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Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 05/07/13 - 08:38 am · For: Chapter 8: It's Time
Whether than the occasional grammar/spelling mistakes, not anything really bad to point out. And something to correct with a previous review, I didn't mean the missions thing. I meant the one given to the rookie nine because of Iruka such as a ninja kidnapping Moegi with Naruto.

Oh gosh. Here I was, thinking I was going to get a straight answer as to what's going on with Yumika in her household and why she doesn't want to participate in them. Unless you said and I didn't notice. As it is it seems like the clan wants/needs Yumika to pass and are majorly pressuring her. But then you mentioned issues in the clan. What are the issues? I'm so confused and want to scream at you to update so I can hopefully get a bit of answers or at least more awesomeness. Ouch. I could really feel Ayako's pain. And to know Etsuyo was going through that as well..... I just wanna give this girls a big hug T^T

Again, answers followed up with questions. Now I see why people hate me when I do this. So, Etsuyo was the only one who knew the truth? Gosh, how much must it have hurt Nishiya? So the woman who caused their past exits of the Chuunin isn't after them, but is trying to damage Nishiya by hurting them? Nice twist if I read that right. Was it someone who had a grudge on her from the mentioned A-rank mission? But now she's being hunted down so she may not interfere with the Chuunin exams. Then again, being in a closed off space didn't exactly stop Orochimaru or being a very wanted missing-nin. I'm liking Nishiya more and more. Not only does she have great teaching, but she truly cares for her students.

Hehe. I couldn't stop smiling as Nishiya appeared and told them they were actually going. I could just imagine how they must have felt. But now they're being released to the Forest of Death. I wonder how this will go. Obviously awesomely.

Man. No next button. But I'm really glad I got around to reading this. I absolutely love this story, Monica-chan. Hehe. I'm too used to suffixes now for this site. It is so weird typing that since I know another Monica who loves anime XD. It'll work until I find something else, though. Anyway, I'm very very eager for more.

Author's Response: Oooohhhh, I gotcha now. I thought that was just to ease Iruka's mind about Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma's decision to put the Rookies into the exams. Team Shizen's entrance work would be their qualifying test really since they purposely came at the time they did because of the exams. Nope, no straight answer like always. It gives you somewhat of an idea as to what's going on like the pressure she has on her shoulders, but of course there's more. Don't worry, you find out as the Chunin exam Arc starts to fade and the Yumika Arc comes into view. Issues involve safety and laws though, and the bout between her clan and the village. (In the Reunited chapter Yumika mentions her parents didn't associate well with others inside the village, so there's definitely tension there.) Yup, that devil woman is trying to rip Nishiya to shreds by harming the ones she cares about. Good guess, you are right. She has a deep, dark, angry grudge against their sensei. The next chapter should be coming up soon. I still have to add things to it and rearrange some things. As it has to be close to the canon again, I have to make everything fit together (ooooiiiii -_-). I'm happy you caught up with the story, now I just have to get caught up with the editing. Haha that's cool that you know another Monica! I don't. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts on the chapters posted so far. Now I am pretty okay with accidentally deleting it because now you had the chance to read through it. I'm excited to see what else you think as more comes. Sorry for the current confusion and future ones that are to come but hey, I got to keep it interesting somehow! :)


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 04/07/13 - 05:16 pm · For: Chapter 7: Deception
Okay, first off, in the manga they go straight to the second half. No breaks at all. Then again, it's your story, so you could have decided to just change that. If this is so, you shouldn't have Anko tell the kids to follow her to the next exam since they're about to be dismissed. And, of course, the pesky grammar/spelling mistakes.

A lot of the beginning is just repeat. Okay, most of the chapter is going through the same first test, but not much extra can be added to it except thoughts. Haha. Of course Ayako would be stuck behind Gaara. Just her luck XD. Of course, as of now it doesn't appear he has any interest in her.

It was interesting to see Ayako's thoughts throughout the exams as well as her use of her water technique to inform Yumika how the test was supposed to be. Her own use of her cat jutsus was interesting to see. Then Etsuyo just sat back and relaxed because she could do it all easily XD. I was really glad it was difficult for the other two. Shows that they weren't as prepared for this thing as they thought and is kinda a reality check in a way.

