashi had reported as soon as he’d deposited her into the hospital. They knew who was responsible for the killing, but it was a tricky situation.

Officially, the village where this Talnata operated was outside of their jurisdiction, lying within the Sand. And with the treaty with the Sand village so new and fragile, they could not just go stomping in there to wipe out the man who’d killed a jounin and two genin, dispite what the fact that they wanted to very badly.

I wish I knew, the Hokage thought angrily, if this Talnata is a rogue or if he’s allied with the sand village somehow…

He’d never heard of a Talnata, and neither had anyone the Hokage had questioned. The implications were troubling, that someone obviously so powerful had thus far managed to avoid any outside attention so well…

He sighed again and turned to leave, patting the doctor’s arm on the way out.

...........

Youko struggled out of troubled, pain-fogged dreams where Takashi and Kurou took turns throwing rocks at her while Taichi pulled her hair and giggled madly. Blinking, she struggled to sit up.

A hand stopped her; she gasped in surprise. She hadn’t noticed anyone was there.

It was her old teacher, Masaru-sensei, from school. He gave her a gentle smile and firmly pushed her back against the pillows. “Not yet, Youko. You’re still very sick, and you need to let your body rest.”

She stared at him a moment, blankly. Her mind felt thick with fog, as sluggish and unresponsive as her body. After a moment, Masaru reached down and gently brushed the hair from her forehead. “Head feel funny?”

Youko nodded cautiously, and Masaru smiled reassuringly. “Yeah, I know. I don’t like those drugs much either. But it’s good; you need the rest, and they’ll help you not hurt as much. You’ll feel funny for a while, but don’t worry. You’ll be as good as new, eventually.”

Youko licked her dry lips, and Masaru reached out to snare a glass from the table by the bed. “Here, drink this.”

She sipped the cold water. Not only did her mind feel funny, but she also realized that she couldn’t feel the pain she should be feeling about her teammate’s death. It seemed distant, somehow. Unimportant. She thought about it for a moment, and then sighed. The drugs, she realized. The drugs made it impossible to feel anything strongly. She was drifting again, and Masaru reached out to take the glass from her hands.

“Sleep, Youko. We’ll be here if you wake. Don’t worry. Just sleep.”

She obediently closed her eyes and the darkness rose to claim her.

............

Whenever Youko woke, there was always someone there to soothe her nightmares, give her cold water to drink, and force pain medicine down her throat. Sometimes she woke with tears streaming down her face; once she woke and her throat was so raw and sore she realized she must have been shouting. But the people who were there when she woke only firmly but gently repeated the same advice: sleep and heal.

She didn’t realize it, but they weren’t there just to do those things. The shock and trauma she had suffered were bound to leave their mark; her dreams told them what her mind was suffering. They were there to make sure that, when she woke clearly, there was someone there to help her. They didn’t dare leave her to wake on her own.


.........

Taichi threw his hands up in disgust and Youko sat down heavily, tired beyond reason. They’d all been training so hard. Takashi was slumped on the ground, barely able to lift his head.

“Why can’t I get this to work?” mourned Taichi. “I’ve been trying for three days. Why won’t it work?”

Youko pushed her bangs from her sweaty forehead and looked thoughtfully at Taichi. “I don’t know. You had enough chakra that time; I could see it. Maybe you’re just too tired to focus right now?”

Taichi groaned and rubbed his head. “Probably. How long we been at it?”

“Too long.” Kurou startled them all, appearing out of thin air to glare disapprovingly at them. “I thought I told you three to take a break while I was gone.”

Youko, long over her shyness when it came to her teammates and sensei, gave Kurou a cheeky grin and shrugged. “We did rest, the fist two days, but then we got bored. We wanted to have this down by the time you got home, though.”

Kurou looked at the three of them and sighed. “Well, come on. You all need to eat and rest. Really, Takashi, what were you doing that drained your chakra so thoroughly?”

Takashi shrugged as Kurou-sensei reached down to pull him to his feet. “Prism jutsu” he mumbled.

Kurou sighed again and ruffled his hair. “Ah. That one. You know, I never should have showed you that one. I’m not sure your chakra network is ready to handle it.”

Taichi slipped under Takashi’s other arm and staggered a bit as he took Takashi’s weight on his shoulders. “Uhm. At least he can do it. I still can’t get the water to come right. Half the time I just make it a little misty.”

Kurou laughed and patted Youko on the head. “I know. But you’ll get it. I have enormous faith in all three of you. I think that you’re all going to be excellent Shinobi some day. Just don’t try and rush it so much, will ya? You make me look like a slacker.”

Their laughter blended together under the trees. Kurou gestured for them to head back to the village. “Let’s go eat before Taichi wastes away to nothing.”

“Hey!”

..............

