G'day Darkleaf, let's have a look at your fanfiction!
First my compliments on your summary. Good onya for actually taking the time to write a coherant summary that actually drew me in. I actually had to turn four pages of the Just In section to find one. It's intriguing, with proper spelling and grammar. The title, while a bit too ambiguous to begin with may reveal itself later. I know what Ryuu means but am in the dark about Kurobushi.

Now for the prologue, and I'm not let down. Good chunky paragraphs I don't often see in OC fanfiction, bravo. Your descriptions are good but the scene flows a little to hastily for me to invest emotion in it, ala, I'm not feeling anything when his father died and an author should aim to provoke the same emotion's the character feels in the reader.

How can this be done? Well, 'slow down' the scene with more descriptions building up for the moment. In this case... Bam, we're training, bam, it's a few days later, bam, his father is dead in a matter of three paragraphs. Haste makes waste, and admittedly taking the time to flesh out these scenes is a test of your patience rather than the readers, but so worth it I promise you. For example, Perhaps take nine or ten of your lovely, chunky paragraphs to write out training. Take time to introduce Ryuu, what kind of child he was before his fathers death so we have a contrast.What was his home like, his home life, his goals? How old was he? What was his history with his father? What is his relationship with other ninjas, is he apart of Konoha? How does he feel about his father? Why is his father called the Dragon God? Did he look up to him? It may be a pleasant scene the reader enjoys, a happy atmosphere that makes his death all the worse later on because of it. If we know more about the characters, we can care. If we care, we get sucked into the story. We can't do that if we're rushed.

All these questions the reader asks, and an author should aim to answer them in story. Perhaps later down the track if you decide to rewrite you can take these into consideration.

If you do bulk that scene up to ten or so paragraphs, it means you could seperate your Prologue and your first chapter, making the flow neater and will look better to the reader. How a story looks means more than we admit.

Now for paragraphing, this is something I highly suggest you go back through any other chapters with the same problem and fix up. Paragraphs are there for flow, no flow, no go with the reader. The first thing it should do is separate speakers. Every time a new person speaks, start a new line. Again, this makes things neater and more decipherable.

How cool, I don't often come across ANBU OC's, let's see what you can do with it. He definitely has motive. *Chuckles* A girlly fanclub, eh. Again I feel that same sense of haste. I can see you want to get to the exciting bits as quick as possible, but they lose out if you don't build up the scene, atmosphere and back story. Like where he is in Konoha, his place in it, his friends, why the girls like him. Take time and you'll get more positive reviews I promise.

Building up your description and atmosphere also helps your characters stay in-character. Like Deidara, while that is like him it's still a kind of flat representation.

All and all a good first chapter. Few if any spelling mistakes, a bit of work on paragraphing and pacing... I look forward to reading more, but will wait for your permission to review again.
Cheers!

Now onto Chapter 1

Author's Response: thanks man, u can review anytime xD