The Book of Hondo by shadesmaclean
Summary: 10th Anniversary Edition! Now with 13% more typos! Bored in study hall, they started their own religion, and this one was commissioned to write its sacred text, in exchange for becoming their First Apostle. And so it came to pass, the most demented religious book ever written, an epic tale about nothing. (This book containeth more than thy USDA Recommended Daily Allowance of Irony, Unrefined Satire, and Vitamin X, and may cause random side-effects for those who take themselves, or their religion, too seriously.)
Categories: Non-Naruto Fiction, Non-Naruto Fiction > Original stories, Non-Naruto Fiction > Poems Characters: OC
Genres: Action/Adventure, Fantasy, Humor, Parody, Poetry, Sci-Fi, Supernatural
Warnings: Death, Sexual Themes
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 129 Completed: Yes Word count: 101461 Read: 34178 Published: 07/08/13 Updated: 16/04/14
Story Notes:
It all started over ten years ago. I was totally frustrated with the series I was trying to write at the time, what would later become Tradewinds, and a friend of mine recommended I try writing "something different" for a while. It turned out to be one of the best ideas anyone ever gave me. Back then, Matt-sama, and his friend Derrick-sama, had gotten bored in study hall and decided to start their own religion, with themselves as its chief deities. Of course; in exchange for becoming their First Apostle, I wrote their sacred text, The Book of Hondo. The Book is basically a spoof of ancient myth and an epic adventure about nothing, with lots of social, political and religious commentary, and liberal doses of parody and warped humor for good measure. Contains passages guaranteed to offend anyone who take themselves too seriously. It is written in an archaic form of English grammar, but also very accessible, with abundant use of modern slang and terminology. Many who read the Book lost their intimidation of Elizabethan English and went on to read Shakespeare. (Seriously!) It'll warp your mind that much.
Opening by shadesmaclean
THIS TEXT HATH BEEN ALTERED FROM ITS ORIGINAL VERSION: IT HATH BEEN FORMATTED TO FIT THY MIND.

FBI WARNING : )

DISCLAIMER: THIS BOOK IS A PUBLIC DOMAIN DOCUMENT. IT IS NOT TO BE BOUGHT OR SOLD, BUT TO BE SHARED WITH ALL. IF THOU VIOLATETH THESE TERMS, THE GODS OF HONDO SHALL PUNISH THEE WITH UNSPEAKABLE PLAGUES. HAVE THEE A NICE DAY.

THE GODS OF HONDO
(BUMBERSHOOT PRODUCTIONS)
PRESENTETH

IN ASSOCIATION WITH FILL-IN-THE-BLANK PRODUCTIONS

SPOOKY DOOR PRODUCTIONS

AND WORLDWIDE TRUNKS

IN CONJUNCTION WITH DICKWEED FILMS

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS

A FISHHEAD PRODUCTION

A WAFFLE BAR STUDIOS PRESENTATION

THE BOOK OF HONDO

The Gospel According to Scoot

KING JAMES PERVERSION 2.0




Chapter Bonus! A Few Words (200, To Be Exact) On Why Arbitrary Word Limits Fail
Please pardon the editorial intrusion, as I kinda ran out of chapter, but I didst feel compelled to point out that the single greatest weakness of imposing arbitrary word limits is that they doeth nothing to address the inherent quality or substance of what is being written. After all, typing the word “Naruto” 200 times would certainly fulfill the word limit, but wouldst it constitute quality writing? I think everyone here can agree that it would not. Much like how most of us wouldst agree that over 80 episodes of filler wert a massive waste of viewers' time, simply functioning as a placeholder for a series that was on hold for over a year. By the same token, it seemeth pointless to require people to write-- and thus, others to read-- potentially dozens of sentences' worth of pointless filler text that doth exist solely for the purpose of adding up to a certain number, and ultimately contribute nothing of worth the final piece. This is art, not homework, and any chapter wilt be as long or as short as it needs to be in order to
End Notes:
I've brought back the Book of Hondo. Feel free to enjoy between chapters of Tradewinds. :P
This story archived at http://www.narutofic.org/viewstory.php?sid=11125