Reviews For Jealousy to the Max: a NaruSaku fanfic
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 03/03/09 - 01:46 pm · For: Provoking
Oooh, a fight scene. The last fight scene you had was good, not too confusing or anything, so I have high expectations. ^-^
Haha, it's just like Naruto to talk so big... although it is Naruto, and he can back it up.... anyway, again, no mistakes, perfect chapter with that perfect balance of romance and action... not much else to say except I loved it.
Author's Response: Thanks. I can't wait to write my fight scenes-- I love them, it totally gets my adrenaline thumping through my body. Naruto, The Prince of Tennis, Inuyasha, and several other action mangas like that can do that to me.
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 03/03/09 - 01:41 pm · For: Only Naruto
Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man.... wow, that was intense...-er than usual. Wow.
And what a sweet dedication!! And all I've been doing was reading and enjoying! Thank you, I'm glad I can offer a little confidence to you. ^-^
Anyway, okay, absolutely no mistakes in this chapter, it was perfect. And the emotion you portrayed, beautiful, and done beautifully.
Poor Naruto. I felt so bad for him...
And Daichi! The jerk! The ass! Ugh! Anyway, like I said before, this was a perfect chapter, with such emotion over flowing, a great use of dialogue and description- seriously, every other sentence will tug at a readers heart! Great job!
And a lemon... well a lemon is basically a written sex scene. ^-^'
A lime is a much less descriptive scene. Kinda like, writing about it half way, and then saying something like "and they went off into the night like that..." or something like that to let the reader's imagination finish up the scene. Or you just end it wherever you end it.
But yeah. So that's that. ^-^
Author's Response:Oh. So that's what a lemon is. Wow...I've gotta write one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Doesn't that sound pervy of me? *blushes shamefully* Anyway, thank you for the support, i_heart_notebooks123. You are a huuuuuuuge help to me!
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 - 02:00 pm · For: Confession
Oh. My. God.
That was incredible.
Especially for a new fanfic writer, that was just amazing. It was romantic, but kind of a dangerous romance feeling to it, and when Daichi interrupted? Wow.
I think you misspelled "pinned" and "hard" but I'm not sure where I saw those anymore. I was kinda wrapped up in you incredibly intense tale.
God, those last few paragraphs, where Daichi implies all sorts of things that are going to be going on in his room? Oh, girl, you know how to leave an audience hanging.
I don't know about everyone else- actually, I do. EVERYONE is going to be hanging of the edge of their seats to find out what happens next.
Wow. Again.
Great job.
Again.
Author's Response: Thank you thank you thank you thank YOU!!!!!!! I will fix those mistakes and update quickly, I swear!
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 - 01:48 pm · For: Confession
Sarah!!!!!! Oh my GOD!!!! THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!
I say that like, every time, but this time, it's like, x10000000!!!!!
So intense, and the romantic scenes with Naruto and Sakura, although it did bug me a little bit, being a yaoi fangirl, but still, they were incredible!! The description, and the dialogue, all great.
And when Daichi interrupts? Did I mention INTENSE!?!? Well, it was! omg, more people need to read this and review! I mean, after reading this chapter, NO ONE would ever be able to stop checking for the next update.
Great job Sarah-kins! You're a true fan-fic natural.
Oh, and in the last chapter? Innocent sexiness? You got it. Big time.
Again, amazing!
Author's Response: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! THANK YOU HANNAH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME!!!!!!!! I really hope this series goes far... <3
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 - 01:37 pm · For: Perverted...er, um...Fantasies *blush*
Sweet protective Naruto.
Annoying perverted Daichi.
Poor, poor Sakura.
Yup, another great chapter to add the the continuing great story.
I was going to say "start a new line when there's a new speaker", but I think i_heart_notebooks123 already covered that. ^-^
Anyway, other than that, a perfect chapter!
I'd say great job again, but why state the obvious?
Author's Response: Yeah, my computer's all weirded out. Sorry about that. Goumen nasai!!!!!!! I'll try to get things back to normal.
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 - 01:35 pm · For: Who She Is
Sakura is so innocent. Any other girl would be like, "Sweet! Hot guys fighting over me! Must of died and gone to heaven!!"
But not Sakura. Nooo, she can sit there listening to Naruto sing her praises, and still get jealous.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's one of the things that makes this chapter so cute, but it's also that heroine obliviousness that makes it so annoying.
