Reviews For Sweet taste of Medicine
Name: purpledinosaur (Signed) · Date: 12/11/12 - 12:10 pm · For: Who is Kai?
^.^ Madara side, too? I MISS SWEET TOBI! Oh have you ever used htmls? They bring a story together. Well, they do in my oppinion. No offense or anything. Also, there where a lot of mistakes, and since this was such a short chapter, you could see them. Big time. Is this your first story?
Author's Response: yeah my first story on here :)
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 12/11/12 - 10:58 am · For: Who is Kai?
Okay, her waking up was quick which was good, but! If Tobi was wearing his mask, how did his lips graze her ear? And you're mentioning his voice, so describe it when he speaks maybe?
Okay, so Kai has horrible battle sense. While this makes sense, it is kind of strange considering she's going on S class missions.
The imagery in this chapter is kind of hard. You can't really see where Kai and Tobi are, so you can't imagine the things that are happening very well. Like, Tobi's in a chair? How is Kai on his lap then?
Ah, Kai hates being underestimated, but it seems like it happens alot?
A manlier voice? Describe it. Husky, deep, raspy. I'd say his normal voice is childish and high pitched, yeah.
"His husky voice said slyly". I think there are too many adgectives, and the image of Itachi being portrayed here doesn't really match the one given in the manga. I don't know if Itachi would say anything slyly. More like... lazily? Or he'd just say it, with no emotion.
Sharingan doesn't really happen slowly. THey kind of close their eyes and open them and there it is. XP
"WE'RE" hehe. I think you might have an irritating word processor or something? Cuz this happened twice, and it's really tiny, but I'd say fix it cuz it stands out.
"Leaving back his sent, which was surprisingly pleasant." This is a fragment, and fragment IS allowed in literature, but only if it flows well enough to be forgiven. scent is misspelled... While I've never actually smelled anyone (besides my disgusting bro), this is perhaps something you can pull off. But ask yourself - have you ever smelt someone where they once were? Unless they were wearing colone/shapmoo/deoderant, yeah.
Actually, the Akatsuki are pretty freaky, all things considered. if they wanted her to show her her true powers, would they leave her as is or would they push her to the limits until she gave in? But this is an interesting approach, so I want to see what happens and why exactly they want her.
Nice second chapter, great update! And I'm glad I could inspire you to write more. ^_^ There are quite alot of reviewers who will review and try to give some constructive criticism, so don't be discouraged by the wall of text above this, yeah? Looking forward to more. ^_^
Author's Response: Omg thank you, i was super tired (it was like 3am) when I wrote this so I kinda...made weird and stupid mistakes lol. SOrry bout that :) thanks for your advice !