Hehe. Nishiya was interrogated by Ibiki. That's always a pleasant experience. It's really fun seeing her around them because Asuma and Nishiya seem to really clash. If I didn't like AsuKure (or however that is) so much, I'd say it would be fun to see them together XD. Nishiya will take part as a medical ninja? Wonder what that will have to do with things since it can't just be to have her there since all the senseis are. Hm....

I'm a little upset Naruto's speech was excluded, mostly because I wanted to see Team Shizen's reaction to the other side of Naruto. I thought it would be an interesting experience for them. But oh well. Hehe. They seemed a bit mad to find out the truth. Sadly I was laughing at them. Without feeling at all guilty XD. I love how Ayako just automatically facepalms. It's very amusing to imagine.

Again, mostly similar to the actual canon since this is a hard one to switch around, but still awesome chapter.

Author's Response: I honestly haven't read the manga for the beginning of Naruto since... third grade (Nine years ago :O) I used the episode actually, and, hopefully my memory is correct, she says to follow her, but after Ibiki says she jumped the gun, she tells them she'll notify their Jonin sensei where the second portion will be taking place and to meet up with her tomorrow. We then see Ibiki picking up the papers in the late afternoon as the sun sets, but the Genin are shown at the Forest of Death when the sun's still up. I might've misinterpreted the scene changes, but it allows me to add things into the story... like more mysteries. XP I wanted to make at least one of them a smarty-pants and thought Etsuyo can have that title. Nishiya taking part as a medical ninja just to show more about her and it starts to grow some bonds, I'll just say that. I was laughing too, mostly because I can relate. I hate doing a bunch of work and getting all nervous about something only to be told it was unnecessary. It's funny seeing it happen to someone else, even if they're fictional. Last thing I have to say, having to combine the canon with my story sucks. Thanks for your thoughts!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 04/07/13 - 05:16 pm · For: Chapter 6: Let It Start, Make Your Mark
Only one thing that I'm confused about. Weren't each of the teams supposed to take a qualifying test? Or did the Hokage not do it for them since they've recently tested them and/or they weren't Iruka's classmates, who they were trying to appease? Oh, and a few paragraphing errors.

So Ayako ran into Gaara? Interesting. Looks like she really got scared by him. Then again, he can make an outright murderous aura. Hehe. She seems excited for the exams. Then again, as she said last chapter, it's bound to be exciting.

You know, I've always wondered how one wouldn't have noticed the trick. I mean, they can't skip floors, so shouldn't it be obvious? I've just never understood it. But now I'm curious as to whether or not anything changed with the canon plot since Izumo and Bandage Face weren't there since Team Shizen dismissed them. Doubtful, but there's also little things it may have taken out such as Lee versus Sasuke.

Sachida...... Does he play a bigger role? I feel like I've seen his name and was wondering if it was when I'd look at random updates for the old version of this. Anyway, he seems like a buttmunch. It would have been funny to see Ayako show him he didn't know who he was dealing with. And out of all the ones to tell them they're weak, it just had to be the one who dealt with that a lot as a kid. Haha. Yumika scared Sachida. And by flaring her cat eyes. Nice XD.

It was hard not to get upset and chide Team Shizen with their doubt in Sakura, but I blame Ryu (Cursed Saint main oc) for that one. It was interesting to read since they don't really know Sakura. I can't wait until they see her fight Ino and prove them wrong. Haha. Was Yumika really jealous? I was wondering if there'd be any pairings, and Yumika x Sasuke would be.... interesting, to say the least.

Hehe. Good ol' Naruto, always causing trouble XD. So, Kabuto didn't know about another Uchiha? Does that mean Orochimaru doesn't either? What'll happen when he finds out? And I'm just now wondering. Does Ayako want to kill Itachi, too? Because that's what Orochimaru is using on Sasuke. What would he do if he found out there was an Uchiha Child of Mother Nature?

Great chapter, TeamWorkIsKey (man I really need to think of a nickname for you XD).