Kinda like Kyoko in Skip Beat! You know how we're always so frustrated cause of her? Yeah, it's like that.
But that also means that this romance story is practically perfect.
Great job!!! Amaaaaazing!!! Amazingly great job!
Author's Response: That was the point I was going for-- Sakura would be clueless when it came to Naruto. Or else she might get smug. And isn't it better, when you're confessing to somone, to not have any idea how much they love you, and then find out they do? It's such an intense relief.
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 - 01:31 pm · For: Fireside Conversations
Haha. "The trauma: this guy".
Funny Sarah, funny.
Girl, you have this updating thing down to a T. Seriously, you're updating so fast, I can barely keep up!
Not that I'm complaining or anything. ^-^
Anyway, great job. This was a cute, funny chapter, and great and amazing like all the rest.
But you are Sarah-hime.
I didn't expect anything less.
Author's Response: Thanks. <3 I'm glad you like it so much...but this story's long over!!! Read "FIREFLY TEARS"!!!!! You've only hit chapter 4 out of sixteen! You're only 1/4 of the way through! Get going!!!
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 - 01:28 pm · For: An Old Friend...I Guess...
Wow. Again. Okay, so now I know waaay more about Daichi.
So he's really serious, huh? Interesting... and he's a JONIN!? Never expected that, the way he acts... but that's what you were going for, wasn't it... wow, this story is full of surprises.
Nice. ^-^
This is getting intense, and I'm kind of glad; fluffy sweet romance is great, but you need your climax, and by the looks of it, your going to make it great.
Anyway, another great chapter to add to the list. You should be proud. ^-^
Brilliant! Great job!
Author's Response: Hey, I just realized I never responded to this! This story's long over, though...kind of hard to believe... and you should try out my new fic, "Firefly Tears"! It's only fifteen chapters in and already it has forty reviews! I miss hearing from you and reading your awesome reviews!
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 - 01:17 pm · For: Perverted...er, um...Fantasies *blush*
Haha, that was cute.
That chapter was actually useful; it helped develop Daichi. But, I'm still wondering, is Daichi serious about Sakura? Or is he really a player?
My only other suggestion is, in the fantasies, start a new line when the speakers change. It makes i t much easier to read. That all.
I liked you description in the fantasies- I think you could be a very good at writing the "mature scenes". Or maybe limes... not quite a lemon, but still... sorry, I'm not even sure you know what that is. That won't be much help will it? ^-^'
Never mind. I'm rambling.
My point is, you did a great job as always, and you're amazing. Great chapter.
Author's Response: Sorry about the line things. I really didn't mean to-- the thing is I write on Word and then copy paste, and it doesn't always turn out the way I intend. What is a lemon, besides a sour fruit?
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 - 01:12 pm · For: Who She Is
Wow. Oh wow. That was incredible. Sweet and kind of out of character for Naruto and Sakura, but it worked. I worked very well. Very well written, you did a good job.
I love that one line, "his eye were so blue-chunks of the sky".
You hear azure blue, or deep as the ocean or other cliches (I admit I've used them to ^-^') but that has to be the most original description I've seen. Nice.
Hmm... that was weird, that the italics didn't work in some places, not sure what to say about that... and in the first few lines, talking about Daichi and Naruto, I think you meant "spite" instead of "spit".
That's all.
This chapter was just really sweet and kind of humbling in the way that great things can be right in front of you and you won't notice, so I don't have much to say. I've been humbled. Good job. ^-^
Author's Response: See, I've always compared Naruot's eyes to the sky. I mean, I see pictures of him and I feel like I'm looking into the sky, seriously. Yeah, I misspelled "spite." Thanks-- I'll go fix that.
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 01/03/09 - 10:59 am · For: Fireside Conversations
Awww!! I mean, AWWW!!!!
You're evil. I don't know why I keep stating the obvious, but you're purely evil. How can you right something that cute and sweet?
That was great; the relationship between Naruto and Sakura is developing nicely (the confession was great, very well written).
Daichi is... I personally think you need to develop the character a bit more there, because although he's irritating and annoying, I really don't know much about him yet or his personality. I don't know what to think of him.
But hey, I still haven't read the next chapter, so what do I know?
Author's Response: I'll be getting into Daichi's character farther along in the series. Don't worry!!! Thank you for another awesome review <3 <3 <3
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/09 - 03:05 pm · For: Prince Daichi the Flirt
This is bad.
