Don't Do This at Home by Nikki_Yaoi
Summary: A response to Oni's What not to Say in Front of a Narutard challenge.

Simply because these are just too fun.



Warning: Don`t try these things in front of you're local Narutards, or...well ;D You`ll find out
Categories: MadFic > Other Characters: None
Genres: None
Warnings: None
Challenges: What Not To Say In Front Of A Narutard...
Challenges: What Not To Say In Front Of A Narutard...
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes Word count: 1370 Read: 8679 Published: 11/01/07 Updated: 09/05/07

1. Orochimaru Fangirls: Even Scarier? by Nikki_Yaoi

2. Gaara: Homicidal Maniac Lovers Unite! by Nikki_Yaoi

3. More for the Orochi-kun fanclub by Nikki_Yaoi

4. The Loser: Itachi -dodges chairs- by Nikki_Yaoi

5. Kisame: FISH FACE! c: by Nikki_Yaoi

6. Dei-chan: Dum Dum Dum... by Nikki_Yaoi

7. You Don't Need to Buy Haku Friends by Nikki_Yaoi

Orochimaru Fangirls: Even Scarier? by Nikki_Yaoi
Author's Notes:
This was hard to write x.e Grawr, I know for a fact if someone said one of these things to me I`d kill them! D=
Oni_chan, you make the best challenges ever n3n

Don`t own Naruto
1.Don't call Orochimaru a pedophile
-Being the Orochimaru fangirl I am, I can tell you one thing: Run for your life ;o

2.Say Michael Jackson is Orochimaru's dad.
-You`ll get the crap beaten out of you xD

3.Say Orochimaru is secretly dating Kabuto.
-I dare you to say this.

4.Say that Orochimaru will die in the series.
-Damnit, we know this will most likely happen, but don`t ruin our dreams... -grabs machine gun-

5.Say Orochimaru left the Akatsuki because Sasori dumped him.
-Once again, run for your life.

6.Say that weasels are all in all cooler then snakes then rip a snake plushie apart.
- ...-foams at the mouth-

7.Say Orochimaru had a gender change and is really a girl in disguise.
-Fajfhs x.e Not true.

8.Say that Orochimaru really isn`t evil, it is just his part time job and that Orochimaru really wants to be a fashion designer but they keep rejecting him.
-...o_o

9. Tell them Orochimaru's tongue isn`t used just to turn into a snake.
-OKAY! That will make people such as myself go 8DDD

10.Say Orochimaru sleeps around and that those cursed seal marks are just a disguise for what they really are.
--points at machine gun-

11. Say Orochimaru is fat, afterall, who can fit a sword in their stomach?
-He is not fat.

12.Say he does things to Sasuke.
-._. No...just no.




Next up is Gaara! 8D For all the fangirls... n_n
Gaara: Homicidal Maniac Lovers Unite! by Nikki_Yaoi
Author's Notes:
Don`t get me wrong, I love Gaara, but xD


Don`t own Naruto.
1.Say Gaara is gay and has a thing for Naruto.
-It all depends on who you are talking to ;o But if they aren`t yaoi, or even shonen-ai fans, I suggest running for your life.

2.Say Gaara steals Temari's makeup on a daily basis, no wonder Temari doesn`t use any, she can`t, afterall, look at how much eyeliner he has, probably used the whole thing.
-xD Run for your life my friends.

3.Say that Gaara and Lee have started dating, and that Gaara is now wearing green spandex.
-I personally think some GaaLee is good, but this isn`t about me, all I have to say is run!

4.Say that Sasuke killed Gaara and you laughed as Sasuke proceeded to do so.
- 8D Run I say, run, or laugh, I dunno.

5.Say Gaara is dating Deidara/Sasori since he forgave them for trying to kill him.
-Once again, depends on the person ;D

6.Say Gaara likes pretty ponies and pink unicorns and that he has given up being a ninja.
-Pft, this is so true, but once again, RUN! D:

7.Show them a SakuGaa/GaaLee/GaaKanku/GaaSasu/GaaTema fanfic or doujinshi.
-xD If I was a Gaara fangirl, I`d probably brutally murder you, so, I suggest running, just incase. I mean seriously, incest? Or pairing him up with idiots (Minus Lee, I like Lee ;o)

8.Tell them Gaara cuts himself and is an emo, like Sasuke.
-Run~



Next up...hm, someone off the Akatsuki for sure, because I hate most of them....oh yes, yes I do! Must remember this is a what not to do thing... -evil laugh and runs off to plot-
More for the Orochi-kun fanclub by Nikki_Yaoi
Author's Notes:
Because, I couldn't just stop with the first one x.e
1.Say Orochimaru is a pedophile
-I know I had this in the first one too, but I can't get the point across enough. HE IS NOT A PEDOPHILE!
2.Say Itachi is better.
-Itachi sucks, he shall die! RUN! x.e
3.Say Orochi-kun is a barbie girl.
-I will personally find out where you live and KILL you D|
4.Say Orochimaru does not rule his own village.
- -points at Oni- He does too! SOUND RULES SAND! -shot-
5.Say he is emo.
-Not emo, emotionally challenged....
6.Say Orochimaru fangirl have issues.
-Okay, this has like...nothing to do with Orochimaru, but being an Orochi-kun fangirl myself, I warn you. We are even more violent then Orochi-kun himself....
7.Dis his earrings or butt bow.
-Pft, you're just jealous you don't have something THAT sexy. Oh and run for your life.
8.Play the song Pretty Fly for a White Guy and say it fits him.
-Run.for.your.freaking.life
9. Play any sounds like Milkshake, Barbie Girl, those kind of songs...
-The only song that fits him is Too Sexy OR Sexyback ;D No, but seriously, compare these songs with him and you WILL die c:
End Notes:
Next up is Itachi, because I can think ups lots of things for him because I don't like him :c He is a meanie.
The Loser: Itachi -dodges chairs- by Nikki_Yaoi
Author's Notes:
>D Note: Itachi is a loser and I will forever think so until he dies...and even then I will still laugh as the whore Sakura cries over his grave. (Pft, she likes every freaking guy in the whole series)

....NO! I DO NOT HAVE PROBLEMS! >.>
1Say he is a transvestive.

