Reviews For Kyodai
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/08/12 - 11:54 am · For: The Jinkaku no Shiren
Hm..... The only thing I'd point out is maybe adding the jutsus to the top, because I'm on an iPod, and wasn't able to look up the meanings. The only other thing that really stuck out was it was a bit rushed and I got confused a couple of times.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Your test was good, original, and creative. It showed us a bit of every ocs character. Speaking of which, I really like Hikori's team. It kinda made me sad when I saw Hikori's push was not being with his brother. I was also sad when he ignored Takeru's good luck charm. That test has set a real divide between them. It's sad. I hope that will fade, and that Hikori can be helped by his team.
Great chapter. I really enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Ah! I hadn't thought of that! Thanks! I'll get to that... ASAP. Yeah, I know it was rushed.. I'll be sure to make the next one better. Sorry for that, but thanks for the review!
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 21/08/12 - 06:36 pm · For: The Jinkaku no Shiren
Ah this was awesome! I was happy when you updated.
I was a bit confused the whole chapter with all the names backwards and the japanese words. But that's coz I'm not really used to reading that way.
Other than that I knew what was going on. More progression and characterization of the team. Nice :)
Can't wait to see the next update!
Author's Response: Sorry for the confusion. I guess I should add notes when I do things like that. :/ Thanks for letting me know. I'll fix that. ^_^ And thanks for the review & compliment!!
Name: winterstrife (Signed) · Date: 21/08/12 - 03:15 pm · For: The Jinkaku no Shiren
Haha, well, the same goes for you, on TONFA at 4 am, shame. Anyway, it's sad for the two brothers that they've been pitted against each other because of their parents' favoritism (at least, it sounds like blatant favoritism), it seems they've both been hurt because of it. I like the non-standard test you used, it was pretty good--emphasizing will, maybe, instead of teamwork? (Although obviously teamwork was needed.) The only thing was that it seemed a little rushed, like the whole thing took maybe twenty minutes, which makes it incredible that their sensei actually gave them the whole day to complete it… I’m looking forward to see how Hokori grows; hopefully his team will be able to rekindle the Will of Fire within him. :)
Author's Response: Haha... true xP . Yeah, I know it was a bit rushed. I realized that when I went back through and read it, but I haven't continued writing this in a while, I forgot my original plans for it. So I improvised a bit. :) I guess I should go back and change that... maybe.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 21/08/12 - 09:15 am · For: The Jinkaku no Shiren
Most writers tend to use the bell test when the genin go into survival training. Thank you so much for not using that! This test was actually very enjoyable to read. The characters mesh well and everyone's personality is shining through against your group of OCs. I'm really liking this story so far, nice job. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Yeah, I didn't really think about that. I just figured that the type of test depended on who was the sensei, so I wanted to come up with something original. I'm glad you liked it. And my characters too xD Thank you for the review!!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 21/08/12 - 09:02 am · For: The Final Test
I think I missed this when it first came out so this story is new to me. And...wow, what a shame I missed it! This was a really good first chapter! I really liked it! You took the time to introduce each character in a way that doesn't deviate from the actual story. Your description was nice and smooth, not too much or too little. And I really like your characters so far; you've portrayed them really well for the first chapter. I'm really impressed with this first one so I'm off to read more.
Author's Response: :)) Thanks! I'm glad you think so! ^_^
Name: winterstrife (Signed) · Date: 21/08/12 - 03:43 am · For: The Final Test
Cool, this is an interesting start! The Iriyashi family dynamics seem very strained, and I feel bad for Hokori, he's obviously desperate for attention. Anyway, I think you did a very good job on this, and I'll be back for the next chapter after a little sleep...
Author's Response: Lol... wow. I really didn't expect a review when I checked back on here... I didn't think anyone came on here this early in the morning, haha. Thanks :)
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 31/07/12 - 08:28 am · For: The Final Test
First off, I am so sorry I didn't read this before. I meant to, but then I got caught up in trying to catch up with a story. When I saw your newest one, it reminded me that I hadn't read this yet.
Anyway, this was very interesting. I love Hokori. He's different and has a lot of learning to do, both physically and mentally, and those kinds of characters are always the most fun to read about. The fact it's the younger brother being the prodigy is also even interesting to me. Jealousy is a terrible thing, and when you add feeling like you've failed like he has, it's a truly hard thing. I love Hokori, and I can't wait to see him grow.
Your writing is very good. Is this your first ever fanfiction? Because it's a great start. Is tou-chan also a possible meaning for father, or did you mean tou-san, because you wrote that once.
Lastly, you are an amazing drawer. The banner and picture at the end are truly amazing, and I can't wait to see more. Are you going to post pictures like that for every chapter, or just this one.
P.S. I saw you like Kingdom Hearts 1. KINGDOM HEARTS 3D CAME OUT TODAY!!!! XD.
Author's Response: Yeah, it's my first fanfic, but I've written other original stuff before. :) Thanks for the compliment! --And yes, tou-chan is also another way to say 'father' but tou-san is more formal. --Thanks! I want to post pictures for every one if I can. I'm glad you like my art since I do more art than writing. -- & yes, I know! Lol, I want it! But I need to get my hands on a 3DS first haha.. x) -A
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/07/12 - 06:03 pm · For: The Final Test
Hey that was actually pretty good. I can't wait to see what comes next.
Author's Response: :D Thanks a lot!! I'm so happy to see a review! I'm glad you liked it :)