Reviews For A Fresh Start
Name: Archaic Aphorism (Signed) · Date: 27/07/07 - 03:02 pm · For: Apologies
I know I already reviewed this, but I just wanted to make a quick remark on something in your response...
I love the seppuku analogy. That was fantastic- it had me out of my chair laughing. Which, sadly, it probably wasn't quite that funny, but still... I thought it was. And that's what matters at the moment, right?
That aside... considering the seppuku analogy... I see where you're coming from with it. I do think that is something like he would do, when I think of it that way, but I sitll hold to what I said about stiff and awkward.
Nonetheless! Whew! I'm glad you aren't offended by anything I said. I hate when people ask me to be honest and then I am and then they get mad at me. It's always a very confusing and frustrating situation.
Um... from looking at other reviews and responses... it seems like this is an ongoing story (I forgot to check when I looked at the summary stuff, whoops) so I'll definitely be checking back for the next chapter! If there is one coming. It wouldn't be unlikely that I have misinterpreted something that was said...
As for the Naruto x Hinata fic... since you said it was fluffy, I'm saving it for when I need something light and happy to brighen my day. You'll know when I read them 'cuz I'll definitely drop a line.
Sorry this ended up being so long... ugh.
-Archaic
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-- niveaus : Haha, well, I know when I've left a review which isn't 100% good I get really anxious and like to know that the author isn't offended. I wasn't, I was happy :D. I'm sure you're right that it wasn't stiff enough, or awkward enough. He should probably have left immediatedly after the apology, for them to resume their conversation about the training etc some days later. --------------- I originally published this chapter as the beginning of a series, but then ran out of ideas for it instantly, and changed it's status to 'completed'. My personal theory is that the original 'uncompleted' status stopped people reading it, waiting for a few chapters to be up, but who knows. --------------- I suppose I might come back to it, if I was struck with inspiration. I just really wanted to write a Neji-centric story, but couldn't think of a plot to fill in the hole before the Sasuke retrieval. Maybe I will eventually though... ------------- Thanks for another long review! Niveaus.
Name: Archaic Aphorism (Signed) · Date: 27/07/07 - 01:14 pm · For: Apologies
Yes... so... you asked me to give you my opinion on your characterization of Neji (I'm highly flattered that you called me an "authority" on his personality... but I'm pretty sure even I make him OOC in many cases.) Either way...
Honesty. Right. I'll start of by saying:
There were moments of brilliance, where Neji was perfectly in character.
And then, there were moments when I felt he was being a bit too soft or considerate. I understand that he feels sorry for what he's done, but just one day after he finds out? I think it would have taken someone as set in his ways as Neji a bit longer than that to figure it all out and come to terms with it, and to act upon it.
Still, that aside, considering that he wants to atone, he was very in character. Personally, I would have made him a bit more reserved about it, doing it in more subtle ways, working up to an apology, but this also worked and was still in character.
Neji is subtle, but he's also strong-headed at times. I could see him tackling his atonement head-on.
Hm, before I go into more nit-picky stuff, let me tell you more of the good stuff...
Hinata! Very in character. And I liked the way you had her interact with Neji, etc. etc. Two thumbs up, and a few more if I had them (thankfully, though, I don't have more than two thumbs).
Writing style is very good. I enjoyed it a lot.
Also, the Hiashi x Neji interaction was well done. I like how they're formal with each other. However, here's where I get picky again...
I feel that they were too comfortable with each other. Remember that Neji's hated Hiashi since he was a kid and Hiashi probably isn't too comfy with Neji either, Neji being the son of his twin brother who died for him and all that. So things should be a bit stiff and forced with them, especially now, since Neji is fixing to apologize and Hiashi has revealed to him the truth after hiding it for countless years.
I think that's all. And please, don't pay too much mind to the little things I complained about. They are just that: little.
All things considered, it's a very good fic. I'm glad I read it.
-Archaic
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-- niveaus : Thank you, and thank you so much for putting so much time and thought into replying! I see what you mean, I probably have, or at least had when I wrote this, a tendency to try and soften things up, make them fluffier, and make everyone say 'the right thing' all the time, which of course, isn't how they are. -------------- I'm really happy you liked my Hinata, and I'll watch out for the other things, again, thank you for directing me to them! -------------- Finally, regarding the apology, it's a long time since I wrote that now, but I think I was trying to make it as traditional Japanese as possible, since that's how I imagine the Hyuuga's to be as a clan. So I thought his apology, at least to Hiashi, might be straightforward and as soon as possible in the 'please allow me to commit seppuku now' manner. But I see what you mean, that for Neji personally, a more subtle approach might have been more characteristic. -------------- Thanks again, Niveaus.
Name: milliexchan (Signed) · Date: 24/05/07 - 10:36 am · For: Apologies
I really like this. I really like your writing style. It's nice to see a story from Neji's POV. (I love the Hyuugas!)
x
Author's Response: Thank you and thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it - I love the Hyuuga's too ;).
Name: kakashi66 (Signed) · Date: 03/05/07 - 01:33 pm · For: Apologies
awesome fic i normaly dont like neji fics but u changed my opinion
Author's Response: wow, thank you so much! I'll try and update it soon then... I really appreciate the reviews, here and for Bright Spots.