-HAHA! It's so true man, he looks so feminine! ...But seriously, don't do this.

2.Say snakes are better then weasles.

-Once again, true, but they will yell at you and throw you out a window...or something of the sort.

3. Say he has a thing for his little brother.

-Once again, do you see how he looks at Sasuke? DO YOU?! Needless to say, I've come to find out a lot of Itachi fangirls are Sasuke haters, so run!

4.Say Sasuke will kill him.

-Well dur xP RUN!

5.Tell them he is now in love with his uncle.

-xDD Laugh or Run. Depends on how you want to end up.

6. Tell him either Tobi or Sasuke will be the seme.

-This is even something I don't agree with.... o-o -is very picky about that sorta thing- RUN!

7. Say he is going out with Sakura.

- xD RUUUUUNNNNN! Or duck.

8. Say there was a mishap on a mission and Kisame accidently shredded a certain part of Itachi off...

-Doesn't matter anyways, the prick would rather kill himself then be romantically involved with anyone. But, you're ruining the fangirls dreams or whatever....RUN!

9. Say Kisame is the true bishie, not Itachi.

-Even Fish Face is more bishie-esque. xP -giggles- I'd be rolling around laughing.

-Say he is a prick.

-(This is true!)

10. Say you killed him and sold his eyes off to Orochimaru for a dollar.

- OMGYAY! -squeal- GO OROCHI-KUN! ...-cough- Er...I'm not here. -runs-
Kisame: FISH FACE! c: by Nikki_Yaoi
Author's Notes:
Merely because of my new OC who has an itsy bitsy crush on Kisame :P
1. Say you plan on frying him.

-I've said this multiple times! Tou: -points Katana- Me: Oh, but Tou-chan I thought you hated him >3 Tou: ...I hate you >.>

2. Say he only got accepted into the Akatsuki because the leader was having a craving for sushi.

Tou: -gasp- D8 Me: n3n -giggles- I'm quite proud of this one.

3. Say he has a thing going on with Itachi.

-Whoot! Hitting two birds with one stone, ne? xD Tou: x.e -twitch-

4. Say even though he is a fish, and fish swim in water, he smells rotten.

-Seriously, how can they stand working with him?! Tou: HE SMELLS LIKE LILACS! >O Me: ...

5. Say he isn't a bishie.

Tou: -being held back by Sasori and Deidara- Me: He isn't a bishie >.> ...However he is more bishie then Itachi! -hides-

6. Say he is gay.

-Gah, not even as a yaoi fangirl myself can this image ever be right x.e Tou: -bursts out crying- D8 NOOO!
Dei-chan: Dum Dum Dum... by Nikki_Yaoi
Author's Notes:
c: I love Dei-chan so this was somewhat hard for me.
1. Say he is a girl.

-NU UH! D|

2. Say he has those mouths on his hands for other reasons.

-Depends who you're talking too. They might try and shove clay down your throat.

3. Say he has a thing going on with Sasori and/or Gaara.

-Depends who you are talking too, but if they do not like these pairings, you will get something shoved down your throat.

4. Ask them where his nest is.

-...-holds in laughter- Jump out a window if you have to xD

5. Ask him if him saying un and yeah is like, his mating call.

-Wow, then he must be asking like everyone to mate with him xD Desperate much? -hides-

6. Say he got his sex change surgery when Itachi went to go get it done.

-xDD SORRY RACHAEL! -hides-

7. Ask him if Sasuke is one of his bird brotheren.

-...I love both characters... o-o And you're calling them both birds... I'll punch your faces in if you say this.

8. Say you saw him eat chicken and call him a cannibal.

- xP Oh gosh, if I had any Dei-chan fans who were my friends at school, I would so say this.
You Don't Need to Buy Haku Friends by Nikki_Yaoi
Author's Notes:
One of my absolute FAVORITE characters. I love him so much >3> So! Here is Haku's chap
1. Call him a girl

-...-grabs flamethrower- Don't threaten my yaoi

2. Say Sakura is better then him

-EXCUSE ME?! >O YOU BASTARD! Haku pwns Sakura any day. I mea, seriously, even Naru admitted Haku was prettier then her and he is stronger too!

3. Say he is together with Zabuza

- Well, this is obvious, but some Haku fans are still in denile, so I'd run from the safety pins that are being flung at you

4.Say the only reason he uses the ice mirror technique is to look at himself in the mirror

-To all Sasuke fans who might say this: So that's why Sasuke got his ass kicked? UH CHA! >D Haku can kick ass and look at himself at the same time.

So, that was a little short. I can't think of any things bad to say about Haku, I mean, how could you? He's SO HUGGABLE! o-o
This story archived at http://www.narutofic.org/viewstory.php?sid=2937