I'm becoming such an adamant fan of your story that I'm neglecting my own work (not that I was doing so well on focusing on it anyway, but still).
Anyway, this chapter has been the funniest yet, and I loved it. A lot. Even though it was NaruSaku.
I feel like such a traitor typing that, but it's true.
Naruto was funny, Daichi was hilarious and very irking, Sakura- great job describing her, I could really picture the little kunoichi all flustered- was so overwhelmed.
I love how she faints. Cute. Funny. A nice touch.
And it's also a pretty good cliffhanger.
What happens next? Will Naruto and Daichi fight? Does Daichi seriously want to have Sakura's kids? Would they end up being freakishly strong kung-fu masters? Are half these questions related at all?
I can answer most of those, but the most important one, I can't, and that one is:
What the heck happens next?!
So, you should update (which you are doing a fine job at) with another brilliantly amazing chapter.
Again, great job.
Author's Response: Well, you'll just have to wait and see how it turns out! That's my pleasure as an author, leaving my readers hanging and wanting to read more! I just want to say to you: 1) you are an amazing critic. Please keep reviewing my chapters, you affect my writing more than you realize. 2) Don't neglect your work because of me or I'll feel bad! But I love that you take the time to read my fanfics. 3) In answer to your questions about Daichi, Naruto, and Sakura: Naruto and Daichi will fight, no doubts there. The rest, well...it's a NaruSaku story, so do you think she'll have kids with Daichi? and as for your last question, what happens next...I can't tell you. I wish I could. I sooooo wish I could. But you'll have to wait and see. Keep checking for updates-- I update really regularly. As for brilliantly amazing chapters...I hope I'm up for the job!!! Yours truly, sarah-hime aka inuyashas_only_1
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/09 - 02:59 pm · For: Prince Daichi the Flirt
Ahahahaha... I love how Sakura passes out in the end.
There were some funny lines in there Sarah-kins, and I see you weren't exaggerating when you said this is like, your best chapter yet!
And, as much as I really hate any pairing where Naruto isn't with Sasuke, you have this evil way of making me love Naruto and Sakura together in your story. Your like some kind of wizard.
Anyway, I actually did see a bit of Kagome in Sakura.
I loved this chapter Sarah! But there was one mistake I saw- it was in the line where Sakura says "Okay, lets go," and after that she says "I'll..." something something. You forgot to put the quotations before "I'll". That's all.
Oh, and Naruto was really funny too.
Amazing! You are truly brilliant.
But you already knew that. ^-^
Author's Response: Thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I spent so long on this. Thank you for the note about the grammar mistake, I'll edit that quick. Keep reading-- I'll make even better chapters!rn
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/09 - 01:39 pm · For: Sleepy Sakura
Ack!!! I love SasuNaru/NaruSasu, but I'm not oblivious to a cute romantic scene.
You're evil for writing something so cute. >.<
You know... who ever thought a girl whose punches can break your face can be so cute in a fanfiction? Weird, isn't it?
But anyway, another amazing chapter for Sarah; really, I love it so far. English professor or whatever, you're right, you don't need a beta reader. ^-^
Again, amaaaazing!
And amazing that you're updating so fast! Keep that up too! ^-^
Author's Response: Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I still need someone feeding me ideas, so if you think you're in for the job, send me some ideas via email, lol.
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/09 - 01:36 pm · For: The "ULTIMATE TAG TEAM"!!!
Tee hee. Thank you Sarah-kins! I appreciate that line!
It was funny too, and worked well in the story!
Anyway, great job sarah, your writing has been amazing so far! I'm honestly excited (I know, I know, me, and about NaruSaku too!) to see what happens next. And I'm glad to see your getting fans that love your writing too. ^-^
Great job!
Author's Response: I will update quickly just 4 u. <3 Luv ya! --sarah-hime/inuyashas_only_1
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/09 - 01:33 pm · For: Sleepy Sakura
AWWW! I am personally hating that I found this scene cute, but that's what it was! Cute and funny! I'm liking that your consistent (unlike me, who has been having the worst case of writers block ever)!
And, "read you like a scroll"? Funny. Very nice.
My only suggestion for this chapter would be, when Sakura is thinking in the first few lines, I think readers would find it easier to read and understand if it was in italics.