Youko, still shaky from her long confinement, leaned carefully against the pole and watched the river slip by under her. The day promised to be warm; it was barely past dawn and already her shirt was uncomfortably damp.

Not too far away, Masaru sat slumped on a bench, occasionally yawning. He’d been the one, when he arrived at the hospital to find her awake and restless, to suggest a walk. But he’d been doing double duty teaching and watching her and she could tell he was exhausted.

She turned her attention back to the river, loosing herself in its quicksilver flashing. It had been three weeks now, and her body was finally beginning to heal itself. Too bad her mind and soul were still so damaged.

She still had horrible nightmares, but they’d finally begun to fade when she woke, so she didn’t remember all of the details. Only that they’d been there again, and that she was still alone when she woke up.

Youko sighed, laying her cheek on the rough wooden pole. Of course, that was being maudlin. She wasn’t alone-that’s what all of her teachers had been showing her, by staying by her side while she was ill. She wasn’t alone; she would never be alone, as long as she was of the Leaf village. But, oh, she missed them so much…She kept expecting Taichi to walk around the corner, or thinking of how Takashi would laugh at something that she’d seen, only to remember they were gone. They’d become so close, so quickly, like siblings, a team, friends…

Tears pricked her eyes and she closed them, fiercely willing the tears away. Shinobi do not cry for their fallen comrades, she thought angrily. Shinobi do not cry. But it would be so nice to cry.

She was so absorbed in her inner struggle that she didn’t hear him arrive, but he made a kind of coughing noise to alert her to his presence. Opening her eyes, she glanced sideways at The Hokage, who was staring down at the river.

“Good morning, Youko. How are you feeling today?”

She sighed and forced herself to smile at him. “Better, Lord Hokage. My body’s starting to heal, I think. I’ll need to start training again soon, to get my strength back.”

He put his hands in his pockets and tipped his head to the side. “As long as you take it easy at first, I think that’s a good idea.”

She nodded, staring down at the river. Training…without them. It was a difficult thing to consider, but she knew she had to do it. That, or give up her dream of becoming a Shinobi…

..........

Hokage looked sideways at her, seeing the pain tightening her so-young face. So young, he thought sadly. So young to face this, but it came to everyone who walked the path of the ninja at some time.

How would she cope, he wondered. For some, the pain was too much. Those gave up their dream and faded into the background, forever hiding and empty. He thought she had too much strength for that, however.

So. Would the pain eat her from the inside, making her shut down and become as cold and withdrawn as the ice she controlled? He hoped not. What little he’d learned about her indicated that she had a very bright spirit, and to see it broken beyond repair would hurt him.

He watched her sigh and smooth her face, wondering. Could she survive this?

Behind them, Masaru snorted and came back to full wakefulness, blinking rapidly. Despite himself, the Hokage grinned at the slightly befuddled look on his big, blunt face. Strong, ever patient Masaru, one of the best teachers in the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

“Good morning, Lord Hokage.” Masaru stretched and yawned face-creakingly. “Youko, are you ready to go back inside yet?”

Youko turned and smiled at Masaru, and the Hokage experienced a fleeting, disconcerting flash of…what? Future promise, he realized suddenly. Youko’s smile was going to be the source of many a young man’s fantasy when she got older. That thought made him much more cheerful. If she could manage to survive this pain and move on, there was a lot in store for her.

She stopped and glanced back at the Hokage, and in her eyes, the Hokage saw the promise of the future, only slightly shaded by the pain of the past. “I’ll be ok, Lord Hokage.”

As Masaru assisted her back to the hospital, the Hokage watched them go, smiling.

Youko stood silently in front of the memorial , idly tapping her fingers on her thigh. Kurou had finally gotten his “day off”, a whole week of them. Too bad it was because of Taichi’s falling off that building. Stupid. But he was ok, and the medics said he’d be ready to get back on the road in two days. Youko wished they were out on the road already. This forced idleness had only given her time to brood on the unhappiness that had risen after they’d killed the bandits.

She sighed and shook her head, trying to clear out her doubts. They’d been horrible people; they’d killed, looted, tortured and raped the helpless villagers they’d attacked. She knew that. They deserved to die for their crimes. She knew that as well. But being the executioner, even from a distance-maybe that was part of it, she realized. Killing them from a distance, giving them no chance to fight. How did that make her any different than them?

A whisper of sound alerted her to another’s presence, and she turned to find the Hokage standing beside her, staring gravely down at the monument. “Lord Hokage.” she murmured, surprised.

“Youko.” He smiled at her, his handsome face dappled by tree shadows.

Youko struggled to hide her doubts, but she got the impression that the Hokage could look straight through her and read her heart like a book. Flushing, she looked down at her toes, wondering what he thought of her. Did her doubts make her less of a ninja?

