Summary: 10th Anniversary Edition! Now with 13% more typos! Bored in study hall, they started their own religion, and this one was commissioned to write its sacred text, in exchange for becoming their First Apostle. And so it came to pass, the most demented religious book ever written, an epic tale about nothing. (This book containeth more than thy USDA Recommended Daily Allowance of Irony, Unrefined Satire, and Vitamin X, and may cause random side-effects for those who take themselves, or their religion, too seriously.)
Categories: Non-Naruto Fiction, Non-Naruto Fiction > Original stories, Non-Naruto Fiction > Poems Characters: OC
Genres: Action/Adventure, Fantasy, Humor, Parody, Poetry, Sci-Fi, Supernatural
Warnings: Death, Sexual Themes
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 129 Completed: Yes
Word count: 101461 Read: 60911
Published: 07/08/13 Updated: 16/04/14
Pippin 6 by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
The Moral of the Story
‘Wow!’ spake Derrick as they didst watch Pippin TV, ‘verily I say that was a kick-ass show!’
‘Five fuckin’ stars!’ David added.
‘But thou art still not able to upstage me,’ spake Bree, the Goddess of Being Mean.
‘Hell yeah!’ spake Matt. ‘Who would have thought Pippin the Bastard wouldst go back to work and slip acid in the new drink machine?’
‘Or that the whole town wouldst start trippin’ out?’ spake Derrick. ‘And Pippin didst tell his boss that God had called in sick today, and he was His replacement?’
‘Or that part where the village bicycle was found passed out just out of town after a joyride down Main Street?’ spake Heidi.
‘Or how the entire Football Team ended up with fishes stuck up their ass!’ spake David.
‘Or how they found out that the Great Othwog was still alive, and that Pippin’s bastard son had to go back in time and kill it!’ spake Matt.
‘Or when Pippin found out that Darth Vader was really his father!’ spake Derrick, the God of Stupidity.
‘What the fuck art thou talking about!?’ the others didst demand in unison.
‘Hey!’ cried a shrill voice from the closet, ‘why didst thou have to tell me? Didst thou not know I hath not see that yet?’
‘Thou hast not?’ spake Matt. ‘Thou art pathetic!’
‘I was a busy God…’
‘Pipe down there!’ spake Matt as he didst tap the closet door with his broom.
‘Or who would have guessed that Pippin’s boss wouldst turn out to be an inbred Hick?’ spake Bree.
‘Aye!’ Matt didst laugh. ‘When the old family tree doth get cut down to a “family shrub” it doth not cover much!’
‘Especially once thou’rt in the shallow end of the gene pool!’ spake David.
‘But what wouldst thou call the offspring of a man and his sister?’ spake Derrick.
‘I believe such a thing wouldst be called a ‘couser’ or a ‘sonner’ if ’twas with his mother,’ spake Matt. ‘For either way, ’twould be one fucked-up family tree. How wouldst thou chart that?…’
‘I wonder,’ spake Bree, ‘if Pippin wilt ever get his pants back. For he really wasn’t much to look at.’
‘Hey!’ spake David, ‘let us watch something else now. I am become bored with Pippin the Bastard.’
And so the Gods of Hondo didst spend the next hour fighting over the Remote.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.