Author's Response: I am honestly not sure about the qualifying test. I don't think so. I believe they just had to perform a minimum of eight (not entirely sure of the number) missions as a Genin, and I used the fact that it doesn't specify the allegiance to the village. I agree on the trick, but then again, there are newbies who are still quite gullible. I actually have it in my mind where the Canon doesn't change with this. Izumo and Kotetsu (bandage-face haha) try it again with the other groups. You've probably seen Sachida before in the other version after this. Irony with Sachida pestering Ayako... am I right? The last parts of your review I can't really talk about, mostly because they come out soon and those questions are hard to answer without giving away too much. I can only tell you they come up after/during the exams, well some of them. And their will be some strange pairings. I only say strange because they aren't expected I guess I can say. And I know, my name is a bothersome one. I have no idea why I called myself that. I'm bad at naming. I think I've mentioned that before. Feel free to call my by my real name: Monica. Or whatever you come up with, I'll answer to. Thanks for your review!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 04/07/13 - 09:22 am · For: Chapter 5: Children of Mother Nature
You know, before I wrote this, I paused to read over your responses again. Just now I realized how bad an idea that was since now I REALLY want to be to the Chuunin part of the Naruto series T^T. Thankfully getting close in Cursrd Saint.

I really liked being able to get a look into Ayako's past. It let us see a big difference between her then and now. That Uchihas really messed with her confidence. Reading how she was believing she was weak made me want to find Fugaku and strangle him. After all, he deserves it. But Nishiyo is awesome enough I don't have to. I'm really glad she was there to help Ayako out. Now I want to know what Etsuyo and Yumika had to do for their training. Hehe. The end with Sasuke being her reason to be strong was so sweet.

Again we get to see the differences between Sasuke and Ayako. She seems to be a lot more open to showing her feelings whereas Sasuke hides his. I'm not sure if this is because she was absent for the massacre or if it's just how she is. Like how nervous and ramble-y she was when asking about the apartment. And I loved how Sasuke never really answered so she went through all of that rambling. And Sasuke sure is getting a lot of hugs recently XD. Their interaction in the morning was fun to read. It's almost like she never left. Haha. I loved her inclusion to hearing about the Chuunin exams. Because of it I got the chance to read her reaction to Kakashi's lateness. Which was hilarious. And to Naruto's..... Narutoness. He's a weirdo, but I love him. Wonder if Ayako will ever get used to the knucklehead.

So we finally get to learn about Ayako. I liked all the characters in this. Sakura being the only one to know about the story is very like her, and Naruto just irritating people is expected. Apparently people like her who apparently doesn't like being interrupted. Then Sasuke is just Mr. Cool-Kid-Wannabe. Anyway, so that's how it is? Children of Mother Nature? It's a very interesting tale that takes a figure we already have partial knowledge of because, well, it's Mother Nature. So they don't even know where the lightning one is? I toyed with the idea of Sasuke, but Ayako is older. Unless the age thing doesn't matter now..... Gah - I wanna know. Got some answers only to have more questions. Not at all nice.

Great chapter. Other than the usual grammar/spelling mistakes, I didn't see anything needed to be pointed out.

Author's Response: I know the feeling. -_- There are so many other parts to this story that are already written up and I just want to get to posting them but I can because I'm only this far. The struggles... Ayako's personality is that way for both reasons. She was gone for so long and now that she 'exists' she feels she can finally talk to more people about herself, and also because she's just mouthy. I was slightly laughing as I wrote her awkwardness but I thought it was appropriate to add and Sasuke needs some hugs from his sister! It's been years! I'm glad Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto were written non ooc-like. Keeping them in character when I have multiple ideas as to what they could say can be difficult sometimes, so thanks for letting me know you liked them. Anyway, that's how it is. They're the Children of Mother Nature. I thought it'd be a fun little idea and power to add into the story considering almost all shinobi have a nature type. Why can't there be those who take it to the next level, you know? By the way, age actually doesn't matter and the whole process will be covered in the Arc coming up later on. I am evil when it comes to confusing people and making them have many questions. Hopefully I don't blow it by not being able to answer them all. I think I will. As usual, it was a pleasure to read your comments. Thank you, Sasaui and I can't wait to read what else you think about this. :)


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 29/06/13 - 03:01 pm · For: Chapter 4: Surprises: Meet the Nine Rookies
Sometimes I feel really bad about being truthful, but to tell the truth, I can't imagine any of the jounin actually getting a request to spy or something like that. Maybe it's just me, but I can't. Maybe the students like Naruto and Kiba convincing them to try and spy, but not the adults. Other than that, just the occasional mistake spelling/grammatically.

I greatly enjoyed this chapter. It seems even if Nishiyo is confident in her students, she is being cautious. Poor Ayako questioned her a bit too much. She got them all punished XD. Though in a way the sudden meeting saved them.