The Hokage smiled again and leaned casually against the tree. “It’s hard, isn’t it? I remember the first time I killed someone, back when I was genin. You wonder if you should have done something else, or if killing that person makes you a bad person.”

Youko stared in astonishment at him, finding it impossible to imagine the strong, adult Hokage as a young boy. And he, too, had doubted…

“I have no answers for you, Youko, except this: You do what you are ordered to. You do what you have to, to protect this village and its people. Your teachers, your friends, your family. You might someday have to do worse, at my command. Only you can decide how that makes you feel. The path of a ninja is a difficult and sometimes cruel one. It takes a very special person to be able to walk it and remain a good person.”

Youko struggled with herself a moment then burst out “I don’t understand, Lord Hokage! Why do I feel so…so bad? They deserved to die, for what they’ve done, but…”

Hokage turned and smiled at her. “You should feel bad. You killed them, you took away their lives. If you feel nothing for that, then you have lost your soul. That pain is a good thing, because it keeps you from becoming a monster.”

He sighed. “It hurts less, in time. I can promise you that. You are very young, and you have not had time to learn to balance the pain in your heart. But it’s something that you must learn, to continue walking this path. You are a weapon in my hands, a weapon of the village. You are trained for this. You must be willing to strike at my command, without fear, hatred or anger. There is no room for those emotions in the life of a Shinobi. A weapon does not hate. You are not a monster, only a weapon.”

Youko absorbed this silently, feeling it take hold in her heart. “Yes, Lord Hokage. I think…I think I understand now.”

It still hurt, but she knew he was right. In time, the pain would lessen. She would be a weapon for the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

...............

Youko stood before the Hokage, her head bowed and her hands clasped over her stomach. The Hokage, surrounded by his advisors, sat on his chair looking at her thoughtfully. The bright afternoon sunlight streamed through the windows, slashing the floor with bars of molten gold.

After a long moment of silence, the Hokage leaned forward, bracing himself on his elbows. “Why do you ask this, Youko? Revenge?”

Youko licked her dry lips and shook her head impatiently, wishing she knew how to describe the tangled roots of emotion that had led to this request.

“Some, my Lord Hokage. Of course, I wish revenge. However, I am fully aware that I am no where near able to kill him. And..that’s not really the reason…” she paused, struggling to find a way to make him understand. “I…I need to see him die, Lord Hokage. I need to see him dead, to make the nightmares go away. To feel that I have not failed my teammates or my sensei. To know that he’s not a threat to the village anymore, that he won’t kill any more of my friends…” she stopped, aware that her voice had risen passionately. She fought with herself a moment, and when she felt her control was firmer, raised her head to look at the Hokage directly in the eyes. “I swear to you, Lord Hokage, that I will remain withdrawn from the fight. I entertain no stupid notions of revenging them personally-I wouldn’t survive a moment. I just need..I just need…” She felt tears pricking her eyes and took a deep breathe, trying to keep them behind her eyes. “Closure, Lord Hokage. I need to know that it’s ended.”

The Hokage studied her silently for another long moment, and Youko struggled to keep her eyes from dropping under his scrutiny. It sounded rather lame, said out loud, but there was nothing lame about her emotions.

Finally, the Hokage nodded once. “I see it is important to you. As long as you swear to remain out of the fight, no matter what, I will allow you to accompany them to face Talnata.”

Youko bit back a sigh of relief and bowed deeply to the Hokage.

Kakashi glanced at the rest of his team, dressed in their ANBU armor and masks. He knew all of them personally.

There were four of them, not counting Youko. Kakashi reached up and readjusted his arm wrap, and then glanced around to see how close everyone was.

Youko stood silently, pale in the dusky morning light. She was not wearing ninja clothes-not even her headband, which she’d wrapped around her waist and hidden. That had been her decision, an attempt to keep herself out of the line of fire. Kakashi wasn’t happy that she was here. Neither were the other three; they kept shooting her thoughtful glances as they geared up.

When they were all ready, Kakashi walked over to stand beside her. “We’re ready. You need to keep up. We can’t stop for you if you fall behind.”

Youko nodded, rubbing her hand on her leg. “I understand. I won’t get in your way.”

He nodded and, after glancing around the circle, they left.

...............

The village was a full day’s travel, at full speed, but they didn’t want to arrive wiped out. So they camped in the forest, a cold camp without fire. Youko was looking pale and tired when they stopped, but made no complaint. The others wordlessly left her off the watch rotation. If he’d asked, Kakashi knew they’d have gruffly said they didn’t trust a genin to be watchful enough, but Kakashi suspected that she’d impressed them a little and that they were being as compassionate toward her as they could be.

The next morning they traveled again, full speed through the trees, jumping from branch to branch. Much safer than the road, and much faster. Youko kept up with them, her lips pressed together tightly against complaints and weariness. When they reached the village, they stopped, hidden in the trees, to study the situation.