Just saying.
Anyway, amazing job. Keep it up, as well as the constant updates. Sometimes it's hard to keep up a writing pace (boy, do I know that!) but your doing great. ^-^
Author's Response: Thank you! I just remembered that I wanted to put her thoughts in italics and forogt about it. Oops! I'll go back and edit if I can. Keep reading! >_
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/09 - 01:27 pm · For: The "ULTIMATE TAG TEAM"!!!
Ooooh, chapter 2 was even funnier! I like where this is going so far, which is saying something because I usually hate NaruSaku fics!
You know, and no offense to any writers on TONFA, you're all amazing, but quality HAS been diminishing a bit lately, so this is kinda refreshing. ^-^
Anyway, again, great job on this second chapter, you obviously have a talent for fanfiction an spinning a tale.
Author's Response: Woooooow! Your reviews are so touching. I look for them on every chapter. Anyway, I hope you keep reading-- I've got more in store (I rhymed! I'm a poet and hell yes I know it!) for sure!
Name: Persy321 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/09 - 10:12 am · For: Sleepy Sakura
loved it! >.< 10!
Author's Response: Gee, thanks! It's great that so many people are writing such nice reviews. Keep it up, it makes me want to update as fast as I can!rn--sarah-hime, aka inuyashas_only_1
Name: Persy321 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/09 - 10:10 am · For: The "ULTIMATE TAG TEAM"!!!
good job! keep updating plz! 10!
Author's Response: Thank you!!!!!!!!! Wow, I like you, giving me a 10 everytime! Ha ha ha! :)rnfrom,rnSarah-hime, aka inuyashas_only_1
Name: Persy321 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/09 - 10:08 am · For: Newest Mission
heck yeah! 10! dude this is fricking awsome! i loved it! and i cant wait for inuyasha fics either! It's great to see something different other than the same old stories on here! ^-^ anyhoo, FRICKING AWSOMENESS! good job!
Author's Response: I'm really glad you like it!!! I wanted to do a NaruSaku ever since I joined, and it was hard for me to think up a plotline not normally used. Thank for reading, please keep doing so! from, sarah-hime aka inuyashas_only_1
Name: ChicagoIsCalling7 (Signed) · Date: 24/02/09 - 01:58 pm · For: Newest Mission
10x100000000000000000 stars
Too bad it won't let me put that many stars. ^-^'
Anyway, great job!!! I love it!!! Even if it is NaruSaku, I'm okay with that, cause I know this is going to end up being great!
Seriously.
Not kidding.
So far, this first chapter is funny, cute, and intriguing. Very good job, Sarah!!!
Have I mentioned don't forget to update?
Don't forget to update.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Hannahkins. I love getting reviews; it makes me feel happy to write and encourages me to write faster! Keep reading, it'll get even better!
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 24/02/09 - 01:29 pm · For: Newest Mission
I like it. This is your debut piece, right? Well, welcome to TONFA, and great hooking chapter.
I'm really a much bigger SasuNaru/NaruSasu fan, but for some reason, as long as Sasuke doesn't end up with anyone else, I'm okay with most Naruto pairings.... sorry, this is about you, not my weird quirks. ^-^
Anyway, I didn't see any mistakes; I love that line, "He didn't bother to argue with her. It would only mean a broken jaw for him." Cute! Funny!
My only suggestion would have been to change the title to something a teeny bit less wordy, but I wouldn't change it now that you've already published it. That will only confuse readers.
Overall, a good start. Just keep it up and keep updating. We'll all be waiting!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! This review means a lot to me-- it really makes me want to update faster. I have the second chapter posted and the third will be up soon. I hope you'll continue to read my stories!!!! rnThis is, in fact, my debut piece. Thank you, I'm real excited to be here on TONFA! I'm sarah-hime (personal joke-- princess sarah just sounds awesome!) also known as inuyashas_only_1. rnWhich reminds me that I'll be writing Inuyasha fanfics because, obviously, I just LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Inuyasha! I hope you'll read those too. Tell your friends, lol!rnI'm thinking of abbriviating the title, and making sure that the readers know. I'll be putting in in as one of my chapter notes, I believe. It'll be easier.rnWell, i_heart_notebooks123, thank you for your review! keep reading, and I'll make sure to read your stuff as well. rnSo long,rn--sarah-hime/inuyashas_only_1