So the Rookie Nine and Team Shizen all finally meet. I didn't see the rivalry between Kiba and Yumika coming, but it also helped me understand a picture of Yumika I saw on deviantart to a point. It was funny since Yumika was keeping her head and being all stoic while Kiba was getting sooo annoyed. Hehe. It makes me look forward to more interaction between them in the future.

In a way Ayako is starting to make me think of Kina (character from Never Too Late - you read the old version and it is now being rewritten, by the way) for certain reasons. The new development with their abilities is quite cool. So they're a team of.... Elementals? Not sure what else to call them. Did the mist do that on purpose? Most likely. I wonder if there's one for lightning. And it's ironic two are from one village, two are from another.

This is an awesome development and I can't wait to see what it will do in the story's plot.

Author's Response: Don't feel bad! It's no big deal, really. I'm very pleased that you are truthful and it doesn't hurt my feelings one bit. It only would if you suddenly typed something like "This story absolutely sucks. I don't know why I read it." (Over-dramatization :P) Again, this chapter was written a while before I really could figure out how to write better. I really don't remember why I wrote it like that. I think it was because they wanted to, in a way, teach Nishiya a lesson that you can't just have your nose in the air when your the newbie and they wanted to see what her big talk was about. The rivalry between Kiba and Yumika wasn't there before actually. I thought I'd add it because of the whole cat and dog situation going on. Yeah, the picture of her wasn't the best considering her out changed into something more likely to be seen on Naruto, as well as Etsuyo's. I remember that story! I really liked it. The irony kind of has a back story which unfortunately doesn't come in for a looonnnggg time (I'm talking in the sequel... Sometimes having to write this story frustrates me because of everything that goes on in the actual Naruto and what has to happen in this to make sense.) Lightning also comes in later but during this story and it's pretty surprising what I have in store. :) I don't think I'll ever stop saying thank you for your thoughts, so be prepared to read some kind of thank you in my responses.


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 29/06/13 - 03:00 pm · For: Chapter 3: Team Shizen
Again, aside from the occasional mistakes grammar/spelling wise, not really too much here except what I'll say at the end, which is more of a personal thing.

It was really fun to get a glimpse at a day for all of Team Shizen. It helped readers get a better feel of who they all are. Each girl is unique in their own way and it's very fun to read and find out those differences.

So Ayako will be staying with Sasuke, huh? That's very nice ^.^ The two can be together more now. Wow. The more I read the more I wonder if it was only her being weak they kept her identity secret. Then to read about her doubt in her own fire really was sad. In a way, though, it made me love Ayako more. Now all Ayako's questions has me wondering if there was something Nishiyo was hiding......

When I saw Yumika was home, I was honestly waiting for a reunion of some kind. Instead you give me something that only leaves me with more questions. Why has Nishiyo pulled her team out so much? What suddenly changed? And why does Yumika hope Nishiya was lying? Gah - I wanna know!!!!

Etsuyo has it easiest so far. Hanako really is cute, and seeing Etsuyo with her little sister is so sweet and adorable. And Hanako is joining the Academy. I can imagine a silly side story with her befriending Konohamaru and such. I wonder how she'll get along in Konoha since she was originally from Kiri.

Through this chapter I've started to really like Nishiyo. She seems like a very strong, caring woman. But she does, in my opinion, seem a wee bit cocky. I understand and has full confidence in her students, but the Chunin Exams shows a lot why one should not underestimate the strength of the Rookie Nine. I felt bad for poor Iruka, getting berated by the new person. That had to be hard, and all because he cares so much for his old students. The meeting at the end between Nishiyo and the other jounin was interesting. But something about it seemed off. Not sure what, but something. Oh, and there was a random part in the italics section that was suddenly not italics.

Now the thing I'm worried about that may be unnecessary, but please don't have Team Shizen find the Exams too easy and just all pass to Chuunin. I understand they're strong and that they have experience, but the Rookie Nine is a bunch stronger than most that tend to suddenly surprise others. And it's not always that which gets one through - Shikamaru was by far not the strongest, but simply had the qualities of a Chuunin. Again, this stuff may be unnecessary, especially since you may have already written this, but it was a fear of mine I decided to share. Either I said it or it bugged me until I saw, so I went with saying it.