Kakashi worked his way to where Youko lay and pressed his masked lips to her ear. “Stay here. We’re going in the town. When it starts, you’ll hear it. Stay out of the fight.”

She nodded firmly and wiggled a little, finding a comfortable spot to remain in. “Be careful.” she whispered almost soundlessly. Impulsively, Kakashi reached out and mussed her hair, then disappeared with the others.

..............

Youko waited silently, not moving from her position. The four ANBU had grilled her before they’d left about everything she remembered about Talnata’s attacks. She’d described the strange blue ball and its lightning-fast attacks, about it’s ability to mutate into deadly shapes and the way it acted on Talnata’s will. She hoped that she’d been able to tell them enough.

The tree was relatively comfortable. She knew she would be invisible even if a person was standing right underneath it, especially wearing the clothing she was wearing now. Absently, her fingers moved to touch her headband, concealed under her shirt. How long? What was going on down there?

A moment later, she got her answer as suddenly, one of the ANBU was slammed through a wall, sending villagers scattering in terror. Hard on his appearance, the other three ninjas and a fourth, Talanata, erupted into the now empty street.

They were driving him out of the village, towards her hiding place. She shifted, hunkering down against the trunk, and watched the fight. It was fast and furious, with chakra being thrown around like water. She caught glimpses of that horrible blue ball sending spikes towards on of the ninjas. Step by step, they drove Talnata out of the village, and she could see that he was beginning to tire and falter.

Youko dug her fingers into the bark, silently willing the four ninjas to be careful. Talnata was acting strange; it seemed too easy, even for four ANBU.

Then one of the ANBU did…something…and Talnata screamed in pain. Throwing his arms up, he tossed the blue ball into the air. Instinct made Youko flinch and close her eyes. A moment later there was a terrible flash of light that seeped through Youko closed eyelids.

Forcing her tearing eyes to open, she scanned the clearing and gasped. Talnata was gone! The four ANBU were regrouping in the center of the clearing. Youko scanned the surrounding forest, standing on the branch. Where did he go? Where…

A sudden movement startled her and she pressed her back to the tree. And then he was there, his eyes back on the clearing, his side exposed to her. He had no idea she was hiding in the same tree he’d chosen to hide in.

Youko didn’t think, she reacted. Sliding a kunai into her hand, she slammed her body into Talnata’s, sending them both crashing to the ground.

The next thing she knew, one of the ANBU was carefully lifting her off Talnata’s body. The ANBU in charge waited until she was clear and then kicked Talnata’s body over, his masked face radiating surprise.

Talnata was clearly dead. A kunai knife, so deeply impaled that only the circular top was visible, was planted through his ribcage into his heart.

“Good shot.” the ANBU glanced sideways at her. “Well, that’s done.”

The ANBU who’d picked her up sat her on her feet and patted her shoulder briefly. One of the ANBU was staring at her; Youko got the dazed impression he was frowning heavily behind his mask. “Thought you were told to stay out of this?” he demanded roughly.

Youko shrugged, still a little dazed from the suddenness of the finale. “He just…appeared in front of me. He was watching you, he didn’t know I was there. The opportunity was there, I took it.”

The other ninja laughed, a harsh bark of sound, and shrugged. “It’s done. Let’s go report back.”

...................

Youko leaned against the bridge, watching the quicksilver flow of water. The doctors had just released her from the hospital, declaring her body completely healed. And her mind had begun to heal as well. Talnata’s death had been, as she had suspected, the catalyst that allowed her to forgive herself for surviving. The nightmares had begun to fade.

I’ll never stop missing you, she thought sadly, but I know that I can go on and become a Shinobi. For you, all three of you, my friends, my teacher.

A sound made her glance sideways. Masaru strolled onto the bridge, humming lightly under his breath. They no longer felt it necessary to watch her; she wondered what he was there for.

“Hello, Youko. Thought I’d drop by and see if you were out yet. Hungry?”

Youko grinned and pushed herself off the railing. “Sure, Masaru-sensei. But I get to pick. You’re reputed to have rather bad taste.”

Masaru gaped at her, then grinned widely. “Is that right? Who’s spreading such obnoxious lies about me, then?”

Youko grinned at him sideways, her crystal-green eyes lighting with laughter. “Hmm. I don’t think I’ll tell you. You might want to try to hurt Hata…ooops.”

Masaru only stared at her for a moment, then threw back his head, laughing until tears leaked out his eyes. Youko joined him after a moment.

Their paired laughter drifted up into the leaves of the trees.

............

Kakashi scratched his shoulder and slipped away, smiling under his mask. Well, well. Everything was right with the world again. He sighed and the smile fell away. Well, as right as it could be, all things considered. And he had another mission. Life goes on…