This was a really great and entertaining chapter that gave us a look a better look at your characters. I'm really glad there's more to read ^.^

Author's Response: Yeesh, how long does it take you to write up these reviews? Oh well, I don't mind them. Truth be told, each character was created to have different personalities from one another, so I'm happy you picked it out like everything else you've noticed. :) Yup, Ayako will be staying with Sasuke. Before in the pre-edited version, she kind of just ended up in her apartment in the morning. Luckily, I added a flashback to help make more sense of it. As for Yumika, her non-reunion can tell you about her home life. If not, of course that'll be explained when it gets to her arc. A little side story with Hanako sounds like a good idea actually. I think I'll think about that, thanks for the idea. That's Nishiya for you! Always has a big head about how well she trained her students, but she's in for a treat. Oops, thanks for pointing that out. Sometimes I type the wrong codes because there's so much I have to do before I can submit it. You're opinion is not unnecessary at all Sasaui! I actually thought about the same thing as I wrote up the Chunin Exams. Trust me, I've read plenty where that happened and it pushed my buttons. I have it all planned out, don't worry. In my mind, what I have planned is seems realistic to me. I hope it is to others as well. I'm happy you enjoyed this chapter!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 29/06/13 - 02:59 pm · For: Chapter 2: Twin Talk
Only real problem I saw was a few spelling/grammar mistakes here and there. If you don't notice them now, you probably will later and get really annoyed with yourself like I tend to.

It was great to get a peak into Sasuke's head. Not only did we see how he feels, but we find out how he reacted when Ayako left. I think it's also fun to see Naruto and Sakura's reactions. Gosh, Naruto needs bumped in the head *rolls eyes*. Sakura sure was annoying before she stopped totally obsessing over Sasuke.

The talk between Sasuke and Ayako was great to read. Even if you didn't get too must description in, you did a great job here with showing emotions through dialogue. More so than the previous chapter. Sasuke's anger was very realistic and understandable. It seemed like how he would react and I loved it. As for Ayako.... Gosh, if the only real problem was being weak, she lacks faith in people, which is very sad. But then she said the part of being worthy of being related to Sasuke and I just wanted to cry for the poor girl. So she travelled around learning, huh? I still wonder how she met up with Yumika. Random, but did you purposefully have all their names have a y in it? I just kinda realized that.....

So we finally get a glimpse of Nishiya, though not too much. Though you said she doesn't really come in until later. Now the twin plan on meeting again. Wonder what will happen then.

Author's Response: Darn, of course there are, but oh well. I actually edited chapters 1-5 last summer and just continued on in the winter/spring. I'm very glad the characters reactions were close to realistic. I remember I wrote them wayy off before. I'm also glad you liked their conversation. That took a bit to conjure up. Yeah, the name similarity is true. I'm bad at naming characters and when I do they have some "twinning" going on. That's mostly where my ocd comes in. It should be put in with the editing but I can't really control it. Thanks for your review! Onto the others!


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 28/06/13 - 05:50 pm · For: Chapter 1: Reunited
First a question. Was Etsuyo's original last name Terumi? Because I didn't notice before the connection to a certain person that would give her.

First off, I am seeing what you mean by dialogue. This chapter had a lot of opportunity to bring in more emotions, but it was lacking there. After all, she went away for years to come back to not only her only remaining non-murderer relative, but her twin.

I enjoyed meeting the new characters. I remember glimpsing them before, but I didn't remember them very well. It was cool to get the refresher. They are pretty cool characters and I'm very curious about their own histories. It was very sweet to see Ayako and Sasuke reunited. Sasuke really needs someone there for him. Plus it was to his own imagination what had happened to her.

The meeting with the Hokage was interesting. I am curious - was it only because of her lack of power her existence was kept a secret? If so, that's just messed up and I'm surprised Hiruzen actually kept it. Then again, things with the Uchiha had to be approached cautiously. Or did they not know much about the Uchiha stuff then? I can't remember..... So they're a part if Konoha now, huh? That's pretty cool.

I can't wait to see where this will go. I had forgotten they became a part of Konoha, so it's nice to know my forgetfulness is helping me enjoy this more.

Author's Response: Long response in return for your long review coming your way! The answer to your first question is yes. Etsuyo's last name is originally Terumi for this version (including the accidentally deleted one). Past attempts to write this story her name was actually Jade Hyuuga, but for Path of my Brothers she was renamed Etsuyo Terumi. There is a connection to the certain person I believe you are thinking of, but that won't come in until later. The dialogue problem is the reason why I decided to edit the entire story. After rereading all I had wrote I noticed majority of the chapters were almost completely synopses. Unfortunately, I couldn't fix all of it and only added a few describing paragraphs. Going back to previous chapters to re-reedit them is in question, otherwise I might leave it the way it is and hope it doesn't ruin everyone's enjoyment of the story. I'm glad you like my other characters. Like Naruto has many arcs, so will P.O.M.B. including a Yumika Arc, Etsuyo Arc, and the entire story is pretty much an Ayako Arc. Nishiya's actually won't fully come in until the sequel. Never the less they will all deal with their histories. Ayako's reasons for non-existing may surprise you considering I have a lot in store. I hope I didn't give away too much, but when readers have questions I like to give them some answers. Thank you for your thoughts once again, Sasaui Uchiha. I look forward to more.


Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 28/06/13 - 08:37 am · For: Chapter 2: Twin Talk
Ah so she did go to different villages and learn different techniques! The reunion was short but sweet and they still have things to talk over. Pretty awesome if you ask me, on to the next one!

Author's Response: Yes she did! She had to get strong somehow! They definitely have a lot more to talk over and that will happen eventually. I'm glad you think it's awesome. Thank you!


Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 28/06/13 - 08:22 am · For: Chapter 1: Reunited
Wow I wasn't expected the reunion to be so sudden and short. I thought we were going to watch her travel to different villages and learn different techniques kind of like in my story :P But hey I liked it nonetheless! I'm glad they reunited and I can't wait to see their meeting. Off to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Ummm... I'm a little embarrassed right now. Please ignore the first sentence of my response to your first review. (I thought you were Sasaui because I didn't read your penname :P) Anyway, to be honest I didn't know how to write the reunion without it seeming realistic, ao I just made it random and out of nowhere. But it allows me to use flashbacks in the future! Thanks for your thoughts!


Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 28/06/13 - 08:07 am · For: Prologue: The Dishonorable Uchiha
I don't know why I didn't get around to this when it was out. No offense but I'm kinda glad you deleted it because I like reading stories when their fresh :) This is really original and I like this prologue a lot. I can't believe she's about to leave especially knowing whats going to happen later on. I'm about to go on a reading spree so be prepared for 8 more reviews lol.

Author's Response: I have never recieved a review for the same chapter from the same person, but I'm glad you did because it shows me how much you like it! This was one of my favorite chapters to write. Offense not taken also. Thanks for your thoughts and I can't wait for you to read and review the other chapters.


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/06/13 - 02:42 pm · For: Prologue: The Dishonorable Uchiha
Seeing as I already had to read through most of this, I figured if go ahead and restart and read them through again. Seeing as the story was accidentally deleted, I figured it would be the perfect time.

Gosh, this makes me miss writing Tainted Guardian, but oh well. Anyway, once again it hurts to see Ayako going through this. It is unbelievably hard to live in the shadow of someone. It's really cool how she's an Uchiha but not really strong or anything and is, in fact, the opposite. Even if that does just make everything harder on her.

We may not see any interaction between Ayako and her family, but I love how instead you show her bond in small ways such as her anger toward her father and the promises she makes. Knowing Fugaku, it's very understandable he'd be the one to push her to this.

Man. It stinks how that was her last goodbye to her parents. That must really hurt her in the future. But it needed to happen in your story, so.....

Great start, TeamWorkIsKey. I'm really eager to read this and hopefully catch up soon-ish.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing again. I was really hoping someone would even if they read it before so I knew if editing was making the story a little better. (I realized I am a dialogue type of writer and am trying to fix that.) Deleting it was definitely not part of the plan. My heart literally dropped and I wanted to bang my head against the wall but oh well. It makes it easier to let readers know when chapters are finished. Anyway, I'm glad you picked out some of the main points such as her living in her brothers shadow and Fugaku's harshness, and I totally agree with you that it stinks her parents won't be able to see how awesome she grows up to be. I find myself cruel for writing this way, but it needed to happen for it to make sense. I can't wait for you to catch up. It's probably easier since I don't have a lot of chapters out now. Editing them is taking some time because I reread them and really question what I was thinking. Haha Thank you for your thoughts once again.


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